Letting the Walls Fall Down
by Parkermommy
Summary: The story starts in the middle of prom and then goes AU from there. A major medical crisis force Addison and Derek to face the troubles in their marriage. Very much Addek! I do not own any of the Grey's characters.
1. Chapter 1

Addison pulled up next to the trailer around 2 PM. Tonight was the prom, so she had taken off early to get ready. She hadn't seen Derek since that morning. Ever since their fight in front of the whole hospital, things had been tense. Ever since Meredith had started dating the vet, Derek had been in a bad mood. Were they all just kidding themselves that they could all be "friends" after everything that had happened? Could they really co-own a dog? She rested her head on the steering wheel. Her headaches had been getting worse lately, and the constant worry over her marriage wasn't helping.

Addison stayed that way for a few minutes, and then took a deep breath and got out of her car. She could do this. She could push aside the nagging feeling something was off with Derek, put on the dress, do her hair and make up, and go to the prom. She was a Forbes-Montgomery after all. Pretending everything was alright was in her DNA.

Several hours later, Addison walked in to the prom looking for Derek. She found him at the punch bowl talking to Finn. He looked so handsome in his tux. It reminded her of their wedding day. Had that really been 11 years ago? In some ways, it seemed like yesterday. In other ways, it felt like a lifetime ago. They had both changed so much. Then, they had their whole lives ahead of them. In the blink of an eye, they had gone from two interns crazy in love, to attendings who barely had time for one another.

"Hey" she said as she went to his side. Derek leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "You look pretty tonight. Would you like to dance?" he asked her. "That would be nice." Addison replied shyly.

Addison loved dancing with Derek. It made her feel safe and secure. Mostly it made her feel wanted. She also loved how he would sing the lyrics to the songs softly in her ear. As if it was just the two of them in the room. Or at least he used to. Tonight, it was more like dancing with her brother. They were going through the motions.

Then the song "When I look Into Your Eyes" by Firehouse came on. It was one of Addison's favorite songs. Out of nowhere, Derek began to softly sing in her ear.

"_I see forever_

_When I look in your eyes_

_You're all I've ever wanted_

_I always want you to be mine"_

Addison felt happier than she had in a long time. She was in the arms of the man she loved. Were they finally getting past the affairs?

Out of the blue, Derek stopped dancing in the middle of a song and said, "I have to go check on a patient." Then, without waiting for a response, he exited the room.

Addison stood in the middle of the dance floor dumbfounded as she watched her husband leave. She slowly walked over to the punch bowl. She wanted something a hell of a lot stronger than punch, but this was a high school prom, in a hospital, so getting drunk was not an option. Why had Derek just left? Was it really that bad to spend time with her? Maybe she was reading too much into it. Maybe he really did just need to check on a patient. It would really help if these damn headaches would go away! Then maybe she could think straight and stop worrying so much!

Finn walked over to Addison. "You doctors really never stop working, do you?" he said. "What do you mean?" Addison asked. Her headache was getting worse and now she was feeling nauseous. She was trying to be polite and concentrate on what Finn was saying.

"Meredith just left and said something about having to check on a patient. I also saw your husband leave shortly after that. I assume he is checking on a patient as well. You doctors can't even enjoy a few hours at a prom without working!" Finn said jokingly.

"Wait. Meredith left, and then Derek left?" Addison asked. She was having a hard time processing what he was saying. The room began to spin. "They wouldn't. Not here. Not now. After all this time. But he was singing. I need air. I need to sit down."

"Dr. Shepherd, are you ok?" Finn asked. Addison wasn't making any sense. She looked very pale. "Dr. Shepherd? Addison? Can you hear me?" All of the sudden, Addison collapsed, hitting her head on the punch table on the way down.


	2. Chapter 2

Derek followed Meredith out in the hall and into an exam room. "Why are you following me?" Meredith asked him. "Stop looking at me like that. Especially when THAT song is playing. And you were singing the lyrics. Just stop it. STOP IT!" Meredith increasingly got louder. Tears were threatening to spill over.

"Do you think I WANT to be looking at you like that?! Don't you think I would rather look at my WIFE that way?" He turned away and ran his fingers through his hair. He hated seeing her so upset. Derek turned back around and saw the tears were now flowing freely down Meredith's face. He grabbed her by the shoulders and was about to kiss her when his pager went off.

Startled, he backed away. What was he doing? He was married for goodness sake! He couldn't be kissing Meredith with his wife down the hall! He looked at his pager. It said "911 Addison". "What the hell?" Derek exclaimed as he ran out of the room back to the hall.

As Derek entered the entered the prom, he felt like he had been punched in the gut. He saw Addison sprawled on the floor, blood gushing from her head, and Dr. Webber yelling out orders.

"Addie!" Derek yelled as he ran across the room. "What the hell happened?" he asked no one in particular. "She just collapsed." Finn replied, "She hit her head on the table on the way down."

"Addie! Addison! Wake up!" Derek exclaimed rubbing her cheek. She was so pale. So lifeless. How could he have been so stupid? He had almost kissed Meredith, and who knows what would have happened after that, all while his WIFE was passed out on the floor bleeding! He should have been there. Addison was loaded onto a gurney and taken to a room. Derek followed in a daze.

Dr. Bailey came in to stitch up Addison's cut. She still hadn't come to. "She needs an MRI. We need to make sure there is no internal bleeding. We also need to determine why she passed out." Derek commanded to Dr. Bailey in one breath. He inhaled quickly like he was about to say something else. "Dr. Shepherd. You are not the doctor here. You are the husband. We know what needs to be done. Just breath."

Derek collapsed in the chair next to the bed. Dr. Bailey was right. Derek remained silent as she finished the stitches. Addison started to wake up at this point. "What happened? Where am I?"

"Don't try to move Babe. You passed out at the prom and hit your head. We are heading up to get an MRI soon." Derek told her. Addison couldn't believe what she was hearing. Passed out? She must have hit her head really hard. She thought she heard Derek call her "Babe" and he sounded like he cared. He even looked worried. Yup. She definitely was hallucinating.

"Addie? Honey, did you hear me?" Derek asked her. Ok, maybe she wasn't hallucinating because he definitely called her "honey" and now he was holding her hand and rubbing her cheek. "Um," she said. "Yes, I heard you. I passed out and hit my head."

"Good. What is the last thing you remember before you passed out?"

"Um. I was talking to Finn. He said something about you and Meredith leaving the prom. Then I felt dizzy and fainted." She talked slowly as the memory of what Finn had said came rushing back. She looked Derek in the eye coldly. He knew she knew he was with Meredith.

"You felt dizzy? Were there any other symptoms?" Derek stammered, choosing to ignore the Meredith thing for now. They needed to find out what had caused her to pass out. Everything else could wait. "I remember having a headache. It was worse than the other headaches I have had. I also felt nauseous. That was new. I feel better now. I am fine Derek. I don't need an MRI. I just want to go home, if you can call it that."

Addison closed her eyes and pulled away from Derek. She was angry, hurt, and confused. Derek had looked guilty when she mentioned Meredith. Obviously she had scared him by fainting, but that didn't change the fact that he had left in the middle of the prom. Addison just wanted to get out of the hospital now that she was stitched up and be by herself. She needed to think.

"Addie." Derek said quietly. "Look at me." He waited for her to open her eyes. "You are not fine. You passed out. You really need to get an MRI. Just to make sure. Please do it for me." He looked into her eyes with his McDreamy look. Dammit! She could never resist those ocean blue eyes. "Fine." she conceded. "I will get the MRI...but then will you take me home?" "Deal."

Derek insisted on being the one to take her up to get the MRI. The halls were ghostly quiet at that hour. Almost everyone was at the prom, which was beginning to wind down. Two nurses passed them as they walked down the hall. Derek overheard part of their conversation.

"Did you hear Izzie confessed to cutting the LVAD wire?" "I did. She must be crazy! I also heard that Denny died tonight."

Derek's stopped pushing the bed and looked down at Addison. "Did you hear what they just said?" "I did." she replied. "I feel sorry for Izzie. She has a lot of talent. More than that, she is a kind person." "I know. It is sad that Denny died after all of that." Derek paused, causing Addison to look up at him. He had tears in his eyes. "Don't die on my Addie." Derek whispered. She could barely hear him as he continued. "I know things have been rough between us, but I don't know what I would do if you died." He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. Addison didn't say anything as he continued to push her bed to the MRI.

Addison hated being in the MRI machine. Having the cage put over her head while they scanned her brain. Barely being able to move. She felt like she wanted to scream. At least it gave her a good 30 minutes to lay there and think with no one interrupting her. In her gut, she knew that Derek still had some kind of feelings for her. But was it enough? Did he love her? Could they ever really trust each other again? She had given up everything to move across the country to try and make their marriage work. Her practice, her Brownstown, the Hamptons, access to all her favorite stores. Even living near their families. She had told herself it was all worth it to save her marriage. But now she wasn't so sure. Obviously Derek still had feelings for Meredith. She wasn't sure she could compete. She wasn't even sure she wanted to try. She just wanted to go home. Not the trailer. But home. Back to New York. Back to where she had friends. Back to where she wasn't being judged all the time and wasn't lonely.

Derek paced around the halls while the MRI was going on. He checked in every few minutes to see if it was done, but he couldn't sit still. He was so confused. Tonight while he had been dancing with Addison, and he saw Meredith with Finn, he had wanted to punch Finn. He had been so jealous. But then when he had seen Addison lying on the floor bleeding, his first thought was 'I don't want to watch another person I love bleed out in front of me and die." He kept having flashes of his father bleeding on the floor in the store dying. It hurt so bad even after all these years. It had been the same with Addie tonight. He was so afraid she would die to. It was then he realized that deep down he did still love Addison. But he didn't have time to think about it any more. The MRI tech leaned out of the room. "Dr. Shepherd. The scans are up. You need to come look at this." Derek entered the room to view the scans. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. There on the screen showed a brain with a tumor the size of his fist in the left frontal lobe. His worst nightmare was coming true. Addie had a brain tumor. Derek collapsed in the chair and finally let the tears he had been holding back fall freely.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for the reviews! This is my first Fanfiction and I am humbled by the response!

Derek slowly walked down the hall back to Addison's room. He had told everyone he wanted to be the one to tell her about the tumor. When he got to her room, she appeared to be asleep. But after being together for 15 years, he knew she was faking. It was her go to response when she was mad at him and didn't want to talk.

"Addie. I know you aren't asleep.". She rolled over and slowly opened her eyes. "Fine. Just spit it out. I can tell by the way the nurses have barely said two words to me that something was found on the MRI. I can also tell by the way you are reacting that it is bad."

Derek took a deep breath and slowly said, "You have an 8 cm meningioma in your left temporal lobe. It is most likely benign as 90% of these kinds of tumors are, but we won't know for sure until we remove it." He had said similar words to thousands of patients over the years, but this time he felt like he was talking under water. As if things were going in slow motion. He couldn't believe he had just delivered that speech to Addison.

Addison just stared at him for a minute, and then she started to laugh. A tumor? Seriously? Sounded about right with the way things had been going in her life lately.

"Addie, are you ok?" Derek looked at her with concern.

"A brain tumor. 8 cm long. I have a brain tumor, and I am married to a world renowned brain surgeon." Addison replied sarcastically. "That is some kind of sick joke if you ask me."

Then the laughter began to turn to tears as the full impact of the situation sunk in. She bit her lip to try and keep from crying. She was a Forbes-Montgomery. She wasn't supposed to cry. She turned away from him to try and keep Derek from seeing the tears, but he knew her too well.

Derek couldn't take it any longer. He crawled into bed with her and pulled her into his arms. He knew how stubborn she was about crying. It tore him apart to see her like this. He felt her body stiffen against his. She was obviously still angry at him about the whole prom situation, but he kept holding her anyway. He was supposed to protect her. He was supposed to be the person to take away her pain not be the cause of it.

He began to run his hands through her hair, and she slowly began to relax. Despite her best efforts, Addison found herself leaning into his embrace. It felt so good to be in his arms.

Just for a minute she allowed herself to forget all their problems. She just wanted to be in the moment and allow his presence to comfort her.

Then, she could no longer hold back the tears. He was one of the few people who she would allow herself to cry in front of. Once the tears started, they didn't stop for a long time. They were tears from all the pain built up over the past few years. Being ignored. The affairs. The fighting. The baby.

_10 years ago _

_Addison was late. She was tired all the time. Not just tired from barely getting any sleep as a 2nd year resident. But a whole new level of bone weary tired. Her boobs were sore and she felt sick. She put her head in her hands as she sat in the bathroom waiting for the stick to show what she already knew. She was pregnant. _

_It's not that she wasn't thrilled. It was just that this was horrible timing. It wasn't supposed to happen until AFTER residency. That was the plan. But apparently they weren't careful enough when she was on antibiotics last month. That must have messed with her birth control. And babies rarely follow "the plan"._

_Derek was so excited when she told him that night. "We will make it work. Don't worry!" he said as he pulled her in for a passionate kiss._

_A week later their excitement came crashing down. Addison was with a patient when the cramping started. It wasn't long after that, she was in a hospital bed being examined with Derek by her side. _

"_The fetus was about 6 weeks along. You didn't do anything wrong. These things just happen sometimes." the doctor told her. She didn't even try to stop the tears that followed. Derek too was crying. He sat there holding her while they both grieved the loss of their baby. _

They rarely spoke of the situation after that. It was something they both thought of often, but never mentioned. Whenever Addison would bring it up over the years, Derek would just dismiss it. It was too painful for him. The last few years in NY, Addison would mention being ready to start trying again. Derek was too afraid of another miscarriage. He didn't realize it at the time, but looking back, he realized, he would bury himself in work to avoid thinking or talking about kids.

Derek just held her as she cried. He too was thinking about the last time he had held her crying in a hospital bed the day they lost their baby. He knew this was more than just a reaction to the tumor. He also knew there was little he could say to help. Much of her pain had been caused by him and simple words were not going to fix it. He also knew that now was not the time to discuss it. So he just held her to his chest rubbing her hair. Letting the tears soak through his scrubs.

After awhile, the tears subsided and her breathing evened out. He looked down and saw Addison had fallen asleep. He kissed the top of her head and whispered "I love you Addison. I don't know how, but I am going to do everything I can to fix this." He then fell asleep with his wife wrapped in his arms.

Addison woke up several hours later when a nurse came to check her vitals. She was still in Derek's arms. She couldn't believe he was still there. He began to stir. "Morning." he said as he stretched out his limbs. "Morning." Addison replied.

She took a deep breath. "Derek. I have made a decision. I want to go home. Back to NY. I can't deal with a brain tumor without my friends."

Derek cut her off with a kiss. "Addie, I know. I have already emailed Dr. Koracick. He is Amy's teacher. He is the 2nd best neurosurgeon in the country. Me being the 1st of course." he smirked. "If I can't operate on you, he is the one I want to do it. He can be an ass, but he is very talented. He already has privileges at Mt. Sinai. Remember when we worked with him to separate those conjoined twins?"

Of course she remembered. It was the first time Derek and her had published together.

_5 years ago_

_Addison entered her office at Mt. Sinai and collapsed in the chair. She had just given the Thompsons one of the worst diagnoses she had ever given to parents. Craniopagus. That was the official term. Their twin boys were conjoined at the head. It was one of the rarest types of conjoined twins..only about 6%. The boys only had a 25% chance of survival._

_Derek poked his head in her office. "Hey beautiful. You paged?" Addison smiled up at him sadly. She told him about the twins "If the boys survive, I am going to need you to head up one team for the separation surgery. Who should head up the second?" "Tom Koracick." Derek replied instantly. "He is hands down the best neurosurgeon in the country. I will call him." _

_He walked over to her desk, picked her up, and sat her on his lap. "Addie, it's going to be ok. I know you get emotionally involved with your patients. It is one of the things I love about you. But try not to get too attached to this case as you know the odds aren't good." She rested her head on his chest. "I know. The Thompsons are just such nice people. And so young. They are only 22. Married right out of high school." Addison sighed. She felt so safe in Derek's arms. Felt as if nothing could go wrong. _

In the end, everything worked out. The boys survived delivery and the separation surgery had been a success. Derek was right that Dr. Koracick had been difficult to work with, but he was a brilliant surgeon.

That was also the case that started to draw attention to them from other doctors. Addison and Derek Shepherd, the power couple, amazing surgeons. That is what they became known as. Separating conjoined twins also brought a lot of media attention to them. After that, they became in huge demand from all over the country. They started to become busy and have less time for each other. Slowly, Derek started putting surgeries before spending time with Addison. He started canceling dates. Sending Mark in his place.

"You already emailed him?" Addison asked shocked. She couldn't believe Derek was actually one step ahead of her.

"Yes, " Derek answered. "We meet with him in 3 days in NY. We both need to hand off our current cases here, and then we are on the next plane out."

Addison stared at him in disbelief. Right now in this moment, he reminded her of the man she had married. The loving, caring, and thoughtful man. The one she could count on. Lean on. A glimmer of hope burned inside of her. She gave Derek a small smile. "Ok." was all she could manage to say.

The next 24 hours was a whirlwind of activity. Both of them met with fellow surgeons to take over their cases. Addison and Derek met with the Chief to work out their leave of absence. They weren't sure how long it would be. "We are in your corner, Addison." Dr. Webber said. "Take as much time as you guys need."

Later that night, Addison and Derek were sitting outside the trailer reading. She had been staring at the same page for 5 minutes. Finally, she put the book down, unable to focus. She looked up and realized Derek was staring at her.

"What?" she asked taking off her reading glasses.

"You are just so beautiful." he blurted out before he realized what he was saying. It was what he had been thinking and just came out. He hadn't talked to her that way in years. Addison was in complete shock.

"Derek. Where did you go during the prom?" Addison asked. She decided it was time to talk about it. She needed to know. She knew she couldn't deal with a brain tumor without knowing where her marriage stood, and he was confusing her. She hated being confused.

"Um, what?" Derek stammered. He hadn't expected that.

"The prom. You left suddenly, and Finn said Meredith left. What happened?" Addison asked.

Derek took a deep breath. "You really want to do this now?" "I need to know." Addison replied.

"Ok." Derek said. He paused for a minute and then told her the truth. "While we were dancing, I saw Meredith dancing with Finn. She looked upset and left. I wanted to make sure that she was ok. So I followed her. I caught up with her, and we, uh…" he paused again. He closed his eyes and continued. "We, uh, almost kissed." He put his head in his hands and waited for Addison's response.

"You almost kissed? What stopped you?" she asked. She wasn't quite sure what all of this meant.

"My pager went off. 911 for you after you collapsed." They were both silent for a long time. Finally, Addison said, "So, what would have happened if your pager hadn't gone off?"

"I don't know." he said honestly. He looked over at her. She was staring silently out into the dark woods.

"Look Addison. Here is the whole truth. I don't know what I feel for Meredith. Yes, I was jealous seeing her with Finn. But I do know what I feel for you. Seeing you lying on the floor bleeding was one of the worst moments of my life. I love you. I know all of this is hard to hear, and we won't be able to fix anything over night. But I am ready to try to fix our marriage. I mean really try this time."

Addison didn't know what to say. He was saying all the right things, but he had done that in the past. Would this time really be different? Could she trust him? How much more could her heart take?

"I honestly don't know what to think, Derek. I want to believe you. We have both hurt each other so bad. I am not sure how to recover from all of this."

Derek slowly got up. Pulled out his iPod and started to play a song. "Addie, will you dance with me?" He knew there was nothing he could say to answer her question. He had never been good with putting his feelings into words, but he knew that if he sang to her while dancing, he could convey all of what he was feeling.

The song "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" by the Temptations started to play.

_I know you wanna leave me,_

_But I refuse to let you go,_

_If I have to beg, plead for your sympathy,_

_I don't mind 'cause you mean that much to me._

Derek started to sing along and dance silly to the music. Addison started to laugh. Soon he was over by her chair and pulled her up to dance with him.

_Ain't too proud to beg and you know it,_

_Please don't leave me girl,_

_Don't you go,_

_Ain't too proud to plead, baby, baby,_

_Please don't leave me, girl,_

_Don't you go._

He continued to sing. They danced and laughed together until the song ended. Derek took Addison in his arms and kissed her deeply. She put her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair. Soon clothes were coming off and they were making love under the stars.

"That was amazing!" Addison whispered to Derek when they were finished. He looked and her and laughed. "What?" Addison asked confused. "I was just thinking of when you thanked me for the most boring sex we've ever had." She too started to laugh and then leaned over and kissed him. "This time was definitely NOT boring." she smiled at him seductively. He started to kiss her neck. "Slow down cowboy." Addison said standing up. "If we are going to continue this, let's go to the bed. As much fun as it was having sex under the stars, it is getting cold out here!" Derek laughed and followed her into the trailer.

They both knew they still had a long way to go to fix their marriage, but it felt like they were taking a step in the right direction. In the morning, they would board a plane, head to NY, and have to face reality. But tonight was just about them and reconnecting in a way they hadn't in a long time.

Let me know what you think! Next chapter, they will enter the Brownstown for the first time since that fateful night!


	4. Chapter 4

One thing about coming from a rich family that Addison loved was that she rarely had to fly on a commercial jet. Flying on a private jet was so much less stressful! Addison looked out the window of the plane smiling as she remembered the previous night. She looked over at Derek, who was sleeping across from her. Was he serious about what he said last night? Was he really going to try this time? She also couldn't get out of her head what he had told her about almost kissing Meredith. What would have happened if she hadn't passed out?

"Ugh! I have to stop worrying about all of this! I have to forgive him just like he forgave me. At least, I think he has forgiven me." she thought. Soon she had drifted off to sleep as well.

They arrived in New York in the late afternoon. As they loaded their stuff in to the car, Addison noticed how quiet Derek was. He had barely said two words to her since they landed. She knew he was dreading going to the Brownstone as much as she was.

As they were driving towards their house, Derek kept looking out the window. It felt so strange to be in New York. Had it really only been 18 months since he had left? In some ways, it felt like a lifetime ago. He had so many emotions going through him, it was hard to know really what he was feeling. On one hand, he was really excited to see his family again. He had missed all of them. But on the other hand, he was about to enter the place his world fell apart for the first time in a year in a half.

The car pulled up to the Brownstone, they unloaded their luggage, and slowly walked up to the front door. "TIme to rip off the band aid." Derek said with a pained expression on his face.

"No anesthesia. " Addison replied quietly.

Derek looked at her, took a deep breath, and opened the door. Everything looked exactly the same as he stood in the entryway. The grand staircase to his left. The sitting room to the right. The living room in front of him. He looked at the stairs for a long time, full of anger, shame, and regret as he remembered the last time he was there.

18 months ago

_Derek could not believe what he was seeing. His best friend and his wife were having sex, in his bed. He felt like he was in a dream. "What the hell?" he yelled._

_Addison pushed Mark off of her. "Derek!" they both yelled. _

_Derek immediately turned around and left the room. _

"_Get out of here!" Addison yelled at Mark as they both threw their clothes on, tears streaming down her face. She chased after Derek ignoring all the protests Mark was giving. Mark left, knowing there wasn't anything he could say or do to make this situation better._

_Addison ran all over the house looking for Derek. Next thing she knew, he was coming down the stairs with an armful of her clothes. He threw them out the front door all over the steps. She ran up to him, pulling on his arm. He proceeded to push her out the door into the rain._

"_Derek! Please! Let me in." she cried banging on the locked front door._

_Derek looked through the door at Addison crying outside. She was barely clothed and was getting wet. As angry and hurt as he was by what he saw, he knew he couldn't leave her out there. He slowly opened the door and Addison flew into his arms._

"_Derek. Please let me explain! " she sobbed. Derek pried her arms off his neck and backed up. _

"_You can't leave! We won't survive if you leave now." Addison said. He barely even heard her. He was in such a daze and didn't want to be here. He turned around, walked out the door, and left a sobbing Addison balled up on the stairs._

"Derek." Addison said quietly, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Are you ok?"

Derek looked at her with pain in his eyes, but it wasn't for what she thought it was. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. "I am so sorry." he whispered in her ear over and over again.

She pulled back and looked him in the eye. "What for?" she asked thoroughly confused. She thought the hurt and anger she saw on his face was at memories coming back from seeing Mark and her together. But in reality, he was angry at himself for how he just left her crying on the stairs and for having no contact with her for months.

"I shouldn't have pushed you out in the rain. I shouldn't have left you crying on the stairs. I should have listened to you. After 11 years of marriage, you at least deserved that much. I am sorry." he said pulling her back in to a hug.

Addison felt his tears soaking her shirt as he held her crying. She too was crying. They stood there for a long time, just holding each other. Finally, Addison stepped back. "I forgave you a long time ago." she said.

Derek leaned forward and kissed her softly. "I too have forgiven you for Mark." It was the first time he had said it to her.

He took her hand and led her up the stairs. When he entered their bedroom, he was shocked to see it looked completely different. The walls had been painted. There was new furniture. New bedding. He looked at Addison questioningly.

"I, uh, should have told you." she stammered. "When I didn't hear from you for a month, I decided to remodel our bedroom. I couldn't handle coming into this room with all the memories of you, and, uh, and what happened with Mark. I thought my marriage was over and needed a fresh start."

Derek looked at her and said, "Did you ever sleep with Mark in this bed? When you stayed with him after I left?" He barely got the words out, but he needed to know the answer.

"No." she said quietly. "We only ever stayed at his place. He hasn't been back to this house since that night."

They proceeded to get ready for bed in silence. So much had happened is such a short time.

"Derek." Addison said as they were getting in to bed. "I am really nervous about meeting with Dr. Koracick tomorrow." It was the first time she had mentioned anything related to the tumor since they discussed it before leaving the hospital in Seattle.

"I know." Derek said pulling her to him. "I am too. I know the chances for complications are very slim, but it is definitely different when it is my wife getting operated on. Especially when I am not the one operating. No matter what happens, Addie. I am here."

Derek continued to hold her until she fell asleep. He on the other hand was having a very difficult time falling asleep. Even though the room was redecorated, and they were in a different bed, every time he closed his eyes, Derek saw Addison and Mark having sex. Yes he had forgiven her, but it was a hell of a lot harder to forget.

He gently eased Addison off of himself and went downstairs. He looked aimlessly on the bookshelves for a book that might help him fall asleep. It was there that he found a very old photo album that he hadn't looked at in a long time. It was an album of him growing up. Many of the pictures were of his dad, Mark, and him. Pictures from summer camp outs, from baseball games, of the fort his dad helped them build when they were 10.

As Derek continued to look through the photo album, he was filled with a deep sadness. He missed the closeness he had with Mark when they were kids. He had been his brother. Mark spent more nights at Derek's house than he had his own. He wondered if he would ever have that closeness with him again. He knew he would see Mark tomorrow at the hospital and didn't know how he felt about it. He realized deep down he had forgiven Mark, but he also realized that he would never look at him the same way again.

Derek turned a few more pages in the photo album until he came across a picture of just his dad and him. He pulled the picture out of the sleeve and just stared at it. They were standing in front of Yankee's stadium. Derek's dad's arm was draped around his son's shoulders. Derek was holding a new glove in his hand with a huge smile. He remembered this trip well but hadn't thought about it in many years. It was a special trip his dad had taken him on for his 13th birthday. A kind of coming of age trip. They had gone camping for a couple of days and then ended the trip with a visit to NYC. Derek turned the picture over and was shocked to find his dad's handwriting on the back. "It's all about the G.L.O.V.E." it said.

24 years earlier

_Derek was so excited about his trip with his dad. He couldn't wait to get away from all the drama that his sisters caused. "Just the two Shepherd men." That is what his dad had said. He was now 13 and his dad had said that this was a "man's trip". Derek didn't quite know what he meant by that but he was excited to hear his dad refer to him as a man!_

_Derek and his dad had arrived at the lake an hour ago and had set up camp. "Dad, come on. Let's go fishing. I am starving!"_

"_Derek." his dad chuckled. "You just had a ton of food in the car ride here! You can't be THAT hungry!"_

"_Dad. I am a teenager now. I am always hungry." Derek said seriously._

"_Ok. Ok." his dad said. "But before we go fishing, I want to talk to you. Come sit down."_

_Derek walked over and sat down by his dad. He looked so serious, Derek wondered if he was in trouble. _

"_This is a special trip, Derek." his dad began. "I told you it was a man's trip. Part of being a great man is how you treat women. Especially your wife."_

"_My wife?" Derek asked confused. "I am 13 Dad. I don't think I will have a wife for a long time."_

"_I know son, but it will be here before you know it. I want to give you something that is the key to being a good husband." He then proceeded to reach in to a bag and pull out a baseball glove. He handed it to Derek. "This son is the key. It's all about the glove."_

_Derek thought his dad was losing it. "A glove? What am I supposed to do, teach my wife to play baseball?"_

"_No." his dad laughed. "That is what this trip is about. Learning that it's all about the glove. Now, how about we go fishing before you starve to death!"_

_Later that night as they were sitting around the campfire, his dad said, "Give her grace."_

"_What?" Derek asked baffled._

"_The G is for Give your wife grace."_

"_Oh. You mean the G in glove?" Derek said beginning to understand this trip was going to be a lot more serious than their other camping trips._

"_Derek, when you are married, there is going to be times when your wife does things that make you really mad. That may even hurt you. During those times, you need to remember to give her grace."_

_Over the next few days, while they were fishing, hiking, or just hanging out, Derek's dad continued to explain what the letters were for _

_L:Love her through the hard times. _

_O: Outlandish, romantic gestures. _

_V: Very frequent love making _

_E: Everyday find something to laugh about._

Derek hadn't thought about the G.L.O.V.E. acronym in many, many years. Two years after that trip, his dad had died. Derek thought over the last 12 years of his marriage in the context of the acronym. In the early years, he had done all of those things. Over the last 5 or 6, however, he had gotten worse. Now, he was even failing at the V.

Derek got up and went up to the attic. He was digging around in boxes when he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Derek. It is 2 in the morning. What are you doing?" Addison asked him sleepily.

"I am looking for the baseball glove my dad gave me." he said as if it made perfect sense. "It's all about the glove."

"Um. I don't understand, but I can help you look."

They looked for another 10 minutes until Derek yelled, "I found it!"

"Great. Now can we go back to bed?" Addison asked.

"Addie, I want to tell you why this glove is so important to me." He then proceeded to tell her about the trip. "I completely forgot about this glove until I saw the picture tonight. My dad was right about all of it. I want to keep this glove out where I can see it and never again forget that It's all about the GLOVE."

Tears began to form in Derek's eyes. Addison pulled him close. "I miss my dad so much." he cried. "I am fairly certain if he was still alive, he would have followed me out to Seattle and dragged my ass back here. He would have reminded me about the glove."

A few hours later, the sun woke Addison up. She was confused at first as to why she was sitting in the attic with Derek's head in her lap asleep, and then she remembered. They must have fallen asleep sitting there.

"Derek, wake up." she said quietly, gently shaking him. "We need to get up and get ready. We are supposed to meet Amelia at the hospital at 10."

As they were getting ready, Derek remembered one thing he loved about their bedroom - how big the shower was. He slipped in behind Addison while she was washing her hair and grabbed her from behind.

"Oh, hi!" Addison jumped in surprise. She turned around and leaned up to kiss Derek. "What are you doing in here?"

"Having hot sex with my wife!" Derek said between kisses. "This is a lot better than in that small shower in the trailer!"

A little while later, they were getting out of a taxi and in front of Mt. Sinai. It felt very strange to be back. This had been their place of work for almost a decade, but they were not the same people anymore. It made them nervous to see their former colleagues, most of whom knew some version of their affairs. "We can do this." Derek said. "We are DerekandAddison." Addison smiled and felt a swell of love for him. He hadn't referred to them like that in several years. She took his outstretched hand, and together they entered the hospital. Whatever was about to happen, they would face it as a team.

Let me know what you think! Next chapter will involve the meeting with Dr. Koracick and Derek and Addison reuniting with friends and family that they haven't seen since before Seattle!


	5. Chapter 5

As they walked through the hallway, Addison gripped Derek's hand tightly. They were getting stairs from the staff of Mt. Sinai. A few smiled or nodded as they went about their work. Others stopped and started to whisper to each other. Addison felt like it was worse than Seattle. Derek just kept walking with his head held high. When they got to the elevator, Addison let out a sigh of relief when it opened and no one was there.

Derek pulled her into the elevator with him and pressed 5 for the neurology floor. He had pressed that same button thousands of times over the years, but it still felt strange to be pressing it now. He turned to Addison and said, "Are you ok? I thought you were going to break my hand if you squeezed any tighter out there!"

Addison let go of his hand and laughed. "Sorry. This is just a lot at once."

"It's ok." he said pulling her into a tight hug."I am here for you. Just maybe don't break my $2 million hand." he smirked. Before she could answer, he tilted her head up and kissed her deeply. "Seriously though, Addie. I love you and I am here for you."

She looped her arms around his neck and continued to kiss him. Just then the elevator doors opened with Amelia Shepherd standing there.

"Well look who we have here!" Amelia chuckled. "My big bro has finally gotten some sense and is feeling up his hot wife!"

Derek and Addison jumped apart. Derek turned to Amelia glaring. "Shut up Amy!"

"Nice to see you to Derek." she said giving him a hug smiling. "Nice to see you to Addison."

"You too Amelia." Addison said hugging her sister-in-law. Of all of Derek's sisters, she was closest to Amelia. "How have you been?"

"Good. You know how fellowship year is! So glad it is almost over." Amelia said as they walked to the conference room.

Dr. Koracick was already waiting for them. "Nice to see you again Drs. Shepherd." he said as they all shook hands. "So Addison. How have you been feeling?" he asked as they sat down.

"Ok." she said.. "You know about the passing out incident. I have been having headaches for awhile, but more recently have been getting dizzy and nauseous as well."

Derek looked at her surprised. "What do you mean headaches for awhile? You never said anything!" How could he have missed that?

Addison turned to look at him. "Actually, dear, I did." She gave him a "let's discuss this later" look. Derek looked down at his hands. He felt like a horrible husband. He had been so caught up in Meredith that he missed his own wife having symptoms of a brain tumor. What else had he missed?!

"I would like to get more scans, but from what you sent me, Dr. Shepherd, this appears to be an Olfactory groove meningioma, Grade I. We won't know for sure until we get a biopsy. Have you had any problems with your vision?" Dr. Koracick asked.

"Occasionally. But I just chalked it up to not sleeping well." Addison said, uncomfortably shifting in her seat.

"As you know, the location of this tumor can affect personality and decision making" Dr. Koracick continued." This tumor has been growing for awhile. Probably 4-5 years."

Both Derek and Addison looked at each other, the impact of what he was saying slowly sinking in. Was the affair with Mark a side effect of the tumor? .

"So what is your plan on removing it?" Derek asked slowly. It was so hard being on the other side of the table. Of not being in control of the decision making.

"I plan on using image-guided surgery. We need to get some additional MRI's for me to confirm, but I should be able to get all of it." Dr. Koracick answered.

Derek looked over at Amelia, "Would you trust him to do this surgery on you?"

"In a heartbeat." she said seriously.

"Ok then." Derek replied. "I would like to have full access to her file. All scans and images. Everything."

"I will allow that as a courtesy." Dr. Koracick replied, a little annoyed. "But Dr. Shepherd. Kindly remember you are the husband and not the surgeon on this case. I will allow you to watch from the gallery if you can stay out of my way, and I will allow Amelia to be present for the surgery. But the first sign that either of you are interfering with my decision making, and I will kick you out. Are we clear?" he asked all 3 of them.

"Yes." They all replied.

"I would like to get the rest of the scans this afternoon. We will schedule the surgery for 2 days from now. Dr. Shepherd, please take the other Drs. Shepherd to imaging. Put a rush on it." Dr. Koracick then got up and left the room.

All 3 Shepherds were quiet for awhile after he left. "Well, at least you know marrying my dork of a brother wasn't because of the tumor." Amelia retorted breaking the silence.

"Amy!" Derek exclaimed. He couldn't believe his sister had just said that! Addison just laughed.

"Relax Derek." Addison said, placing her hand on his arm. "Besides, you know the one thing you can do to get under her skin like she does to you." Addison winked at him.

"I do?" Derek asked confused. Addison then proceeded to lean over him and kiss him deeply.

"Oh gross!" Amelia said jumping up. "Ok, Ok! Let's go get these images!" She then ran out of the room.

Addison pulled back laughing. "See. Works every time." Derek just laughed. They then followed Amelia to imaging.

As they were walking down the hallway, they heard a familiar voice behind them. "Addison? Derek?" They stopped walking and slowly turned around. Addison glanced at Derek nervously. Mark was strutting down the hall towards them. She wasn't sure how Derek was going to respond.

"Mark." Derek said to his former best friend. He was surprised that the seething anger he had been expecting wasn't there. He still wasn't thrilled to see Mark, but he could tolerate it. Addison too was surprised. "Hello Mark" she said. She grabbed onto Derek's elbow to make it clear that things were going better between them. Derek then proceeded to put his arm around her waist. He gave her a little squeeze, as if to say "it is ok."

"Did you get tired of Seattle already? Decide to come back to the better hospital?" Mark smirked.

"Um, not exactly" Derek said looking at Addison. They hadn't discussed how much they were going to tell people, and he didn't want to overstep. Even though he knew that something like this wouldn't stay out of the gossip mill for long.

"Actually, Mark." Addison picked up sensing Derek's hesitation. "We are here for me. I am getting surgery in a few days, and we were heading to imaging."

"You are getting surgery?!" Mark said loudly. "What the hell is wrong?"

"Mark, calm down and kindly lower your voice. We have drawn enough attention just walking through the halls." Addison said quickly. "Look. I don't want to discuss it here. Would you be available this evening, say 6:00? We will explain everything then."

Mark looked from Derek to Addison and back to Derek. He realized they weren't going to say anything else. "Fine." he said. "Meet me at the bar up the street. I assume you remember the one Addison. The one you went to every night for a month after Derek left?"

Addison felt Derek's body stiffen. He looked at her in agony. He was about to say something when Addison gave him the "look" again. We will discuss this later. She then turned to Mark and said, "Of course I know that bar. We will meet you there at 6."

By the time the tests and blood draws were done, it was obvious that word had spread around the hospital that Addison was getting surgery. Their former coworkers were no longer trying to hide the stares and whispers.

"Derek, I would like to get out of the hospital now." Addison said to him quietly.

"Ok Babe. Let's go get some lunch." he replied. "Amy, we are going to get some lunch. Call me later when the test results are in please."

They left the hospital and walked down the street to one of their favorite Cafe's. The chose a quiet table outside to enjoy the warm spring weather.

"Addie," Derek began slowly. "I. I don't know what to say…". He put his head in his hands. How did he apologize for not noticing the headaches? How did he miss the brain tumor signs? How did he just walk out on his wife after 11 years without even questioning that something might be wrong? Had he really been that absent? Deep down, he knew he was. It hadn't happened on purpose. Slowly over time he had built a wall up around himself. He still didn't fully understand why it had happened, but he didn't want it to happen again. That meant going through the painful conversations and not avoiding them.

"Look." he tried again. "I do remember you mentioning headaches, even before Mark. And I did notice they were getting more frequent. I am sorry for ignoring you."

"Derek," she replied putting her hand on his arm. "I am a doctor too. I ignored all the symptoms. Please don't beat yourself up over this. We can't change the past. We also don't know if the tumor affected my decision to sleep with Mark. I don't want to look backwards. I want to move forward."

"I am trying." he said quietly. The guilt was so strong. He had forgiven her, and for the most part had forgiven Mark, but would he ever be able to forgive himself?

"I need to know what happened after I left." he said looking her in the eye. "In order to move forward, I need to know. What was Mark talking about? You went to a bar every night? I thought you stayed with him?"

Addison took a bite of her sandwich to buy her more time. She didn't want to relive the time right after Derek left, but she knew he needed to hear it.

_18 Months ago_

"_Savvy. You need to go check on Addison. She needs you."_

_Mark's message kept playing over and over again in Savvy's head as she rode in a cab to the Shepherd's house. What did Derek do now? What did he forget? \_

_As the cab pulled up to the Brownstone, Savvy knew something was very wrong. Some of Addison's clothes were all over the steps in the pouring rain. She quickly gathered them up and then started ringing the doorbell and pounding on the door._

"_Addison?! Are you there?" Savvy yelled. She received no answer but she heard crying. She tried the door and was surprised to find it unlocked. When she entered the house, she saw Addison balled up on the stairs with tears running down her face._

"_Oh my gosh! Addison? What is wrong? What happened?" Savvy asked pulling Addison into a hug._

"_He left! Derek caught me having sex with Mark and just left!" Addison cried._

_It took several hours, but Savvy eventually got the full story out of Addison. Over the next week, Addison rarely left living room. Savvy, their other friend Rachel, and Amelia took turns staying with her. All of them called Derek multiple times a day, but he never answered or returned calls. Finally, Addison realized she had to start going back to work. Mothers and babies from all over the country were depending on her to save them. _

_At first, Addison avoided Mark completely. She kept hoping Derek would come back. She didn't even know where he was. His family hadn't heard from him and none of his friends had either. Everyday after work, Addson would go down the street to a bar. She would allow herself one hour to drink and be miserable, and then she would go home. Mark also followed her to the bar to make sure she was ok. After a week, he sat next to her instead of across the room._

"_Red. It is killing me to see you like this." Mark said sadly. "Why don't you just come home with me? You can sleep in my spare bed. I will leave you alone unless you want otherwise."_

_This was the arrangement they had for several days. Mark would take her to the bar and then bring her back to his place. True to his word, he never even tried to kiss her. _

_It was the following week when things began to change. Addison was scrubbing out of surgery when she got an email from her friend Rachel, who was also a neurosurgeon._

"_Addison, I am not sure if you want to know this or not, but I am at a medical conference in Portland. I saw Derek a minute ago. He didn't see me, but I saw him kissing another woman. She was very young. Possibly an intern. I think the name of the hospital he is here with is Seattle Grace. Anyway, let me know if you want me to go kick his ass or something."_

_Addison barely made it to an on call room before the tears started to fall. Derek was in Seattle? With another woman? How had he moved on so fast?! _

_That night, Addison made the first move on Mark. She never mentioned Derek or the email form Rachel to him. She just wanted to feel better. She hurt so bad and Mark could take it away, even if it was just for a little bit. That was also the last night she went to the bar._

"And you pretty much know everything else. I stayed with Mark. Found him cheating on me several times. And then Richard called asking for help on a case. That was when I flew out to Seattle." Addison finished. Derek remained silent for awhile as they finished their lunch.

"Thank you for telling me. I know that wasn't easy for you." He eventually said after paying the bill. He knew there really wasn't anything he could say. He had already apologized, and he knew she had forgiven him. He also knew Addison had been through a lot that day. It was time to have some fun. To lighten things up.

"How about we go shopping?" Derek said as he jumped up. Addison was startled by how quick he got up.

"You are volunteering to take me shopping?" she mocked. "I will definitely take you up on that!"

She grabbed his hand and they left the cafe laughing. They only had a couple of hours before they were supposed to meet Mark, and Addison wanted to make the most of it. She had really missed shopping in NY!

After hitting most of her favorite stores, Addison looked over at Derek, who was laden with bags, and said, "You can't come in this next store. I want what I buy to be a surprise for tonight." She winked at him.

Derek looked up and realized they were standing outside Victoria Secrets. He smiled at her and said, "No arguments here!"

A little while later, Addison came out of the store. They hailed a taxi and took all the packages back to the Brownstone. They quickly dropped off the bags, got back in the taxi, and headed to meet Mark.

They arrived before Mark did and chose a quiet table off to the side. "I am surprised I have never been to this place before." Derek said looking around.

"You weren't really in the habit of going to bars when we lived here before." Addison said. "That was part of why I came here. It was one place that didn't remind me of you."

"Addison…" Derek said, looking at her with a pained expression.

"Don't Derek." she said putting her hand on his arm. "It's ok. Really"

He pulled her in for a tight hug and held her for a minute. It was then that Mark walked in. "Wow!" he said surprised. "Kissing and hugging in public all in one day! It is almost like old times." He hated to think how many times he had caught them having sex around the hospital in the past!

Derek and Addison smiled at each other as he sat down. "Yes, Mark. We are slowly working through our problems." Addison replied. "A lot has happened since we last saw you."

Derek didn't say much as Addison and Mark continued to make small talk. After about 10 minutes, Mark said, "Ok, so now that I know I am not going to get decked by Derek, will one of you please tell me what is going on and why Addison is getting surgery?"

Derek looked at Addison and said, "It's your story to tell. Tell him as much as you want."

She proceeded to tell him about prom and passing out, conveniently leaving out the part of where Derek was. She told him about the brain tumor and the meeting with Dr. Koracick.

Mark was stunned. He looked back and forth between Derek and Addison. "A brain tumor. Seriously?! Wow. And you've had it for several years?"

"Yes, this is a slow growing type of brain tumor." Derek interjected. "Surgery is set for first thing in the morning two days from now."

"Does your family know?" Mark asked both of them, continuing to process everything he had just learned.

"Not yet." Addison said. "We are having Derek's family over tomorrow night and will tell them then. As far as my family, I will call them in the morning."

"The recovery is likely to take several weeks. Possibly even a month. We will be staying here for awhile." Derek said. He slowly turned and looked Mark in the eyes for the first time. "I want you to know that I have forgiven you. I also wanted to let you know how sorry I am for how I treated Addison over the last few years. This brain tumor has been a wake up call for me. I just wanted you to know." he finished awkwardly. Derek never had been good at being open about his feelings with Mark. They always just knew. At least they used to before the last several years.

Mark looked Derek in the eye and replied, "I am glad something finally got through to you. I am sorry for what happened. You are still my brother. I will be here for whatever you need through this."

Addison could not believe this conversation was taking place between the two of them now, in a noisy, crowded bar. She was also so glad. Maybe, just maybe, the three of them could all be best friends again.

The next morning Derek found Addison sitting in their living room staring at her phone. "What's wrong Babe?" He asked sitting down next to her.

"I need to call my family and tell them about the brain tumor, but I don't even know how to begin." she sighed.

"Would you like me to tell them?"

"No. I can do it. Just stay with me, if you don't mind."

"Whatever you need. I am here." Derek said putting his arm around her shoulders.

Addison dialed her mother's number. She wasn't very surprised when it went to voicemail. "Bizzy. It's me. I wanted to let you know that I am getting surgery in the morning at Mt. Sinai to remove a brain tumor. Call me back when you get this."

"Next up is Archer." she said looking over at Derek. He stiffened a little but stayed by her side. She knew that her brother and husband didn't get along. Addison got ahold of him on the 3rd ring. She proceeded to tell him the whole story of the prom through the surgery in the morning. Of course, being a neurologist, Archer had a ton of questions, at which point, Addison gave the phone to Derek. Finally, they got off the phone.

"Well, one family down. One more to go." Addison said looking over at Derek.

"Are you ready to deal with all the crazy Shepherds that will be descending on us soon?:" Derek asked her. She laughed.

"I love your family Derek. I just hope they can see we are moving forward and not bring up the past too much."

"If anyone gives you any trouble, send them to me." He said seriously. "It is none of their business, and I don't want my crazy sisters stressing you out!"

Addison loved to see him be protective of her again. It had been so long. She leaned over and kissed him.

"What was that for?" he asked smiling.

"I just wanted to kiss my gorgeous husband." She replied coyly. With that, he flipped her on to her back on the couch. She gasped in surprise. "What are you doing?"

"I just want to make love to my gorgeous wife." He said as he leaned in to kiss her.

A few hours later, the house was abuzz with activity. Kids running around the yard while Derek and his brothers-in-law manned the grills. Addison sat in the kitchen with the other women. She was surprised that the entire family had been able to come and such a short notice. She didn't know what Derek had said, but no one had said anything about the Shepherds affairs or Seattle. It was almost as if the 2 years hadn't happened.

After dinner, the kids were settled in to the living room to watch a movie while the adults sat outside. "Ok guys. Out with it. What is going on?" Nancy asked looking at Derek and Addison. "You don't just show up here after almost 2 years of being gone and call all of us over. Is something wrong?"

Addison looked over at Derek and gave a slight nod. He took her hand and said, "Well, there is on easy way to say this, but about a week ago we discovered that Addison has a brain tumor in her frontal lobe. Dr. Koracick, Amy's mentor, is operating on her first thing in the morning."

There was complete silence for almost 5 minutes. "It looks like I finally found a way to shut all of my sisters up." Derek joked nervously.

Then all the onslaught of questions came. "Did she have symptoms?" "Was it benign?" "How are you feeling?" "What are the risks?"

"Slow down guys!" Derek laughed. He proceded to tell them the rest of the story and answer all their questions.

"We won't know anymore until after surgery." Addison finally spoke. "They have to biopsy the tumor. We have to make sure Dr. Koracick can get all of it. After that, we will know the next steps."

After many hugs and promises to come by the hospital tomorrow afternoon, everyone began to disperse. It was 11:00 before Derek and Addison were finally in bed.

"Derek, I don't know if I can sleep tonight. We have to get up in only 6 hours." Addison said.

"I know." he said pulling her to him. "Would you like to watch a movie?"

Addison turned on the TV and flipped through the channels until she found Sleepless in Seattle. It somehow seemed appropriate. They didn't get very far into the movie before they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

Derek and Addison entered the doors of Mt. Sinai in the wee hours of the morning. They had been at the hospital that early hundreds of times. But this time was different. Addison was the one going under the knife instead of the one holding the scalpel.

After filling out the necessary paperwork, Addison went to her room where the interns began to get her ready for surgery. After being poked several times by one very nervous intern, Addison put her hand on the girl's arm and said calmly, "Dr. Burns. If you can't find the vein of a patient on the first or second poke, try the other arm. If you still can't find it, go ask for help. Most patients don't like to be poked that many times.."

"I'm, uh, sorry, Dr. Shepherd. It is just that you make me nervous. You are such an amazing doctor." the intern rambled on.

Derek started to laugh. "Addie, you amaze me. Even when YOU are the patient, you still take the time to teach." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Here, Dr. Burns. Let me help you out." He proceeded to put the IV in his wife's arm flawlessly.

"Aw. A sign of true love. Putting an IV in." Amelia laughed as she entered the room with Dr. Koracick right behind her.

"Shut up Amy" Derek said punching her in the arm playfully.

Dr. Koracick went over the bed to talk to Addison. "We will be taking you to pre-op shortly. "I know you can give this speech in your sleep, but I still have to do this. While baby surgeons like Amelia could do this surgery, there are some risks. There is a chance of personality changes, memory loss, loss of vision, and while extremely rare, death." He gave her a paper to sign verifying she understood the risks.

"I wish I could do your surgery." Derek said quietly.

"I will be taking the lead so none of those risks should happen." Dr. Koracick smirked. "I will see you in the OR."

A little while later, Addison was laying on the OR table looking up into the faces of many nurses and doctors she had operated with hundreds of times. She looked over at Derek, who insisted on being in the OR until she was under. "You have to say it." she said quietly.

He put both hands on her face and said, "It's a beautiful day to save lives." He then leaned in to kiss her and whispered, "Don't go towards the light Addie. I need you more than you know."

Derek exited the OR and went to head up to the gallery. Dr. Koracick and Amelia were beginning the first incision. For the next hour, everything went according to the book. Derek couldn't believe that he was actually staring at his wife's brain on the monitors. There was something sereal about it. He had operated on tens of thousands of brains in his career, but sitting there watching brain surgery being done on his wife was nerve wracking.

It was about that time that Derek realized he wasn't alone in the room. He looked up and saw Mark standing in the doorway.

"I thought this gallery was closed." Derek said.

"Well you know. They only let husbands and his best friend in." Mark said tentatively. He wasn't sure how Derek was going to react.

Derek laughed. "I guess that works. Sit down man. I am going crazy! I want to be the one operating!"

"Well, the better Shepherd is holding the scalpel, so don't sweat it." Derek laughed again. It felt good to be joking around with Mark again.

The next think Derek knew, there were monitors going off, doctors and nurses talking so fast he couldn't process what was being said. He jumped up out of his chair and was pressing up against the glass. The one thing that did register was the flatline going across the heart monitor. He heard someone yell "CLEAR!"

The next five minutes felt like a lifetime to Derek. Addison's heart had stopped. His worst nightmare was playing out before his eyes. When he saw the heartbeat return, Derek collapsed on the floor, tears streaming down his face. Mark sat next to him and put his arm around his shoulder. Derek leaned his head on Mark's shoulder and just let the tears fall. Tears of a broken friendship. Tears of the shame of the years he had sent Mark in his place. Tears of missing his father.

_22 Years Earlier_

_Derek was hiding in the office of his father's shop. He couldn't believe what had happened. There were 2 men robbing his father, and he saw that they had a gun. He was holding his little sister still with his hand clamped over her mouth. "Lord, please don't let them find us! Please don't let them find us!" he kept praying over and over again. The next thing he knew, he heard a gunshot, something hit the floor, and the two robbers exit the building._

"_Amy, stay here!" Derek said, slowly exiting the office. He peeked out of the hall and looked around. It was then he saw two feet sticking out from behind the counter._

"_DAD!" he screamed running over to him. There was blood everywhere. His father had been shot. Derek leaned down next to his father._

"_Derek, " his father said in severe pain. "Take care of your mother and sisters. You are going to be the man of the house now."_

"_No Dad! Don't die!" Derek cried. He ran to the phone and called the police. The next thing he knew, his father was being loaded up into an ambulance while his sister and him followed behind in a cop car._

"_Wait here. We have called your mom. She will be here shortly." The cop told Derek and Amelia. They were sitting in a small room at the hospital. _

"_Derek. What happened to Daddy?" Amelia asked lifting her head off his shoulder._

_Derek didn't know what to say. He knew the chances of his father's survival were slim, but how was he supposed to tell a 5 year old that? Soon his mother, other sisters, and Mark came in. His mother hugged them all in one tight hug._

_An hour later, Derek's worst fear was confirmed. His mother sat them all down and told them Christopher Shepherd had not made it. Derek jumped up out of the room and ran down the hallway. He burst into the stairs and collapsed crying. He felt an arm go around him. Mark had followed him. He too was crying. The teenagers sat there for a long time, clinging to each other, crying._

"Derek, you need to watch this part." Mark said staring up at the monitor. "They got the tumor. All of it."

"Send this down to pathology." Dr. Koracick instructed an intern. "Dr. Shepherd, would you like to close?" He said addressing Amelia.

Amelia glanced up at her brother, looked him in the eye, and said, "Definitely."

Derek met them back in recovery. As they wheeled Addison in, he couldn't help but notice how pale she looked. He sat down and just held her hand. Amelia came over and put her arm on his shoulder.

"Amy. Do you think she is going to wake up? Do you think she will have brain damage? Will she be the same person? Will she lose her memory? Will she be blind?" Derek blurted out all the fears that he had been holding in.

"Calm down big brother. You know as well as I do only time will answer those questions."

"But she was down for so long." he said, glancing over at Amelia. She didn't respond. She too was afraid of what the lack of oxygen had done to Addison's brain.

Derek sat by Addison holding her hand for several hours. Nurses came and went, checking her vitals. Dr. Koracick stopped by once to check on her as well. At one point Derek fell asleep sitting there.

"Derek. Derek wake up." his mother said gently shaking him.

"Mom?" Derek said, confused. As he began to wake up, he remembered where he was. He sat up and immediately looked at Addison. His shoulders slumped forward as he realized she still wasn't awake. His came over and put her arm around him. It broke her heart to see her son in so much pain.

"Derek, you should take a break from sitting here. Go get a shower. Get something to eat. I spoke with Amelia, and she said it could still be awhile until Addison is awake."

"I can't leave her Mom. I won't walk away. Not anymore." He said. Carolyn saw the pain and shame in his eyes. She knew this was more about the past then the current situation.

"Derek, I will stay with her. She most likely will not wake up for the next hour. It is ok to take time for yourself so that you can be stronger for her in the long run. Go. I will call you if anything changes." she said, giving him a push.

Derek reluctantly got up. He gave his mother a hug and silently left the room. Carolyn sat down next to Addison and took her hand.

"My dear. I know we have not always gotten along, but you have to pull through this. Derek loves you so much. It is obvious. I know what it is like to watch the love of your life take their last breath. I don't want that for Derek. Not when you guys are so young." she said her eyes began to tear up. She still missed her husband terribly after all these years. Sitting next to Addison, being in the hospital, it brought it all back.

An hour later, Derek returned feeling slightly better after a shower and eating. It warmed his heart to see his mom sitting there holding Addison's hand. Then he saw she had been crying. He pulled a chair over next to her and sat down.

"Mom?" He asked, "Are you ok?"

"Hey, sweetie" She replied. "Yes, I am ok."

"You were crying over Dad, weren't you." Derek said quietly.

"Yes." she said. "I still miss him and being here just brought back a lot of memories."

Derek was quiet for awhile.

"I miss him too. I am not sure he would be proud of the man I have become." he said quietly with his head in his hands.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd!" his mother said sternly. "Don't you ever think that again! You're father would be proud of all of his children! Especially you!"

Derek sat up and looked at his mother. His mother was giving him the look she used to give him as a child when he was in trouble.

"How can you say that when I have messed up so much in the last few years? I ignored my wife, sent my best friend in my place to many occasions- including anniversary and birthday dinners, had a full blown affair during which I never mentioned to Meredith I was married. Then I almost had sex with her a few weeks ago at the prom!"

At this, Derek got up and started to pace the room. His mother was a little shocked by what he just said, as she didn't know about the prom or about never telling Meredith about Addison.

"Did you ever wonder why there was a 5 year gap between Liz and Amelia?" Carolyn asked Derek gently.

Derek stopped pacing and just looked at his mother. This was not what he was expecting her to say. "Um, no. Not really. I just thought Amelia was an accident."

Carolyn laughed. "No. You were the accident." Derek was taken aback for a minute and then laughed.

"Amelia was the product of your father and I saving our marriage. We never told you kids this, but your father had an affair a few months after Liz was born." Carolyn said with a far away look in her eyes.

"He what?" Derek said shocked. He only had memories of his parents being loving towards each other. They seemed to have the perfect marriage.

"It was with one of his co-workers at the factory he was working with at the time. We had 4 kids under the age of 8, and life at home was stressful and crazy. It started out as a friendship. Someone he could talk to. Then one night, they were working late, and things went too far. It went on for about a month before I figured it out. He felt horrible and wanted to rebuild our marriage. He ended up quitting the factory and starting the store. Over the next several years, we went to counseling and worked at rebuilding our marriage. It took a long time to rebuild that trust, but we made it through. Our marriage was stronger than ever after that, and we had Amelia."

Derek was stunned. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined his father had an affair. He was completely shocked.

"I, uh, I…" Derek stammered. He had no idea what to say. "I am sorry you had to go through that."

"I'm not." Carolyn said matter of factly.

"You're not?" Derek said even more shocked/

"No. If it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have had an amazing final 6 years with your father. I wouldn't have had Amelia. She is the most like your father out of any of you. I am so thankful God gave me her so I can remember what your father was like."

Derek sat quietly while he processed what she was saying.

"So I should be thankful Addie cheated on me, I cheated on her, and she got a brain tumor?"

His mother looked at him. "Of course I don't think you should be thankful for all of that. What I do think is that you shouldn't let the guilt and shame you feel for everything that happened ruin your future. You have a second chance to change. Both of you do. It will take a lot of work to get past the hurt you've caused each other. It will not always be easy. There will still be times that you are angry and mad, but in those times you must remember the love you are feeling now. That is how you will do more than just survive, but thrive."

"Thank you Mom. I have definitely missed talking with you. I am sorry for barely contacting you over the last 18 months. I love you."

"It is ok son. No matter how far you stray or what you do. I will always be here for you. I love you." she said giving Derek a hug.

As Derek pulled away from his mom, he glanced over at Addison. She was beginning to open her eyes.

"Addie!" Derek said rushing over to her, taking her hand. "Can you hear me, Love?"

She looked at him confused. "What, uh, where, uh?" she mumbled.

"It's ok Addie. You are just coming out of anesthesia." Derek said calmly.

"I had surgery?"

"Yes, sweetie. You had a brain tumor removed. Do you remember what happened?" Derek asked her patiently. He knew it was normal for patients to wake up confused.

"No. I don't. I am really tired though. Can I go back to sleep?" she said closing her eyes.

"In a minute Addie. Can you stay awake to let Amelia do a post-op exam on you?"

At that point, Amelia walked into the room. Addie looked at her in confusion.

"Amelia is a doctor? Is this a joke, Derek? Or a bad dream?"

Amelia started to check Addison out but stopped when she heard what Addison said.

"Addison. Why wouldn't I be a doctor?" Amelia asked.

"Because the last thing I remember was dropping you off at rehab." Addison replied.

Derek and Amelia froze. The last thing Addison remembered was 7 years ago?


	7. Chapter 7

Amelia and Derek looked at each other and slowly turned to Addison.

"Addie," Derek said slowly. "Amelia hasn't been in rehab for 7 years. She went to rehab, got out and finished medical school. She is now in her Fellowship year in neurosurgery here at Mt. Sinai."

Addison was thoroughly confused. What did Derek mean that was 7 years ago? She clearly remembered what happened as they rang in the new millennium.

_7 years ago_

"_Derek, can you believe it is almost 2000!" Addison said. "This is going to be such an AMAZING year!" She said draping her arms around Derek's neck. She leaned in a kissed him. It was New Year's Eve and they were putting out the finishing touches for the party they were throwing in a couple of hours._

"_I know." Derek replied wrapping her in a big hug. "The best part is you turn 30 first! You only have a few more weeks of being young! I still have a few months." he teased her._

"_That just means you have to respect your elders." Addison laughed pulling away from him. He chased her up the stairs into their room._

_A few hours later, their house was filled with friends who had managed to get off of work for the New Year. Everything was going great until around 11:00 when Addison got a page._

"_Why am I getting paged?" she complained to Derek. "We have been off the whole week!"_

"_I know, Love." Derek said sympathetically. "You better call in to see what is going on."_

_Addison decided to use the phone in their bedroom due to the noise of the party. _

"_This is Addison Shepherd." she said as she called Mt. Sinai. "I was paged, but I am off and am in no condition to be working as it is New Year's Eve and I have had champaign."_

"_Sorry Dr. Shepherd. We wouldn't have paged you, but there is a woman in the ER who is refusing to talk to anyone but you. She is also causing a scene." the nurse said apologetically. _

"_Who is she?" Addison asked, running through her head patients she had seen lately who might have gone to the ER._

"_Um, she won't give us her name. She appears to be around 20, has dark hair, and blue eyes. She appears to be high. Should we call the police?"_

_Addison was stunned. She was almost positive she knew who the woman was. _

"_No, don't call the police. Is Dr. Sloan working?"_

"_Yes, he just came out of the OR." The nurse asked confused._

"_Take him to the woman. I am on my way." Addison replied hanging up the phone._

_Addison went down the stairs, found Derek and told him she had to go to the hospital._

"_Addie, you can't work. You've had alcohol." Derek said with concern._

"_I'm ok Derek. There is a patient that really needs me." Addison replied giving him a quick kiss. "I have to go. I guess now is our Happy New Year." she said, a little sad she wouldn't be with him at midnight. With that, she rushed out the door before Derek could protest. The cab she had called was already outside waiting for her. _

_Soon she was rushing in to the ER, where her suspicions were confirmed._

"_Addie! You came!" said the woman in bed 1 who was clearly high and intoxicated._

"_Amy! What is going on?!" Addison said rushing over to her sister-in-law._

"_I don't really know. The last thing I remember was celebrating the New Year with my friends, and then there were sirens, and the next thing I know there are doctors around me. But I told them I was fine. They wouldn't let me go, so I told them to page the best sister EVER!" Amelia said, slurring her words._

_Addison picked up the chart near the bed and discovered that when Amelia had been brought in she had coded twice. She couldn't believe that Derek's littlest sister had almost OD'd. She also knew that Derek was going to be furious when he found out. The last time they had seen Amelia, she had stolen his car. The police found it a few days later, stripped of everything that could be sold. That was almost a year ago. _

"_Amy, did Mark come by here?" she asked. She knew she could trust Mark not to call Derek until they absolutely had to._

"_He came by and said hi. He looks SOOOO cute in his lab coat! He got paged to surgery. So, when can I get out of here?" Amelia said trying to get the IV out of her arm. _

_Addison immediately went over to stop her. "Amy, you need those fluids. As soon as the IV bag is empty, we can go." she said calmly, hoping it would distract Amelia enough to buy her some time to figure out what to do._

"_Ok fine." Amelia pouted. She reminded Addison of the 12 year old girl she met when Derek first took her home._

_Addison went over to the nurses station. "Who brought her in?" she asked them._

"_I don't really know. The EMT's said some guy called in saying he found a woman who was barely breathing. By the time the ambulance arrived at the location he told them to come to, he was gone. They found her conscious, but not for long. She coded several times in the ambulance and twice here. She has been here for about 6 hours. When she finally came around, she only wanted you. I am assuming you know who she is?"_

"_I do." Addison slowly. "Her name is Amelia Shepherd. She is Derek's little sister."_

_The nurse was stunned. "I see. Well, we need to keep her overnight, and "_

"_No." Addison said admittedly. "I will take her home. Both Derek and I are doctors. We can take care of her. She can't stay here."_

"_Ok…." the nurse said surprised. "Let me get the papers filled out. Oh also, Happy New Year."_

_Addison smiled at the nurse. She looked at the clock. It was 12:15. _

"_What a way to bring in the new millennium!" Addison thought._

_Addison got Amelia loaded up in to a cab and headed home._

"_Amy,' Addison said as they pulled up to the house. "I need to explain to Derek what is going on before he sees you. Can you hang out in the cab for a minute?"_

"_No problembo!" Amelia said._

_Addison took a deep breath and went in to the house. By now it was 1:00 and most of their friends had left. She tried to quietly slip through the door without anyone noticing so she find Derek and talk in private; however, a very drunk Savvy saw her._

"_Addison! You made it back!" Savvy said loudly. Derek overheard and immediately walked up to Addison._

"_Is everything ok!? I haven't heard from you in hours! You left without explaining. What is going on?" he said angrily._

_Addison put her arm on Derek's arm. "Derek, calm down. Everything is ok. I will explain, but first, can we go in the kitchen?"_

_She walked through the living room into the kitchen without waiting for an answer. _

"_There was a patient who was causing problems and would only calm down when they agreed to page me. She was high." At that, Derek jumped up and started to pace around the island. "Derek, I need you to sit down. You need to calm down"_

"_Addison, don't tell me it was who I think you are going to say." Derek said as he continued to pace the kitchen. _

_At that moment, the kitchen door burst open. "Big brother!" Amelia said as she stumbled through the door. Derek froze in his tracks. He looked from Amelia to Addison._

"_Addison, what is she doing here?!" Derek yelled._

"_Derek, calm down. She almost died tonight."_

_Addison told Derek the story. Derek was livid but also concerned. He loved his little sister and hated to see her like this. They finally convinced Amelia to go to sleep. _

_The next morning Addison and Derek informed Amelia that she either had to go to rehab or they were going to report her to the cops for the stolen car. _

"What do you mean Amy was in rehab 7 years ago?" Addison was confused and a little scared. Derek walked over to the bed and sat down.

"Addie, you had a brain tumor removed that seems to be affecting your memory. It is now June 2007, not January 2000. I am sure this is just a side effect of the surgery and your memory will come back shortly." Derek said soothingly.

"Ok. I am really tired." Addison said drifting off to sleep.

Derek waited until he was sure Addison was asleep before he turned to Amelia.

"This is bad Amy. She doesn't remember the last 7 years!"

"Derek, calm down. As you said, it may be temporary. Don't jump to any conclusions. Let me take her for some scans to make sure there is no bleeding, and we will go from there." Amelia said calmly, despite being worried herself.

Over the next few hours, various family and friends stopped by to see how Addison was doing. Each time Derek informed them of her condition, stable but possible memory loss. Each time he repeated it, the more scared he was that it was permanent.

That evening, Dr. Koracick stopped by to talk with Derek. "I have the post-op scans for you to review. As you can see, we got the entire tumor. There are no bleeds either. Only time will tell if the memory loss is permanent or not."

Derek reviewed the scans and agreed with Dr. Koracick. "Thank you." was all he could manage to say. Addison then began to stir again.

"Derek" she said groggily. He rushed over to her side and took her hand.

"Addie, love, I am here." he said lovingly, running a hand over her cheek.

She opened her eyes and looked up and him. He noticed she was more coherent than before.

"Babe, what do you remember?" he asked her cautiously.

"I am not really sure. I had a really weird dream that Amelia was out of rehab and was a doctor." She then began to look around the room and realized where she was.

"Wait, why am I in a hospital bed?" she asked confused. She looked up and Derek. "It, uh, wasn't a dream, was it."

"No Addie, it wasn't. You had a brain tumor removed from your left frontal lobe." He saw her stiffen, and grabbed her hand tighter.

"The good news is that it was a benign tumor, and Dr. Koracick here was able to get all of it."

Addison looked at the foot of her bed and noticed the other man for the first time.

"Hi." she said quietly. "I guess you want to check my brain function?"  
"You know. Hospital rules and all. I kind of have to." Dr. Koracick joked. He proceeded to check Addison's reflex abilities and her vision. Everything checked out ok.

"What is your full name?"

"Addison Adrianne Forbes Montegomery Shepherd."

"When is your birthday?"

"April 27th, 1970."

"When did you get married?"

"February 14th, 1995"

"Who am I?"

"I don't believe you introduced yourself to me doctor."

Dr. Koracick looked at Derek and then back to Addison.

"What is today?" he asked Addison, glancing back at Derek.

"The last date I remember is January 7, 2000; however, by your reaction, I am guessing that is wrong." Addison said slowly.

"Addie, honey, it is June 17th, 2007. This is Dr. Thomas Koracick. We performed surgery with him 5 years ago to separate conjoined twins." Derek informed her.

Addison's eyes grew larger and larger the more Derek talked.

"Derek, " Dr. Koracick interrupted. "It might be better not to overwhelm her. She is still within the normal window after surgery to have temporary memory loss."

Of course Derek knew that. He had given that same line to many patents' families. It as very different when it was his own wife though! What if she didn't get her memories back? How was he going to explain to her the last 7 years? Especially the last 2!

"I know." Derek responded. He turned to Addison. "It's ok sweetie. I am sure your memories will come back soon. Until then, ask me anything you want."

"Also," Dr. Koracick continued, "I see no reason why Addison has to stay in the ICU. She can be moved to a private room to continue recovery." He then turned and left the room. Leaving a stunned Addison staring after him.

Both Addison and Derek were quiet for a long time. Finally, Derek broke the silence.

"Addie, you have to say something." he pleaded with her. She looked up at him and stared in his ocean blue eyes for several more minutes.

"I guess this means we are 37 now. I look damn good for being that old!" she joked.

Derek climbed into bed with her and gently took her face in his hands. "Yes you do baby. More than you even know!" He leaned forward and kissed her gently.

A nurse came in to the room then to help move Addison to a private room out of ICU. Once they were settled, Addison turned to Derek and said, "It is so weird. How did I just forget 7 ½ years! It is like I went to sleep and I was 29 and I wake up and am 37!" she shook her head in disbelief.

"Addie, I know it is hard, but this is very likely temporary. In the meantime, ask me anything you want to know." Derek replied lovingly.

"Ok. I guess, do we have any kids?" Addison asked slowly. She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer. It would be awful if she had kids she couldn't remember!

"No. We never had any more kids after the miscarriage." Derek replied sadly. Both of them were quiet for awhile.

"Ok. No kids. So what, did we spend all of our time becoming kick ass surgeons?" Addison joked.

"Actually, yes. You are now a double certified neonatal surgeon and perform surgeries all over the world that only a handful of people can do." Derek replied proudly. She looked at him in complete shock.

"Wow! No wonder we have no kids! What about you? Are you the best there is?" she smiled,

"I don't want to brag, " Derek smirked. Addison laughed. She knew bragging was one thing Derek had always done. "But, I have clients come to me from all over. So yes, I too am the best!" He smiled at Addison.

She smiled back. "So, our dream came true! We both became the top of our fields and we still have a strong marriage. I guess we proved your mom wrong!"

Derek's smile slowly faded. He realized that what Addison was remembering.

_Christmas 1999_

"_Derek, why does Addison have to do another fellowship? I thought you guys were finishing up your fellowships this year. I thought you were going to start trying to have a baby." Carolyn Shepherd asked her son in concern._

_It was Christmas Eve, and everyone had gone to bed except for Derek and his mother. They were sitting around the kitchen table drinking hot chocolate. _

"_Mom, " Derek said impatiently. They'd had this conversation several times already. "I explained this. Addison is doing a fellowship in Cystic Fibrosis. It is completely different. It is something she is passionate about. Yes, it means she has to go to Boston for a year. Yes it will be hard not seeing her every day. And yes, it means we will not be having a baby right away. But this is something she wants to do, and I fully support her." _

"_You are both going to regret it. Maybe not now, but someday. You are too focused on your work." Carolyn said giving Derek the look that made him feel 5 years old again._

"_Mom, I appreciate the concern. But this is between Addison and I. I would appreciate if you would stay out of it."_

_Derek then looked over behind his mother's head. Addison was standing in the hallway. She had heard the whole conversation and looked devastated. He knew she thought his mother didn't like her, and now she knew that his mother thought she was too focused on her career. Addison was always trying to get his mother's approval._

In the end, Addison had gone off to Boston for a year while he became an attending at Mt. Sinai. They saw each other every weekend they could, and the year had gone by fast. At the end of the year, Addison had returned to Mt. Sinai, became an attending as well, and both of the careers began to take off at lightning speed. It was a few years after that Derek had slowly begun to put work before Addison. It some ways his mom had been right, but not about the year in Boston. He had been too focused on his work. That he regretted.

"What?" Addison asked, noticing his smile faded.

"Nothing." Derek said. He wasn't ready to tell her about the last few years. He wasn't even sure how to begin to explain that.

"You need to get some rest Addie. Your body needs time to heal. I know the meds are starting to kick in. I can see you fighting sleep."

Addison knew he was right and could feel herself drifting off to sleep, but she also knew there was something he wasn't telling her. Deep down, she knew something was very wrong. But it would have to wait as she could no longer keep her eyes open.

Derek watched Addison fall asleep. Once he was sure she was asleep, he slumped back in his chair and began to cry. What was he going to do? How was he going to explain to Addison how he had put work before her, sent Mark in his place so many times? How she slept with Mark and he had a full blown affair with Meredith? Would the Addison from 7 years ago be able to forgive him? He knew he couldn't tell her. At least not until she was stronger. In order to do that, he had to make sure no one else told her. He got up from his chair and went to find the one person who knew more about what happened than anyone else. He had to talk to Mark.

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

As Derek walked through the halls of Mt. Sinai, he received many curious looks. So far, his former colleagues had respected their privacy and left Addison and him alone. He knew word had spread like wildfire of Addison's brain tumor, but most people had no idea why they left in the first place. He was hoping to keep it that way.

He found Mark in his office studying a patient's file. "Hey." Derek said to get Mark's attention. "What case are you working on? You hardly ever look so serious!"

"Oh, hey Derek." Mark said a little startled. "I didn't hear you come in. I am reviewing a severe burn case. Poor kid fell into a campfire."

"Seriously? How old is the patient?" Derek asked.

"4. Actually, I could use your help on this case. It was also discovered that the kid has tumors beginning on his spine." Mark said tossing the file over to Derek. "What do you think?"

Derek looked over the file. "The fall may have saved this kids life. These types of tumors are rarely discovered this early. By the time they are discovered, it is usually too late."

"I know. The burn will make surgery more difficult to remove the tumors You are the best there is. Are you up for helping?"

"I don't know, man. WIth Addison, I am not sure if I have time. Also, I don't work here anymore." Derek replied as he continued looking through the file. This poor kid was only 4. "Let me think about it. Can I tell you tomorrow?" He asked handing the file back to Mark.

"Sure. So how is Addison anyway?" Mark asked cautiously. He wasn't exactly sure where he stood with Derek.

Derek figided in his chair before looking up at Mark. "Physically she is doing really well, but her memory is shot. The last thing she can remember is January 2000." Mark sat there in stunned silence. He looked at Derek and saw the pain in his friend's eyes.

"She doesn't remember anything from the last 7 years?!"

"Nope. Nothing."

"That means, she doesn't remember, uh, you know, " Mark stammered. "What we did" he finished quietly.

"No. Or what I did with Meredith. Or how I put work before her so many times. As far as she knows, we are still happily married. I am not ready to tell her all that has happened yet. She needs to get stronger. That is what I wanted to talk to you about. " Derek paused, taking a deep breath. "I need you to act like nothing happened. At least for a little while."

Mark stood up and started to pace around his office. "You want me to lie to her?" he asked beginning to get a little angry. He may not be great at relationships. He may sleep around and flirt with inappropriate women. But one thing he was not was a liar. He always told the truth.

Derek jumped up and put his hand on Mark's shoulder. "No man! I don't want you to lie to her. I will tell her everything soon. I just don't want you to act weird around her."

Mark looked at Derek. "I don't know. It feels like lying."

"This is for her own good. Please Mark. Do it for her!"

"Fine." Mark finally conceded. "But I will NOT lie. Are we clear?"

"Yes" Derek replied. With that, he turned and walked out of Mark's office. Next up, he had to tell his family. After calling his mom and sisters, who also did not think it was a good idea to not tell Addison about the last few years, he walked to the neurosurgery wing to find Amela.

"Morning Amy." he said walking up to her near the nurses station.

"Good morning. You look like shit!" she said looking over her brother. Derek laughed.

"Can I talk to you in private?" he asked, leading her to an oncall room without waiting for a reply.

"What's up Derek?" Amelia asked after the door was shut.

"I am guessing you have heard from Dr. Koracick that Addison's memory is still gone. The last thing she remembers is January 2000."

"Yes, he told me. She picked my finest moment to remember." Amelia said sarcastically.

"Look. I know you will be working with her closely over the next few days until she is discharged. I need you not to tell her anything about Seattle, or Mark or Meredith or pretty much anything from the last few years. I don't want to tell her about all of it until she is stronger."

"Derek, I really don't think that is a good idea. She is going to know something is off."

"I will cross that bridge if it happens. But for now, I don't want her to know." Derek said a little to forcefully.

Amelia backed away from him a little. "Relax. I won't tell her."

"Sorry." Derek said sitting down on the bed. "Everyone keeps telling me this is a bad idea, but I don't know what else to do. She needs to recover and if she finds out about everything that happened, I am afraid it will hurt her recovery." he said putting his head in his hands.

Amy walked over to the bed and sat down next to Derek. She put her arm around him and said, "Derek, it is going to be ok. Whether to tell her or not, that is up to you. Either option doesn't sound fun to me!."

Derek looked over and Amelia and smiled a little. "Thanks for the support little sis." He gave her a quick hug and then stood up. "I need to get back to Addison. She will be waking up soon."

"Derek " Amelia said. Derek turned to look at her. "Go take a shower first. You really stink." Derek laughed as he headed out of the oncall room.

After getting a shower and some food, Derek headed back to Addison's room. He was relieved to find she was still sleeping. He also noted the nurse had brought a cot in for him. He knew Addison would still be out for awhile, so he decided to catch up on some sleep.

The next morning, Derek woke up to Addison staring at him from the bed.

"Hey Beautiful." he said as he stretched. "How are you feeling?" He stood up and gave Addison a kiss on the cheek.

"I've been better. I told them to start weaning me off of the good drugs." she said in obvious pain. Derek sighed. He knew this was going to happen. Addison hated feeling foggy from pain medication. She was stubborn and would insist she didn't need them.

"If the pain gets too bad, please promise me you will take something." he said despite knowing arguing with her was pointless. Addison just gave him a slight smile. She looked around the room and back at Derek.

"I really want to go home. What do I have to do to accomplish that, Dr. Shepherd?" Derek laughed slightly. He too would love to get back home. Even though he spent half his time in a hospital, it was totally different being on the patient side.

"For starters, you have to be able to walk. Do you feel up to trying?"

"I can do that, but first, could you help me put something on besides this hospital gown?"

"Of course. While I would enjoy the view of your fine ass hanging out of the hospital gown, I don't want the entire hospital to also enjoy the view!" he winked at her. Derek pulled a pair of jogging pants and his old college T-shirt Addison loved out of the suitcase. He helped Addison change, careful to avoid pulling on some of the wires still attached to Addison. It helped that the IV had already been removed.

After changing her clothes, Addison lay back on the bed and closed her eyes. Just the process of changing her clothes had worn her out.

"Give me a minute." Addison told Derek. "I can't believe how tired I am just from changing my clothes!" she said frustrated.

"I know honey. This is normal for recovery from brain surgery." Derek said sympathetically.

Fifteen minutes later, Addison was ready to try and walk.

"Remember, we are only going to the chair." Derek said for the millionth time. He knew Addison would try and push herself too far. He also knew from experience with other patients that if she pushed too fast too soon it could actually slow recovery time.

Addison sat up on the bed and held on to Derek. She was a little dizzy when she sat up but slowly, with Derek's help, she stood up. She walked 5 feet to the chair and then collapsed in it breathing heavily.

"I feel like I am 80 years old! Who would have thought a little brain surgery would make it so hard to walk!" Addison said laughing.

"Babe, removing a 7 cm tumor is not 'a little brain surgery'. Plus, um, well, never mind." Derek stammered.

Addison looked up at Derek. "What?" she asked expectantly.

"Nothing." Derek said looking away. He did not want to tell her she coded on the table and was down for at least 5 minutes.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd. What aren't you telling me?!" Addison said crossly.

Derek looked over at her and knew he had to tell her. She deserved to know and would eventually find out anyway when she read her own chart.

"You coded during surgery and was down for about 5 minutes."

Addison was shocked. She was quiet as the full impact of what he said sank in.

"I could be dead. I could have not woken up. I could have major mental deficits." she said still staring at the wall. Derek knew she wasn't really talking to him. He walked over to her and put his hand under her chin forcing him to look up at her.

"Yes, Addie. All of that could have happened. But it didn't. I am so thankful it didn't. " he leaned down and kissed her. Then he hugged her close to his chest.

" I never want to lose you again." he whispered into her hair. Derek held her close for a few more minutes and then leaned back.

"Do you want to walk to the bed, or do you want me to carry you?"

"I'll walk." Addison said determined. After she made it back to the bed, Derek got in bed next to her. She laid her head on his chest and was soon asleep.

An hour later, Mark stopped by the room to find both Shepherds asleep in the bed. It was bittersweet for him to see them like that. A part of him still loved Addison, but he knew his friends belonged together.

Later that evening, Derek was reviewing emails on his iPhone. Addison looked over at him confused.

"What are you doing?" she asked, pointing at the device in his hand. It then dawned on Derek that she didn't remember what a smart phone was. They didn't exist in 2000. He was still getting used to the new contraption as it was!

"I am checking my email." he said trying to figure out how to explain a smart phone to her. "So there is a new invention called a smartphone. You can check e-mail, use it as a camera, play music…" he tried to explain.

"Cool!" Addison said. "Where is mine?" she asked knowing if Derek had one, she did too. Derek knew he couldn't let Addison have her phone or she would start asking too many questions.

"Um, it is at the house." he said quickly. "Here, you can look at mine." He handed her over his phone, hoping she wouldn't find anything to raise a lot of questions. He was showing her the basics of how to work it when a nurse came in to check Addison's vitals. Derek was relieved. He took his phone and moved out of the nurse's way.

The next few hours went by quickly with physical therapy, a revolving door of visitors, and a checkup from Dr. Koracick. He was very pleased with Addison's progress and said she should be able to go home in a few days, especially since her husband was a world renowned neurosurgeon. Both Addison and Derek were thrilled at the possibility of going home soon!

As they were winding down for the night, Derek realized he still owed Mark an answer on the surgical case.

"Addie, " he said tentatively. "Mark asked me to help him on a case of a 5 year old boy with tumors on his spine. It would require me working over the next several days until you are ready to go home. Are you ok with that?"

Addison looked up at him confused. Her first thought was, "why is he putting work before me again?" She wasn't sure why she felt that way. They were surgeons. It wasn't unusual for emergencies to come up but she had a nagging suspicion that there was something more to her feelings. It was like trying to remember a dream. Wait, was she actually starting to remember something?

"Addie?" Derek asked when she didn't respond. Addison shook off the feeling. Maybe it was just being so worn out from the day.

"Of course it is fine Derek. We are surgeons." she said sweetly. "Tell me about the case. I could use a distraction." He proceeded to tell her the whole story of the young boy and the details of his case. While he was talking, he noticed Addison's eyes were beginning to droop.

"Let's go to sleep sweetheart." Derek said kissing the top of Addison's head. "Tomorrow will be another hard day." She curled up next to him in the bed and was soon fast asleep.

Derek, on the other hand was unable to sleep. After staring at the ceiling for a half an hour, he slowly untangled himself from Addison and got up. He went to Mark's office and was not surprised to find him still there. Mark looked up as Derek knocked softly on the open door.

"Hey, come on in." Mark said. "What's up?"

"I wanted to let you know that if Chief Hutchingson agrees to give me privileges here again, I will help you on that case." Derek knew he wasn't his former Chief's favorite person since the last time he was here he up and quit over night.

"I already talked to him. He has agreed to give you privileges." Mark said.

"Ok." Derek replied. "Can I have a copy of the file to fully review? Also, I would like to meet the family tomorrow. Can we schedule the surgery for 2 days from now? Addison will be going home the day after that, and I really don't want to work once she is discharged."

Mark looked up at Derek in surprise. It has been a long time since Derek had turned down working for anything else.

"I don't see any issues with any of that." Mark said, handing a copy of the file to Derek.

Derek took the file back to Addison's room. He reviewed the scans of the tumor and began to come up with a surgical plan.

Early the next morning, Derek went with Mark to meet the Brooks family. It felt surreal to Derek to walking down the halls of Mt. Sinai with Mark. In some ways, it was as it the past 2 years had never happened. In other ways, it felt like a lifetime ago that they had worked together.

"Good Morning Carol and Ryland." Mark said to the parents. "This is Dr. Shepherd. He is the neurosurgeon who will be operating with me on little Caden here." Derek walked over and shook the parents' hands.

"Any relation to an Addison Shepherd?'" Carol asked as she was shaking Derek's hand.

"Um, yes, actually. She is my wife." Derek said surprised. How did this woman know Addison?

"Seriously?" Ryland laughed. "I guess now it is your turn to save our boys life."

"What do you mean my turn?" Derek asked confused.

"Your wife operated on me while I was pregnant with our boys. They had TTTS." Carol replied. Derek was astonished. He immediately knew which case this was. It was the first time Addison had performed TTTS surgery by herself.

J_anuary 2003_

"_Derek, I don't know if I am ready!" Addison exclaimed as she was getting ready for bed. "This is a really complicated case. The TTTS didn't respond with __reduction amniocentesis __I am going to perform my first __fetoscopic laser photocoagulation of chorionic plate vessels by myself! I have only done it one other time, and that was with help! The Brooks family has been trying for so long to have a baby. Now their miracle twins has resulted in this!"_

"_Addie! Relax!" Derek said wrapping his arms around and looking at her in the bathroom mirror. "You are a brilliant surgeon. You've got this!"_

"_But what if something happens! What if I make a mistake? What if__.._" _Derek captured Addison's mouth with his own. At first she was surprised, but then responded in kind. After a few seconds, Addison pulled back._

"_I need to go study some more." Derek pulled her back into his arms._

"_No, you don't. You know that procedure backwards and forwards. Hell, even I know it backwards and forwards!" he laughed. Addison had been studying with him for the procedure for about a week. "What you need is too relax. I know the best way to make that happen." he said slyly, running his hands up and down her back._

"_Derek, no. I need to…" Addison tried to protest, but Derek was very persistent. She eventually gave in and began to kiss him back. She also knew he was right. _

_The next day the surgery went flawlessly. The boys were born a few months later perfectly healthy. _

"Wow! Small world!" Derek exclaimed. "How is your other son?" Derek asked looking around for the other small boy.

"Jerim is doing well." Ryland answered "He is staying with my parents while we deal with " He couldn't finish. He just looked down at his small child in the large hospital bed and started to fight the tears.

Derek put a hand on Ryland's shoulder. "I know this is hard. Caden's fall could very well have saved his life. This type of tumor is rarely discovered in time. Luck for this little man, I am one of the best neurosurgeons in the world. I have reviewed the scans. I believe I can get the whole tumor."

Carol and Ryland looked up at Derek. They had not been expecting this. Ever since their young son had fallen in the campfire, it had been a series of bad news from doctors. For the first time, they started to have hope that Caden would be ok.

After finishing up talking with the Brooks', Derek went back to Addison's room. A nurse told him she had been up walking around that morning but was now back asleep. He pulled a chair over to her bed and sat down. He continued to review Caden's scans. He wanted to make sure that he was prepared for the surgery.

An hour later, Derek woke up. He had fallen asleep in the chair. He also realized Addison had woken up. She was looking through Caden's file.

"Hey sleepy head." Addison teased. Derek stood up and gave her a kiss.

"Hey yourself. How are you feeling?"

"A little better." she replied. Derek noticed her staring at the name on the file.

"Derek, this patient, Caden Brooks. Why does that sound so familiar to me?"

"You performed surgery on him awhile back." Derek answered cautiously. He didn't want to upset her by talking about a case she couldn't remember.

"He is a twin, correct? It was a TTTS case?" Addison said, still staring at the file.

"That's right, Addie." Derek said shocked. Was she starting to remember? "Do you remember this case? It was only 4 ½ years ago."

Addison continued to stare at the file. Her brain was a complete fog. As soon as she would start to remember something about the case, it would slip away.

"Ugh! I don't know Derek!" she said frustrated. "It is like a dream. I vaguely remember things, but nothing concrete." Addison then began to cry. Derek climbed into the bed with her and pulled her close.

"It is going to be ok, my love. The fact that you can even remember bits and pieces is good. It means that your brain is trying to restore your memories." Derek said soothingly. At least, that is what he hoped was happening. But did he really want her to remember? If he could erase all the hurt and pain from the last 2 years, he would. He knew eventually, she would remember or he would have to tell her. But now wasn't the time. He would deal with it later. For now, he just wanted to hold her and protect her as much as he could

Let me know what you think!


	9. Chapter 9

The next day Addison barely saw Derek. She knew he was preparing for Caden's surgery the next day. She still missed him though. She passed the time between therapies and check ups looking through some photo albums Derek had brought her. They both hoped it would help jog her memory. As she looked through the pictures from their 30th birthday parties, a party celebrating the end of residency, and more family gatherings than she could count, Addison continued to feel as she had the past couple of days. Occasionally a memory would start to form and then slip away.

She put the the photo album down in frustration. She was staring out the window when she heard a knock on her door.

"Hey, Red. You ok?" Mark asked as he slowly entered Addison's room. He could see she was deep in thought.

"Hey Mark." Addison said sweetly. "I'm ok. I am just frustrated that I can't remember the last 7 years of my life!"

"Eh, you just want to stay in your 20s!" Mark teased.

"It was quite a shock to think I was 29 and then find out I was 37!" Addison laughed. "Can you tell me a story of something funny that happened that I am forgetting?" she pleaded.

Mark looked over at her. The stories he wanted to tell her involved the times Derek had put work before their relationship. The times Mark had stepped up in his absence. But Mark had made Derek a promise not to tell Addison what had happened. After sleeping with his wife, Mark figured he owed Derek that much.

Mark walked over and sat down in the chair next to the bed.

"Ok. Do you want to hear about the food fight you started in the cafeteria or the time you dyed your hair blue?" Mark asked with a smile.

"Definitely the food fight." Addison exclaimed.

_October 2002_

"_I am so exhausted!" Addison exclaimed sitting down next to her husband in the cafeteria. It was the wee hours of the morning. They had both been paged around 6:00 the night before for a major car accident. Addison had been operating most of the night saving the lives of a pregnant woman and her baby. Thankfully both had survived. She reached over Derek and stole some of the croutons off his salad._

"_Hey!" Derek said pulling the plate away from her. "I am starving too. Go get your own food." Addison knew he was teasing. In response, she stood up and went to get a pudding cup. She purposely got Derek's favorite pudding. The kind he always ended up taking from her. When she returned, she sat down next to Mark instead of Derek._

"_Why are you sitting over there?" Derek asked confused._

"_So you can't steal my pudding. Since you don't want to share and all." Addison winked. Derek instantly got up and ran to the other side of the table. Addison realized what he was doing and she too jumped up. The two married attendings were smiling at each other across the table._

"_What are you two doing?" Mark asked looking around to see who was watching. Thankfully there were only a few other people in the cafeteria thanks to the hour. "You realize you are acting like children, right?"_

_Addison looked from Mark to Derek and back to Mark again. "No, Mark. This would be acting like a child." She proceeded to walk over to Derek, stick her finger in the pudding, and wipe it across his cheek. She then went back on the other side of the table before Derek could respond. He stood there stunned for minute. Had she really just done that? He quickly recovered and tossed a crouton at Addison, hitting her on the forehead. _

"_Oh, you are so dead Shepherd!" Addison exclaimed. Soon they were tossing food at each other and then ducking behind the chairs. Mark got caught in the crossfire and soon joined in. Soon all 3 collapsed on the floor in a fit of laughter. _

"It was such a stressful night for all 3 of us. You knew how to help us blow off some steam." Mark said, finishing the story.

"Chief Hutchingson wasn't too thrilled about it when he found out, was he?" Addison said "We had to work weekends for a month!"

"That's right, Red. You remembered something!" Mark exclaimed jumping up and hugging Addison. Addison looked at him in shock. It was true. She actually remembered the food fight and its aftermath.

It was at that moment that Derek walked in. He stopped immediately when he saw Mark and Addison hugging. Flashes of the night he had found them in bed together instantly popped in his head.

"What the hell?" Derek said angrily. Mark instantly let go of Addison and jumped back. Addison was taken aback by Derek's reaction.

"I remembered something Derek!" Addison said quickly. Derek's eyes instantly flew to Mark. Did Addison remember what happened between Mark and her? Was that why they were hugging? Mark knew exactly what Derek was thinking.

"I told her about the food fight in the cafeteria. She remembered us having to work weekends for a month after. That's it, man. I gave her a congratulatory hug. Relax." Mark clarified. He slowly backed away from Addison's bed.

"What is going on?" she asked looking back and forth between the two men, thoroughly confused.

"Nothing" they both responded at the same time. Derek did his best to calm down but the image of seeing Mark hugging his wife brought back a lot of repressed feelings of anger.

"I need to go check on Caden." Derek said leaving the room. Addison began to feel guilty as she watched her husband walk away. Why was she feeling guilty? Why was Derek so angry? Why did Mark look upset as well? There was definitely something they weren't telling her.

"Mark, what is going on?" Addison asked. Mark just looked at her and walked out of the room. He couldn't lie to her but he also didn't want to break his promise to Derek. Addison knew there was something big she wasn't remembering. She didn't know how, but one way or another, she was going to get Derek to tell her.

"Derek!" Mark yelled as he ran after him down the hall. Derek ignored Mark and entered a stairwell. Mark caught up with Derek quickly and grabbed his arm.

"Dude! What was that all about?" Mark said angrily. "You might as well tell her what happened after that! 7 years ago there is no way in hell you would have acted like that! She knows something happened!"

Derek jerked his arm away from Mark. Deep down, he knew Mark was right, but he was still disgusted by the memory of seeing his wife sleeping with his best friend.

"I just need some space Mark! I know it didn't mean anything, but all I can see in my head right now is you and Addison having sex in my bed!" He turned around and continued down the stairs hoping Mark wouldn't follow him.

Mark went back to his office in frustration. Things had been going so well between the men. He hoped this would not affect the surgery in the morning.

Derek ended up sleeping in an on-call room that night. He couldn't face Addison. He tossed and turned the whole night. He thought he was past this. The hurt and anger. He knew he had forgiven both Addison and Mark, but that didn't mean he forgot. It meant that he had made a choice to stay and work through their issues. He was not going to run.

The next morning, he went to Mark's office before the surgery.

"I am sorry about yesterday." Derek said to Mark. "I shouldn't have gotten angry like that."

"Derek, it is ok to be angry and hurt about what happened. What we did was horrible. What is not fair is to take it out on the Addison upstairs who has no memory of it. Or at least it isn't fair if you haven't told her." Mark answered.

"I know." Derek said running his hand through his hair. "We go home tomorrow. I will tell her once we are home."

Mark looked at his friend and just shook his head. "Come on. Let's go to surgery."

Caden's surgery lasted longer than he had expected, but he was successfully able to remove the tumor. It was late afternoon before he was done, and he knew Addison was going to be pissed at him. He hadn't talked to her since storming off almost 24 hours ago.

Addison sat in her bed reading a medical journal. It was so weird to be reading an article she wrote but had no memory of. The one thing that really was odd, was that it said "Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd of Seattle Grace Hospital." Seattle? Why didn't it say Mt. Sinai? She had so many questions and neither Derek or Mark had come back to her room since they stormed off yesterday. She knew they had a big surgery today, but still. What were they hiding?

The good thing was that she no longer was exhausted during therapy and could even get a shower by herself again! She was so ready to go home in the morning!

Addison was so deep in thought, she didn't hear Derek enter the room.

"My lady" he said getting her attention. "Your chariot awaits." He was dressed in a tuxedo with a wheelchair in front of him. He also had a beautiful black dress slung over his arm. He held it out to her.

"What are you doing?" Addison asked, trying to hide her smile. She wanted to stay mad at him, but his big romantic gestures always made her melt.

"I am taking my love out for dinner. Well, not really "out", more like up." he said pointing to the ceiling. "I also brought a dress for you, but I wasn't sure if you felt up to changing. You look beautiful in whatever you wear." he said shyly.

Addison just stared at him in disbelief. He had said those exact words to her 13 years ago.

_13 years ago_

_Addison walked out of the scrub room exhausted. She had been working over 24 hours and had barely slept. She was covered in more bodily fluid than she cared to think about, and she hadn't seen her boyfriend in several days besides passing each other in the halls of Mt. Sinai. But she was living her dream. _

_As she turned the corner, Addison stopped dead in her tracks. Derek was standing in the middle of the hallway with a dozen roses dressed in a tuxedo. He had a black dress draped over his arm._

"_My Love. I am here to whisk you away to a fancy dinner with an amazing view." Derek said grinning. Addison walked up to him and gave him a quick kiss._

"_Oh really. And where would that be?" she laughed._

"_You will just have to come with me to find out." he teased. "I also brought a dress for you, but I wasn't sure if you felt up to changing. You look beautiful in whatever you wear."_

_Addison just looked at him. "Oh really? I look beautiful covered in puke, poop,and pee?" She had been working with babies all day and still hadn't figured out the art of changing diapers!_

_Derek looked her up and down. "Yes, dear. You look divine!"_

_Addison laughed, took the dress out his arms and went to the locker room. Twenty minutes later, she was ready. Derek led her to the elevator. _

"_Derek, where are we going?" she asked leaning her head on his shoulder. It felt so good to be spending time with him._

"_We are going to have a romantic dinner on the roof," he said, laughing at the surprised look on her face._

"_Seriously?" Addison exclaimed. "How did you pull that off?"_

"_I have my ways." he said, leaning in to kiss her._

_When they got to the roof, Addison saw a table and two chairs set up with candles. It was a beautiful summer night and they could see a good portion of the city from on top of the hospital._

"_Wow! It is beautiful!" Addison said amazed. She turned around to give Derek a kiss but found him down on one knee. Addison gasped in surprise. She knew Derek was going to propose soon, but no part of her had expected it like this!_

"_Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery, I love you more than words can express. I love the way your nose crinkles when you laugh, the way your eyebrows furrow when you are mad at me, the way you chew on pens when you are deep in thought.. I love the way you challenge me and make me laugh. I love how you always have my back. I love to watch you in surgery. I want to go to fall asleep and wake up with you for the rest of my life. Will you do me the greatest honor in becoming my wife?" _

_Tears were pouring down Addison's face. She had been searching for such a love her whole life. She was completely speechless._

"_Yes!" she finally managed to squeak out. Derek took her hand and placed the ring on it. The ring looked tiny compared to the other rings Addison had on._

"_Sorry it is so small" Derek said a little embarrassed. "I could only afford a carat diamond, but I promise when I am a big, hot shot doctor, I will buy you another one!"_

_Addison immediately took Derek's face in both of her hands. "Derek Christopher Shepherd. This is the best ring anyone has ever gotten me. I don't want you to get another one. I love it!" She knew the fact that she was rich was always a sore spot for him. _

_Derek took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. The rest of the night was a blur of eating spaghetti on the roof top and having a passionate sex in the on-call room. It was one of the best nights of their lives._

"At least this time I am not covered in any bodily fluids." Addison joked. Derek laughed.

"No, but you still look just as breathtaking today as you did 13 years ago!" Derek said walking over to the bed and giving her a kiss. "I am sorry for storming off yesterday. There is a lot we need to discuss, but not until we get home. Tonight, I want to enjoy a romantic dinner with my bride."

Addison loved it when he called her "his bride". She smiled up at him and began to get up. Derek immediately put his hands out to help her.

"I am ok Derek. You haven't been here in a couple of days, but I am now able to be up and around the room by myself. Hand me the dress. I will be out shortly."

Addison walked over to the bathroom. A few minutes later, she came out. Except for the bandage on her head, you wouldn't have known she had just had surgery a few days before.

Derek wheeled Addison out of the room and to the elevator. They received a few odd looks from the few nurses in the hall. It was late, so most people were not still working. When they got to the rooftop, Addison was again surprised to see it set up exactly like it had been the night Derek proposed.

As the night progressed, husband and wife reminisced over days long gone by. Derek even shared a few stories with Addison from the last 7 years. To his surprise, she would occasionally fill in some of the story. It seemed her memory was slowly coming back. Addison really wanted to ask Derek about Seattle and why he responded the way he did, but she sensed it was going to open a can of worms. Tonight, she wanted to just enjoy a break from being in a hospital.

"Dance with me Addie." Derek said standing up. Addison stood up. Soon she heard one of her favorite songs playing from Derek's phone, _I Don't Want to Miss a Thing_ by Aerosmith.

As they were dancing, Derek began to sing softly in Addison's ear

_I could stay awake just to hear you breathing_

_Watch you smile while you are sleeping_

_While you're far away and dreaming_

Tears began to form in Derek's eyes as he sang. He realized how close he had come to losing Addison. He pulled her tighter against him and continued to sing as they swayed to the music.

_Don't want to close my eyes_

_I don't want to fall asleep_

_'Cause I'd miss you, babe_

_And I don't want to miss a thing_

As the song came to an end, Derek could no longer hold the tears in. He sat down on the roof and just let the tears flow, staring out into the bright lights of the city. Addison sat down next to him.

"Derek, are we still married?" she asked seriously.

Derek turned to look at her. "Yes" he didn't trust himself to say much more. Addison could see the question pained him.

"Let me rephrase that. Are we still happily married?" Derek remained quiet for a long time. His silence spoke volumes. Finally, he responded.

"The last 3 years or so of our marriage have been very rocky." He continued to stare out over the city. Addison too looked out over the city. She loved New York. There were so many places to shops, so many activities to do. Their family and friends were here. But she also had a gut feeling that this city now represented a sadness that she couldn't explain.

"We live in Seattle now, don't we." Addison stated.

Derek snapped his head to look at her. "Who told you that?" he exclaimed. Everyone had promised they wouldn't say anything! Was she remembering something?

Addison flinched a little at his hard response. "No one told me Derek. I read a journal article I wrote last year, of which I have no memory, and it said I worked at Seattle Grace Hospital" Derek slumped back. This he had not expected.

"Yes, we currently live in Seattle but we still have the Brownstone and Hamptons here." Addison was very quiet as she took this all in. How the hell did they end up in Seattle? She never would have moved there on her own! That much she was certain of. Derek knew Addison was really confused. He pulled her into his lap. She rested her head on his chest.

"Addie, I promise I will tell you the whole story soon. Please just wait until we get out of here."

"Ok." She responded, enjoying being held by her husband. They sat there for along time in silence. Derek eventually realized Addison had fallen asleep. He proceeded to carry her back to her room.

As Derek was trying to change Addison in to something more comfortable, she woke up.

"Derek," she said slipping on some pajamas. "Will you sleep next to me tonight?" She still couldn't remember what happened, but the bombshell of living in Seattle and having a rocky marriage made her not want to be alone.

"Of course, my love." Derek said climbing in the bed. Derek held Addison as she quickly fell back asleep.

Derek felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He saw that Meredith was calling, again. He ignored the call, again. He hadn't spoken to her since the night of the prom. He didn't want to deal with Seattle at the moment. He just wanted to hold his wife and sleep. Unfortunately, sleep was a long time coming. He knew that tomorrow would be a long, painful day trying to explain to Addison the past 3 years.

Let me know what you think!


	10. Chapter 10

Addison was discharged from the hospital the next morning with strict instructions to take it easy and for Derek to continue the therapies. As Derek drove home, he felt heavier and heavier. Addison had been quiet the whole way home. He knew she wanted to know the truth.

Derek pulled up to the Brownstone, turned off the engine, and slowly turned to face Addison. He noticed she had an odd look on her face.

"What's wrong Addie?"

"I have a very odd image of my clothes all over the front lawn…Also a feeling of being cold and wet..." Addison said. She shook her head. "Weird, huh?" she said turning to Derek. He turned from looking at her and just stared at the door. Addison was remembering things. He was excited about that. It was a good sign that her memory would return; however, why did she have to remember that! He was so ashamed of how he treated her. Sure he found her in bed with his best friend, but it was still no excuse for what he did.

Memories of THAT night flooded his head. Throwing Addison's clothes out the front door. Her banging on the door, crying in the rain. Him walking out the front door never looking back.

Addison saw the pained look on Derek's face. "What aren't you telling me?" she asked slowly.

Derek put his forehead on the steering wheel and was silent for awhile. He finally sat up and looked at Addison.

"Addison, you are remembering what happened. The clothes on the lawn, being cold and wet. All of it. It's a memory."

She looked at him confused. "A memory? Of what?" Derek turned back to looking at the front door.

"Let's go inside. Get some dinner, and then I will tell you."

He got out of the care and helped Addison into the house. Once she was settled on the couch, Derek went to make them some spaghetti for dinner.

As Addison waited for Derek to return, she looked around the living room and foyer. Everything seemed so familiar yet there were slight differences. The wedding photo that used to hang on the wall was now laying over by the wall. There were other family photos on the walls that were more recent than Addison remembered. She got up and started walking around the room. It was amazing how much everyone had changed in 7 years! Some of the nieces and nephews she didn't even remember as they weren't born yet 7 years ago.

She sighed as she walked over to the stairs. She knew Derek would be really upset if she ventured all the way up the stairs, but for some reason she was drawn to them. She stood at the bottom of the stairs trying to hold onto a memory. Emotions of anger, hurt, despair, and regret flooded through her as she stood there. What had happened here to elicit that kind of response in her? She was still standing there when Derek came back in the room.

"Come sit down and eat, Addie." Derek said quietly. Addison walked over to the couch, where they began to eat in silence.

When they finished eating, Addison looked over at Derek. "Ok, Derek. We are alone, at home, and have eaten. No more stalling. What in the world happened to us?"

"Honestly, Addie, I am not even sure to begin. Over the last 7 years, you and I became increasingly more successful. We shot to the top of our fields. In order to do that, we worked very long hours. We didn't see each other for days sometimes. At some point, you began to realize what was happening. Every time you tried to bring it up, I didn't believe you. Slowly, I began to become indifferent to you." Derek paused when he saw the shocked look on Addison's face.

"We can stop if you want, love. This is a long story." Derek said, barely able to look at her.

"Keep going." Addison whispered.

"Ok." Derek said staring at the bookshelf. He couldn't look her in the eye during the next part of the story. "I don't really know when or how it happened, but I began to pull away. To check out of our relationship. Then, one night, I came, and I, uh, I" he stammered. How the hell was he supposed to say what happened?!

"Keep going Derek." Addison said. She knew in her gut what was coming, but she wouldn't believe him unless he said it.

"I, uh, found you having sex in our bed with some one else." Derek barely choked out. The tears he had been holding in spilled over at the point. He slowly looked up at Addison and realized she too was crying hard. He pulled her into his arms.

"Addie, you need to calm down. You are going to make yourself sick." he said rubbing circles on her back. He continued to hold her for another 20 minutes as she sobbed.

"I am sorry. So sorry." she sobbed. "It's ok, Addie. I have already forgiven you."

Instantly, Addison bolted over to the stairs. "I cried here that night, didn't I? That is why I have so many bad feelings over here."

Derek was quiet for awhile and then said, "I honestly don't know." Addison looked at him in confusion. Then she started to remember.

"You left that night. Didn't you? You kicked Mark out of the house, threw all my clothes on the lawn, and locked me out of the house." Derek looked at her in surprise. She was remember details he hadn't told her. "Addie, you are remembering!" he exclaimed. But she barely heard him.

"Then you let me back in. I begged you to stay. But you left. Then I sat here and cried until I fell asleep…." Addison finished and slowly turned back to Derek. The pain on her face was evident. He could tell, for her, remembering was like ripping off a band-aid.

"Yes, Addison. That is what happened." It was all he could say. He slowly walked over to her and hugged her. Addison clinged to him for dear life, as if she was afraid he would leave again.

He carried her up to their room and laid her on the bed. He continued to hold her until she fell asleep. The rest of the story would have to wait. She needed sleep to recover. For Derek, sleep was a long time coming. He kept thinking about the past 3 years. He knew he would never fully understand what had happened. He was just thankful they had a second chance.

The next morning Derek woke up to Addison walking around the room.

"When did we remodel?" she asked.

"You did." Derek replied. "After, I, uh….after I left" Addison just nodded. She walked out of the bedroom and went downstairs. She wasn't ready to face Derek yet. She was starting to remember more but she was having a hard time filtering through all the images. Right now, she just needed space.

Addison walked from the living room, through the kitchen, to the backyard. She found her favorite spot in the hammock under the willow trees. She laid down and watched the clouds go by. It was a beautiful summer day. Clear blue skies with a few clouds. A cool breeze.

Addison put her arm over her head and sighed. She thought her dreams over the past few days of Mark showing up to an anniversary dinner instead of Derek, of Mark taking her to a Broadway show for her birthday, of Mark holding her in his arms...were just that, dreams. Now she was pretty sure her memories were slowly starting to return. And then to find out that she had actually slept with Mark! Mark of all people! How could she do that to Derek? How could he become indifferent to her? None of it made sense. Derek said he had forgiven her. That did not sound like the Derek she remembered. He was stubborn. Very stubborn. It had taken him such a long time to forgive Amelia, his own sister. And what she had done was nothing in comparison to him finding his wife in bed with his best friend. Addison knew there was more to the story Derek had started to tell her last night. Of all her memories that were starting to return, she still had no recollection of Seattle.

"Addison!" Addison jumped up out of the hammock, shocked. She squealed when she saw her best friend.

"Savvy!" she ran over and gave her a hug.

"Sorry I was unable to come to the hospital. Jillian shared the flu with me. Gotta love 2 year olds!" Savvy said. Addison looked at her in confusion.

"Who is Jillian?" she asked. Savvy just looked at Addison. She thought Derek had been exaggerating when he said Addison had no memories from the previous 7 years.

"Um, " Savvy stalled. "She is my daughter." Addison was shocked.

"You are a mom! Did you bring her? Did I deliver her?"

"Addie, slow down!" Savvy laughed. She was unsure of how to proceed. "Um, yes, I am a mom. No, I didn't bring her, but I have a picture. No, you didn't deliver her. She is adopted from Ethiopia."

This was not what Addison was expecting. "She is adopted? That is really cool, Sav." Addison said as she looked at a picture of Jillian on Savvy's phone. It still shocked her that cell phones had advanced so much to also be cameras! "She is adorable!"

"Addie, do you remember why Weiss and I adopted?" Savvy asked cautiously.

"No, I don't." Addison said quietly. Savvy proceeded to tell her the story of her and Weiss coming out to Seattle. Addison was stunned. How could she not remember that?

"Sav," Addison began. "I am so sorry. It is so frustrating not being able to remember!"

Savvy took Addison's hand in hears. "It is ok, Addie. Your memories will return!" she said, squeezing Addison's hand.

"I am going to go and let you rest." Savvy said standing up. "Would you like me to bring Jillian by later?"

"That would be great, Sav!" Addison stood up and gave her best friend a hug.

While Addison was talking with Savvy, Derek decided it was time to catch up on missed calls and emails. After getting caught up on work and updating the Chief on Addison's status, he knew it was time to make the call he had been dreading. He needed to call Meredith back.

"Derek?" Meredith answered after a few rings.

"Hey." Derek answered. There was an awkward pause.

"Um look" "How's Addison?" They spoke at the same time.

"You go." Meredith said.

"Ok." Derek said running his hands through his hair. "Look Meredith. Prom was a mistake. I am sorry but I can't keep talking to you. Addison barely remembers the last 7 years. I need to focus on her now and if I keep talking to you, that won't happen."

Meredith was quiet for a long time. Deep down she knee this was coming, but it was still hard to hear.

" Meredith?" Derek asked after a while.

"I'm here. I understand. I am sorry about Addison's memory. I won't bother you anymore. Goodbye Dr. Shepherd." Meredith rambled as the tears flowed down her face.

"Meredith! Wait!" Derek choked out. He tried to stop her, but she had already hung up. He had heard the tears in her voice. He too started to cry. Even though he loved Addison and was happy they were working things out, or at least had started before she lost her memory, his heart aked at the loss of Meredith. He hated himself for hurting her...again.

It was at that moment Addison walked into the room.

"Derek? Who are you talking to?" She asked confused. Derek was sitting on the bed with his head between his hands. The sound of her voice made him jump.

" Addison!" He exclaimed jumping off the bed. "I was, um, I was…" he stammered. He knew he had to tell her the truth. "I was talking to Meredith."

"Meredith? Is that some one from Seattle?" Addison was confused by the way Derek was acting. She also was confused why that name elicited a jealous feeling in her.

Derek couldn't look at her. He walked to the window and stared out over Central Park. It had always been one of his favorite parts of this house. It looked out over a very special part of the park.

_15 years ago_

_Derek walked around his dorm room nervously.. He couldn't believe Addison had said yes to going on a date with him! He had been asking her all semester, and she finally said yes. She was so beautiful! He was still in shock that she had chosen him over Mark. That never happened!_

_The two med students went out to dinner at a cafe near Central Park. Addison was having a pleasant time with Derek. He was so different from the other boys she had dated in the past. He didn't come from money. That much she was sure. He was so sweet and attentive. He was a perfect gentleman as well...opening doors for her, pulling out her chair._

_After dinner, the couple decided to walk around Central Park. It was a cold December night. Derek was glad for the temperatures because it gave him a good excuse to put his arm around Addison. As they were walking, they came to a bench and sat down. Derek looked up at the row of expensive houses a little way across the park._

"_I am going to own one of those houses someday." he said wishfully._

"_You want to own a Brownstone?" Addison asked surprised. It took Derek a minute to figure out what she was talking about as he had no clue what the houses were called. He just knew you had to be rich to live in them. For a small town country boy who grew up with little money, those houses looked like mansions!_

"_Seriously, Addie!" he exclaimed jumping up off the bench. "Can you imagine living in such a large house! ?! You could have servants. Never have to clean. Have enough rooms for all your children to have their own!..." he stopped talking, a little embarrassed. Addison just smiled up at him. It had been a long time since anyone had called her Addie. Derek just said it naturally, and she loved it._

_She wasn't really sure what to say to him. She knew he didn't know who she was or how rich her family was. _

"_As long as the house is filled with love." she said quietly. She looked down at the ground. Derek sat back down and took her chin and tilted her face towards his._

"_I wouldn't want it any other way.." He then leaned in and kissed her gently. _

The bench they had sat on had been removed a long time ago, but his dream of owning a Brownstone had come true. What had happened to the house full of love though? To a house full of kids? He continued to stare out the window a little while longer.

Addison knew that look on him. The look of guilt and shame. She walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Derek?" He turned and pulled her into a tight embrace. He buried his head in her hair.

Addison hugged him back. She was still confused as to his reaction but sensed he needed to be close to her. Eventually he pulled back.

"Meredith is the rest of the story."

"The rest of the story?" Addison asked slowly. She backed away from Derek and walked over to the fireplace. She sat down in one of the recliners and waited for Derek to sit in the other. He began to tell her how he left NYC after finding Mark and her. At first, he wasn't sure where he was going to go. He just packed some of his stuff and started driving. It was the next day that he remembered their former mentor Richard Weber and told them they would always have a job at his hospital in Seattle, if they ever wanted it. So he called up Richard, and a week later was out in Seattle.

"And you met Meredith there?" Addison asked staring into the fire.

"Yes." Derek said quietly. He couldn't tell if Addison remembered anything or was just making assumptions.

"Do you remember anything from Seattle, Addie?" he asked. She looked at him with a faraway look in her eyes.

"Honestly, I don't know. I am starting to think I remember events over the last 7 years, but none of them are in Seattle. All of it is here. I do know that when I hear the name, Meredith, it makes feel nervous and jealous…" She turns back to look in the fire.

"How much more do you want to know?" he asks cautiously.

Addison is quiet for a long time. Does she really want to know what happened in Seattle? It seems like her brain has completely blocked it out. She is starting to get some of her memories back from before that, but why not Seattle? Why not events that are more recent? It must have been really bad if her brain was preventing her from remembering.

"Not now, Derek." She says standing up. "I think I just want to sleep for awhile. Savvy and Weiss are bringing their daughter by later tonight…."

She looks over at Derek. He doesn't seem shocked that they have a daughter. Of course he doesn't. He remembers the surgery she apparently performed. He remembers their friends adopting a baby.

"I think I just want to be alone Derek." she says turning away from him. Derek walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her.

"Ok, Love." he says kissing her temple. As he is walking out of the room, he turns to look at her.

"Addie?" he says. He waits until she is looking at him. "Just remember. You haven't heard the rest of the story yet. Before we came to NY, after we found out about your brain tumor. We were in a good place. We had begun to forgive each other." He starts to turn to leave to room.

"Derek, I love you." she whispers. He turns around and covers the distance between them.

Holding her tight, he says, "I love you too. Always." After giving her a kiss on the head, he turns and leaves the room. Neither of them are sure where to go from here, or what they future holds, but they are both sure that together, they will figure it out.

Let me know what you think! Would love to hear from more people reading this!


	11. Chapter 11

Addison walked down the stairs after sleeping for several hours. She felt refreshed and more like herself. She saw Derek asleep on the couch. She loved him so much. How had they let their marriage dissolve so much that they BOTH had affairs? She wasn't sure she would ever fully understand. Derek had said they were in a good place before the surgery. Deep down she believed him.

She walked over to the couch and laid down next to him. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her next to him. She snuggled in close and soon was back asleep.

A little while later, Derek woke up to find Addison's body entangled with his. He smiled as he looked down at his wife sleeping peacefully. He knew that Weiss and Savvy would be there soon, and he needed to wake her up.

"Addie, Love." he said, kissing her on the lips. "You need to wake up before Savvy and Weiss get here." She started to kiss him back as she woke up.

"Do we have time to, you know, have some fun?" She teased, running her foot up and down his leg. She started kissing around his neck and found the spot she new always made him puddy in her hands He instantly flipped her over and started to remove her clothes.

"I think we can manage." he said, as he began to kiss down her belly.

An hour later, there was a ring at the door. Addison answered the door expecting it to be Savvy and Weiss. To her surprise, it was Bizzy and the Captain. She stood there staring at them.

"Addison. Did you forget your manners when you had surgery?" her mother said sternly. "Aren't you going to invite us in?

"Uh, yes, please, uh, come in." Addison stammered. She moved aside so they could enter the house. Her mother waltzed in and looked around.

"Hm. " Bizzy said looking around the room in disgust. " I shall have to send my cleaning lady over. It is obvious you haven't lived here in a long time." Bizzy said running her fingers over some furniture that had some dust on it. Addison cringed.

"Bizzy, you don't have to do that. Our cleaning lady will return soon. We have been a little preoccupied with my brain tumor and recovery." Addison said curtly.

"Savvy, Weiss, how are...you're not Savvy and Weiss…" Derek exclaimed entering the room from the kitchen. He fully expected to find his friends, not his in-laws. He looked over at Addison. She looked just as shocked as he did.

The Captain and Bizzy walked past Addison and sat down in the living room.

"I see your manners are no better Derek. Are you going to offer us a drink?" Bizzy said giving him a cold look.

"Um, ok." he turned to Addison. "Addie, would you join me in the kitchen, please?"

The Shepherds walked in to the kitchen, and Addison immediately began making her parents favorite drinks. She had been doing it since she was a small child. Derek watched her as she moved stiffly around the kitchen. He hated how Addison's parents affected her. She became a different person. Why couldn't the brain tumor make her forget THAT!?

"Addie, are you ok?" Derek said.

"I'm fine, Derek. Why wouldn't I be?" she said giving him a fake smile.

"Addie, I can tell them to go. That we have friends coming over."

"I'm fine, Derek. Just make some more steaks so we have enough for dinner." She proceeded to leave the kitchen. Derek just shook his head. He knew it was useless to get her to talk to him while her parents were still around. He also knew he was in for a long night of WASP.

After throwing some more steaks on the grill, Derek went back out to the living room. The Captain was telling Addison about his latest business trip to Mulan. Derek walked over and sat down next to Addison. He put his arm around her protectively. She put her hand on his knee and gave it a squeeze. Derek knew that was her way of saying she knew he was there for her.

"So, Addison, dear, how are you doing after the surgery?" the Captain asked after his long tail.

"I'm doing well. It's a slow recovery, but I am getting a little better every day."

"Ah, yes, I can see that. Now, when are you two going to drop this nonsense of living in Seattle and move back here?" the Captain replied.

Addison and Derek just looked at each other. They hadn't even discussed the topic of going back to Seattle or staying in NYC. Right now, they were just taking it day by day. Luckily, they were saved by the bell!

Derek jumped up to answer the door. This time it was their friends.

"Savvy, Weiss, come on in." Derek said. "Bizzy and the Captain have graced us with their presence tonight." He whispered to them.

"Oh joy!" Savvy said sarcastically. It was then Derek noticed the small girl on Savvy's hip.

"This must be Jullian!" Derek said gently. The little girl buried her head in her mom's shoulder.

"She can be a little shy at first." Savvy said. "Jullian, can you say hi to Derek?" she asked rubbing her daughter's back. Jullian looked up at Derek and gave him a small smile.

"Come on in. Dinner is almost ready." Derek said smiling at the little girl.

They walked into the living room to find Addison and her parents. Her mother was now talking about some fundraiser she was chairing.

"Addison. With your time off, you should help with the fundraiser!" her mother said.

"Bizzy, I am not exactly on vacation. I am recovering from brain surgery." Addison said through a fake smile. When she saw Savvy, she jumped up off the couch.

"Savvy, you remember Bizzy and the Captain." Addison said gesturing to her parents. "And this little cutie, must be Jullian."

The little girl looked at Addison and immediately wanted down out of her mother's arms. She walked over to Addison and just stared up at her. Addison bent down to the little girl's level. Jullian reached out and touched her hair.

"Red. Pretty." the little girl said in awe.

"Red is her favorite color. I am not sure she has really seen anyone with red hair before." Savvy laughed.

Addison picked the little girl up. "That's right, sweetie. My hair is red."

"And it is very pretty." Derek said as he walked over to join them. Addison looked at him over the little girl's head and gave him a small smile. It felt so natural to be holding a child with Derek right there. Why had she been so scared to try again after the miscarriage?

Pleasantries were exchanged between the couples as they all made their way to the dining room to eat. Jullian did not want to let go of Addison, so she kept the little girl on her lap. She was thankful for the distraction of the little girl as the constant onslaught of her mother's critiques continued...the steak wasn't cooked right, the wrong silverware was used, Addison should wear a hat to cover the bandage on her head, thankfully her hair would grow back to cover the scar….

Derek could see Addison getting stiffer and stiffer as the night went on. He swore that if it didn't end soon, the fake smile would stay plastered permanently. But through it all, he couldn't help but notice how natural Addie was with Jullian. At some point, the little girl had fallen asleep in her lap. Derek hoped at some point soon, they could explore the idea of having a child of their own.

Finally, around 9 Savvy and Weiss began to pack Jullian up.

"Thank you for a lovely dinner, Derek." Savvy said giving him a quick hug. "And Addie, call me tomorrow." she said giving her friend a tight squeeze.

"I will, Sav." Addison said hugging her back. "And thanks for bringing Jullian by. She is so precious."

"I guess we too ought to be going. Goodnight, Addison, dear" the Captain said, kissing Addison's cheek.

"Goodnight Captain and Bizzy." Addison replied hugging them both quickly.

Once everyone was out the door, Addison slowly walked back into the living room followed by Derek. She stood behind the couch looking out the window. Derek wrapped his arms around her. She leaned back on him. He could feel the stress starting to leave her body.

In unison, they walked up to their room. No words needed to be spoken. She knew he understood how she felt after her parents were around. He knew she couldn't exactly express what was going through her head. They got ready for bed in silence.

As Addison was brushing her teeth, she had a feeling of deja vu of her and Derek getting ready for bed in a different place but in utter silence. She was starting to learn that these feelings of deja vu were actually her brain trying to heal itself and remember.

Derek saw her looking at him through the mirror. She had an odd look on her face.

"What is it, Addie?" he asked.

"Did we, um, ever go camping?" Derek wasn't expecting this at all.

"No, why do you ask?"

"I have this weird feeling of getting ready for bed with both of us not talking. But we were in some kind of very small house. Almost like a trailer…I think it is a memory, but I have no clue where."

Derek was stunned. He knew exactly what she was remembering. He just wasn't prepared to tell her about the trailer after the night she just had. Instead, he tried to distract her with the fact that her memory was coming back!

"Addie, love, your memories are coming back more and more!" he said pulling her into a tight hug. "I think you need to trust yourself about things that you know deep down are memories!"

Addison knew he was trying to distract her from something he didn't want to tell her. Being with him for so long, she could easily read him. Sometimes she let him get away with it. This time, however, she wanted to know.

"If it is a memory, Derek, where was it from and why don't you want to tell me?" She asked backing away from him so she could look him in the eye.

Derek runs his hand through his hair.

"To answer that question, Addie. I have to finish the rest of the story. Are you up for that tonight?" he said looking at her warily.

Addison looks at him for a long time.

"Yes. But maybe let's go somewhere a little more comfortable than the bathroom." she smirks, trying to lighten the mood. Derek follows her out of the bathroom to their bed. They both climb in their respective sides. Addison slowly turns towards him expectantly.

"I already told you I went out to Seattle to work for Richard. What I didn't tell you was that I bought some land out there and a trailer. What you are remembering is us living in a trailer for the past year."

"A trailer? Seriously?" Addison bawks. She again has a flash of a memory. "You brought trout into the trailer, didn't you?"

"I did. Several times." Derek replied.

"You did that to spite me. You know I HATE trout!" Addison exclaimed.

_14 years ago_

_Addison Montgomery could not believe she was going camping for her spring break trip! Derek had convinced her several months ago that they should go to an amazing lake together. It was a lake his dad had taken him too many times when he was a kid, and he wanted to share it with her. Addison had assumed they would be staying in a nice, heated cabin. Just like she did as a child when her family went to a lake house. Derek assumed she knew it was a camping trip, so he didn't think to mention it. Until they were in a lab class one day and she overheard him saying something to Mark. She couldn't bear to tell him the truth when he was so excited about taking her on their "first of many" camping trips. She wasn't sure about the many part, but she loved Derek, so she would try._

_When they pulled up to their camping site, Addison was shocked. They were not staying at a campground, with bathrooms and showers. They were camping in the middle of nowhere!_

"_So what do you think, Addie?" Derek asked excitedly as they got out of his truck._

"_It is, um, interesting." It was the best Addie could do. _

"_I know it doesn't look like much. But wait until you see the lake!" _

_They unloaded the truck and began to set up the tent. Addison mainly watched while Derek did the hard work. She was amazed at how quickly he got it up. Soon the inevitable happened. Addison had to pee. She had been holding it for as long as she could._

"_Um, Derek?" Addison said a little embarrassed. Sure, he had seen her naked hundreds of times, but going to the bathroom was a whole other issue! _

"_Yes?" Derek looked up as he was unloading the rest of the gear._

"_Where is, um, the bathroom?" Addison finished. Derek looked at her confused._

"_Anywhere you want."_

"_What?" Addison exclaimed._

"_Just go out in the woods somewhere." Derek chuckled. He knew Addison was a city girl, but he also didn't think it was a big deal to not have an actual bathroom._

_Addison slowly walked into the woods to take care of business. It was one of the worst experiences of her life! By the time she got back, Derek had set up the rest of camp._

"_Ready to go see the lake?" Derek asked her smiling._

"_Can we eat lunch first?"_

"_Lunch is currently swimming in the lake, so eating it would be hard." Derek laughed. Addison just stared at him. This was going to be a LONG 3 days!_

_As they were hiking to the lake, Addison started to have fun. She had to admit that being in the middle of nowhere with just Derek was pretty special. When they came to a clearing that opened up to the lake, Addison gasped. It was breathtaking! She stopped in the middle of the path. Derek walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her._

"_I told you it was worth it!" he said, kissing the top of her head. She turned in his eyes and kissed him deeply._

"_Babe, it was more than worth it!" Lunch was soon forgotten as clothes quickly began to come off._

"_Well, that is definitely a first for me!" Derek said a little while later. _

"_Me too." Addison said. Sex in the woods by a lake...something neither of them would ever forget._

_After awhile, Derek had caught enough trout to last them a couple of days, so they headed back to camp. Once they arrived, Derek set up a table to properly clean the fish. Addison didn't mind the trout until then. _

_Addison slowly walked away as Derek began to cut open the fish. The smell made her nauseous. Surgery didn't bother her, but fish had always been a weak spot for her. She went to sit down as far away from Derek as she could and pulled out a textbook to study._

"_Addie, what are you doing?" Derek asked her as he walked over to her when he was done cleaning the fish. The smell still lingered on him._

"_Derek, I'm sorry, but that smell. I can't!" Addison said running away from the campsite. She barely made it to the woods before she started to puke._

_When she came back to camp, ,Derek had changed and cleaned up. He looked at her and started laughing._

"_I guess the city girl can't handle a little fish, huh?" he teased. Addison looked at him and turned away. She didn't want him to see her like this. Derek realized she was really upset and stopped laughing._

"_Addie, I'm sorry. I was just joking." he said pulling her into a hug._

"_Derek, I'm sorry, but I can't eat that trout. Everytime I look at it, I get nauseous again. I have never been able to handle the smell of fish being cleaned. And yes, I am a city girl! There is nothing wrong with wanting a shower and a proper place to go to the bathroom or a bed!"_

_Derek looked at her in surprise. He had never seen her flip out before. _

"_Addie, calm down!" He kissed her just to try and get her to be quiet. It worked, momentarily. After a minute, Addison pulled away and walked over to the tent. _

"_Derek, I'm sorry, but I just can't stay here." She started to cry. It was the first time she had allowed herself to cry in front of Derek. He was stunned. He didn't understand what the big deal was, but he knew it was bad if she was actually crying._

In the end, they had packed up camp and went to stay at a hotel about 20 minutes away. They never tried to go camping again.

Derek looked down at his hands. It gutted him to think of how he had treated her.

"You are correct. I did many things I am not proud of in Seattle. I treated you horrible. In some ways, I hope you never remember." Derek sobbed, barely choking out the last of the words.

Addison scooted over and wrapped him in a hug. She held him as he cried, stroking his hair. It broke her heart to see him so defeated. This was a far cry from the self confident, sometimes too arrogant Derek she remembered.

"Der, I love you. I don't know what I will end up remembering about Seattle, or what the future holds, but I do know that I will always love you."

Derek pulled back and looked into Addison's deep green could see nothing but love radiating from them. How had he ended up with such an amazing woman?! He leaned in and kissed her.

"I love you too, Ads. I lost my way for awhile. I guess one good thing to come out of the tumor, is it reminded me of how much I love you."

"Your mother did warn me you were hardheaded." Addison laughed.

"What? When did she say that?" Derek asked surprised.

"The night before we got married. She said you were a lot like her and were very hard headed. That I should have patience with you." Addison smirked.

Derek laughed. "You never told me that before."

"I guess, even after 15 years, we still have things we don't know about each other." Addison said climbing on top of him. She began to kiss around his jaw and back by the spot on his ear she knew drove him crazy. He immediately flipped them over and began to tickle her.

"One thing I know about you is where all your ticklish spots are!" Derek teased. The tickling soon became kissing. It felt so good to be playful with his wife again.

The next morning Addison had a follow up visit at the hospital.

"Everything looks good, Dr. Shepherd from a physical standpoint." Dr. Koracick said after the examination. "How is your memory?"

"Some of it has come back. Other parts are still foggy. The one area that has returned fully is how to perform surgeries. I seem to have no problem remembering the complex steps of the procedures." Addison replied.

"Be that as it may, I feel it would be best for you to not return to surgery for at least a couple of weeks. I'd like to see you back in 2 weeks."

"That sounds reasonable." Addison replied as she was exiting the exam room.

Darek followed her out of the hospital to their car. Two more weeks off from work. They hadn't had that much time off ever! He knew exactly where they should go.

"Addie, would you like to take a trip out to the Hamptons?" Derek asked as they drove home.

"That would be great!" Addison said excitedly. She loved the Hamptons.

Once they got home, they decided to beat the weekend rush out to the Hamptons and leave sooner rather than later. The packed quickly and were on their way.

As they pulled into the driveway at their Hamptons home, Derek couldn't believe how much it had changed. He hadn't been there in almost 4 years. Addison would always get away with his sisters, Savvy, or Mark. He had been too busy with work. He knew she had the landscaping redone, but he didn't expect it to look so different.

"Addie, I love the changes you had done on the place!" Derek said. He turned to look at her. She had far off look in her eyes that he was starting to recognize as meaning she was remembering something.

"These changes aren't very recent. You haven't been here in a long time." she said slowly turning to look at him. It wasn't a question and she wasn't mad. She was just stating a fact.

"Yes. It has been 4 years. I have been here since 4th of July 2003."

Addison started to laugh. "That was the year Liz's boys almost caught the house on fire!"

_4th of July 2003_

"_Uncle Derek, we HAVE to have fireworks to set off!" 13 year old Jake whined. _

_Liz and her family had joined Derek and Addison in the Hamptons to celebrate the 4th of July. With 5 kids and 4 adults, it was a full house! They had enjoyed time swimming, playing games, and walking on the beach. Now the families were preparing to head out to the local fair and watch fireworks. Derek had discovered that Liz's tree boys had brought fireworks along and were planning on setting them off when the families returned. _

"_No, Jake. You and Solomon and Malachi can NOT set off fireworks here! It is too dangerous!" Derek said for the 5th time. He confiscated the fireworks the boys had snuck on the trip and put them in the hallway closet. The boys were not happy about it but knew if they complained too much they would not be allowed to go with the families to the big fireworks celebration._

_Addison and Derek were walking around the carnival hand in hand. Addison was so happy to be spending time with Derek away from the city. It had been a long time since both of their schedules allowed them to get away for 4 whole days! _

_Derek's other hand was occupied by Liz's youngest daughter, 5 year old Karissa. Addison loved to watch Derek play and interact with their nieces and nephews. He was a natural with kids and she knew he would make a great father someday. She also knew that she was about ready to start trying, but the last time she brought it up to Derek he told her in a few years. They were too busy building their careers. Her heart ached a little as she again thought of the little one they had lost. The baby would have been only a little older than Karissa._

_The rest of the night went by quickly.. They spent way too much money on carnival games and food, but everyone had a blast. Addison snuggled close to Derek as they lay back on the blanket watching fireworks. Right at that moment, she felt completely content._

_Later that night, Addison was lying awake in bed. She was having a hard time sleeping. She kept thinking about what it would have been like if their baby had survived. Or what it would be like to have a baby of their own now. All of the sudden, there was a massive explosion in the backyard._

"_Derek, wake up!" Addison said, shaking her husband, who could sleep through almost anything. It was something they had to train themselves to do during their residency._

"_What, what? I'm up." Derek said, sitting straight up, thoroughly confused. "Addison, what in the world?" And then her heard it. Another explosion. He instantly knew what was going on._

"_Oh, no, they didn't. I am going to hurt them!" Derek said, bolting out of bed and throwing clothes on._

"_Derek, what's wrong? What is going on?" Addison jumped out of bed, threw on some clothes, and ran after Derek. She followed him into the backyard followed by Liz and her husband John. What they found shocked them. Jake, Solomon and Malachi were standing next to a huge stack of fireworks and were gawking at bush that was on fire across the lawn._

_Derek and John immediately jumped into action, turning a hose on and putting out the fire._

"_It's his fault!" All 3 boys said at once pointing at the other boys once the fire was put out._

"_Boys! Inside, NOW!" their father yelled. They immediately were quiet and went in to the house. The adults soon learned that the boys had snuck down after everyone had gone to bed and gotten the fireworks out of the closet. They didn't realize how big the fireworks were. They accidently shot one into the bush, which caught on fire._

"I can't believe Solomon is in college now, and Jake and Malachi are in high school!" Addison said once the laughter died down.

"I can't believe Karissa is almost 10!" Derek said quietly. Addison looked over at him. She knew he too was thinking of their own baby.

"That means, our baby would be 10 now." Addison said tentatively. They rarely talked about that baby. With everything that had happened, she wasn't sure how Derek would react. He was quiet for a long time.

Finally he turned to her and said, "Addie, do you think of that baby often?"

"All the time." she said looking down at her hands.

Derek reached over and took her hand. "I am sorry I was always too busy to try and have another baby." he whispered. It was such a sensitive topic.

Addison squeezed Derek's hand. "Derek, there is a lot over the past few years that we both wish we could change. Let's not think about any of it this week in the Hamptons. I just want to relax and have fun with my husband. I also want to celebrate the fact that my memory is really starting to come back."

Derek leaned over and kissed her. "Let's continue this inside, where we can really celebrate!" he winked at her. Addison laughed and followed him into the house.

Let me know what you think!


	12. Chapter 12

The first few days in the Hamptons were a dream for the Shepherds. They laughed, slept a lot, played at the beach, went for late night walks. Mostly, they reconnected and began to remember why they fell in love.

The fourth night they were coming home from a late night walk to the lights on in their kitchen.

"Derek, didn't we turn those lights off?" Addison asked.

"I believe so. Look. Someone is moving around in there." Derek replied. "Stay here Addison. Let me check it out." Derek tried to block Addison from following him.

"Like hell I am going to let you do this alone Derek!" Addison whispered. Derek stopped and turned to Addison.

"Addie, please stay here. I can't stand to lose you again, and if there is someone in there…."

"Then maybe we should call the cops if you are that worried." Addison replied. "I don't want you to die either!"

Just then the door to the kitchen opened.

"If you two are so worried about not getting killed, then maybe you shouldn't be arguing so loudly in the backyard!"

Derek and Addison turned at the sound of a very familiar voice. Addison's eyes lit up while Derek cringed.

"Archer!" Addison yelled, running to her brother and giving him a big hug,

"What are you doing here?" Derek asked walking over to the siblings.

"I am using your Hamptons home like my lovely sister told me I could." Archer smirked. Derek looked over at Addison. She gave him a shrug. She had no idea what he was talking about.

While they were talking, a tall, beautiful blonde walked out the kitchen door.

"And who is this?" Derek said through gritted teeth

"This is my date for the weekend. Sarah, meet my lovely sister and her husband, Addison and Derek." Archer said walking over to the blonde and slipping his arm around her.

"Your date? You brought your date, to our house?" Derek asked. He was beginning to get mad.

"Oh Derek, relax. The more the merrier." Addison said, smiling over at her brother.

Derek knew it was a useless battle. The two siblings were extremely close. While he really didn't like his brother-n-law, Addison did. Maybe it would be good for her to be around her brother.

"Archie, you guys can use the guest room down here. It is really late. We will see you in the morning." Addison said, pulling Derek by the hand. She knew Derek wasn't thrilled to see her brother and didn't want a confrontation.

"Addie, what did he mean you said he could use the house?" Derek asked once they were in their room.

"I don't know, Derek. I vaguely remember telling him he could use it since we lived across the country and clearly weren't using it." Addison said moving across the room to the bathroom.

Derek sighed. It sounded exactly like something Addison would tell her brother. He was frustrated she hadn't even discussed it with him. Well, maybe she had tried and he had just been tuning her out like he did so many times in Seattle.

"It's ok, Addie. This trip is about you relaxing. If you are ok with him here, then I will be ok with it."

Addison stopped mid-stride and turned to look at Derek. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Derek NEVER gave up that easy. What was he up to?

"Are you serious?" Addison asked, looking at him suspiciously. Derek walked over to her and gave her a hug.

"Yes, love. I have had a lot of time to think these past few days. I know you can't remember everything from Seattle, but I do. And I think you remember more than you are letting on. They are just painful memories, so it is easier to just choose not to remember them. I know we said that we weren't going to bring up Seattle while we were here, but with Archer showing up, I think it is time we talk about it." Derek said leading Addison over the bed.

"Addie, I was horrible to you. Worse than even I care to remember. I couldn't see it at the time because I was so hurt. I said many things to hurt you, and I am sorry."

Addison began to tear up. Derek was right. She did remember more of Seattle than she had let on. Things had been so good between them she didn't want to say anything. She had been longing to hear these words from him for over a year. Derek pulled her into his arms and just held her while she cried. After a few minutes, he pulled back.

"Love, there is more. I have been thinking a lot about how we got where we were. To the point where both of us had affairs. Both of us are very stubborn. We always think we are right. It is what makes us great surgeons. However, it is also what makes it difficult in our relationship. We both know how to trigger the other person and our fights escalate from there. We need to change this. It is going to take both of us."

Addison was completely shocked.

"Have you been talking to Kathleen?" she joked. Derek laughed.

"No, I've probably been watching too much daytime television with all this time off." he teased. Addison smiled.

"In all seriousness, Derek, I completely agree with what you are saying. We fight unfair and forget we are on the same team. Let's change, Derek. We are getting older now. It is time to grow up."

Derek flipped her over on the bed. "Are you calling me old?" he exclaimed tickling her.

"Derek, stop!" Addison said shrieking with laughter.

The laughter quickly turned to kissing.

"This is one area it is ok to escalate in." Addison whispered in Derek's ear.

The next morning, Derek woke up before Addison. He loved to watch her sleep. She was so peaceful. He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the temple. He quietly got out of bed and headed down to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Archer." Derek said when he ran in to his brother-in-law.

"Shepherd." Archer replied while mixing up a batch of pancakes.

"Blueberry pancakes. Addison's favorite." Derek said.

"Ah, so the dumbass does remember something about my baby sister." Archer smirked. Derek was about to retort back when he remembered his promise to Addison.

"I am going for a run on the beach. I will be back in a bit." Derek said, grabbing an apple and heading out the back door. He needed to clear his head and get away from his brother-in-law. He loved running on the beach. It was the only place he ever went running. The smell of ocean. The sound of the waves. It all was invigorating for him. He forgot how much he had missed being able to get away in the Hamptons.

An hour later, Derek returned to the house to find Addison eating the pancakes her brother had made. He walked up behind Addison to give her a hug.

"Derek, you are all sweaty! Get off of me!" Addison giggled. While she really didn't like it when Derek hugged her after exercising, she knew he was playing. It had been a long time since he had been playful with her.

"Go get a shower." she said, pushing him off of her.

While Derek was getting a shower, Addison finished breakfast and then went in to the living room where her brother was reading.

"Where is Sarah?" Addison asked sitting down next to Archer.

"She had to get back to the city. She is a dancer on Broadway and can't be gone very long." Archer replied putting his book down.

"A dancer, huh?" Addison asked skeptically, raising her eyebrow.

"Actually, yes. We have been dating for about 2 months now." Archer smiled.

"Seriously?!" Addison asked shocked. Her brother had never dated a girl more than a few times in his entire life.

"Hey, even your big brother has to grow up someday baby sister. Some of use just take a little longer than amazing doctors." Archer teased, lightly punching Addison on the shoulder.

"Wow! How long have you been together?"

"A little over 2 months." Archer said smiling.

"I am happy for you. Have you introduced her to the Captain and Bizzy?" Addison asked.

"I am not that crazy! Maybe if this lasts a year!" Archer exclaimed. Addison laughed. The two siblings sat quietly for a minute.

"In all seriousness, Addison, what is going on with Derek and you? I haven't seen in over a year. Last time I did, you were a mess, and your marriage was pretty much non-existent." Archer said concerned.

Addison looked up and her brother and then turned to look out the window. She wasn't sure how to explain everything that had happened in her marriage to her brother.

"I don't know what to say, Archie. You know that I lost my memory from the last 7 years after the surgery. And you know most of that has come back. While Seattle is still fairly foggy, I can remember bits and pieces. We were not in a good place there. But ever since the tumor diagnosis, it is like a fire was lit under Derek. He has changed, a lot. So have I. I think we have both realized how short life is. We have been rediscovering each other. It has been hard, but worth it. And there has definitely been a lot of fun!" Addison smirked.

"Ewww! I don't want to hear about that!" Archie laughed, covering his ears. "I am glad Derek is finally waking up to how great and special you are."

At this, Archer jumped up and grabbed Addison's hand. He pulled her up like he used to do when they were kids.

"What in the world?" Addison exclaimed as she was pulled to her feet.

"Let's go get some ice cream! Just the two of us. Like when we were kids!" Archer smiled.

"Ok. And we won't even have to sneak it this time" Addison laughed.

_Summer 1977_

_Seven year old Addison and nine year old Archer were bored. It was a hot summer day. They had already been swimming, watched a movie, and played around the house. Their mother and father were out of town, again, leaving them with Nanny Jane._

"_Archie, I'm bored!" whined Addison. "Do you want to play a game?"_

"_I want some ice cream!" Archer said. "Stay here. I will be right back."_

_A few minutes later, Archer came back outside with two ice cream sandwiches. Addison's green eyes were huge. They rarely were allowed to have ice cream._

"_Where did you get those?" Addison exclaimed jumping up and down._

"_Calm down, Addie." Archer said, handing her part of their treasure. "Chef always hides them in the back of the freezer. He gives them to me sometimes. But you CAN'T tell the Captain and BIzzy or Nanny Jane!" Archer said seriously. "This is a big kid secret!"_

"_Ok. Archie. I promise!" Addison said solemnly. The next few minutes were filled with ecstasy as she enjoyed every bite of her ice cream sandwich. All too soon, it was gone. _

_When Archer looked over at Addison, he started to laugh. Her face and hands were covered with chocolate._

"_We better go get cleaned up before Nanny Jane sees you!" he said pulling her to her feet quickly. They ran up to the bathroom to get washed up._

"_Archie?" Addison asked once they were done._

"_Yes, Squirt?" Archer replied._

"_You are the best big brother ever!" Addison exclaimed giving him a huge hug._

"You still are the best big brother ever." Addison said as they finished reminiscing.

"Come on Squirt. Let's go." Archer said, smiling. Addison rolled her eyes. He knew she hated the nickname. Addison left Derek a note and left with her brother. For the first time in a long time, she felt at peace. Like things were heading in the right direction. She couldn't stop smiling.

When Derek saw the note from Addison, he knew the siblings would be awhile. He was glad Addison was getting a chance to spend time with her brother. The two of them rarely got to see each other when they all lived in New York, let alone now that the Shepherds lived in Seattle. Derek decided to use the time to catch up on work. He went into the office and sat down at his computer. While he was going through emails, he noticed there was one from Dr. Burke.

Dr. Shepherd,

I know you are on leave right now, and that you are dealing with the unimaginable with Addison's brain tumor. However, I am in need of your services on my arm. The surgery you performed after I was shot, doesn't seem to have fully fixed the problem. I still have tremors. I was wondering if you were planning to return to Seattle soon since I heard Addison was doing better. Please contact me at your earliest convenience.

Dr. Burke

Derek leaned back in his chair stunned. Dr. Burke getting shot seemed so long ago. Had it really only be a month! And now Dr. Burke was telling him that the surgery hadn't worked. His hand was still tremoring. Derek knew this mean his fellow surgeon couldn't perform surgery. It was one of the most important things in Preston's life. Of course Derek would fly back to perform the surgery. The question was how to tell Addison.

Derek was still deep in thought when he heard Addison and Archer come home. The two were laughing over something, causing Derek to smile. The sound of Addison laughing filled him with joy. Derek got up from his desk and headed into the living room.

"Hey Babe." Addison walked over and gave him a kiss. Derek pulled her into his arms and gave her a big hug.

"Ok, you two. Montgomery's do not make out in public." Archer said, making a face.

"Well, it is a good thing we are Shepherds than." Derek laughed. "And we are most definitely NOT in public." He proceeded to dip Addison and give her a long, deep kiss. Finally the two came up for air and saw a shocked expression on Archer's face.

"On that note, I think it is time for me to head out." Archer said walking over to give Addison a hug good-bye. "It was great seeing you sis."

Addison, still breathless from the kiss, followed her brother outside to say good-bye. When she came back inside, Addison found Derek sitting at the kitchen table. He had a worried look on his face.

"Derek, what is wrong?" Addison asked confused. She hadn't expected to walk in and see her husband looking concerned after the kiss they had just shared.

"Do you remember Dr. Burke?" Derek asked, looking up at Addison cautiously. Addison just looked at him for a minute. Why was Derek bringing up Seattle?

"Yes, Preston is the cardiothoracic surgeon in Seattle. Why?"

"Do you remember what happened to him? Before the, uh, the prom?" Derek barely got out the last word. He still didn't like to think about what had almost happened at the prom.

Addison was quiet for a minute.

"He got shot, right?" she asked looking over at Derek. "You performed surgery on him, right?"

"Yes." Derek replied. He looked down at the floor, took a deep breath, and then looked back at Addison. "He contacted me and said the surgery didn't fix his arm. He still has a tremor. He asked if I could return to Seattle to perform another surgery." Addison was a little surprised. Even in the Hamptons they couldn't escape Seattle. She knew their bubble would break soon and they would have to face Seattle. She just thought they had a few more weeks.

"Look, Addison. I don't have to go. There are other doctors there who can perform it. You are my top priority now." Derek said as he got up and pulled Addison in to his arms. Addison placed her arms around his neck and gave him a quick kiss. He had actually said he would put her before work. That was major progress.

"No, Derek. You are the best. He is our friend. We need to be there for him. We can both go to Seattle. I mean, it isn't like you don't know how to handle post operative care for me. Dr. Koracick may not like it, but it isn't really his choice." Addison smirked. "I trust your judgement better anyway."

Derek picked Addison up and swung her around. "I love you Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd." He set her down and kissed her deeply

"I love you too Derek Christopher Shepherd." Addison whispered in o his ear. "Now take me upstairs so we can continue the fun.

The next few days were a whirlwind of activity. The Shepherds spent the time saying good-bye to as many family members as possible. They promised to be back for the holidays, if not sooner. Addison promised Dr. Koracick she wouldn't operate for at least 2 more weeks and would continue to receive the care she needed in Seattle. She also thanked him for saving her life.

Before they knew it, Addison and Derek were back on a plane heading towards Seattle. Both of them had knots in their stomach. So much had happened to them since they had left Seattle. Had it really only been a few weeks ago?

Addison looked over at Derek, who was staring out the window. She had seen a different side of him these last few weeks. He was more like the man she had married, but better. Older and wiser. What would he do when he was around Meredith again? Would he revert back to treating her like she barely existed? Could her heart take it again if he did? Could she trust him?

Derek turned and looked at her. He could see the anguish on her face. It hurt him to know how much pain he had caused her. The closer they got to Seattle, the more quiet Addison became. FInally Derek pulled her into his arms.

"Addie, I can hear the thoughts and doubts in your head. I want you to know, I am over Meredith. You are the love of my life. Things are going to be different now." He leaned in and kissed her.

Addison was thrilled to hear him say that. She just hoped he was right.

Let me know what you think! Next time more characters from Grey's Anatomy will be in the story as the Shepherds will be back in Seattle!


	13. Chapter 13

"Thank you, Richard. We appreciate you picking us up from the airport." Addison said sweetly getting out of the car. They were back in Seattle. Back at the trailer. How in the world had she lived in it for a year?!

"It wasn't a problem for my star." Richard replied. He loved Addison like a daughter and was so thankful she was ok. "Will you be coming to the hospital tomorrow with Derek?" he asked as he helped carry the bags to the front porch.

"Probably. I can't operate for at least another week, but I need to catch up on what was going on while I was gone." Richard nodded. He bid the couple good-night.

Derek stood in front of the trailer door looking from Addison, to the luggage, to the door. He slowly unlocked the door and started carrying in the bags. Somehow, it didn't feel like coming home. Had they really only been gone a month? Last time he was at the trailer, he thoroughly enjoyed it. Now, it felt like a temporary place to sleep. They were both exhausted after traveling most of the day and their bodies were still on East Coast time.

Derek turned on the generator so they would have power. Then he realized Addison was still standing on the front porch just staring at the trailer.

"Addie, are you ok?" he asked, walking up to her slowly and wrapping his arms around her. Addison leaned her head on his shoulder. She was trying so hard not to cry. The stress of the day and arriving back in Seattle was just all too much. Seeing the trailer made her realize the foggy memories she had been having were real. She couldn't pretend they weren't. That also meant all the memories of the way Derek had treated her were real too. As was the fact that he had been kissing Meredith when she fainted.

"I don't know, Derek. It has just been a long day. The trailer is bringing back a lot of bad memories." Addison said backing away. Derek pulled her back into a tight hug.

"Addison, I know how hard this is for you. It is hard for me too. I don't want to go back to being the man I was before. I am all in this time. I love you so much." He leaned down and kissed her deeply. Soon everything else was forgotten but each other.

30 minutes later Addison peeled her body apart from Derek and started to laugh. "If we are going to make a habit of having sex on the front porch, we should invest in some softer chairs!"

"At least in Seattle ,it is cool enough to sleep outside in the summer! So much better than the humidity of NY!" Derek laughed. Addison smiled back at him. Maybe things would be different this time and she could make new memories with Derek in Seattle. Good memories this time.

Addison and Derek slept in the next day since they didn't have to be at the hospital until after lunch. Addison snuggled up to Derek. It had been so nice this past month having so much time together. She knew reality was going to hit soon enough with busy schedules. For now, she was going to just enjoy time with Derek.

"Addie, would you like to build a house on this land?" Derek asked as he played with her hair.

Addison stiffened. The idea of staying in Seattle permanently was not something she knew if she wanted to do. She wasn't opposed to the idea, but she also was nervous about committing to it. A lot would depend how Derek acted while they were in Seattle. She also didn't want to ruin their morning by arguing about it.

"Let's not talk about it now, Derek. Let's go for a walk and enjoy the morning before it gets too hot." she said getting out of bed.

They made some coffee and left to go walk down by the lake.

"We should get another dog, Derek. I really miss Doc." Addison said looking out over the lake. This was one spot she really did love on the land.

"How about a black lab?" Derek said. He couldn't believe that Addison actually mentioned wanting a dog. He had wanted a black lab since he was a small boy. Addison didn't want a dog before Doc.

Addison smiled. "Yes ,Derek. I think we can get a black lab. I know you have always wanted one." Derek gave her a kiss on her temple.

"You are amazing my Love." Derek could tell the idea of Seattle was too much for her at the moment. He would take getting a dog for now. He knew Addison did not like change. Little steps would be needed. She had gone through a lot in the past month.

"It is time to head back and get ready to go to the hospital." Addison said after a few minutes. It was time to face reality.

Pulling into the parking lot of Seattle Grace was serial for both Derek and Addison. It had only been a month, but so much had changed between them, it felt like a year. Neither said a word as they got out of the car. Derek took Addison's hand and they walked through the front door.

"I am meeting the Preston in 15 minutes, Addie, but that is all I am doing today. I made it clear to Richard I am not back for any other cases. I should be done in a few hours." Derek said, kissing Addison good-bye on the cheek.

"Ok, Derek. I will be in my office, and possibly the NICU, catching up on cases. Just page me when you are done." Addison replied. She gave Derek and hug and headed to her office.

Derek headed to his meeting with Preston. Neither of them saw the group of interns watching them from down the hall.

"Was that the Shepherds?" Alex asked walking up behind George and Izzie.

"It was. I had know idea they were coming back yet." George replied.

"I wonder if Meredith knows." Izzie said with concern. It was then that all their pagers went off and they ran off to the ER.

Derek walked into his office and took a deep breath. He could do this. It felt so weird to be back at Seattle Grace. He began reviewing Dr. Burke's file. The damage to his arm would be difficult to correct, but he was confident he could do it. After awhile, Derek made his way to an exam room to meet with Dr. Burke.

"Dr. Burke, how are you doing this morning?" Derek asked cheerfully as he walked in the exam room whistling.

"Woah, what happened to you in NY? You are never this happy!" Dr. Burke smirked. Derek laughed.

"That's a long story. One I don't have time to tell as I promised my amazing wife that I wouldn't take very long." Derek responded. He then noticed Christina was also in the room. She glared at him when he mentioned Addison. "Hello, Dr. Yang."

"Shepherd. Can we get on with the exam?" Christina snapped. Derek just looked at her for a minute. Obviously Christina was still mad at him for kissing Meredith.

"Ok, then." Derek said turning to Dr. Burke.

Meanwhile, Addison was going through a bunch of cases that had piled up while she was out. She was so engrossed in the files, she jumped when she heard a knock on the door.

"Come in." Addison said. She was surprised when Izzie walked in.

"Dr. Stevens. What can I do for you?" Izzie walked in and sat down in one of Addison's chairs.

"I wanted to welcome you back. It is good to see you doing so well." Izzie said. She wasn't sure how to approach her former mentor. A lot had happened in Izzie's life as well since they had last talked with Denny's death and most recently finding out that he had left her a ton of money.

"Thank you." Addison said. She could tell Izzie had more on her mind.

"Do you ever feel guilty for being so rich?" Izzie finally blurted out. This was not what Addison was expecting.

"Excuse me?" Addison said a little shocked.

"I don't mean to be rude. It's just that, I have recently become a millionaire and since I grew up poor, it is a little daunting. I feel guilty." Izzie said. She went on to explain how Denny had left her millions of dollars. Addison smiled. She knew that she had been right about Izzie in the beginning. She had a good heart.

"Dr. Stevens, first I am so sorry about the loss of Denny. He was a good man." Addison said squeezing Izzie's shoulder. "As far as the money, you get used to it. I am not sure I am the best person to ask as I have had money my whole life. For me, I donate to causes that are near and dear to my heart."

"I want to do something to honor Denny with the money. No one else seems to understand that." Izzie sighed.

"My suggestions would be to invest at least part of the money, so it can make more money. That way the money can grow and you will be able to make a difference longer. I will give you the name of my accountant. He is a good guy and won't steer you wrong." Addison said sympathetically.

"Thank you Dr. Shepherd." Izzie said taking the name and number from Addison. "I really am glad you are back."

"I am not back full time yet. I still have at least one week before I can operate again. I am only here while Derek is meeting with Dr. Burke." Addison replied.

"Oh. Christina mentioned something about Derek operating on Dr. Burke. We didn't know that you would be coming back with him though." Izzie said as her pager went off. "Well, I gotta go. It was good talking with you." Izzie jumped up and ran out the door.

Addison walked back over to her desk. She was glad at least one intern liked her. Maybe staying in Seattle wouldn't be so bad. She decided to head down to the NICU.

As Addison reached the NICU, she saw Meredith at the nurses station. She paused for a second, took a deep breath, and headed over the intern. She might as well get the awkward meeting over with.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Grey." Meredith jumped. She had heard that Derek and Addison were back, but she wasn't expecting to see either one of them.

"Good afternoon." Meredith said turning around and taking a deep breath. "I didn't realize you were back at work. How are you doing?"

"I am doing well. I am not really back. I am just catching up on cases that came in while I was out. I am sure you are aware Derek is meeting with Preston." Addison said. Meredith stiffened at the mention of Derek. Addison looked away for a minute, and then said "Are you working in the NICU today?"

"Yes"

"Are there any cases I need to review?" Addison asked.

"Actually, yes. We received a referral last night about a baby at 24 weeks gestation that has bands on its legs. Would you be available to meet with the mom? Her name is Jamie Shields." Meredith said, handing Addison a file.

"Sure. I can't operate for at least a week, but I can meet with the mom to discuss her options. I am free any time. Call the mom and set up an appointment." Addison said looking over the file.

She proceeded to walk in to the NICU. It felt good to be back at the hospital. While she had enjoyed the time off and the time to reconnect with Derek, Addison was glad to be back at work. She went to each baby in the NICU and reviewed their charts. After leaving a few instructions with the nurses, Addison returned to her office.

Addison layed down on her coach, put her arm over her forehead and stared up at the ceiling. She was still amazed at how easily she tired. She was soon fast asleep.

Derek finished up his meeting with Preston and decided to go look for his wife. He went up to the NICU floor. He was so engrossed in looking for the flash of red hair, he didn't see Meredith come around the corner. He ended up running right into her, sending the pile of files in her hands all over the floor.

"I am so sorry!" Derek said leaning down to help pick up the files.

"Hey." Meredith said shyly as they stood up.

"Hey" Derek smiled. Meredith's heart skipped a beat when Derek smiled at her. This was going to be harder than she thought.

"So, how did your meeting go with Dr. Burke?" Meredith asked moving her hair out of her eyes.

"Good. Surgery is scheduled for 3 days from now. How have you been?" Derek asked.

"I've been ok. I missed you." Meredith said looking him in the eye. Her heart still stopped when looking at his ocean blue eyes.

"Meredith…" Derek said softly. "I think you should know that a lot has happened since prom. Addison and I are in a better place. I am so sorry I have hurt you. I am so sorry I kissed you at prom. I wish I could take it back." Derek apologized. He was surprised that he really didn't feel anything for Meredith anymore. He was more sorry that his past actions had hurt Addison so deeply than he was for hurting Meredith. This was a huge eye opener for him. He truly was ready to commit again to his marriage wholeheartedly.

Meredith looked away so he couldn't see the tears in her eyes.

"Goodbye Derek." Meredith said turning around and heading back down the hall.

Derek watched her leave for a few minutes and then left the floor. The whole experience had left him longing to hold his wife, his safe place. He went by his office first and then to hers. He noticed the lights were all off, so he entered quietly. He smiled when he found Addison asleep on her couch. He knelt down next to her. He loved to watch Addison while she slept. She was so peaceful. He leaned over and started kissing her neck.

Addison was awoke with a start as Derek moved from her neck to her mouth.

"Why, hello there." Addison said when they came up for air.

"Hey yourself." Derek smirked.

Derek continued to kiss Addison and soon clothes started coming off. Derek pulled back and looked at Addison.

"What?" she asked cautiously.

"You are just so beautiful. I can't believe you are mine. I love you Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd. I want you to know I am fully committed to you. You are the most important person in my life. And when you are ready," Derek said lovingly. Addison was shocked. She had been so nervous about how Derek would respond to being back in Seattle. To hear him talk like that made her melt.

"I love you too Derek Christopher Shepherd. You stole my heart nearly 2 decades ago and you will have it for the rest of our lives." Addison said with tears running down her face. Soon the remainder of their clothes were gone and they were oblivious to the rest of the world.

The next few days flew by for Addison and Derek. They would spend their morning relaxing in the trailer and going for long walks on the property. After lunch, they would go to the hospital for a few hours and then go out and explore Seattle. Even though they had lived there for over a year, neither of them had ever really visited many places in the city.

On the night before Dr. Burke's surgery, Addison and Derek were lying in bed talking.

"Derek, where do you want to live?" Addison asked casually. She had been thinking about it a lot lately. She was warming up to the idea of Seattle but still had strong feelings about being around Meredith all the time.

"Honestly, Addie. I really want to stay in Seattle. After being in New York for a month and then coming back here has made me realize how much I love the outdoors. Exploring the city this week with you and being on our land has been amazing." Derek said rolling over and pulling Addison into a tight hug. 'However, despite all of that, I mostly just want to live where you are. I want you to be happy too. If Seattle is going to make you miserable, we can stay in New York."

Addison was quiet for a long time, just enjoying the feeling of laying in her husband's arms. She couldn't believe the change in him. Maybe they really had rounded a corner.

"That means a lot to me, Babe. Seattle is growing on me. I also love New York and being so close to family. What do you think would be better for our kids?" Addison asked casually. She had wanted to discuss kids with Derek for a long time now, but with the status of their relationship in question, she had never brought it up. She held her breath while she waited for him to answer.

"I think the kids would be happier here as they would have room to run around and explore in nature. We can go back to New York for the holidays and other times. They will see our family enough." Derek said without skipping a beat. He was running Addison's hair through his fingers and leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"Now, I really need to get to sleep as I have to be at the hospital very early in the morning to hopefully restore function in the arm of one of the best cardiothoracic surgeons in the world." Derek said yawning. "Good night love." He kissed her and then they fell asleep.

Let me know what you think!


	14. Chapter 14

Thank you for the reviews! I love to hear what people think of this story!

Derek rolled over and looked at the clock. It was 4:45 in the morning. He should have been able to sleep for at least another 45 minutes, but he couldn't stop thinking about the surgery he was about to perform. He knew the success of this surgery would make or break a fellow surgeons career. He also couldn't help thinking about what Addison had said about their kids. For the first time in a long time, the idea of having kids with Addison didn't scare the living daylights out of him. He knew that he was committed to her for the rest of their lives. If they could survive both of them having affairs and a brain tumor, they could survive anything.

Derek finally decided just to get up and head to the hospital. He looked over Addison as he sat up. She looked so peaceful. As much as he wanted to take her into his arms and make love to her, he also knew she needed her sleep. She was still recovering from brain surgery and her body needed as much rest as possible. He was thankful that she was now off all medications. Even though they both were doctors, neither of them liked to take medicine for longer than a couple of days. He was thankful that Addison could sleep through just about anything besides her pager. They both learned to sleep through the other getting ready a long time ago. It was a necessity since they could be called into the hospital and any hour of the night.. He quickly got a shower and left for the hospital.

When Derek arrived at the hospital, he immediately went to check on Preston.

"Good Morning, Preston." Derek said as he entered the room.

"Let's keep it a good morning, Shepherd and fix my hand." Preston smirked.

"I will do my best." Derek laughed. Preston still couldn't get over the difference in Derek. He was like a different man. He had a lightness to him that hadn't been there before.

"In all seriousness, Derek. What are the odds that my hand will gain full functionality back?" Dr. Burke asked. Secretly, he was terrified he would never be able to operate again.

Derek walked over and sat down on a chair next to the bed. He didn't know what it was like to face the very real possibility of losing his ability to do something he had spent so many hours learning, but he did know what it was like to have a spouse go through it. It wasn't that long ago that he truly wasn't sure if Addison would regain her memories, let alone be able to operate ever again

"For a normal surgeon, the odds would be about 15%. But I am no ordinary surgeon." Derek smirked. Dr. Burke rolled his eyes. "My success rate with this surgery is about 50%. A lot just depends on what I find when I get in there. Scans can only tell us so much, as you are well aware."

Just then Christina entered the room. It was still odd for her to see Derek so happy. The whole time she had known him, he always had a sad aura about him. She knew it was going to be hard for Meredith to see him like this. She really didn't like him for what he did to her friend.

"Good morning, Dr. Yang." Derek nodded politely. He knew Christina didn't like him. "I will leave you two alone. See you in the OR, Preston." Derek walked out of the room and to his office. He reviewed his surgical plan until it was time to go to the OR.

Addison woke up around 7:00. She knew Derek would be prepping for surgery, which was scheduled for 8:00. She stretched out across the bed and looked out the window. It really was a beautiful piece of land. Maybe it was time to discuss building plans with Derek.

Addison got out of bed, took a quick shower, and then headed to the hospital. She had some patients scheduled for later in the day, but she wanted to watch Derek perform surgery.

As Addison was walking into the hospital, she heard a very familiar voice.

"Hey, Red."

"Mark?!" Addison exclaimed turning around. She felt her stomach do flip flops at the site of him. How would Derek react with him here? Had he really forgiven him?

Mark slowly walked up to her, unsure of how she would react. He had kept his distance in New York for the most part, but seeing them again had made him realize how much he missed his best friends.

"What are you doing here?" she asked cautiously.

"Your chief asked me to consult on a case. Plus, I, uh, missed you guys." Mark said runn9ing his hands through his hair.

"I see. Well, I have missed you too." Addison said giving him a hug. "Derek is currently performing surgery on our head of cardio. I was headed to watch him now. Would you like to join me?"

"Normally I would, but I have a meeting with the Chief soon and then am going to meet the patient. Would you like to meet up for lunch around 1?"

"That should work. I am meeting with patients on and off today but still have 3 more days until I have my check up to get cleared for surgery. Derek will be operating until at least 2 or 3 though."

"Ok, Red. I will meet you in the cafeteria at 1." Mark said as they parted ways. Addison stood watching him walk away. It really did feel like a lifetime ago since she had an affair with him..

Addison walked to her office to drop her stuff off. She opened her closet to get her lab coat and was surprised to find a note attached to it.

"To the love of my life. I hope you have a great day. Love, Derek"

Addison was shocked. It had been many years since Derek left her little notes like that. She put the note in her top draw, smiled, and proceeded to the OR where Derek was operating.

Addison was surprised to find the gallery locked.

"Derek doesn't want me to sneak in the gallery and watch." a voice piped in behind Addison causing her to jump.

"Oh my gosh, Dr. Yang. You startled me!" Addison gasped. She turned to look at Christina.

"Sorry." Christina responded. "I was just telling you that Derek had the gallery locked so I couldn't sneak in. He is already nervous enough operating on Burke. He didn't want me to add to his stress."

"I would imagine he wouldn't want you in there after what happened with me." Addison said quietly. Christina looked at her questioningly. "When I was getting surgery, I coded on the table and was down for over 5 minutes. Derek saw the whole thing. Obviously everything turned out ok, or I wouldn't be standing here now." Addison said smiling.

"Seriously?!" Christina said in disbelief. She felt a little bad now. She had just thought Derek was being an ass when he told her she couldn't watch the surgery.  
"Yes. He isn't the ass you believe him to be. He actually is a very caring person. You haven't seen the real Derek over the last year." Addison smirked. Christina was shocked again in that Addison had completely read her mind.

"Did you really lose your memories of the last 7 years for awhile?" Christina asked bluntly.

Addison looked Christian up and down. She knew how gossip flew around this hospital and didn't know what exactly had been said about her. She had been the topic of enough gossip as it was around Seattle Grace.

"Yes, it is true." was all Addison said. "Now, as much as Derek does not want you in the gallery. He does want me in the gallery. Good day, Dr. Yang." Addison proceeded to use her key to unlock the gallery.

As Addison entered the gallery, it was eerily quiet. She walked up to the window and looked down at Derek. He was standing over Preston barely moving Addison knew he got like this when he was in a complicated part of a surgery. She stood watching him for 10 minutes before she tapped on the glass. Derek slowly looked up. He smiled when he saw her.

"Derek, just breath. You've got this." Addison said into the intercom smiling. Derek smiled back. It was a phrase he had heard her say thousands of times over the years, especially when they were interns. It gave him confidence to hear it again. He took a deep breath, centered himself and continued.

Addison watched the surgery for another 30 minutes before she had to leave. Derek knew she had patients, but he still was sad to see her walk out of the gallery.

The rest of the morning went by quickly for Addison as she was meeting with patients. It felt good to be back at the hospital.

She entered the cafeteria around 1:00 to meet Mark. There was still a part of her that felt guilty for having lunch with Mark without Derek knowing. She would be more than upset if she found out Derek had lunch with Meredith; however, Meredith wasn't one of their oldest friends.

"Hey Red." Mark said as she walked up to his table. "How has your morning been?"

"Good. I watched Derek in surgery for awhile and then met a few patients. I am so ready to get back in to the OR!" Addison replied. Mark laughed. It was so good to see Addison back to herself. He couldn't believe how much better she looked than when he last saw her in NY.

"It will come soon enough. Let's go get some food. What sounds good?" Mark asked.

"Honestly, all I can think about is ice cream." Addison laughed.

"Well, then let's go get some." Mark smiled.

Over the next 30 minutes the two old friends caught up on everything that had happened since they last saw each other. Mark was shocked at the way Addison described Derek. He hadn't seen that version of Derek in a long time.

"I am going to go watch the rest of Derek's surgery. Would you like to come with me?" Addison asked.

"I guess. Are you sure he will be ok with me in there? I mean, the last time we talked you could barely remember anything. He wasn't exactly in his right mind." Mark replied.

Addison thought for a minute. "You know, I really think he will be ok with you being here; however, you might have a point. Since he is operating on a fellow surgeon and friend, it may not be the best idea to shock him with you in the gallery." Addison laughed.

"Ok. How about give me a call later after things calm down and let me know if you guys want to go out for dinner." Mark said as they left the cafeteria.

"Ok." Addison replied. "Hey Mark, it really is good to see you. We will see you later"

Mark gave her a quick hug and walked away.

By the time Addison made it up to the OR, Derek was already closing. She met him down in the scrub room.

"Hey sexy." Addison said walking up behind him as he scrubbed out. They were alone in the room. Derek slowly turned around as he was drying his hands.

"Hey love." he replied smiling, giving her a kiss.

"How did the surgery go?" Addison asked. Derek grew very serious.

"It was difficult. I think it was a success, but only time will tell for sure. I really did appreciate you coming to watch." Derek said as they walked out of the room. He took Addison's hand as they walked towards his office. They got a few odd glances. The staff at Seattle Grace was not used to seeing the couple happy. Derek continued to tell Addison about the surgery as they entered his office.

"Now, enough about the surgery. How has your day been going?" Derek asked.

"Actually, kind of interesting." Addison said sitting down on the couch as Derek hung up his lab coat.

"Oh yeah? An interesting case come in?" Derek asked sitting next to her.

"No. Mark is in town." Addison said watching Derek's response closely.

"Seriously?" Derek said shocked. "Is he here for a case?"

"Yes and no. The Chief called him in to consult on a case, but Derek, he really is here for us. He misses us as we are his only family. You should know I had lunch with him today. I don't want you to feel like I was sneaking behind your back. You were in surgery and I couldn't talk to you about it. I am sor."

"Addison, slow down!" Derek said laughing while pulling his wife into a hug. "It is ok. You have nothing to feel guilty over. I am glad Mark is here. As much fun as it was to hate him, and you, for a year, I am ready to move on." Derek smirked. "The past is in the past. Let's learn from it, and move forward."

Addison could not believe what she was hearing. She now truly believed that Derek had forgiven her. And not just her, but Mark as well. She finally felt whole again. Like they were going to make it. She couldn't remember the last time she was this happy. She gave Derek a big hug and started to kiss him deeply.

"I love you so much, Derek." Addison said between kisses.

"I love you too, Addie." Soon clothes were coming off and they were going at it like two hormone crazed teenagers on Derek's couch.

"How did surgery go?" Meredith asked Christina as they were walking down the hallway.

"Derek told me everything went well, but we won't know if it was successful for awhile. Burke probably won't wake up for at least an hour. I have a few questions for Derek, so I am headed to his office now." Christina answered.

"I need to talk to him too, so I will go with you."

Christina stopped walking and looked at her friend in concern. "Mer, what do you want to talk to him about?"

"I saw Addison eating lunch with Mark. She even gave him a hug. I think he should know." she said matter-of-factly. Christina shook her head. She knew her friend was still hung up on Derek.

"Meredith. I am sorry that this hurts you, but I have seen a lot of Derek lately, and he truly seems happy. Addison too seems like a different person. You have to move on." Christina said with concern.

"You don't know Derek like I do." she said walking up to his office door. She was about to knock when she heard moaning. She backed away shocked. Christina too heard the escapades going on in the office and quickly pulled Meredith away.

"Let's go check on Burke." Christina said quietly. Meredith followed her in a daze.

"I forgot to tell you that Mark would like to go out to dinner with us tonight." Addison said, still on cloud nine as they exited the office.

"Great! I need to check on Dr. Burke before I leave. Why don't you call Mark and set something up?" Derek said as he gave her a kiss on the cheek as they parted ways.

Derek entered the elevator, whistling, thinking he was alone. He didn't see the tiny blonde intern behind him.

Meredith stood there quietly, completely shocked She couldn't believe that Derek didn't even see her. That had NEVER happened before. And he was whistling?! Passionate sex with his wife, not seeing her, and he was actually happy?...the young girl was finally starting to realize that Derek and Addison were happy, but she still thought she saw something between Mark and Addison earlier.

"Derek?" Meredith said getting his attention.

"Oh hi, Meredith. I didn't see you there." Derek said kindly.

"I need to talk to you about something I saw earlier." Meredith said, stopping the elevator. Derek was a little taken aback.

"Ok…" he said slowly.

"I saw Addison having lunch with Mark, and they were hugging. He even gave her a kiss." Meredith said shaking her head. "I am so sorry." she continued, rubbing his arm.

Derek took Meredith by the shoulders and gently pushed her back. "Meredith, I already talked to Addison about her lunch with Mark. Her giving him and hug and him giving her a kiss on the cheek is completely normal. They have been friends for a very long time."

"You don't understand, " Meredith said moving closer to him again. She wasn't going to give up easily.

"No, Meredith, you don't understand. I am in love with my wife. I am happy that my best friend is here. I am so sorry for hurting you through all of this, but please stop trying to interfere with my marriage. Now, I really need to go check on Dr. Burke." Derek said restarting the elevator. A few seconds later, he was exiting, leaving behind a stunned intern. Meredith was finally getting it. Derek was over her. It was time for her to truly move on.

"Are you ready to go?" Derek asked Addison several hours later as he entered her office.

"Yes. We are meeting Mark at that Thai place you like so much." Addison said closing the file she was looking at.

"Sounds good. I am starving!" Derek said, wrapping his arm around Addison's waist as they walked down the hallway.

They drove to the restaurant where Mark was waiting for them.

"So, you couldn't live without my handsome face, huh?" Derek teased Mark.

"Still cocky as ever I see." Mark laughed, shaking Derek's hand. Addison smiled. It was good to hear the two best friends bantering again.

"So, how long are you in town for?" Addison asked Mark after the waiter took their order.

"Well, I actually am not sure. Your chief offered me a pretty substantial contract today.

I am considering it." Mark answered cautiously.

Derek and Addison looked at each other in shock and then back to Mark. Just then the waiter brought their food.

"Wow, Mark! That's great!" Derek exclaimed. "It would be awesome to work with you again….I mean, uh, that is, if we are staying here…" Derek stammered, glancing at Addison. They never really talked about it and he knew she was on the fence.

Addison smiled at Derek. She knew exactly what he was thinking. It was so nice to see him thinking of her desires.

"What Derek is trying to say is that we haven't fully decided to stay here. A lot has changed recently." Addison said smiling, taking Derek's hand. "But, you should come out and see our land. It is gorgeous! The trailer I could do without, though." Addison continued, smirking at Derek. Mark laughed. He still couldn't believe that two or the highest paid surgeons on the West Coast were living in a trailer in the woods.

"Well, let me know when you two love birds can stop having sex in Derek's office and decide where you are going to live." Mark laughed as both Addison and Derek snapped their heads to look at him.

"You know about that?!" Addison said, her face turning the color of her hair.

"Pretty sure the whole hospital knows. You weren't exactly quiet, and at minimum, two interns heard you through the door. You know how news like that spreads like wildfire in a hospital." Mark said. He couldn't stop laughing at his friends' expense.

"Well, when your wife is as hot has mine is, sometimes it is hard to wait for the bedroom!" Derek exclaimed, causing Addison to blush even deeper.

The three friends had a great time the rest of the night. BY 9:00, Addison was having a hard time keeping her eyes open.

"I think it is time for us to get going." Derek said when he noticed Addison starting to nod off. "It was great seeing you Mark. Why don't you come out to the land on Saturday. We can go fishing."

"Sounds great. I will see you two tomorrow at work."

On the car ride home, Derek asked Addison, "Are you seriously considering us staying here?"

"I am. For the first time in a long time, I feel like we are US again, like we are DerekAndAddison. I am not jealous of Meredith and you aren't jealous of Mark. I feel like we have a fresh start. There are a lot of good memories in New York, but a lot of bad ones as well. Plus, well, I am ready to have kids. I think growing up in the country would be better for them than the city." Addison said glancing over at Derek. He took her hand and kissed it.

"Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery, you amaze me." Derek said. He couldn't stop smiling the rest of the way home.

Let me know what you think!


	15. Chapter 15

Thank you for the reviews and follows/favorites! I love to hear what people think of this story!

The next few days went by in a whirlwind. Addison was cleared to resume surgery and slowly started back. It felt great to be back in the OR!

On Saturday, Mark was planning on coming over around noon. Derek and Addison decided to spend the morning being lazy.

"Derek, "Addison said cuddling up to her Love. "I want to build a house on this land." Derek rolled her over and leaned up on his elbow so he could see her.

"Does this mean you want to stay here permanently?" he asked excitedly. He had hoped Addison would want to leave NY, but knew it was a long shot.

"I do." she smiled. "I want to keep our home in the Hamptons for vacations, but I don't really see a reason to keep the Brownstone."

"I agree. That house doesn't really fit us anymore. We have both changed a lot in the last few years."

"There is another thing." Addison said, nervously playing with her hair. "I want to have a baby." Derek immediately scooped her in her arms and gave her a tight hug. He then leaned in and kissed her deeply.

"Addison, I would love to have a baby with you. Why don't we start trying now?" Derek chuckled.

"Sounds good to me." Addison smiled.

A few hours later, Mark pulled up to find Derek grilling steaks outside while Addison laid in a hammock reading. He got out of his car with his mouth wide open.

"You two seriously have been living in this?!" he exclaimed walking up to the trailer.

"Hello, Mark." Derek said chuckling. "And yes, we have. It has been great!"

"Great may be a little extreme, Derek." Addison said getting up from the hammock and closing her book. "I'd say more like cozy. Yes, that is the right word." She walked over and gave Mark a quick hug. Mark shook his head in disbelief. Had Addison Shepherd just called a trailer cozy? Things really had changed.

"So, can I see the inside of this cozy place?" Mark joked. "It should take a total of 5 minutes."

"Sure, but after lunch, we can show you the place where we are going to build our new house." Addison said casually. Mark stopped in his tracks and looked back and forth between Derek and Addison.

"Does this mean what I think it means?" Mark asked.

"It means we have agreed to make Seattle our permanent place of residence." Derek said walking over and wrapping his arms around Addison. "It was Addie's idea, actually."

Addison leaned back in to Derek and smiled. It was a beautiful summer day, she was in the arms of her soulmate, and their best friend was with them. She hadn't been this happy in a long, long time.

"Wow." Mark said slowly. "You guys really have changed. I knew you seemed different at the hospital. I just didn't realize how much you have grown! I guess that means I am moving to Seattle!" Mark couldn't stop grinning. Addison walked over and gave him a big hug.

"Welcome to the wettest city in America!" Addison laughed.

"As long as the 3 Muskateers stay together, I can handle a little rain." Mark joked. Addison and Derek laughed as they all remembered Halloween during their last year of Med school.

_Addison sat at the apartment curled up, surrounded by books. There was a nasty storm brewing outside, so she was studying indoors. She had a major test in a few days that involved that many different parts of the brain and their function. It confused her so much and couldn't understand how Derek had almost all of it memorized already! While she was studying, Derek and Mark walked in laughing. They were soaking wet from the rain._

"_Hey Babe! How's it going?" Derek asked as he walked over to Addison, giving her a kiss._

"_Ugh, not good! I can't remember any of this stuff!" Addison in exacerbation._

"_Oh, you'll be fine! You always say that before a big test and then you get the highest grade!" Mark teased. He walked to the fridge and got a soda. "So, are you guys ready for the Halloween party tonight?" Addison put her head in her hands. She totally forgot about the party._

"_I can't believe you guys talked me into dressing up as the 3 Muskateers! Bizzy would faint if she saw me!" Addison exclaimed._

"_That was why you agreed to it." Derek laughed. "Because you knew Bizzy would hate it." Addison smirked at this. It was true. She wanted to be the complete opposite of Bizzy. _

"_Alright fine! I will go for a little bit, but you have to let me study until then. Now both of you out!" Addison said sternly._

"_Yes, mam!" both boys said, saluting her as they left the room. Addison rolled her eyes. Those two would never grow up!_

_A few hours later, Addison, Mark, and Derek arrived at their friend Ashley's house for the party. Addison knew that Mark liked Ashley and wanted to impress her tonight. The night started off like any other party. They had fun dancing, joking around, and drinking. Addison laughed as she watched Derak and Mark try to hold their liquor, but it never failed. They always got tipsy before her. She swore as a Montgomery, alcohol ran in her veins._

_Derek walked over to Addison and wrapped his arms around her. "You are the most beautiful Musketeer ever!" He slurred, kissing her on the cheek. Addison smiled. She loved how affectionate Derek was. _

"_Where is Mark? I haven't seen him in awhile." Addison asked._

"_It's Mark. Do you even need to ask?" Derek chuckled. "Ashley has been missing for awhile, too." Addison groaned. Mark was always sneaking off at parties to go have sex. All of the sudden, there was a loud boom and all the power went out. Addison grabbed Derek instinctively. He wrapped her in his arms._

"_It's ok. Looks like the storm took out the power. You stay here on the couch, and I will go find Mark. It is about time to head home anyway."_

"_No, Derek. You can barely walk. YOU stay on the couch, and I will go find Mark!" Addison commanded. Derek started to protest, but Addison wouldn't listen. She forced him to sit down. She knew he would be mad, but also knew that it was the best option._

_Addison felt her way through the dark house looking for Mark. Eventually she found him passed out in Ashley's bed, completely naked._

"_Great!" Addison thought. "Derek can barely walk, Mark is passed out, and it is pouring down rain, and we have to walk 5 blocks back to the apartment. This should be fun!"_

"_Mark! Wake up! It is time to go home!" Addison said poking him. She was able to rouse him enough for him to get up and get some clothes on._

"_Hey Red! What's up?" Mark asked as he stumbled out of the bed. _

"_It is time to go. Meet Derek and I in the living room once you are halfway decent." ._

Addison still couldn't believe she had managed to get all 3 of them home that night without any injuries. Albeit, they were covered in mud from multiple falls and their costumes were completely ruined. But it had been one of the few times Addison had actually had fun in the rain.

"Well, there better not be anymore drunken escapades out of you two like that! I am too old to half carry your asses home!" Addison teased.

The three friends enjoyed lunch on the front porch, reminiscing about old times. When they were done, Derek quickly showed Mark the inside of the trailer.

"Now to show you why I bought this property." Derek exclaimed as they came out the front door. "Would you like to drive one of the quads?" Derek asked heading to the back of the trailer. "Addison and I can share one."

"Dude! I have been here for an hour and you are just now telling me you have quads?! The two best friends used to ride 4-wheelers all the time as kids. "We have GOT to take a trip to the Oregon coast and go ride on the dunes! I hear it is amazing! You wouldn't even have to pack. Just hook your trailer up and you're ready to go!" Mark laughed.

"Very funny!" Derek mocked, punching Mark in the arm.

"Actually, Derek. I am a little tired." Addison said. "Why don't the two of you drive up to where the house will be so I can take a nap."

Derek walked over to Addison in concern. "Are you sure, Babe? You ok?"

"I'm fine. Just a little tired." She replied, giving Derek a hug. "You know because of the escapades this morning." Addison whispered in his ear causing Derek to smile.

"Alright you two. I have known you long enough to know what you are talking about. Addison is tired from sex this morning. Great. Now can we go, Derek?" Mark said pulling his best friend away.

Addison chuckled as she saw the two men put their helmets on and drive off. It was so good to see them as friends again. She knew Derek would not only show Mark where the house was, but he would also show him the trails through the woods he had created for the quads.

She walked in to the trailer and started washing the dishes when a wave of nausea hit her. Addison grabbed the counter and took a deep breath. She couldn't be getting sick. She had too much to do at the hospital. After a second, it passed and she was able to finish the dishes. She then walked over to the bed and climbed in. It took a bit to get comfortable, but eventually she did and fell asleep.

Meanwhile, Derek and Mark were having a blast riding the quads. Mark showed him one of his favorite trails around the lake. It led them to the place where they would begin building their house in the spring.

"Dang, Derek! This view is amazing!" Mark said, pulling off his helmet. The afternoon sun glistened off the lake, and the mountains seemed to go on forever. "I could get used to this!"

"I know! Now you see why I am glad Addison decided to stay!" Derek replied. He walked over to the dock in the lake and sat down. After taking his flip flops off, he dangled his feet in the water and sighed. "This really is heaven on earth."

Mark followed him, and he too removed his shoes and dangled his feet in the water. "This reminds me of lazy summer days out on your grandpa's farm!" Mark said with his eyes closed.

_27 years ago_

_10 year olds Derek and Mark were bouncing around in the backseat of the Shepherd's station wagon. They had been driving for almost 15hours on their way to Grandma and Grandpa Shepherd's farm in Indiana. They were so excited that Mark got to stay on the farm for 3 weeks with Derek this year. It was an annual tradition in the Shepherd house. All children over the age of 7 got to go. Derek always came home raving about how awesome the farm was, which made Mark very jealous. He finally got to go this year!_

_As they pulled up on the farm, Mark couldn't believe how much corn there was everywhere! He actually saw someone driving a riding lawn mower through a McDonald's drive-thru! He felt like he was in a foreign country._

_As soon as the car stopped, Derek jumped out and ran straight for the barn. Mark knew exactly what he was going for….the barn swing he had heard so much about. Mark ran after him._

"_Derek! Derek!" Christopher Shepherd yelled after them shaking his head. "Sorry, Mom and Dad." He said hugging his parents. "He should at least say hi before he goes running off!"_

"_Oh, Christopher! Boys need room to run and play! Let them be." Grandma Shepherd exclaimed. "Besides, I have two other grandchildren to love on! Hello girls!" She said hugging Nancy and Kathleen._

"_Hello, Grandma!" the girls said in unison, hugging their grandparents. They were not as excited to be here as the boys. At 12 and 14, they were more interested in staying home so they could see their friends._

_The next few weeks went by way too quickly for Derek and Mark. They swam in the pond, played outside in several thunderstorms, climbed trees, and of course, swung on the barn swing. Mark's favorite part of the trip was when they caught a snake and scared the girls with it!_

Derek smiled. "We really did have some good times on that old farm! I think that is another reason I fell in love with this land. I would for my kids to be able to grow up with that."

Mark opened his eyes and looked over at Derek. "Kids? Are you guys talking about having kids?". He was a little shocked by this.

"Uh, yeah, well, we've talked about it. No set plans or anything yet." Derek stammered. He wasn't quite sure he was ready to talk about this with anyone but Addison.

"You know, " Derek said changing the subject. "We own over 40 acres. I could sell you a couple if you wanted to build a house out here."

"Seriously?" Mark asked surprised. "You want me living that close to you!"

"Yes, I really do. I've missed you, man." Derek replied. "Look, a lot of shit has happened over the last few years. All 3 of us played a part in it. I don't want to go back. I want to move forward. Addison and I have changed so much, and I am pretty sure you have too. I want to move forward with a new and improved life. I would love to have someone to ride quads with, go fishing with, etc. Addison hasn't changed THAT much." Dere said, causing both of them to laugh.

"I'll think about it." Mark answered standing up. "It really is pretty out here. I need to get going though. I have a hot date tonight with some Lexie girl."

Derek stood up and just stared at Mark. "Lexie, as the Lexie Grey, the intern?" Derek asked shaking his head.

"Yes, is that a problem?" Mark asked confused.

"That is Meredith Grey's little sister." Derek explained. "Be nice to her, Mark. I have already hurt the Grey family enough. You don't need to mess around with her and then not call her back."

"This may surprise you, Derek, but I don't really do that anymore." Mark said while Derek gave him a skeptical look. "But, if it makes you feel any better, I will be nothing but a gentlemen."

Derek walked back over to the quads and said through his helmet, "Just keep little Sloan out of little Grey." He then sped off before he could hear Mark's response.

"Little! Little, my ass!" Mark sputtered before taking after Derek.

A few hours later, Addison awoke to a kiss. When she opened her eyes, she saw a pair of ocean blue eyes looking at her with concern.

"Are you sure you are ok, Addie? I thought you just didn't want to come with us earlier and were joking about being tired. You rarely take naps." Derek asked with concern. He started to feel her forehead.

"I am not sure, honestly. I wasn't planning on sleeping this long, and earlier I started to feel nauseous. I seriously hope I am not getting sick!" Addison complained. She had a bit of a headache and didn't want to get out of the bed.

"Would you like me to make you some hot tea?" Derek asked, getting up.

"Sure, Babe. That would be great." Addison smiled weakly.

As Derek was bringing Addison some tea, his pager went off. "Ugh, Looks like I am going to have to go into the hospital. Will you be ok here?"

"Derek, I am a grown woman and a doctor. I think I will be ok for a few hours by myself." Addison chuckled.

"Yes, dear." Derek smiled back. He gave Addison a kiss and then left for the hospital.

While Derek was gone, Addison decided to call her best friend. "Savvy!" Addison exclaimed when she answered.

"Addie! How are you?" Savvy asked. She hadn't spoken with Addison since she had left NY. Life with a toddler had kept her so busy!

"I am doing well. I have been fully back a work for a bit now. It feels so good to be in the OR again!" As the two continued to talk, Addison mentioned that she had been really tired lately and not feeling the best.

"Addison, have your boobs been hurting?" Savvy asked out of the blue.

"WHAT?" Addison exclaimed shocked. "Did you really just ask…?" All of the sudden a light bulb went off in her head. She said straight up in bed.

"Are you trying to ask if I am pregnant?!" she nearly shouted.

"Well, are you?" Savvy asked slyly.

"There is no way!" Addison said slowly.

"Oh, really. So you and Derek haven't been going at it a lot lately?" Savvy laughed out loud when only silence answered her.

"Savvy! How did I not even THINK of that as a possibility?!" Addison groaned, pacing the trailer. Sure she wanted to have kids with Derek. But, NOW! She was a planner. This wasn't planned.

"Addie, calm down!" Savvy yelled, jolting Addison back to the conversation. "You don't even know if you ARE pregnant! You need to calm down until you know for sure."

Addison knew she was right, but she had also been around enough pregnant women to know that all the signs were pointing to one thing….being pregnant. She had to find out.

"Savvy, I hate to run. But I need to find out, TODAY, if I am pregnant. I will call you as soon as I know anything" Addison hung up the phone before Savvy could respond, grabbed her keys, and drove to the hospital.

When Addison arrived at the hospital, she knew she did NOT want to see Derek. She didn't want him to get excited if there was nothing to get excited about. She snuck in a side door and went straight to the maternity floor. Addison found an empty exam room, locked the door, and drew some of her blood. Giving herself an IV was not easy, but there was no way she would chance getting rumors spread by getting anyone else involved.

Once she had the blood, Addison took the blood to the lab under a false name.

"I need this back ASAP." Addison told the tech. "Page me directly! No one else"

"Sure, Dr. Shepherd." the tech replied. He was used to the attendings demanding the tests be done ASAP.

Even though Addison wanted to tests back right then, she knew it would be a few hours. She decided to go find Derek. She first went to check the OR board, but his name wasn't there. Then she went to his office. It too was locked with no lights on. Where in the world was he? He wasn't answering his phone either.

Addison asked the nurses' station if they knew where Derek was. No one had seen him and knew about a page that day. Now Addison was thoroughly confused.

After looking around the whole hospital with no success, Addison decided to head to her office to wait for the test results. As she was getting some paperwork done, she got a text from Derek that said "This case is taking longer than I thought. I won't be home until late. Don't wait up. Love you!"

Addison just stared at her phone. What case? It obviously wasn't one at the hospital. Before she could respond to the text, Addison got a page saying her test results were ready. Addison went down to the labs, picked up the results, and headed back to her office.

She was almost terrified to read the results. Slowly, she opened the envelope. There, in plain black and white, was the final proof she needed that she was pregnant. Her HCG levels were over 3000. Addison picked up the paper and gasped.

"No, it can't be!" Addison exclaimed jumping up. "I can't be more than 6 weeks along. If my HCG levels are that high…." She slowly sat down. "It means I am most likely having twins."

Let me know what you think!


	16. Chapter 16

Not sure what happened with all the spacing on the first upload of this chapter. Hope this is easier to read!

Thank you so much for all the reviews! I appreciate all of them! And for those who asked, I haven't decided on the gender of any babies that may appear in this book or how many kids they will eventually have. :)

After the shock of the test results, Addison stayed in her office for awhile. She knew only an ultrasound would confirm it was twins, but she couldn't bring herself to do that without Derek around. Where was Derek anyway?! Again, she tried to call him, but there was no answer. Finally, Addison decided to head home. Or what qualified as her home. How were they going to bring home two babies to a trailer!

Addison pulled up to the offensive home and turned off her engine. It was like deja vu from when she pulled up the day of prom. She had no idea where her husband was or what was going on. For all she knew, he was cheating on her again.

"Stop it, Addison!" she said out loud to herself. She gave her head a shake. "Don't go down that rabbit hole. He will have a perfectly good explanation. Just calm down."

Just then, Derek pulled up. He looked over at Addison, confused as to why she was talking to herself in her car. Addison looked over at him and gave him a death stare as they both got out of the car.

"Where were you?!" "Are you feeling better?" They both asked at the same time. Derek laughed. "You first."

"Where were you? I have been calling you for hours. No one at the hospital had even seen you today! So where were you?" she yelled, pissed off. So much for staying calm. Derek immediately stopped laughing.

"What do you mean no one at the hospital knew where I was? Were you spying on me? I thought you said you were sick!" Derek said fuming. He couldn't believe that after everything over the last few months and how far they had come, she still didn't trust him.

"No I wasn't spying on you! I needed to go to the hospital, and really needed you but couldn't find you! Where were you?" Addison said, close to tears. She was seething and the pregnancy hormones were getting the best of her.

"I was working. Not that I should have to explain myself, but I got paged about Ellis Grey, which is why I wasn't at the hospital." Derek yelled back. Then all of the sudden it clicked what Addison had said. "Wait, why did you need to go to the hospital? Addison, are you ok?" he said rushing over to her. He took her in his arms and held her as the tears started to spill over. Addison tried to fight him but he wouldn't let go. He was convinced something had happened related to her brain tumor. She finally stopped fighting him and let him hold her as she cried.

After a few minutes, she pulled back enough to look him in the eye.

"I am fine, Derek. Nothing happened." she said quietly. Derek led her into the trailer and started to pour them both a drink. "No, Derek. I just want water." Derek gave her a funny look but proceeded to get her some water.

Once they had sat down at the table, Derek began to talk. "I am sorry for not communicating clearly where I was. I got a page from the hospital when I left here, but on the way, I got a call from Meredith." Addison stiffened at the mention of her name. Derek noticed this, and sighed. "Addison, how many times do I have to tell you, nothing is going on with Meredith? I love you and only you, ok?"

"I know. It is just really hard knowing when I needed you, you were with her." Addison said, barely audible. Derek looked at her with concern.

"Addie, you said nothing happened. Why did you need me at the hospital if nothing happened?"

"Just finish your story." Addison replied. She was avoiding telling Derek about the pregnancy as long as possible as she knew she would never get the rest of the story out of him once he knew. Plus she was still a little mad at him that he was with Meredith when she was looking for him earlier.

"Fine" Derek responded a little annoyed. "As I was saying, Meredith called and said she was the one who had me paged as she wasn't sure I would answer her call. She told me to meet her at the nursing home. Awhile back, I had filled out some paperwork to help get Ellis Grey in an Alzheimer's clinical trial. They finally heard back, and she was accepted. The doctors in charge of the trial had more questions for me. They want me to help with the trial" Derek sat back and waited for Addison to respond. This wasn't how he wanted to break the news to her that he would be helping with a clinical trial, but she had been so upset, he wanted to tell her the whole story.

Addison looked at him for a long time and then stared down at her water. She could barely process what he had said. He decided to be a part of a clinical trial the same day she found out she was pregnant with twins. This couldn't be happening. The clinical trial would take up a lot of Derek's time and require a lot of traveling. She was going to have to take a step back soon and was hoping to have him there for her.

Addison stood up from the table and walked outside without saying a word. She needed air. Derek followed her outside, completely confused.

"What the hell, Addison?" You seriously can't be mad at me for going to help Meredith's mother! I barely even talked to her!"

Addison looked at him and began to laugh. Soon the laughing turned in to tears. Now Derek was completely bewildered. Then he realized she never told him why she had gone to the hospital.

"Are you ever going to tell me why you were at the hospital?" Derek asked, crossing his arms. He wasn't going to let her off that easy.

"I'm pregnant, Derek." Addison said, looking at him through the tears. "And it is very likely twins. This isn't how I wanted to tell you, but there you have it. That is why I was at the hospital. That is why I wasn't feeling good earlier. And that is why I am crying. I get pregnant with twins and you will be working who knows how many hours on a clinical trial to where we won't ever see you, and we live in a fucking trailer!" Addison said, completely worked up now

Derek stared at her dumbfounded. Addison was pregnant?! And did she say twins!? It took several minutes to process what she had said, but soon he snapped out of it and crossed the deck of the trailer. He cut off her tirade with a kiss.

"Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd! Will you calm down?" Derek said laughing gleefully "We are going to have children!" He said swinging her around in a hug.

Addison stepped back and looked at him. "But Derek, what about the clinical trial part?"

"We will figure it out, Addison. I am only HELPING. I am not in charge, ok? It is going to be fine!"

Addison began to smile. She was going to be a mom!

"Now, Addison, why do think you might be having twins?" Derek asked once he noticed she was calming down.

"Because my HCG levels are already over 3000." Addison said matter-of-factly. "The only way to know for sure is to do an ultrasound, but I didn't want to do that without you."

"Well, then why are we standing here? We have access to plenty of ultrasound machines, and I happen to be married to the best neonatal surgeon in the world. Let's go!" Derek said, grabbing her hand.

"Derek, slow down!" Addison said, stopping in her tracks. "We can't just barge into the hospital and demand an ultrasound machine. Besides, while I can read my own ultrasound, I can't exactly give myself a vaginal ultrasound, which is what is required this early on."

"Addie, come on! I don't want to wait any longer! Now would be the PERFECT time to sneak in to the hospital, as very few people are there on Sunday night."

This actually made sense to Addison. "Ok, so we might be able to sneak in, but who will PERFORM the ultrasound?"

"I will." Derek responded. This was not what Addison was expecting.

"You? Seriously?"

"Why not? I went to medical school too. You can tell me what to do, and honestly, I don't really like the idea of anyone else touching you like that, so why not?" Derek smirked. Addison started to laugh.

"Derek, you do realize that part of having a baby will involve other people 'touching me like that' and that there is absolutely nothing sexual about it, right?"

"Of course I do. I just prefer to do it myself." Derek smiled at her coyly. "Now come on!" Derek exclaimed grabbing her arm and pulling her to the car.

An hour later, Addison and Derek were in an exam room. They had managed to come in a back entrance and go up the stairs without running into anyone. Getting an ultrasound machine was a little more tricky. Izzy was working that night and knew that Addison was off. Addison finally was able to sneak a machine when Izzy was paged to the pit.

"Ok, Derek. I will guide you through this, but PLEASE remember to be gentle! If you aren't, you won't be coming anywhere near my vagina for a long time!" Addison winked. Derek chuckled.

"I will be extra careful then!" Derek listened to Addison on how to place the wand. Soon the image appears on the screen and Addison began to cry. Two beating hearts appeared.

Even Derek could see it was twins. His eyes began to tear up as he looked at Addison. She too had tears in her eyes.

"Is everything ok with the babies?" he asked. He could read ultrasounds a little, but nowhere near the level of Addison.

"Yes, Derek. Everything is perfect. Our babies are 6 weeks and 3 days. That means our babies will be here at the end of April or beginning of May!" Addison couldn't stop smiling. "Now, turn on the sound to the ultrasound machine so we can hear their heartbeats." Soon the room filled with the most precious sound they had ever heard.

"I really want to kiss you right now Addison, but that means I would have to remove the wand. I don't want to stop looking at them yet!" Derek joked. They sat there for 10 more minutes before Addison finally told Derek it was time to go.

"I love listening to their heart beats as well, Derek. But this is really starting to get uncomfortable. Plus, someone is going to walk in here soon."

"I know. Ok, babies. We will see you again soon." Derek said, pulling the wand out. After Addison was cleaned up and changed, Derek walked over and pulled her in his arms, kissing her deeply. Then he leaned down and kissed her stomach.

"Addison, we may not have planned to have a baby right now, or even two, but I am so happy about this."

"Me too, Derek." Addison whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Me too." All of the sudden she was completely exhausted. "Would you mind if we just sleep here tonight? It is already 8:00, and we both have surgeries first thing in the morning" Derek could tell she was really tired.

"That's fine my love. Let's go find an empty on call room."

The two Lovebirds walked to the nearest on-call room and went to sleep. The did not notice all the strange looks they received from the staff at SGH

The next few days were insanely busy for the Shepherds. They barely saw each other.

Finally on Wednesday night, they both were at the trailer at the same time.

"I swear, Derek. I don't know how I am going to survive the next month! September is always the busiest month for me since that is the month with the highest birth rate!" Addison exclaimed, collapsing on the bed. "These babies are sucking all my energy!"

"Well, Addie, they have doubled in size since last week. That takes a lot of work!" Derek chuckled.

"I see someone has been doing some research." Addison laughed. She knew that Derek knew very little about fetal development, and had never really been that interested in it.

"I have." he smiled, walking over next to her and sitting on the bed. "I also have a surprise for you." This got Addison's attention. She LOVED surprises from Derek.

"What is it? A new pair of shoes?" Addison asked gleefully sitting up.

"No You seriously don't need any more shoes!" Derek said playfully. "How would you like to get away this weekend?"

"But Derek, it is Labor Day this weekend. The hospital is already severely understaffed. How are you going to convince Richard to let us be gone as well.?"

"Don't worry about that, Addison. It is already taken care of." Derek said smiling at her shocked face.

"Really?" Addison exclaimed pulling her knees up underneath her. "Where are we going then?"

Derek laughed as Addison was bouncing on the bed like a child.

"I called Sam and asked if we could come visit Noami and him for a few days." Derek said, smiling. Addison's jaw dropped. She was completely speechless.

"Wow, the great Dr. Shepherd is finally speechless!" Derek teased. Addiosn play punched him the arm and then jumped on top of him giving him a big hug. She had so much momentum, they fell off the bed. Both of them started laughing.

"Derek, this is by far one of the best surprises you could ever give me! Of course, I want to go!" Addison exclaimed, still sitting on top of him. "Let's see if I can come up with some ways to thank you!" she said, leaning over to kiss him. The rest of the night was one of celebration.

*******************************************************************8

On Friday, Derek and Addison arrived at the airport early in the morning. Derek had booked first class tickets as he didn't see a reason to worry about a private jet for such a short flight. Addison did not agree.

"Derek, why didn't you contact the family pilots and just book a private plane! Then we wouldn't have to get here so early and go through security and wait in lines and everything." Addison said annoyed. She had woken up puking at 4:30 in the morning and still didn't feel all that great.

Derek rolled his eyes behind Addison's head and took 3 deep breaths. He had heard about the flight options all morning and was trying his best not to fight back. He knew she didn't feel good and didn't want to ruin the weekend.

"I'm sorry." Derek replied, also annoyed. Addison turned to look at Derek and saw how frustrated he was and began to feel worse.

"I'm the one who should be sorry." she said as she began to tear up. "You planned this great weekend, and I am ruining it by complaining." She turned her head away from Derek hoping he wouldn't see the tears. Derek pulled Addison into a hug.

"Addie, just turning your head isn't going to prevent me from knowing when you are about to cry. I know it by the sound of your voice." he said kissing her on the top of your head. "Let's just get on the plane and get to LA."

"Ugh! I HATE these pregnancy hormones!" Addison said wiping her eyes. "I cry so easily now!"

"It's ok, Love." Derek replied hugging her tighter.

Soon they were on the plane and on their way to LA.

As they were driving to the hotel, Addison couldn't stop smiling. The ocean was breathtaking, the weather perfect, and she was feeling normal for a change.

"Derek, thank you so much for this trip!" She exclaimed turning towards him. "I don't know what I am more excited about: seeing Naomi, the beach, or the hotel!"

Derek laughed. He had booked the presidential suite at the Hyatt Regency hotel. While he didn't see a point in private jets, he knew better than to book the best hotel room.

"We are supposed to meet Sam and Naomi at 4, so that gives us plenty of time to relax at the hotel or beach. Whatever our babies want." Derek winked.

"As long as our babies let me keep my food down, I will be happy at either place!" Addison responded.

They decided to go get some lunch on the boardwalk and then relax at the beach for a bit. It was exactly what they needed. Addison even fell asleep while sunbathing.

"Addie, love. It is time to wake up." Derek said, gently shaking her. "It is 3. We need to get ready to go meet Sam and Naomi." Addison rolled over and looked at Derek.

"Ok. This is just the most relaxed I have been in weeks! Definitely want to do this again tomorrow!"

They headed back to the hotel room to get cleaned up. They were meeting the other couple at their practice.

Around 4, Derek and Addison walked into the lobby of Oceanside Wellness. They looked around, a little shocked at how quiet the whole place was.

"May I help you?" a cute, young receptionist asked them.

"We are supposed to be meeting Naomi and Sam." Derek responded.

"Ah, you must be Derek and Addison! My name is Dell." he said, flashing a big smile at Addison. Derek wasn't too thrilled that Dell was obviously flirting with his wife.

"It is such a great honor to meet you, Dr. Shepherd. I am training to be a midwife and would love any advice you have for me!" Dell exclaimed as he led them down the hallway. He knew of Addison's success in her field and read all her articles.

"Wow! A midwife, huh?" Addison asked, a little taken aback that Dell was old enough for that. "I will answer any questions you have." she continued politely.

"Addison!" Naomi exclaimed coming out of her office. The two friends gave each other a big hug. "How are you? It has been WAY too long since we have seen each other!"

"I know! Now that we live on the West Coast, hopefully, we will see each other a lot more!" Addison smiled. It was so good to see Naomi.

"Let me grab my purse, and we can head over the Sam's house. He is cooking us all dinner tonight." Naomi said, entering her office again briefly.

As they pulled up to Sam's house, Addison was astonished with how big it was. And it was on the beach!

"Sam! I love your house!" Addison said, giving her friend a hug. It was a little weird being around Sam and Naomi now that they were divorced, but the two seemed on good terms.

"Thank you. May I get you guys something to drink?" Sam said, giving Derek a hug.

"I'll take a scotch." Derek replied.

"I'll just have water." Addison said. Sam gave her an odd look as he knew how much Addison liked alcohol.

"I'll help you get the drinks Sam, while the women headed out to the back porch." Derek responded quickly, distracting Sam from asking any questions.

Naomi and Addison made their way to the table outside and sat down.

"Wow, Addison. I can't believe how much has happened in our lives lately. How are you really doing? Your life has been a major roller coaster over the last few years!" Naomi said, looking at Addison.

"Honestly, Naomi. I am in a better place now than I have been in a long time. The brain tumor was a blessing. It saved my marriage." Addison replied. She went on to tell Naomi the whole story of her and Derek.

"I am glad you guys are doing better. I am not even sure a brain tumor would have saved my marriage." Naomi said sadly. Addison gave her friend's hand a squeeze.

"What happened with Sam and you?" Addison asked.

"I honestly don't know. He just wanted a divorce." Naomi said tearing up. Addison could tell her friend was still in love with her ex. She gave her friend a hug.

It was then that they heard the men starting to come outside. Naomi quickly wiped her eyes and decided to divert attention away from her.

"Ok, Addison. Spill it!" she exclaimed as the men sat down.

"Spill what?" Addison asked, confused.

"Your boobs are huge and you are drinking water…I too work with pregnant women everyday. I know the signs!" Naomi laughed. Addison glanced over at Derek quickly. He gave a slight nod to her. They weren't planning on telling people yet about the babies, but these were some of their oldests friends.

"Is it really that obvious?! You are correct. I am 7 weeks pregnant with twins." Addison said smiling.

"Twins?" Naomi and Sam exclaimed at the same time. Naomi jumped up and gave Addison a hug. "Was it planned? How are you feeling?"

"Slow down, Naomi!" Addison laughed. "No, it wasn't planned. Derek and I are both thrilled. I am ok right now, but much of the time I am tired, emotional, and nauseous."

"You always have been on overachiever Derek!" Sam said, teasing his friend.

The friends enjoyed the rest of the evening catching up and reminiscing about med school. Addison had missed having close friends around in Seattle, and was so thankful Derek had planned this get away.

Let me know what you think!


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning, Derek woke up before Addison. He slowly got out of bed, careful not to wake her up. He decided he wanted to go for a run on the beach. He left a note for Addison, and quietly left the hotel room.

While Derek was running, he couldn't help but think of how much his life had changed in the past 6 months. He had gone from barely being able to tolerating his wife, to falling head-over-heels in love with her again. And now they were expecting twins. He was extremely thankful for his wife's brain tumor...something he never thought he would ever say!

After an hour of running, Derek stopped and sat down in the sand and just stared out into the ocean. The sound of the waves was hypnotizing. It reminded him of another Labor Day Weekend.

_12 years ago_

"_Come on Derek. We are going to miss our flight!" Mark yelled at him It was a few weeks before the wedding, and Mark and Derek were going on a man trip to the Florida Keys. One last getaway before the big day._

"_I'm coming." Derek said as he leaned over to kiss Addison good-bye in their living room. _

"_You better not let him get hurt while deep sea fishing, Mark!" Addison said seriously, wrapping her arms tighter around Derek._

"_Seriously, you two. It is only a couple of days." Mark exclaimed rolling his eyes. He grabbed Derek's arm and pulled him out the door._

"_Bye, Addie. I love you." Derek yelled, stumbling after Mark._

_They made it to their flight with no problem and soon were driving down the highway enjoying the warm, ocean air. That night, they went with a seasoned fisherman deep sea fishing and had the time of their lives._

_The next day, they decided to relax on the beach. Both had been working long hours, and couldn't remember the last time they had just sat in the sun for hours._

"_I wish Addie were here." Derek sighed as he stared out over the ocean._

"_You are with her all the time, man. It is good for you to be apart….you know, absence makes the heart grow fonder...or something like that." Mark answered. He was busy checking out a few girls who were walking by. Derek smiled as he watched Mark. Some things never changed._

"_Are you sure?" Mark asked a little while later._

"_Am I sure about what?" Derek asked, looking at his best friend confused._

"_About getting married." Mark said uncharacteristically serious. "It is a big step….and look how well marriage turned out for my parents, Addie's parents, and, well, even your parents….." he said quietly trailing off. Derek didn't respond for a long time. Mark thought maybe he had gone too far including Derek's parents in the list._

"_I don't know what is going to happen in the future, Mark, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I want to face my future with Addie. Nothing is going to change that." Derek said as he continued to watch the waves."_

He had been wrong. Seeing his best friend and his wife had changed wanting to spend his life with Addie. At least for awhile. Or maybe, it didn't change. He just chose to forget that he wanted to face life with her. He was thankful that he was beginning to remember.

Derek realized that while things were so much better with Addison, their entire relationship was different than before the affairs. They were both different people than they were when they got married. He knew this was the natural way of things. That people change, but he also knew that deep down, he wanted to do something very special and meaningful for Addison to show he was still fully committed to her.

Derek got out his phone and called his friend. "Sam? I need your help."

Addison slowly opened her eyes, and was shocked when she realized it was 10:00. She never slept that late! These babies were wiping her out! Addison got out of bed, put on a robe, and walked around the suite looking for Derek. She found a note from him on the counter.

My Love,

I have gone for a run on the beach. Enjoy a nice bath and order some room service. I'll be back soon.

Yours,

D-

Addison smiled at Derek's note. She decided to take his suggestion and enjoy having a jetted-tub while she could! While listening to classical music and relaxing in the hot water, Addison heard her phone ding. She slowly dried off her hands and picked up her phone. She saw she had a text from Derek.

"Doing something with Sam. Naomi will be by at 1 to pick you up. Will meet up with you later. Love you!"

"Well, my little ones." Addison said, putting her hand on her stomach. "It looks like it is just us for a while. Daddy is hanging out with Sam." Addison smiled as she looked down at her stomach. It was flat now, but soon, very soon, would be starting to grow. She still could not believe she was pregnant!

After her bath, Addison went out on the balcony to eat and read. The view of the ocean was phenomenal! She was so relaxed that she dozed off.

Addison awoke with a start at the sound of her phone ringing. "Hello?" she said sleepily.

"Addison! Where are you?" Naomi asked quickly. "I have been knocking on your door for 5 minutes!"

"Oh my gosh! I am so sorry, Naomi!" Addison said, jumping up and running to answer the door.

"I fell asleep on the balcony and didn't hear the knocking." Addison explained as she hugged her friend. Naomi just laughed.

"I remember early pregnancy and being so tired!" Nami replied. "And I only had 1. I can't imagine how you feel with 2! I still can't believe it is twins, Addie!"

"Seriously! It doesn't seem real to me either." Addison laughed, subconsciously putting her hand over her growing babies.

"Now, where has my husband gone off to?" Addison asked.

"I can't answer that yet. I am here to be your chauffeur for the afternoon" Naomi smirked. "This is all I am allowed to give you." She handed Addison a single red dahlia with a note attached to it.

"Addison, my friend, my confidant, my lover" was all the note said.

"Okay…." Addison said confused. "This is the type of flower my wedding bouquet was made out of…" Addison was thoroughly confused. What was Derek up to? Did he really remember the flowers from their wedding? It had been a big deal to her, but at the time, he could have cared less.

_13 years earlier_

"_Derek, seriously, which flowers should I pick?" Addison whined as they sat on a gurney in the hallway. They both had a short break and were planning their wedding. Well, Addison was planning. Derek was trying not to fall asleep. She had several magazines open._

"_Honestly, Addie, I don't care." Derek yawned._

"_It is a very important decision...roses, peonies, dahlias..I love them all." Addison sighed. She looked over at her fiance, who was now fast asleep. Addison smiled to herself. She knew he had been in surgery for over 10 hours. He had been so excited to watch his favorite neurosurgeon, Dr. Searly. _

_Addison leaned over and kissed Derek on the temple. "Never mind. You just sleep." She got up off the gurney, and went to find her mentor Vivian. She would know the right one to pick._

In the end she had listened to Vivian's advice to go with a red flower to match her hair as it would really pop against the white dress. She had chosen the dahlia, as she didn't want to do a traditional rose. Mainly to spite her mother.

Addison followed Naomi outside to her car. "Seriously, Naomi. What is going on?"

"Let's just say, it is another one of Derek's romantic surprises." Naomi laughed. Now Addison was very intrigued. In med school, Derek was always doing big, romantic surprises for her. Naomi had always been so jealous!

They stopped in front of a massage parlor. Addison followed Naomi inside to find another red dahlia tied to a chair.

"You work harder than any other person I know. Relax for awhile and enjoy this maternity massage!"

"How did he know this is what I wanted?!" Addison exclaimed, tearing up a little.

"The best part of this is Derek is paying for me to have a massage too." laughed Naomi. "Only, I get the full one. Not the maternity one." she teased.

The women were in 7th heaven over the next hour of being pampered at the spa. When the massage was over, Addison was more relaxed than she had been in a very long time.

"This was an amazing gesture by Derek." Addison sighed contently.

"Oh, Addie. This is just the beginning." Naomi winked. She wouldn't tell Addison where they were going, despite the relentless begging.

Next, they pulled up in front of a hair salon. Again, Addison found a red dahlia with a note tied to a chair.

"While you look amazing in anything (even better in nothing!), enjoy getting dolled up and pampered, my Love!" Addison blushed while reading this note.

Addison loved going to the salon as much as getting a massage. She had no idea what was coming next, so she decided to have the stylist cut a few inches off her hair and then style it long and flowing down her back with a little curl. Derek's favorite.

Next up was nails. "Naomi, what color should I get?" Addison asked, browsing the nail polish. "I have no clue what is coming next, so what I am I supposed to pick?"

Naomi rolled her eyes. "Addie, you are overthinking this. Just pick whatever color you want." In the end, she chose a dark red. She figured it would go with just about anything.

"Alright, so we have done a massage and the salon, " Addie said as the women walked out to the car. "Let me guess. Shopping is next?" Naomi laughed.

"You are correct." Addisome smiled.

"Derek really did chose all my favorite things." It made her feel really good to know that he knew her so well.

As they were driving, Addison began to think about how different Naomi and her lives had turned out. Naomi had a kid early on. It hadn't been planned as they were still residents. Because of this, Naomi had decided not to become a surgeon. Even Sam stopped surgery after a while. Instead, they opened a practice. A much slower pace than the hospital. Addison wondered what would happen to her when the twins were born. Would she decide to step back from surgery? Could she give up something she loved so much? What would she do if the twins didn't survive like her last baby? Addison subconsciously put her hand over her belly as if to protect the two lives growing inside her.

"Naomi, do you ever regret not becoming a surgeon?" Addison asked inquisitively.

"Honestly, Addie, I don't. I wasn't cut out for the high paced craziness of the hospital. I am so thankful for the extra time I get with Mia." Naomi replies. "Well, at least, I used to enjoy the extra time. Now, I only have her half of the time." Addison could tell Naomi was starting to tear up but was also trying to hide it.

"What happened with Sam and you?" Addison asked softly. Naomi's grip on the steering wheel tightened.

"Honestly, I am not sure." she replied with a far off look in her eyes. "Something happened to Sam after he quit surgery. He never said anything, but looking back, it was the beginning of the end for us.." Adison was quiet for a long time. She remembered Sam's last surgery well. It was a teacher who turned out to be a pedaphil. The man had died in surgery. She too did not know for sure what happened, but Sam was never the same.

"You still love him, don't you." It was a statement more than a question. They had known each other for so long, it was easy to read each other. Naomi never replied. Neither said anything for a long time.

"Are we going to Rodeo Drive?" Addison asked excitedly as she realized where they were. Rodeo Drive was were there most elite stores were. Addison was totally in her element for the next few hours. Picking out dresses, hand bags, shoes, and jewelry. She even decided to go in to a maternity store and pick out a few items there.

"Naomi, I am utterly exhausted." Addison said collapsing into the car.

"Next up is my house, to relax a little before the final surprise tonight." Naomi explains. Addison looks over at her with a raised eyebrow.

"There's more?" Addison couldn't believe it. "What else could Derek possibly have planned?"

Naomi just gave her a knowing smile but didn't say anything.

At Naomi's house, the women decided to watch a movie and eat ice cream. While they were watching Titanic, one of their all time favorite movies, Addison's mind began to wander. Was Derek doing all of this as an early anniversary present? Their anniversary was in 3 weeks. It had been several years since they had really celebrated an anniversary. Maybe Derek was trying to make up for it?

When the movie was over, Naomi quietly went into her office and came out with another flower. The note said, "My Darling, I hope you had an amazing day. One more surprise awaits you."

"One more surprise, huh?" Addison reads, looking over at Naomi. "So where am I going? What do I need to wear?"

"Always the planner." Naomi laughs. "I guess there is no harm in telling you the location. I am dropping you off at Sam's. Dress for dinner on the beach." Addison is a little surprised at this. She was expecting a 5 star restaurant after all the fanfare of the day. But she was also very thankful, as all of the activity and the twins were making her very tired.

Addison quickly got ready for the evening. After going to the salon earlier, it didn't take long. She chose to wear a long, blue sundress. It was strapless, which she knew Derek would love. She looked at herself in the mirror after she was done putting on her knew jewelry. There was no evidence of where her brain surgery had been. She was very thankful they had only had to shave a very tiny portion of her hair, and it was hidden under the very long, thick curls. Her eyes traveled from her hair down to her belly. She was now 7 weeks. The timing of it concerned her a little as she knew the babies were conceived at the very end of when she had been on medication. As a doctor she knew that most likely the medicine had not affected the babies, but as a mother, there was always the "what if". She also had concerns of losing the twins after losing her first child so many years ago.

Addison sighed. Worrying wasn't going to help anything. She glanced over herself one last time, and then left the bathroom to tell Naomi she was ready.

As the women pulled up to Sam's house, Addison was speechless. There were dahlia flowers all the up the walkway. There were even candles lit.

"This is as far as I go, Addie." Naomi said as they pulled into the driveway. "Go find your man." She said smiling.

Addison slowly got out of the car and noticed there were notes tied to several of the flowers. She reached down to the first note. "Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd". Then the next one, "These are the reasons I love you." "Your smile" "Your kindness" "Your ability to connect with patients" The notes went on and on. Addison followed the flowers into Sam's house and through the living room, kitchen, and out onto the deck. What she saw when she got to the deck nearly made her fall over. Derek was standing under an archway of dahlia flowers, exactly like the one they'd had at their wedding. He was in a tux and was standing there waiting for her.

"Derek, what in the world?" Addison said breathless as she approached. Derek pulled her into a tight hug and then looked at her directly in the eyes.

"Addison, my Love, these last few years have been very rough for us. These last few months have turned our lives from upside down to right side up. And now we are expecting twins." Derek paused as he placed his hands over his wife's stomach. "I want to start fresh. Not forgetting the past, but learning from it. Growing together. I want to be a better husband, so I can be a better father. I love you so much, Addie." Derek proceeded to get down on one knee. "Would you do me the honor of renewing our wedding vows next summer, after the babies are born?" He pulled out a sapphire ring.

"Nothing would make me happier." Addison said through the tears. Derek place the ring on Addison's middle finger, and then stood up and pulled her into a strong embrace. He then proceeded to kiss her.

After a few minutes, Addison pulled away. "Love, while you have made me the happiest woman on earth, your children are informing me it is time to eat. Did you happen to plan supper with all of this?" Derek laughed.

"Yes. Come with me." He led her over to the table where the steaks he had grilled were being kept warm. He pulled out her chair. Even though Addison was a strong independent woman, she still loved it when Derek did chivalrous things.

"Derek, I can't believe you did all of this today." Addison said as they began to eat.

"I couldn't have done it without Sam and Naomi." Derek said. "So tell me about your day?" Addison went on to tell him all about her adventures with Naomi.

"It was the perfect day, Derek. It has been a long time since I have had quality girl time, and Nay was the perfect one to do it with." Addison said, taking Derek's hand. Just then Derek stood up, pulling Addison with him.

"Dance with me." Derek whispered pulling her close as music began to play. Soon the patio was filled with Celine Dion singing The Power of Love. Addison again was blown away.

"Derek, this is the song we danced to at our wedding." She said amazed.

"I know, Addie." Derek said, pulling her closer. He began to sing softly in her ear.

_I hold on to your body_

_And feel each move you make_

_Your voice is warm and tender_

_A love that I could not forsake_

As Derek continued to sing, Addison couldn't help but remember the first time they heard the song.

_15 years ago_

_It was a cold snowy day at the end of November. Derek, Mark, and Addison were studying for finals. None of them could believe the semester was almost over. The apartment was covered in Christmas decorations and the radio was quietly playing in the background. Mark was sprawled with books on one couch while Derek and Addison shared the other. _

"_I can't study any longer!" Derek exclaimed putting his books down and running his hand through his hair. "Anyone need some food or something to drink?" he asked, slowly lifting Addison's feet off of him and standing up._

"_I could use another beer, but that would probably make studying pointless." Mark joked. He too was tired of studying and set his books down. "Let's call it a night."_

"_Come on you two, we only have one more chapter to go...let's finish and then go to bed." Addison whined. Mark gave Derek a look. He knew that with Addison spending the night, there would be no sleeping anytime soon._

"_Fine." Mark said slumping back in the couch and picking up his books. Just then the new Celine Dion song "Power of Love" came on the radio. Mark started to change the station._

"_No!" Addison cried out. "I love that song!" _

"_We are NOT listening to Celine Dion!" Mark said dryly._

"_Yes we are." Addison said adamantly standing up and changing the station back. "It's ok with Derek, so 2 against 1." she continued smuggly. She knew Derek would back her up._

"_Oh really. Derek, you WANT to listen to Celine Dion?" Mark said turning to his best friend. He could remember many occasions of Derek saying just the opposite._

"_Uh…" Derek said with a deer caught in the headlights look. "Sure, why not." Mark rolled his eyes while Addison smiled smugly._

" _Dude. You really do love her." Mark said under his breath. Addison froze and turned to look at Mark._

"_What did you say?" she asked him. _

"_Nothing. I said nothing." Mark stammered. He realized he spoke out of turn by the shocked look on Addison's face and the surprised look on Derek's. Derek had been telling Mark he loved Addison for awhile but since they had only been dating for about 5 months, he hadn't told Addison yet._

"_No, you said Derek must really, uh, really…" Addison couldn't finish the sentence. She turned and looked at Derek. He was turning bright red. She had never seen him blush before. It made him look even cuter._

_Addison walked over to Derek, who was halfway between the kitchen and the couches, and looked into his deep, ocean blue eyes. Derek looked from her and Mark and back._

"_He said I really must love you." Derek said breathlessly. They stared into each other's eyes for a few more seconds. "It's true, Addie. I do love you." he continued shyly, no sure how she would react._

"_I love you too, Derek." Addison said, pulling him into a hug. Derek lowered his head and began to kiss her deeply._

"_Seriously guys, I hear you having sex regularly. I don't want the live show!" Mark said, covering his eyes. Derek pulled back and started to laugh._

"_Well, then I suggest you leave the apartment if you don't want to hear anything." Derek winked, pulling Addison into his bedroom. Studying was soon forgotten for the rest of the night._

Addison could not believe how long it had been since Derek first said those 3 little words. They had just been babies, barely in their 20's. Now they were close to 40 and the words meant more now than ever before.

_'Cause I'm your lady_

_And you are my man_

_Whenever you reach for me_

_I'll do all that I can_

Addison sang the chorus to Derek. It was one of the few songs she sang back to him. The words were so true.

_We're heading for something_

_Somewhere I've never been_

_Sometimes I am frightened_

_But I'm ready to learn_

_Of the power of love_

Derek finished singing the song. Addison didn't care that he was out of tune, as no one could sing like Celine Dion. The words were more accurate now than at any other time in their lives. They were heading into something new and she was frightened.

Addison leaned her head on Derek's shoulder as the song came to an end. "Derek, I am frightened about so much...if the babies will be ok, how are we doing to handle twins, what will this mean for my career….but, when I am in your arms, I am not afraid. I know that we can handle anything life throws at us. I love you Derek."

"I love you too Addison." Derek said kissing her softly. They both knew that in the morning they would fly back to Seattle and return to the real world, but that night, they only were concerned about each other.

Let me know what you think!


	18. Chapter 18

A/N As a side note, I am thinking of incorporating some of the storylines of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice into this story as it has always intrigued me to explore what would have happened if Derek was with Addison instead of Meredith when some of the major events happened. Let me know if there are any cases or events or characters that you would like to be included, and I will see what I can do!

The next few weeks after returning from LA were a whirlwind of activity for both Derek and Addison. Derek wanted to tell everyone about the babies immediately, but Addison wanted to wait. He decided not to push the issue until Addison was ready.

Addison was scrubbing out of 4 hour surgery as Derek came to scrub in. The two had barely seen each other in the last 72 hours except for brief meetings at the hospital.

Addison didn't realize it was Derek who came in as she was scrubbing. He came behind her and started massaging her shoulders.

"Oh my gosh, Derek!" Addison said jumping. "You startled me!"

"You were completely zoned out." Derek laughed. "How are you doing?" Addison looked around to make sure no one was listening.

"I can't fit into my clothes, Derek." Addison said as if it was the worst thing in the world.

"What?" Derek asked, not quite sure what Addison was getting at. She had been wearing looser clothes for about a week, but neither of them mentioned it.

"I can't fit in the spare clothes in my office." Addison said, tearing up. Again, Derek was really confused.

"Ok…." he said wiping her tears away. "I'm sorry, Addie. I am really lost."

"I have nothing to wear, Derek!" Addison said really frustrated. "A baby threw up all over the clothes I wore to work this morning, and I can't fit in the spare clothes in my office because I am 9 weeks pregnant with your twins who make me hungry all the time so I 've gained more weight than I should, and well, I have nothing to wear!"

By now Derek was trying really hard not to laugh. He knew Addison was upset

"Addie, love, why not just go naked? I definitely would enjoy the view." Derek said coyly, running his eyes appreciatively over his wife. Addison rolled her eyes.

"You and every other male in the building." Addison smirked. "You seriously would be ok with that?" she continued, seductively running her hands through his hair.

"Well, if you put it that way, then no." Derek smirked. "I want you all to myself." With that he pulled her against him and began to kiss him.

"Seriously! Can't you two keep your hands off each other for 5 minutes!" Mark said as he entered the scrub room.

"What? I have a hot wife." Derek said, briefly breaking the kiss.

"Yes, and I don't need to see what follows that kiss!" Mark said, covering his eyes. Addison and Derek slowly broke apart.

"It wouldn't be the first time you have walked in on us having sex." Addison smirked at Mark.

"As much fun as that was the hundreds of times it happened during med school and residency, I do not need a repeat!"

"A repeat of what?" Meredith asked as she walked in the scrub room. Mark, Addison, and Derek looked at each other awkwardly.

"Nothing." Mark said as he began to scrub. Meredith looked at them all for a minute and then silently began to scrub as she was assisting Mark on his surgery.

Addison pulled Derek into the hallway.

"I still don't have anything to wear." she whispered, picking their earlier conversation up.

"Why can't you wear scrubs?" Derek asked. Addison crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

"I have been wearing scrubs ALL day since the puking incident. I don't want the ENTIRE hospital to know I am pregnant yet. I have already received some odd looks today from the nurses." Addison exclaimed blinking back tears. "Ugh, I am so tired of tearing up so easily!" Derek gave Addison a hug. He wasn't quite sure what else to do with his hormonal wife.

"Addie, it is going to be ok. I wish I had other options on the clothes, and I am really sorry, but Mr. Kajowski really needs this craniotomy, so…" Derek trailed off.

Addison wiped the tears from her eyes. She knew she was being ridiculous but she couldn't help it. She knew it was just part of being pregnant, but sometimes she couldn't wait to feel normal again.

"I'm sorry, Derek. Of course, go, save lives. Don't worry about me." she said giving him one more quick hug. "It is almost the end of the day anyway. I don't have any more patients, so I think I am just going to head to the trailer. I am pretty tired too." Addison rambled, giving Derek a small smile.

"Why don't you book a room at the Archfield tonight?" Derek replied. "It is closer than the trailer. You can take a bath and relax. I will meet you there after my surgery….that could be awhile, so don't wait up."

"That sounds nice." Addison said, giving Derek a big smile. "Now go, save lives, be great. I will see you later." She gave Derek a quick kiss and playfully pushed him to the scrub room door.

Addison checked into the hotel room around 4:00. She looked from the bedroom to the bathroom and couldn't decide if she wanted to sleep or take a relaxing bath first. She sighed. Both sounded amazing, but as she could barely keep her eyes open, she decided to go to bed.

Addison climbed into the bed and felt like she was in heaven. The bed was so soft. As she lay there, she ran her hand over her stomach. There definitely was a baby bump. Even with the frustration of clothes not fitting, Addison couldn't help but smile at her bump. She still couldn't believe she was pregnant with twins.

Derek arrived at the hotel around 8:00. The surgery had been a success and went faster than planned. When he walked into the bedroom, he smiled as he found Addison asleep in the bed with her hands resting on her stomach. As he looked around the room, it became obvious to Derek that his wife had gone straight to bed. He quietly walked over to the bathroom and began to draw a bath.

He then walked back over to Addison, leaned over and gently kissed her. Addison's eyes fluttered open.

"Hey" she said sleepily as she stretched. "How did surgery go?"

"It went really well. I was done fairly quickly, so I ran out to the trailer to pick up some clothes for us before I came here. I also started a bath. Would you like to join me?" Derek asked, placing his hand on Addison's belly without even thinking. She placed her hand on his and smiled.

"Thank you Derek for taking such good care of us. Yes, I would love to go get a bath with you." She sat up and began to kiss her husband deeply. "Maybe we can do more than just take a bath." she winked and then jumped out of the bed and ran to the bathroom. Derek didn't need more than one invitation

The next morning, Addison woke up and stretched. She reached over for Derek to find him not there. There was a note on his night stand.

"Was paged in to the hospital. Will see you there.

Love, -D"

Addison sighed. She knew Derek couldn't help not being there, but she still missed him. She got up and decided to get another relaxing bath since she didn't have to be at the hospital for several hours.

After getting a bath and ordering room service, Addison began to pack up their things. She looked around the room and groaned. She knew she would be back in the trailer tonight. The cold, small, disgusting trailer. Derek had been talking to contractors and they were set to break ground on the house in a few weeks, but the house would take at least 6 months to build. If not longer. They would be lucky to have it done before the babies came. She knew she needed to talk to Derek about getting a house to rent. There was no way she could handle living in a trailer the rest of her pregnancy, let alone with two babies!

Addison walked into the hospital and ran into Mark in the elevator. She was feeling nauseous but didn't want to say anything to him. He still didn't know about the babies.

"Hey, Red." Mark smiled at her. "You ok? You look a little green."

"I'm ok." Addison replied, doing her best to smile. She knew she needed to get out of the elevator soon before she lost her breakfast everywhere.

The elevator stopped on the OB floor. "I gotta go, Mark." Addison said quickly trying not to run to her office. She barely made it before throwing up in the trash can. "At least no one is around to see this." Addison thought.

Meanwhile, Mark rode the elevator up to the neurology wing. He was concerned about Addison and was looking for Derek.

"Hey" Mark said as he entered Derek's office. "Your wife looked sick in the elevator. Everything ok?"

Derek looked up from the file he was looking at with concern. He wanted to tell Mark about the babies but knew Addison wasn't ready.

"I think so. I got paged to the hospital early this morning, so I haven't seen her since last night." Derek responded aloofly. Mark knew something was up as Derek didn't really seem that concerned about Addison not feeling well.

"Come on, Derek. I am not stupid. I have known you for 30 years. I can tell when you are hiding something." Mark smirked. "You are almost acting like Addison is pregnant or something." he laughed.

"Uh…." Derek stammered. He didn't want to lie but he didn't want to tell Mark about the babies if Addison wasn't ready. Mark stopped laughing and just looked at Derek.

"Dude! Is she seriously pregnant?" he asked excitedly. Derek just remained quiet. "I am guessing by your silence that she is but she doesn't want you to say anything yet. Don't worry I won't say anything, but congratulations!" Mark exclaimed, walking over to Derek and gave him a hug. Derek still was too stunned to say anything. Mark walked out of his office before Derek could say anything.

He knew he needed to go talk to Addison.

A few minutes later Derek was walking into Addison's office. The door was shut, but he went in anyway. Addison looked up startled as her door opened.

"Hey, Babe." Derek said walking over to her desk. "Mark came to see me. He said you weren't feeling good." Addison rested her head on Derek's stomach.

"I've felt better." she said smiling weakly. Derek ran his fingers through her hair. "It's just the pregnancy, Derek. I'll be ok."

"About that." Derek said, leading Addison over to her couch. "Mark figured out you are pregnant. I didn't tell him but I didn't say no either….so, he knows." Addison shrugged her shoulders.

"It is ok if you talk to him about it. He is practically your family." she said softly. " I still don't want to tell others though. I am almost 10 weeks. This is longer than I made it with the other baby…" Addison said barely above a whisper. Derek pulled her in for a long hug.

"I know you still think about that baby a lot, Addie. Just remember, it wasn't your fault." Derek said soothingly. Tears began to trickle down Addison's cheeks. The couple sat there for a long time drawing strength from each other.

Finally Addison pulled back. "I'm ok, Derek." she said, giving him a small smile. "We should probably go do some actual work before Richard starts banging down my door." she chuckled.

"Ok. I will see you later" Derek said standing up. "I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise? What is it?" Addison said following him out the door. Derek just smiled at her, turned around, and walked away. Addison knew that was his style. To annoy her by announcing the surprise and then make her wonder about it for hours. Sometimes even days.

That night as Addison was packing up her briefcase to head home, Derek popped in her office.

"So are you ready for your surprise, Dr. Shepherd?" Derek said smiling at her mischievously. Addison looked up curiously and saw Derek was holding a newspaper. Not exactly what she expected in his hands. Usually his surprises involved some sort of flowers.

"That depends on what it is, Dr. Shepherd." she responded crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. "What's with the newspaper?"

"That my dear is your anniversary present." Derek said laughing at the reaction on Addison's face.

"Oh really." she replied slowly. Derek handed her the newspaper and couldn't stop smiling as he saw Addison's face turn from a skeptic look to sheer shock. He had handed her the real estate section.

"Derek, does this mean what I think it means?" Addison said, trying not to sound too excited.

"It means that I think it is time for us to move out of the trailer." Derek barely got the words out before Addison threw her arms around him.

"Wait." she said, suddenly pulling back. "What about the house on the property? All those plans we have been working on?" Derek smiled over her concern.

"The house won't be built for 8-9 monthis….or longer depending on the weather….and well, we obviously don't have that long." Derek replied, placing his hand on Addison's stomach. "I was thinking we could get a house or apartment closer to the hospital to live in until our other house is done. Then we can rent it out. I found one in the real estate section I think might work. It has hardwood floors, a fireplace, and it is really close to the hospital. We are scheduled to go look at it soon, so…" Derek was cut off when once again Addison was hugging and kissing him.

"Yes, Derek. Yes to all of it." Addison said happily. "Let's go look at it."

The apartment was perfect. It was large and spacious, with 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. The master bathroom even had a jetted tub! It was less than 10 minutes from the hospital. It was perfect for what they needed.

As they were walking out of the apartment with the real estate agent, they were shocked to see Mark coming out of the apartment down the hall.  
"Mark?" they asked in unison.

"Hey!" he said, just as shocked as they were.

"Do you live here?" Derek asked.

"I do. I just bought this apartment this morning. What are you guys doing here?"

"We are going to buy this apartment to live in until our house is built." Addison responded. They all started laughing.

"I guess great minds think alike." Mark said cheerfully. "It will be like intern year all over again! When we lived in the same building!"

"Well, let's hope it isn't EXACTLY like intern year…" Derek chided...remembering the many times Mark had told his dates to go eat breakfast at Derek and Addison's apartment because he never had any food.

"Well, I can't promise I won't be over everyday for food, but I think I have grown up enough not to send my dates there." Mark laughed. Addison just rolled her eyes. It was definitely going to be interesting living so close to Mark again.

Later that evening, Derek and Addison were sitting out on the porch outside of the trailer. The evenings were starting to get cooler, but there were still some nights where summer was trying to hold on. Derek noticed that Addison was being unusually quiet.

"Addie, are you ok?" he asked after taking a sip of his beer. Addison turned and looked at him for a minute before responding.

"Tomorrow we have been married 12 years. We have been together for almost 16. We are 37 years old." Addison said and then turned to look back out into the darkness. Derek sat quietly waiting for her to continue. "We've shared a lot of life together. Plenty of good times and plenty of bad. I guess my mother was right about at least one thing. People plan and God laughs."

Derek wasn't quite sure what to say to this. He continued to just sit there watching Addison closely. She once again turned to look at him.

"This time last year I cried daily, pleading with whatever higher being is out there to make you give me another chance. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought it would have involved a brain tumor."

"Addie, I don't think God gave you a brain tumor to save our marriage…" Derek started to cut in.

"I know that." Addison said, talking over him. "It's just now we are expecting twins. Twins that wouldn't exist if I hadn't had a brain tumor. Twins that I have been terrified to let myself fall in love with out of fear that they would die." Addison barely choked out the last few words. Derek immediately came over to her and pulled her up into a hug.

"Addie, the babies are fine." he said kissing her temple.

"I know. And that is why my anniversary present to you is that I am ready to tell people about the babies." she said leaning back to look him in the eye.

"Are you sure? I am ok with waiting a few more weeks if you want."

"Yes, Derek. I am sure." Addison replied smiling. Derek leaned in to kiss her.

"Whose family should we tell first?" Derek asked.

"Definitely yours." Addison replied. The idea of telling the Captain and Bizzy was not something she wanted to think about yet.

Addison and Derek spent the next morning relaxing as they both had the day off.

"12 years, Derek. How is that even possible?" Addison said, shaking her head.

"It has been almost 16 years together...think of that!" Derek replied laughing.

"Are you trying to make me feel old?" Addison mocked, throwing a pillow at Derek.

"You my dear are anything but old." Derek said becoming serious. He scooted over to Addison on the bed and pulled her into his arms and began to kiss her deeply. "You are the most beautiful, sexy woman I have ever met, and I am so thankful you are mine!"

An hour later, Derek was cooking them brunch. "Would you like to call your mom after we eat?" Addison asked from her spot at the table.

"We can do that. Do you want to call each of my sisters, or should we just let Mom tell them?" Derek asked as he flipped the bacon.

"I think we should call them. They called us for every single one of our nieces and nephews...we should do the same for them." Addison said, pulling her knees up to her chest. She leaned her head back against the trailer and sighed.

"Are you ok, Addie?" Derek said turning so he could see her.

"I am, Derek, I truly am." she smiled at him contently. Derek smiled back.

After eating, Derek and Addiosn called his mom.

"Derek, how are you? Are you having a good anniversary?" Carolyn asked when she answered the phone.

"I am good, Mom. And yes, we are. I have Addison here." Derek replied.

"Hi, Mom." Addison said.

"Hi, Addison. I am actually out shopping with Nancy and Kathryn right now. Amelia is taking her boards next month, and the girls want to get her something nice. I told them we could go to Wal-Mart to find something, but they wouldn't hear of it. Apparently, doctors don't need to save money." Carolyn exclaimed.

"Well, Addison and I have some news. Can you put it on speaker phone so Nancy and Kathryn can join us?" Derek said, trying to distract his mom, as he knew she could ramble on for a long time about how wasteful his sisters were when it came to shopping.

"Oh, of course…..Girls, come here, your brother is on the phone." Carolyn called.

"So what is the news?" Kathryn asked after pleasantries were exchanged all around.

"We are pregnant with twins!" Addison exclaimed. The phone was silent for a few minutes. Addison and Derek just looked at each other. The phone was rarely silent when his mom or sisters were on the other end.

"Are you guys still there?" Derek asked cautiously.

"Yes, we are. We are all just shocked!" Kathryn replied. "Congratulations!"

"Twins! Wow!" Nancy chimed in.

"That is very good news, dears! More grandbabies to love! How far along are you?" Carolyn asked.

"I am 10 weeks today. The babies are due in April." Addison replied.

"Will you guys be able to make it out for Christmas?" Carolyn enquired. Derek and Addison again just looked at each other. They hadn't even begun to think about the holidays.

"We shall see, Mom." Derek replied elusively. "We are going to call Amelia and Liz now, so we are going to let you guys go."

"Ok. Be sure not to tell Amelia that we were shopping for a present for her!" Nancy said.

"We won't. Give our love to everyone. Talk to you soon." Addison said, smiling as Derek hung up the phone.

"What are you smiling for?" Derek asked, looking at her skeptically.

"I am just thankful to have your family as mine. That is much as they annoy you, they are a great family." Addison said, shrugging her shoulders.

"I know. You just didn't have to grow up with them!" Dered replied laughing.

They made two quick calls to Amelia and Liz, both who didn't answer, so they left messages.

"Now what about your family?" Derek asked Addison cautiously.

"No way. Not yet…" Addison replied quickly. "Let's wait a few weeks yet. Maybe when I am not nauseous all the time. But, we can tell people at the hospital tomorrow..." Addison smiled.

"Ok." Derek replied smiling. He pulled Addison in for a hug and kissed her on the temple.

The next morning, both Shepherds made their way to the Chief's office first thing.

"Addison, Derek. Happy Anniversary a day late!" Richard exclaimed shaking Derek's hand and giving Addison a hug. He was very happy to see one of his favorite couples doing better. "What can I do for you this morning?" he asked, gesturing for them to come into his office.

"Well, sir, " Addison stammered as she sat down. "We have some news to share with you."

"Are you two moving back to New York?" Richard interrupted a little anxious. He did not want to lose the dream team!

"No sir, nothing like that." Addison replied quickly. She looked over at Derek, smiled and took his hand. "We are expecting twins." she continued smiling. Richard looked back and forth between Derek and Addison for a few moments before he could speak.

"Twins? Twins?" You are sure?" Richard exclaimed surprise.

"You shouldn't be paying me so much if I wasn't sure!" Addison laughed.

"Right. Well, congratulations to you two!" Richard said laughing at himself. It was a shock to think of Addison and Derek as the parents of twins. "When are they due?"

"April" Derek replied smiling. "We wanted to let you know first before the hospital gossip mill does its work." Richard laughed.

"Yes, well. This is GOOD news to be spreading around the hospital. I appreciate you telling me first. I really am excited for you guys." RIchard said, once again shaking Derek's hand and giving Addison a hug. "Now, go save lives!" he said as the couple made their way out of the office.

Addison and Derek stopped on the catwalk after leaving the Chief's office. Derek wrapped his arms around his wife and placed his hands over her stomach as they looked out the window. They were oblivious to the group of 2nd year residents crossing on the other catwalk.

"What is up with the Shepherd's?" George asked, glancing over at the couple. He was still not used to seeing them get along, let alone showing PDA!

"Who cares!" Christina responded. "They are both McAsses! They don't have to rub their happiness in." she retorted. She still did not like Addison and Derek after what happened with Meredith. She was very thankful Meredith was not with them to see the couple all lovey dovey.

"I don't know." Izzie said slowly. "I think it's sweet. I mean, it is horrible what Derek did to Meredith, but it wasn't Addison's fault."

"She's just an ass all by herself." Alex piped in. "I have been stuck on the vagina squad forever." Just then all of their pagers went off, including Addison and Derek's.

"We are all being paged to the ER!" Christina said excitedly. "It must be something big!"

As they all arrived in the ER, Bailey was barking out orders. "A school bus crashed into a semi-truck. A high school volleyball team was on it. We don't know exactly what to expect, but we know the injuries are extensive. This is all hands on deck."

As the ambulances arrived, Owen began to direct traffic. "Derek, go to bay 1 and then bay 3. Both have severe head injuries. Dr. Sloan, go to bay 2. There is a girl with severe skin damage. Addison, go to bay 4. The bus driver is pregnant and is in really bad shape."

Addison turned and went to the room where the bus driver was as Owen continued to instruct the residents and interns where to go.

"32 year old female. Seems to be around 24 weeks pregnant. Has not regained consciousness since the accident. She crashed twice enroute. She has a broken arm and leg." the EMT rattled off to Addison.

"Thank you." Addison said, smiling at the EMT. She looked over at the unconscious woman and paused when her eyes landed on the small mound in the lady's belly. Addison's hand subconsciously went to her stomach, as if trying to protect her twins.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Karev asked, looking at Addison strangely. "Dr. Shepherd? Are you ok?"

"Uh, yes." Addison said shaking out of her trance and switching into doctor mode. "We need to check for a fetal heartbeat first." Addison continued as she placed the doppler on the woman's stomach. Soon the sound of the baby's heartbeat filled the room. Relief flooded Addison.

"The baby appears to be holding steady for now. Get her down to CT so we can see what we are dealing with. Page me as soon as you have the results." Addison handed Alex the chart and left the room.

Addison went over to the nurses station to see if there was anywhere else she was needed. Callie too walked up to the nurses station.

"You ok?" Callie asked. "You don't seem like yourself."

"I will be. This bus driver case just really got to me." Addison said. She looked around at the chaos in the ER. "I wasn't planning on telling you this way, but I guess now is as good of time as any. I am pregnant with twins. Almost 3 months." Callie's eyes got bigger and bigger as Addison relayed the news.

"Wow! I was NOT expecting that! Congrats!" Callie exclaimed, giving her friend a hug. "I can totally understand why that case is shaking you up!"

"Yeah, but I can't let it. Both the mom and baby need me at my best. I never dreamed how much pregnancy would change me."

"It seems to have changed you in a good way." Callie replied smiling.

As they were talking, Karev walked up with the lab results. Addison looked them over.

"Book an OR, Karev. This is going to be a long surgery." Addison replied, taking charge. She had to put her emotions aside so she could focus on this mother and baby who needed her. "Also, we are going to Bailey and my husband. The mother has internal bleeding as well as a brain bleed."

For the next 8 hours, the trio of doctors worked together to save the mother. They were able to stabilize her, but it was going to be a long road of recovery.

As they were scrubbing out, Addison turned to Bailey. "I wanted to let you know that Derek and I are expecting twins." Addison said smiling.

"Congratulations!" Bailey replied, a little shocked. Derek too was surprised to hear his wife telling people.

"We are very excited." Derek said, wrapping his arm around Addison's waist after drying off his hands.

"Very excited about what?" Meredith asked as she entered the scrub room. Addison and Derek just looked at each other. How did Meredith keep walking in to the end of their conversations?

"Um, well, " Derek stammered. He didn't want to hurt Meredith any more than he already had, but he knew she would find out about the babies soon. "Addison and I are expecting twins."

Derek saw the hurt and anger flash quickly across Meredith's face before she plastered on a fake smile.

"Congratulations." Meredith said and then quickly exited the room.

"Well, that could have gone better." Derek retorted. Addison just shrugged her shoulders. She still wasn't thrilled about working at the same hospital as her husband's ex-girlfriend.

"Anyway, I am really tired and ready to head home. I am glad we move into the apartment this weekend!" Addison said, yawning

"Me too." Derek replied, grabbing Addison's hand as they exited the scrub room. "Let's go get some sleep."

Let me know what you think!


	19. Chapter 19

October came and went with little fanfare. The Shepherds had moved into their apartment and broke ground on their new house. Addison had informed her family of the pregnancy, and as she expected, they didn't have much to say. Derek's family on the other hand called almost daily to check on her and the babies. She wasn't sure which one was worse!

"Derek, can you believe I am 16 weeks already?!:" Addison exclaimed as she looked at herself sideways in the mirror. "I look more like 24 weeks! These babies are going to be huge!"

"They aren't the only things getting huge these days." Derek smirked glancing at her breasts as he began to brush his teeth. Addison turned and just rolled her eyes at him. She walked over to their double sink and started to get ready for bed.

Derek walked over to their bed after he was done brushing his teeth and started taking off all the extra pillows. He never understood why they needed so many decorative pillows on their bed, but they were important to Addison, so he put up with it. While taking off what seemed like the millionth pillow, Derek heard a knock at the door. He sighed and went to answer it. He knew it had to be Mark, as no one else would be knocking on the door this late at night!

"What Mark?" Derek asked as he opened the door. It was indeed his best friend.

"Well, hello to you too." Mark smirked as he walked into the living room.

"Mark, it is 10:00. What are you doing here?" Derek asked, closing the door and following his friend.

"I'm hungry." Mark said shrugging his shoulders and walking into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and pulled out a piece of leftover fried chicken.

"Mark, you have a fridge full of food. Why are you eating ours?" Addison commented as she joined them in the kitchen.

"Yes, but I don't have fried chicken and I knew you were craving fried chicken earlier today, so I figured you would have some leftovers." Mark said with a mouthful of chicken.

"Seriously, Mark…" Addison paused mid-sentence and looked down at her stomach.

"Addie, are you ok?" Derek asked when he noticed the odd look on his wife's face. He went to her side as her hands went to her stomach.

"I'm fine, honey." Addison said as she continued to look at her baby bump and smiled really big. "I just felt one of the babies move for the first time." She said, looking up at Derek and tearing up.

"Really?" Derek said excitedly and immediately put his hands on Addison's belly.

"You won't be able to feel them just yet, Babe." Addison laughed.

"I know. I can't wait until then!" Derek said, leaning in to kiss Addison. She began to deepen the kiss.

"Hey! I am still here!" Mark exclaimed.

"Then you should go, Mark. Take all the fried chicken you want." Addison replied as she began to pull Derek to the bedroom.

A few days later, Derek found Addison at the nurses station on the OB floor looking over a chart and eating an apple.

"Hey" he said, kissing her on the cheek.

"Hey" Addison replied, handing the chart back to one of the nurses. "How is your day going?"

"Pretty well. Actually, really well." Derek exclaimed, smiling. "I need to talk to you about something that has come up. Are you free right now?"

"I've got about 30 minutes before my next surgery." Addison said, looking at her husband suspiciously. "What is going on?"

"Let's go to your office." Derek said, heading down the hallway without waiting for a response. Addison followed him wondering what in the world could be causing her husband to walk so quickly.

Addison closed the door behind her, walked over to her couch, and sat down. She crossed her legs, crossed her arms over her chest, and looked up at Derek. He was pacing back and forth, trying to hide his smile. Addison had seen him like this only a few times. Every time it was something he was excited about but she wasn't.

"Ok, Derek. Just spit it out." Addison said after a few minutes. Derek walked over and sat down next to her.

"Alright, but when I tell you this, please remember that you and the babies are my top priority." he paused and looked in her eyes. Addison just continued to stare at him.

"Ok, I get it. The babies and I are your top priority. Now out with it!" Addison exclaimed when Derek didn't continue.

"You know I have been consulting on a clinical trial, correct?" he asked, taking her hands in his.

"Yes…." she said slowly.

"Well, today, the doctor in charge asked me if I would like to take over phase two. We have been running clinical models on Recurrent Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Cancer. One specific model we have been running is to inject a virus into the tumor. The theory is this would kill the tumor from the inside out, preventing it from recurring. We have been approved to test it on 13 patients here at Seattle Grace." Derek said quickly. He paused to let Addison digest what he said.

She got up from the couch and walked over to her desk. She knew Derek was excited about this, and while a part of her was excited for him, she also feared he would start becoming consumed with work again.

"Addie, Love. say something." Derek said softly walking over behind her.

"When will the trial run from?" she asked, turning to face him.

"The surgeries to insert the virus will run from now until mid-January. I will be doing 2 a week, excluding the weeks of Thanksgiving and Christmas." Derek wrapped his arms around Addison's waist and pulled her close. "This is a good thing, Addie. Just think of all the lives that will be saved if this works!"

Addison put her arms on Derek's chest and pushed back a little so she could look him in the eye.

"I am not thrilled with the idea; however, I will support this if this is what I want." Addison said cautiously. Derek pulled her into a tight hug.

"I will go call Dr. Hoover and let him know!" he exclaimed. He kissed Addison and left her office with a huge smile.

Addison slowly walked over to her chair and sat down. Her hands immediately rested on her baby bump as she felt the babies move. She was very nervous about what was going to happen over the next few weeks. Not only was Derek going to be doing a clinical trial, but it would also be the holidays. They had only begun to discuss going back for a few days around Christmas. Would that still happen?

"Little Ones, I know Daddy is excited about this clinical trial, and I know it can help save a lot of lives if it works, but I am afraid it will take too much of his time." Addison said as she looked down at her baby bump. In response, she felt a really strong kick. It surprised her so much she jumped out of the chair. It was the first actual kick she had felt. She immediately left her office to go find Derek.

Addison rushed down the hallway to the elevator and collided with Dr. Torres as she turned the corner.

"Addison, where in the world are you going in such a hurry?!" Dr. Torres chided.

"Sorry, Callie. I was just in a hurry to find my husband." Addison said smiling. Calle gave her an odd look.

"I know all about those second trimester hormones and how much you need your husband." Dr. Torres retorted.

"Oh my gosh, Callie! No! I just felt the babies move and wanted to tell Derek!" Addison said shocked. Callie too broke out into a smile.

"How cool! Are they moving now?" she asked her friend as she began to put her hands on Addison's stomach.

"No, they aren't. And why does everyone think it is ok to just touch a pregnant lady's belly?" Addison muttered to herself. .

"Because your baby bump is so cute!" Callie laughed giving her friend a hug. "Oh, and your husband is in his office with Grey."

"What?" Addison said, surprised.

"Uh, I think they were going over some charts." Callie stammered, realizing that what she said could have been taken wrong.

"Ok, well, I will head to his office then." Addison said plastering a fake smile on her face. She was trying really hard not to jump to conclusions, but the pregnancy hormones were making it really hard to think clearly.

Addison decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator. As she was entering the stairwell, George was coming out and didn't see her. He opened the door and hit her in the head, knocking her over.

"Dr. Shepherd! I am so sorry!" George exclaimed rushing to help her. Addison felt dazed and looked up at Dr. O'Malley.

"You are bleeding!" he cried out. By now several other doctors and nurses noticed what was going on and someone had brought a gurney over to Addison. Addison tried to sit up but was stopped by Burke.

"Addison, you need to stay still. You have quite the cut on your forehead and took what I am assuming was a big fall. I have paged Derek." Dr. Burke spoke calmly. Just as he finished, Derek came running down the hallway. As he saw Addison laying on the floor with a bloody forehead he immediately thought the worst.

"Addie! Oh my gosh! What happened? Are you ok?" he called out, fighting back tears. Addison gave him a weak smile.

"I am fine Derek. Dr. O' Malley accidently knocked me over with the stairwell door. I have no broken bones. Everyone can stop making such a fuss." Addison said waving everyone away.

"No, Addie. You and the babies need to be checked out." Derek said adametedly. He knelt down and picked Addison up as if she weighed nothing and set her down on the gurney. He watched as one of the nurses wheeled Addison into an exam room.

Once Derek was certain that Addison was out of immediate danger, his attention turned to the twins.

"We need to get an ultrasound in here now! Also, some one page Mark Sloan to come stitch up Addison's cut." Derek commanded the nurses.

"Already on it." Nurse Shelly announced as she entered the room with the machine. "Dr. Rahar is on her way to check you and the babies out, Dr. Shepherd, and Dr. Sloan has been paged."

"Please just put the ultrasound want on my stomach so I can check on my babies." Addison pleaded. She didn't want to wait for her OB. She wanted to make sure the babies were ok.

"Um, I don't think that is a good idea." the nurse replied. She looked back and forth between the married couple and the door, hoping the other doctor would arrive soon.

"Just do it. I am more than qualified…" Addison began before she was cut off by her OB entering the room.

"Yes, Addison, you are more than qualified to read an ultrasound; however, Nurse Shelly is right. You need to let us be the doctors, and you be the patient. Now lay down, and let us take a look at your babies." Dr. Rahar ordered.

"Yes, and as soon as she is done, I will suture your forehead." Mark said as he too entered the room. It unnerved him to see Addison in a hospital bed again, but he knew he needed to stay strong for his friends.

"Fine." Addison said in defeat. "But, put the monitor where I can see it."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Dr. Rahar replied. She placed the want on Addison's stomach and soon the room was filled with the sounds of fetal heartbeats. Both Addison and Derek let out a breath they didn't realize they were holding.

"Everything looks fine." Dr. Rahar said, smiling as she moved the wand around some more to make sure. She glanced over and Addison and smiled.

"Do you want to tell Derek or should I?" Dr. Rahar exclaimed, winking at Addison.

"I will." Addison responded with a huge smile. Derek looked back and forth between his wife and her OB confused.

"Tell me what?" he asked.

"Tell you that both of our sons look very healthy." Addison replied, grinning at her husband.

"Wait, did you say sons?" Derek asked in disbelief. "As in 2 boys?"

"Yes, Derek. We are having boys." Addison exclaimed. Derek leaned over and gave her a kiss.

"Well, congratulations you two. Have fun with 2 mini-Dereks! Now, if you could break apart for a minute, I can sew you up, Red." Mark said as he playfully pushed Derek out of the way. Derek gave Addison one more quick kiss and then got out of the way.

Thirty minutes later, Addison and Derek were alone in the exam room.

"Addie, I really hope I never walk up to you collapsed on the floor ever again in our lives. Twice in one year is making my hair turn gray too fast!" Derek chuckled.

"Well, twin boys are going to make it turn gray even faster!" Addison teased. "Although, I find the salt and pepper look on you very sexy." she winked and pulled him in for a kiss.

"In all seriousness, Addison. Why were you taking the stairs instead of the elevator?' Derek asked with concern. Addison quietly pulled back and looked up at the ceiling. She had forgotten about the why with all the activity but as soon as she remembered the feelings of frustration and anxiety started to come back.

Derek could tell something was wrong and it was something she didn't want to talk about. He climbed into bed with her and just held her.

"Addie, Love, what is it?" he asked, kissing the top of her head.

Addison took a deep breath. "After you left my office earlier, the babies started to kick really hard. I was coming to find you to tell you. I ran into Callie. As in, I literally ran into her" Addison laughed. "She told me you were in your office with, um, with Meredith." she whispered. Addison felt Derek's body stiffen and pull back from her slightly.

"Did you think I was doing something inappropriate with her?" Derek asked with a slight edge in his voice.

"No, yes, no, I don't know, Derek." Addison said in frustration. "My rational brain knew you weren't, but my hormonal, pregnancy brain didn't. I knew I was being irrational, so I decided to take the stairs to give me time to calm down. And, well, you know the rest."

Derek got out of the bed and began to pace the room. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"Look.. I get what you are saying, but I can't NOT work with Meredith. She is a resident that both of us are supposed to teach. I need you to believe me when I say nothing is going on between us and never will. I love YOU."

With that, Addison began to tear up. Derek immediately came over to the bed and gave her a big hug.

"I believe you, Babe." she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Also, just so you know," Derek replied. "Meredith is helping me on the clinical trial. That is why she was in my office. We were going over several cases."

"Ok." Addison commented. All of the sudden, she pulled back with a huge smile on her face.

"Babe, what is it?" Derek asked her confused. Addison took Derek's hand and placed it on the right side of her belly. Soon he felt a kick. He too broke out in a huge smile.

"Well, hello there son." Derek exclaimed. "Addie, i can't believe we are having 2 sons. I can't imagine having them with anyone else but you." He leaned in and gave her a kiss. "Now, you need to rest after all the excitement today, and I need to go check on some patients. Why don't you take a nap, and I will come back in a few hours?"

"Alright. I love you."

"I love you too." Derek replied as he walked out of the room.

Addison tried to sleep, but she couldn't stop thinking about Derek's clinical trial. She couldn't figure out why it bothered her so much he was doing it. She fully trusted him with Meredith, and she truly believed he was going to make their marriage and their kids a higher priority than work. So why did she have this nagging feeling like it was not a good idea for him to do it?

Her mind also kept wandering to the fact that she was having twin boys. Boys! She had secretly really wanted girls...or at least 1 girl...but 2 boys?! Would they be just like Derek and love everything outdoors? How would she handle that?

Addison smiled as she felt the babies moving around. "I know I may not have been expecting you two to be boys, but I am so excited to meet you. Just not too soon, okay." Addison chuckled, rubbing her hands over her belly. Soon the sound of the rain falling outside lulled Addison to sleep.

After taking a few days off to rest, Addison was ready to get back to work. She was so bored with day time television! She also knew that Derek was set to perform the first clinical trial surgery and wanted to be there to support him.

"Hey there." Addison said as she entered Derek's office. He was nose deep in a patient's file.

"Oh, hey." Derek said as he stood up and stretched. "I am going over Keara Gladbach's file. She is our first clinical trial patient."

Derek stared down at the file and ran his hands through his hair. "I am so nervous, Addie. I mean, this lady is only 32, has one of the worst tumors I have ever seen. She is going to die in a matter of weeks if this surgery doesn't work. It doesn't help that she has 2 boys ages 5 and 7."

Addison walked over to Derek and took him in her arms. He clung to her for a few minutes before he back away and took a deep breath.

"How long until your surgery?" Addison asked.

"I have about 3 hours." Derek replied.

"Then take the next 2 hours to just relax. Forget about the surgery. Stop reviewing the file."

"Addie, I can't do that. I have to be prepared.." Derek said in frustration. He began to pace the room.

"No, Derek. You are going to drive yourself crazy if you keep reading the case file for the next 3 hours. You know this case backwards and forwards. You need to relax. Get some sleep. Go hit some golf balls off the roof. Go get some food. Anything but reading that file." Addison responded, placing her hands on her hips as she stared at her husband. Derek stopped pacing and looked as his wife. He knew she was right. She knew him so well.

He walked over to her and began to kiss her.

"You are right, my love." Derek said between kisses. "I can think of one thing that will relax me." he winked at her.

"Shut the blinds and lock the doors." Addison said coyly as she began to unbutton her top.

Hours later, Addison watched from the gallery as Derek and Meredith performed the surgery on Keara Gladbach. Unfortunately, the woman didn't survive. Addison made her way down to the scrub room.

"Derek, it is ok. It was only the first patient." Meredith was saying to him as Addison entered the room. Meredith looked up, saw Addison, and quickly left the room. Derek turned to look at his wife in agony. She immediately went over to him and gave him a hug.

"She is right you know." Addson whispered in Derek's ear. "You knew this was a long shot, and she was only the first patient."

"Addison, she had several more weeks to live. She could have survived until Thanksgiving. Her boys could have had one more Thanksgiving with their mom." Derek said, pulling away from Addison.

"Derek, they didn't want one more Thanksgiving. They wanted a lifetime. That is what you were trying to give them. And you know as well as I do, if Keara had survived until Thanksgiving, she likely would have had very little function left in controlling her own body. She likely wouldn't have been able to talk. And even if by some miracle, she wasn't that far gone yet, and was able to spend the perfect Thanksgiving with her boys, they wouldn't remember it. It is a really sad situation, but honey, you did everything you could." Addison continued.

Derek ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "I know. I know. You are right, as usual." He walked over and gave Addison a kiss on the cheek.

"I have to go inform the family. Then I need to review my surgical notes and make some changes for the next surgery in a few days." Derek said in a defeated tone. He walked out of the scrub room, leaving Addison staring after him, wishing there was something she could do.

Over the next 2 weeks, Addison barely saw Derek. He had performed 4 more clinical trial surgeries, and had lost every patient. He was spending all his free time researching and consulting with other doctors to figure out what was going wrong.

Addison was sitting on the couch curled up under a blanket asleep when Derek came home on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. She looked so pretty and peaceful. He felt guilty for how little time he had spent with her over the past 2 weeks, but he hoped she understood. Plus the clinical trial was on hold for the next week. Derek walked over to the couch and picked Addison up.

"What in the world?" Addison exclaimed as she woke up suddenly. "Derek, what are you doing?"

"I am carrying my bride to bed." Derek said as he carried her into the bedroom.

"Derek, I am getting way too heavy for you to be carrying me." Addison replied.

"Addison, I am stronger than you think." Derek laughed as he placed her in the bed. "Now, stay awake for a little bit longer while I get ready for bed." he continued as he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

Addison lay there for a bit, still shocked at being woken up by Derek carrying her to bed. FInally, Derek got in bed and cuddled up to Addison.

"I have missed you so much, Addie. I am sorry I haven't been here." he whispered as he held her close. Addison clung to him as she began to cry.

"Addie, what is wrong?" he asked confused.

"I have been so worried that you were going back to the old Derek. The one who put work ahead of me, despite everything you said before the clinical trial had started. But the fact that you even admitted to not being here shows me that I was wrong. You are not the old Derek." she cried. Derek felt horrible for putting her through so much turmoil.

"Addison, I can't promise that there won't be times in the weeks ahead that I won't put in a lot of time on this clinical trial, but I am always here for you. All you have to do is talk to me." Derek replied as he ran his hands through her hair.

"Ok." she replied quietly. They lay there for a little while longer. "There is one thing I wanted to talk to you about." Addison said, breaking the silence. "We need to make plans for the holidays."

"Right, the holidays." Derek said flatly. With all the struggles of the clinical trial, he had almost completely forgotten about the holidays coming up. "I really need to stay around Seattle for Thanksgiving, but we could take 4-5 days to go out to New York for Christmas, I guess."

Addison was quiet a little longer. She was trying not to get upset with Derek for his lack of enthusiasm for the holidays, especially after their holidays the year before. But the longer she lay there, the harder it was.

"Christmas makes you want to be with the people you love." Addison whispered. Derek stiffened as he heard the words he had spoken to her the previous year repeated back to him. He felt like she had punched him in the gut.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Derek asked tersly as he moved to the other side of the bed.

"It means I don't want to just take 4-5 days off and go to NY. Half of that would be traveling! I want to take a whole week, or more, Derek. I want to spend Christmas with the people we love." Addison retorted.

"Addison, it is 1 in the morning. Can we please discuss this tomorrow?" Derek asked, trying to avoid a major argument.

'I don't know, Derek. Can we? Are you even going to be here?" she fumed with tears pouring down her face.

"Addie, I will be here. I already told everyone at the hospital not to page me unless it was a true emergency. I told them I need to spend the weekend with my wife." Derek replied, forcing himself to stay calm.

Addison soon felt guilty for blowing up at turned to look at him.

"Ok. We can wait till tomorrow. Good night, Derek." she said.

"Good night, Addie. I love you." Derek said, leaning over to give her a kiss.

"I love you too."

Soon Derek was fast asleep, but it was some time before Addison was able to go to sleep. Memories from the previous year's holiday season kept plaguing her. She had really been hoping for a happy holiday season this year, but with Derek so focused on the clinical trial, and the nature of the clinical trial, she wasn't sure that was going to happen. She really hoped she was wrong. She rubbed her stomach where her sons were rolling around and silently cried herself to sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

The next morning, Addison awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs. She rubbed the slumber out of her eyes as Derek made his way into their bedroom with a tray of food. She was shocked. It has been a long time since he had made breakfast in bed for her.

"Hope you are hungry!" Derek exclaimed as he set the tray of food down next to her and sat down.

"I am carrying your boys. I am always hungry." Addison said, smiling. As if on cue, both babies started kicking really hard. Addison grabbed Derek's hand and put it on her stomach. His eyes widened.

"They are getting so strong!" Derek said excitedly.

"Just think how it will be several months from now." Addison said flatly. While she was really excited to be a mom to twins, she was NOT looking forward to the later stages of pregnancy carrying them! Derek laughed.

"So would you like to go out to the property today." Derek asked, popping some bacon in his mouth. "I haven't been out there in a few weeks and would like to check on the progress of the house."

"Sure." Addison shrugged. She wasn't really that interested in the actual building of the house but knew Derek was.

"Maybe we could also go shopping for countertops, floors, and such too." Derek continued. This piqued Addison's interest. Interior decorating was something she loved!

"That sounds great!" she replied, pulling her knees up under her as she continued to eat.

"Also, Addie, about our conversation last night." Derek said slowly. "I understand where you are coming from wanting to be around family longer, but I just can't take off that long in the middle of this clinical trial. There are too many people counting on me."

"But Derek, what about me?" Addsion interrupted. Derek put his hand up to silence her.

"Addie, let me finish." Derek said impatiently. "Just because I can't go, doesn't mean you can't. So, I think we should fly out together around December 23rd. I will stay until the 26th and then you can stay through the New Year. That way we both get what we want."

Addison just stared at him. She knew there was a lot of truth to what he was saying, but it still stung. She felt like he was putting work before her.

"I don't really like it, Derek. But I guess it is better than nothing." She retorted. "Thank you for breakfast. I am going to go get a shower so we can proceed with today's plans." With that, she got off the bed and headed to the bathroom.

Derek sat on the bed for a little while longer. He ran his hand through his hair frustrated. Why was Addison being so difficult about this? Why couldn't she see he was even going to go back East FOR HER? !? He didn't want to go at all! He finally picks up the tray and heads to the kitchen.

The rest of the day they spend viewing the progress on their house and shopping for interior design items. Nothing else is said about their plans for the holidays.

Later that night, Addison is curled up next to Derek on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. They are watching A Christmas Carol, Addison's favorite Christmas movie.

Derek places the empty bowls on the coffee table and moves them to laying down on the couch. He rests with his back against the couch and Addison in front of him. He wraps his arm over her waist and rests it on her growing belly. He still can't believe they are having twin boys! He also couldn't believe that the pregnancy was almost half over!

Addison intertwined her fingers through Derek's hand that rested on her belly. She didn't say anything as they lay there together watching the movie and feeling the boys kick sporadically. They both fell asleep before the movie was over

The next morning, Addison awoke on the couch. She sat up and stretched. She always woke up stiff after sleeping on the couch all night, but being almost 5 months pregnant with twins brought on a whole new level of stiffness.

"Morning Sunshine." Derek said, sleepily, as he too sat up and stretched. "Maybe sleeping on the couch wasn't the best idea." he laughed as he leaned over to start massaging Addison's shoulders.

"Seriously, Derek, don't stop." Addison exclaimed as her husband worked the knots out of her neck and back.

"How about we continue this in the shower?" Derek asked coyly as he began to kiss Addison's neck.

"You don't have to ask me twice!" Addison responded as she turned to kiss him.

"Addison. Derek. Where have you been?" the Chief asked breathlessly as he raced down the hallway after his dream team.

"Uh, sorry, Chief. We, uh had a late start this morning." Addison stammered.

"What she means, sir, is that they were busy in the shower." Mark says laughing as he walks up behind his friends.

"What? I don't need to hear that!" the Chief bellowed.

"How did you know that?" Derek asked annoyed.

"I needed some eggs, and you two weren't answering your door, so I just let myself in. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out." Mark laughed as he continued down the hallway. Addison blushed while Derek also laughed and shook his head at his best friend.

"Anyway, " the Chief exclaimed. "Adele wanted me to invite you guys over for Thanksgiving on Thursday. I assume you guys don't have any plans?" Richard continued.

Derek glanced at Addison. He could see the smile on her face and the hope in her eyes. He knew she really wanted to go.

"That sounds great, sir. We have nothing planned yet. What time should we be there?" Derek asked.

"We are eating at 2:00. Adele's whole family is going to begin descending in Seattle on Wednesday, so our house will be a madhouse on Thursday. Come whenever you want." Richard replied, shaking his head at the thought of all his in-laws that would be invading his life soon.

"It sounds great, Richard." Addison said, patting her mentor on the shoulder. "We will be there."

With that, Derek wrapped his arm around Addison and led her down the hallway towards his office.

"I will be in my office most of the day filling out paperwork for the clinical trial." Derek informed Addison as he paused in the doorway. "Barring an emergency, I am not doing surgery today. I should easily be done by 4 or 5."

"Ok. I have 2 planned surgeries today, so unless something comes up, I should be ready to go by then." Addison replied as she gave Derek a hug good-bye.

"Have a great day, Babe."

"You too."

Addison walked out of Derek's office doors and down the hallway towards the elevator. She was very glad that they had somewhere to go for Thanksgiving, even though she would much prefer to be with Derek's family. Although, maybe it would be good to go to a Thanksgiving where everyone didn't remember that infamous Hot Dog Thanksgiving!

_9 years ago_

_Addison was on a high! She had just performed her 6 hour solo surgery and rocked it! She was on her way to the locker room to change when she ran into Derek._

"_Hey, Babe!" she said, giving him a quick hug and kiss. "I am all done. I was going to take a shower and change so we could head to your mom's house for Thanksgiving tomorrow."_

"_Actually, Addie, there has been a change of plans." Derek said, avoiding eye contact. He grabbed Addison's arm and quickly led her into a nearby on call room. He knew this conversation might get a little loud, and he wanted to avoid making a scene in the hospital._

_Addison on the other hand thought Derek had something else entirely on his mind. As soon as the door was shut, she started to kiss Derek deeply._

"_Addison, wait." Derek said as he pulled away. Although, every part of him wanted to continue. He knew he needed to tell Addison what was going on._

_Addison backed away, crossed her arms over her chest, and raised one eyebrow at her husband. She knew that if he wasn't planning on sex, and he pulled her into an on-call room, it wasn't going to be good._

"_What, Derek? Just spit it out." Addison retorted when Derek just stood there silently for a few minutes._

"_Ok. So, my mom called today and said she is having plumbing issues and there is no way she can host Thanksgiving tomorrow. The plumber can't get there to fix it until Friday, and well, I sort of, um, I kind of, well." Derek stammered as he ran his fingers through his hair looking at the floor. "I told her we could host Thanksgiving this year." he continued quickly. He looked up at Addison with a sheepish smile._

"_Derek Christopher Shepherd. You did WHAT?!" Addison yelled, putting her hands on her hips. He had expected that response._

"_Addie, love, calm down. It will be ok." Derek said soothingly. "We have plenty of room for everyone. I already went grocery shopping. It is going to be fine."_

"_You already went grocery shopping?" Addison asked surprised. _

"_Yes, that is why I wasn't watching your surgery." Derek responded. Addison had just assumed he had been asked to step in even though he had been off the whole day._

"_So you are taking care of everything?" Addison asked, still not on board with Derek's entire family descending upon them tomorrow._

"_Well, I was hoping you could cook the turkey?" Derek asked, giving his best McDreamy smile. Addison just stared at him. "Seriously, Derek? You want ME to cook the turkey?" she said dryly._

"_Well, I will take care of everything else. Or at least will make sure my sisters cook everything else." Derek explained. "Come on, Addie. It will be fine." he said as he moved closer to her and drew her into a tight hug. Addison had a hard time staying mad at him when he kissed her neck like that!_

"_Fine, Derek. I will cook the turkey." she said breathlessly. Soon she was lost in the moment with her husband and was thinking of little else._

_It was 9:00 on Thanksgiving morning and Addison was beside herself on how to make the turkey. It was thawed, she had taken out the insides, and seasoned it according to the recipe. Unfortunately, the recipe she got from Savvy wasn't complete. It only said to cook the bird at 350 degrees until the inside temperature is 165. How was she supposed to tell the temperature of the inside of the turkey?! She had NEVER seen a turkey cooked. It always just showed up on the table on Thanksgiving as her parents' personal chef made it._

_Addsion shrugged her shoulders and put the turkey in the oven. Derek's sisters would be arriving soon. Surely they would know how long the turkey was supposed to cook!_

_A few hours later the troops began to arrive. There were nieces and nephews running around. The adults were watching TV, drinking, and talking. Derek, true to his word, had taken care of pretty much every other aspect of the meal. Or at least, he had conned his sisters in to cooking everything and bringing it!_

_Around 2:00, Addison went into the kitchen to take the turkey out. Kathleen had said the turkey needed to cook about 3-4 hours. While Addison was pulling it out, she realized the oven had only been set to 300 instead of 350. _

"_Oh well," Addison said to herself. "It cooked for almost 4 ½ hours. It will probably be fine."_

"_Oh good! We are all ready to eat now that the turkey is done!" Derek's mother exclaimed as she entered the kitchen. "Derek did such an amazing job organizing this at such a short notice!." _

_Addison was speechless. Derek had sprung this on her after she had been in surgery all day. Derek had done nothing but go shopping and called his sisters to do everything else. Why did Derek ALWAYS get the credit?!_

"_I will go tell everyone we are ready." Addison said politely. She didn't have the energy to deal with her mother-in-law._

_Everyone gathered around the tables laden with food. Derek cut the turkey and began to pass it out. A few minutes in, Nancy yelped._

"_This turkey doesn't taste right." she whispered to her husband Todd. "I think it is undercooked." Todd examined his turkey and shrugged his shoulders. Then he looked at his wife's. Nancy's was definitely undercooked._

"_I don't think it cooked evenly. Mine looks fine, but yours is definitely not." Todd whispered back. "We have to say something before someone eats it and gets sick." Nancy looked at him in horror. "I already had half of that!"_

"_Nancy, what is wrong, dear?" Caroline asked curiously._

"_Um, Addie, I'm sorry, but I think this turkey isn't cooked right." Nancy said looking between her mother, Addison, and her turkey._

"_What do you mean?" Addison exclaimed jumping up from her chair. The remaining adults began to examine their slices. Everyone agreed that parts of the turkey were not safe to eat. The kids began to crumble and complain as the adults took their slices of turkey away._

"_Don't worry. Let me see what else we have to cook." Derek laughed. Addison felt horrible and could barely look at anyone._

"_I've got it!" Derek exclaimed re-entering the dining room. "How about hot dogs?"_

"_Hot dogs, Derek? Really?" Amelia laughed._

"_Sure. They are quick to cook and everyone likes them." He too laughed. Addison was mortified. She was very thankful her mother was not there!_

_About 20 minutes later, everyone was happily eating hot dogs along with the rest of their Thanksgiving food. _

_Addison was beginning to feel like everything was going to be ok until Nancy started to not feel good a few hours later. It was about 30 minutes later that Addison was positive she had given Nancy food poisoning. _

Addison shook her head from the memory. All these years later, she STILL did not find it funny.

The next few days were pretty light for the Shepherds. It was Wednesday night, and they were sitting on the couch watching the evening news. All of the sudden, Addison let out a cry and grabbed her stomach. Derek jumped up.

"Addie, what's wrong?" he asked in fear.

"I think I just had a contraction." she replied a little breathless. She closed her eyes as another wave of pain hit her.

"A contraction?! You are only 20 weeks! We need to go to the hospital now!" Derek said jumping up from the couch.

"No, Derek. We don't." Addsion said, still breathing slowly. "I just need to drink some water and lie down. If the contractions continue, THEN we will head to the hospital."

"Are you sure?" Derek asked as he kneeled in front of her with a skeptical look. Addison looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd. Do you not remember what my degrees are?" she asked, a little annoyed. "Of course, I am sure." she retorted.

"I do know what your degrees are but those are also MY boys in there. I don't want to take any chances with any of you." Derek said sternly. Addison rolled her eyes.

"We will be fine, Derek." she said. As she started to get up, Addison fell back in pain.

"Addie, stay there. I will get you some water. If these continue for another 20 minutes, we ARE going to the hospital."

Derek got up and went to the kitchen. He took a few deep breaths to calm down. The site of Addison in so much pain really jarred him. He got a glass of water and walked back in the living room. He gave it to Addison and sat down next to her. He noticed she had turned the TV off.

Addison took a few sips and then looked at Derek. "I am fine, Derek. I just need to relax and drink water."

"Would you like a massage?" Derek asked. Addison smiled. She knew he needed to be doing something to help.

"Yes, dear. I would love a massage." Addison replied. She layed on her side so Derek could reach her back and neck. For the next 10 minutes both were silent. Addison then turned over and looked up at Derek.

"Thank you love. I feel much better now. I think I am ready to go to bed."

"Are you sure you are ok, Addie?" Derek asked softly. He ran his hand through her hair. She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek.

"I really am, Babe. I am glad you were here with me when I had my first Braxton Hicks. It is a little early for me to be having them, and to be honest, it does concern me. But, they are gone now. I will just need to keep an eye on them."

"Ok. For now, I will relinquish control to the expert." Derek said teasingly. "But, " he continued seriously, "as this pregnancy gets into the later stages, you need to let me help make the decisions, Addison. You may deal with this every day, but right now, you are the mother and I am the father. We need to not try and be doctors, unless absolutely necessary. It is safer for everyone."

Addison leaned up and kissed him in response.

"What was that for?" Derek asked curiously.

"I just like to hear you say I am the mother and you are the father." she smiled. Derek smiled.

"Let's go to bed, Love. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I want to be well rested." Addison said getting up. Derek followed her into their room.

"I just thought of something, Derek." Addison said as they climbed into bed. "This will be the Weber's first Thanksgiving since Camille died. She passed away while we were in NY. I hope it is ok with their family that we are coming tomorrow."

"I hadn't thought of that. " Derek said quietly as he held Addison. "I don't think Richard would have invited us if it wasn't ok. Try not to worry about it. Let's just go to sleep."

"Addison, Derek! Come in!" Adele said as she gave both Shepherd's a big hug. "How are you feeling, Addison?" she asked as she skimmed her eyes over her friend's growing belly.

"I am doing well, Adele. I just feel huge already and I am only halfway along!" Addison said laughing.

"You look amazing!" Adele replied. She led the couple into the living room where her relatives had already started to gather. Adele's sister came over and gave Addison a big hug.

"It is so good to see you, Dr. Shepherd.." she exclaimed.

"Please, call me Addison. I am so sorry we were unable to make it to Camille's funeral. She was such a special young lady." Addison said quietly.

"I am just grateful you recovered from your brain tumor. And even more excited to see you are pregnant! Do you know what it is yet?"

"It is twin boys actually." Addison smiled. With that Adele and her sister led Addison away to further discuss the pregnancy.

Derek walked into the living room where Richard and the other men were watching football.

"Derek, come in!" Richard said, waving Derek over to come sit down next to him on the coach. "How are you doing?"

"Pretty well, sir." Derek said, smiling. In truth, he was exhausted. The clinical trial was taking a toll on him with all the deaths, paper work, and video calls. Plus, he was constantly worried about Addie and their boys. And then there was the house they were building. He wanted to do a lot of it himself, but he just didn't have the time. He barely had been out there all month!

Addison quietly watched Derek from the table she was sitting at with the other women. She could see how little attention he was actually paying the game. This was very unlike him. She could see how tired he was. Derek noticed she was watching him and gave her a half smile. After being together for 15 years, Addison knew that was Derek trying to tell her he was ok but in reality something was wrong.

"Addison?" Adele asked.

"Huh, what?" Addison jumped as she realized Adele was talking to her.

"I asked if you had any names for the boys picked out yet." Adele laughed.

"Um, no. We actually haven't discussed it much yet. Derek has been really busy with his clinical trial, and with it being the holidays, our schedules are pretty busy." Addison responded. Just then 3 pagers started going off. Derek, Addison, and Richard all jumped up.

"I am going to call the hospital and find out what is going on." Richard exclaimed, going in the next room for privacy.

"I knew it was too much to ask for a normal Thanksgiving." Addison sighed. Derek walked over and gave her a hug.

"There was an apartment fire. All doctors are being paged into the hospital." Richard said as he walked over to Adele. "I am sorry, Adele. We have to go." He leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"I know the drill." Adele sighed. She too had been hoping for a normal Thanksgiving.

"Addison, I am so sorry we didn't get to have Thanksgiving dinner." Derek said as he raced to the hospital.

"It's ok, Derek. That is minor compared to what the people who were in the fire are going through." she answered.

"Promise me you will find something to eat, drink plenty of water, and not push yourself too much when we get to the hospital." Derek said seriously as he glanced over at Addison.

She placed her hand on his arm. "Derek, honey, I appreciate the concern, but I am not the one who is obviously exhausted today. What is going on?"

Derek didn't say anything for a minute. Sometimes he hated the fact that Addison could read him like a book. "I am just tired from all the stress of the clinical trial, Babe. I will be ok."

Before Addison could question him further, they arrived at the hospital. They walked into a very chaotic scene in the ER.

"Addison, Derek, thank goodness you are here." Owen said as he walked up to them. "We need all hands on deck"

"Where do you need us?" Addison asked, quickly switching into doctor mode.

"Addison, go to bay 1. Derek, go to bay 3." Hunt replied as he handed them both a chart.

"Addie, I am serious about eating and drinking water." Derek said as he pulled Addison aside. "Promise me."

"Derek…" Addison said, a little annoyed.

"Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd" Derek said sternly. Addison raised her eyebrow at him. He rarely used her full name. Derek just stared right back at her.

"Fine." Addison said, giving in and throwing her hands up in the air. "I promise, Derek. I will make sure to take it easy, to eat enough, and get water."

"Thank you." Derek said, smiling. He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Now go save some lives."

Addison reviewed the chart before going into bay 1. It was a woman 36 weeks pregnant who had been burned on half of her body. Addison couldn't even imagine. She walked in the room where Mark was working on the patient.

"Hey, Red. Happy Thanksgiving." Mark said sarcastically. Addison gave him a sad smile.

"How have both the mother and baby's vitals been?" she asked Lexi, who was the intern on the case.

"Both are stable, but I think the baby's might be a little low." Lexi answered. Addison reviewed the recordings of the baby's heart rate and noticed it was starting to have decels.

"Mark, we need to get this baby out. Is the mother stable enough to survive a c-section?" Addison asked seriously.

"She is stable enough. She hasn't regained consciousness since arriving at the hospital, but she is stable." Mark replied. "Lexi, go book an OR."

Just then Addison's pager went off. She looked at it and then rolled her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Mark asked.

"It's Derek." Addison exclaimed. "He is paging me to remind me to eat and drink water."

"Well, when WAS the last time you ate or had water?" Mark asked.

"I guess it has been several hours." Addison answered vaguely.

"Then go get some food and something to drink, Red I will make sure the patient gets prepped and we will meet you in the OR."

Addison was about to protest but she received two firm kicks in her belly. She looked down and laughed. Apparently all the men in her life were ganging up on her.

"Ok, ok. I will meet you in the OR." Addison chuckled as she left the room.

Meanwhile, Derek was entering bay 3 where a patient had a severe brain bleed and a broken spine. The patient had tried to jump 2 stories to get away from the fire. Derek was reviewing the scans and realized this patient had little chance of survival. He sighed. He had been surrounded by death so much lately. He knew he had to try though. He headed to the OR, mentally trying to prepare himself for what would be a very long, hard surgery.

A few hours later, Addison was watching Derek from the gallery. She had successfully gotten the baby out and the mother was beginning to improve. She watched sadly as Derek's patient did not make it. Derek glanced up at Addison. She could see the pure anguish in his eyes.

Addison made her way down to the scrub room to meet Derek. He didn't say a single word to her as he scrubbed out. Addison had never seen him like this. He was just going through the motions.

"Let's go home. I don't want to talk about it." Derek said tersely when he finally acknowledged Addison. She just nodded, not quite sure how to respond.

Once they were back in their apartment, Derek continued to try and act like nothing was wrong, but Addison would have none of it.

"Derek, what the hell is going on?" Addison fumed. "You have barely said two words to me at the hospital and the way home." Derek turned to look at her slowly.

"I lost another patient, Addie. What else is there to say?" he asked hollowly.

"It wasn't your fault, Derek. That patient had a very slim chance to survive, and you know it." Addison said trying to reason with him. Derek ran his fingers through his hair and sat down on the couch.

"I know." he didn't know how to explain to Addison what he was feeling. He knew it wasn't his fault that the patient had died, but because of the clinical trial, almost every patient he had operated on in the last 3 weeks had died. He had never had that happen before. He didn't want to stress Addison out, so he pushed the feelings down. "I am just tired. Come sit with me." Derek replied with a small smile.

Addison looked at him with concern. She knew more was going on, but she also knew that she couldn't force Derek to talk. He would open up in his own timing. She walked over and sat down next to her husband. Derek wrapped his arms around her. Both boys began moving like crazy.

"I love you, Addie." Derek said, giving her a small kiss and placing his hands on her belly. "And I can't wait to meet our boys."

They sat there for a while before heading to bed. Thankfully they both had the day off the next day. They both needed a day to recharge after what turned in to be a Thanksgiving from hell.

Let me know what you think! Would love some more reviews!


	21. Chapter 21

Thank you so much for the reviews! I love reading people's ideas and thoughts on this book!

The weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas had always been magical to Addison. She loved how cheerful and giving everyone was. It was the only time of year her parents actually seemed remotely interested in her brother and her. Of course, now that she was older, she realized that it was probably more of a show with all the parties her family was invited to.

Addison also loved delivering babies during this time. They would send the babies home in little stockings. The hard part was seeing babies separated from their families while they were in the NICU during the holidays.

Addison sat in a NICU rocking chair slowly rocking back and forth with her hands resting on her growing belly. It was fairly quiet in there at the moment, giving her time to think. She couldn't believe she was now 5 months pregnant. She felt like she could barely move and she still had 4 months to go!

As she sat there, she thought about the past few weeks since Thanksgiving and how distant Derek was becoming. He wasn't ignoring her persay. He was still giving her plenty of attention. Sometimes too much with multiple check-ins during the day and telling her to take it easy. He just wasn't really talking with her about what was bothering him. He had lost every single patient in the clinical trial. Another 6 patients in the last 2 weeks. He had also lost several other regular patients. Only a handful of his surgeries had been successful. Addison had tried to talk to him about it logically. That the reason so many had died is because he was the only one willing to even try. Almost all his patients were lost causes. But Derek didn't see it that way. Addison knew he was taking it personally, but she couldn't get him to open up. She was really worried about him. Addison began to think of the last time Derek had acted like this.

_3 years ago_

"_Addison, I will be FINE." Derek said, annoyed. He had the weekend off and was planning on going camping with Mark. It was the first weekend they had had off together in a very long time. They had decided to just take their motorcycles._

"_Derek, you know how I feel about that thing." Addison said, gesturing to the bike. They were outside of their townhouse. Addison watched as Derek finished packing up his saddle bags and reached for his helmet._

"_I know you don't like motorcycles. I have been riding for 10 years. I know what I am doing. Please don't worry. Have fun with Savvy this weekend. Enjoy some time alone. You deserve to relax." Derek pleaded as he reached for his wife. They had almost been married a year, and he still couldn't believe she was his. He pulled her in for a tight hug._

"_Just be careful, Derek. Please." Addison said as she leaned up to kiss him._

"_Yes, my love." he replied as he pulled away and put on his helmet. Addison watched as he pulled out of the driveway and drove off._

_Later that night, Addison was woken up by a knock on the door. "What in the world?" she thought as she realized it was 1:00 in the morning. She grabbed her robe and went to look through the see who was there. It was a cop. Addison gasped. She hurried over to the door and opened it._

_."Are you Mrs. Shepherd?" the officer asked her._

"_Um, yes." Addison said slowly._

"_I am officer Benson. Your husband, Derek Shepherd,and his friend Mark Sloan were in a motorcycle accident." _

_Addison gasped as her hand went over her mouth._

"_He is in critical but stable condition. Mark had minor injuries." Officer Benson said quickly. Relief flooded Addison. "Your husband is unconscious. They were taken to a rural hospital and Mark insisted that they transfer Derek to Mt. Sinai. He called and asked if I could come and tell you. He didn't want you driving to the hospital by yourself at this hour."_

"_Ok." Addison whispered. "Give me just a minute to change." She quickly went back to her room and threw on some clothes. Then she allowed the officer to take her to the hospital._

_Addison rushed into the hospital where she was met by her friend, Dr. Lola Nelson. _

"_Lola, is he here yet?". Addison cried._

"_He is. Addison, you need to breathe." Lola said as she pulled her friend in the direction of the OR floor. "They discovered a brain bleed when he got here. Apparently the rural hospital didn't do an MRI. They rushed him into surgery. Mark being an ass and insisting that they move him here probably saved his life." Lola continued as they got off the elevator._

"_Dr. Shepherd." Chief Hutchingson exclaimed. "You can NOT watch this surgery. You will wait in the hallway if you insist on being on this floor."_

"_But, I need to be with him!" Addison said as tears began to fill her eyes._

"_No. You are his wife. Not his doctor. I kicked Dr. Sloan out as well. You need to let Dr. Sahi concentrate. He is the best we have."_

"_Where is Mark?" Addison asked. She knew her chief was right and there was no arguing with him._

"_He went to get cleaned up in the locker room. And it looks like he is done." Dr. Hutchingson explained as he pointed at the man walking down the hallway._

_Addison ran over to Mark. He had a broken arm and scratches up and down his other arm._

"_What in the world happened?!" Addison cried out as she looked Mark over up and down._

"_We were on our way back. Derek decided he wanted to surprise you. It was dusk and we didn't see the deer. They jumped out in front of Derek. He ran into one and flipped over the front of his bike. I swerved to miss him and fell on my arm." Mark explained. The shock of what had happened was starting to wear off. _

"_Are you sure you are ok, Mark?" Addison asked with concern. _

"_I am fine, Red. And Derek will be fine too." Mark said with more conviction than he actually felt. It was then that the OR door opened and Dr. Sahi came out._

"_I thought you two might be outside this door." Dr. Sahi said with a smile. "Derek came through surgery with flying colors You can come wait with him in the recovery room."_

_Addison and Mark made their way to the recovery room, where they found Derek. Addison sat down and just stared at him. It looks so odd to see him in the bed with a head bandage around him. About an hour later, Derek began to wake up. _

"_Hey" he said hoarsely._

"_Welcome back." Addison said quietly. _

_Over the next week, Derek stayed in the hospital as he recovered. Everytime Addison tried to bring up the accident, he shut down and wouldn't talk to her. It was obvious to her the whole event had scared him. _

Addison thought about how over time, she stopped bringing it up. It just caused too much fighting. She also realized now that that was a very pivotal moment in when Derek started to work even more hours. He slowly began to pull away from her even more. He never would get on a motorcycle again. He still had a small scar on his head as a reminder, but neither of them ever mentioned it.

Addison slowly got up from the rocking chair and left the NICU. She needed to talk to Derek about her concerns and she didn't want to wait any longer.

Addison made her way to the elevator to go up to Derek's office. She knew he had no surgeries scheduled for the day as he had a ton of paperwork to catch up on.

"Hey, Red. Where are you headed with such a serious face?" Mark teased as Addison got on the elevator.

"Oh, hey Mark." Addison said distractedly. She still wasn't sure how to talk to Derek about her concerns. She turned to Mark. "Do you ever think about that motorcycle accident you boys were in 3 years ago?" Mark looked at her in surprise. He was not expecting that.

"Um, sometimes, I guess, why?" Mark asked. confused.

"I was just thinking about it in the NICU. Have you noticed a change in Derek lately?" Addison continued.

"He has been a little moody lately, but he's Derek. He is always like that." Mark laughed. He really didn't know where Addison was going with all of this. Addison gave him a small smile as the elevator doors opened.

"I will see you later, Mark." Addison said as she exited. Her mind was going a mile a minute. She didn't notice how confused Mark was as he continued on to the next floor.

Addison walked into Derek's office. He was slumped over his desk with paperwork everywhere. Addison stood there for a minute with a frown. It was very unlike Derek to have his desk so unorganized.

"Oh, hey." Derek said as he looked up to see who had entered his office. He stretched and then stood up to go give Addison a hug. He noticed she was tense and was barely looking him in the eye. He knew this behavior of hers. They had been together almost 16 years. It was impossible for him not to recognize it as her wanting to talk to him about something serious.

"What do you want to talk to me about?" Derek asked resolutely.

"Who said I wanted to talk to you?" Addison asked defensively.

"Addie, I have known you a long time. Whenever you are tense like this and won't look me in the eye means something is bothering you. And it almost always has to do with me." Derek said as he led her over to the couch. "Just say it."

"I know why you became indifferent to me before. It was the motorcycle accident." Addison blurted out. Derek had the look of a deer caught in the headlights. To him, her statement came out of left field.

"What in the world are you talking about?" Derek asked in complete confusion.

"The motorcycle accident. The one you NEVER would talk to me about. It was then that you started to really throw yourself into work. It was then that you began to distance yourself from me. It was then you started to send Mark in your place." Addison explained. To her it made perfect sense.

Derek got up from the couch and began to pace around the room. Why the hell was Addison bringing up one of the worst days of his life?

"What is your point, Addison?" Derek asked, annoyed.

"My point, Derek, is that you are starting to act the same way now." Addison retorted, just as annoyed. She tried to stand up, but fell back a little off balance. "Ugh!" she exclaimed in frustration. She was STILL not used to her growing belly. Derek rushed over to her.

"Are you ok?" he asked in concern. He started to try and take her pulse.

"I am FINE, Derek." Addison said in frustration pulling her wrist away from him. "I am just not used to this whale of a belly." she responded gesturing down.

"I find your belly extremely cute and attractive." Derek teased as he ran his hand over her belly. "I especially like the changes this pregnancy is doing to the rest of you." he continued as he leaned in to give her a kiss as his hand began to travel farther north.

Addison was lost in the moment. She kissed Derek back before she remembered why she came here in the first place. As much as she wanted to have sex with her husband, which with her pregnancy hormaones was pretty much all the time righ tnow, she REALLY needed him to hear her concerns. Addison pushed him back.

"Derek, I love you, and really want to have sex, but not now." Addison said. Derek sat back in frustration.

"Fine." he said, running his hand through his hair. His finger crossed over his scar, which reminded him of what they were talking about before. "The motorcycle accident is what you think caused me to become distant from you?" he asked, still confused how she connected the two.

"Yes. We never talked about that day. Not really. You wouldn't open up to me." Addison, sadly. Derek came back over to her and wrapped his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Addie. I am sorry for not talking to you about it. At the time, it was too much. I couldn't face the fact that I had almost died and that you were right." Derek choked out the last part. He had never voiced that to anyone. Addison sat up and turned to look at him.

"What do you mean I was right?" she asked in confusion.

"You told me not to go. You told me motorcycles were dangerous. You were right." Derek said as he stared off into space.

"Derek, look at me." Addson commanded. She waited for him to look her in the eye. "I never, not even once, thought about it that way. Seeing you in that hospital bed was the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me."

"I guess you know how I felt then when it was you in the hospital bed after brain surgery." Derek responded. He reached up and touched Addison's scar, that was fully covered by her hair now. She had gone with a shorter haircut after the surgery. He missed her long red hair, but never mentioned it. He knew it would come back eventually.

Addison put her hand on his. "Yes, I do. Is that what has been bothering you so much lately? Is that what you won't talk to me about?" Addison asked in understanding.

"What do you mean? Nothing has been bothering me lately." Derek answered, taking his hand off of her head.

"Yes, Honey. Something has been bothering you. You are withdrawing from me again." Addsion said matter of factly. Just then Addison's pager went off. She groaned.

"I have to go. But please, Derek, think about what I said." she leaned in and gave him a kiss before she ran out of his office down to the NICU.

Derek sat on the couch for a while after Addison left thinking about their conversation. Was she right? Did the motorcycle accident cause him to become distant from her? It was such a scary time for him. He kept thinking about what would have happened if Mark had not been with him. Would the rural hospital have done an MRI and caught the brain bleed in time? As it was, they had barely done the surgery in time. Derek had never told Addison that. How close he really had come to dying. He knew she had looked at his file, but since she wasn't a brain surgeon, she didn't realize exactly how close it had been. Another 30 minutes, and he would have been brain dead. Derek shuttered at the thought.

He looked over at the paperwork on his desk and sighed. The clinical trial board was on his tail about why the drug isn't working. Why had everyone died so far? He had been given clearance for 3 more surgeries. After that, they were shutting him down. All 3 surgeries were scheduled before the end of the year; 2 before he went back East and 1 after he got back.

He looked at the calendar. It was December 15th. He was planning on going back to see family for Christmas. Addison and him would fly back on the 24th and he would return on the 26th. She was going to stay until January 5th. She really wanted him to stay longer, but the clinical trial had to be finished before the end of the year.

He also didn't understand what she was talking about that he was acting the same way. What wasn't he telling her? He knew he was feeling down more, but he had been surrounded by death. Who wouldn't feel that way?

Derek stood up and shook his head. He needed to get the paperwork filled out and figure out the next steps in the clinical trial to try and prevent anyone else from dying.

Addison watched from the gallery as Derek once again called "time of death" on a clinical trial patient. She sighed. She had barely seen him in the last week as he worked with other doctors to try and make changes to the drug to help save the "unsavable" patients.

Addison went in the hallway to wait for Derek. As he came out, he looked at her in complete anguish. "Honey, I am so sorry." Addison said quietly as Derek gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. He looked her in the eye and gave a slight shake of his head. He turned and walked away.

Addison was gutted on what to do. She knew Derek was communicating with her that he couldn't talk to her or he would break down. And he didn't want to break down in the middle of the hallway. She also knew that he NEEDED to break down and not force the feelings down deeper. They were scheduled to fly back to New York in the morning on a private jet. Maybe she could talk to him there. He had nowhere to escape then.

Derek walked down the hallway numbly. He barely acknowledged any of the greetings fellow doctors and nurses gave him. He went and informed the family of the death. This one was particularly hard on him because it was a 12 year old boy. And right before Christmas.

Derek walked into his office and shut the doors and blinds. He wanted to be alone. He threw his scrub cap on the floor and sat down on the couch. Why the hell was this drug cocktail not working?! It had been so promising in the animal testing phase and on computer models.

He had one more chance. That was it. He had expected the majority of his clinical trial patients to die, but not ALL of them! He HAD to save this last patient. Even if that meant working over Christmas. He would go with Addison, as he promised, but he planned on spending the majority of his time pouring over the data. With that thought, he began to pack up all the paperwork he would need to take with him.

"Come in." Derek said when he heard a knock on his door. "Hey, what's up?" Derek asked, relieved to see it was Mark and not Addison. He was not ready to face her yet after the encounter in the hallway.

"Well, I have some news that may surprise you and a request." Mark said cautiously.

"Ok…." Derek said slowly.

"So, do remember several months ago when I mentioned I was interested in Lexie Grey." Mark replied.

"Yes, I believe I told you to leave her alone." Derek said coldly as he continued to pack up paperwork.

"Well, I tried Derek, but well, we worked on several cases together and one thing led to another and…" Mark rambled.

"Is she pregnant?" Derek blurted out.

"What? No!" Mark said, taken aback. "We are dating, Derek. And have been for awhile."

"Seriously?" Derek asked, surprised. "It must be serious if you are telling me about it."

"It is." Mark answered. "I think I might love her."

"Wow." Derek responded walking over to the couch. Mark had never told him he might love a girl before.

"And that is why I was wondering if Lexie and I could fly back with Addison and you tomorrow. I want to bring her home for Christmas." Mark said quickly. Derek was even more surprised.

"You want to take Lexie to meet your family?" Derek asked.

"No, my parents are in Maui right now, I think." Mark said. "I want to bring her to meet YOUR family. Or, I guess, my true family." Derek started to laugh. "What is so funny?" Mark asked, shocked at Derek's response.

"Tha man who slept with my wife wants to bring the sister of the girl I cheated with back to meet my family." Derek said, shaking his head in laughter. "You got to admit. That is a little funny."

"So is that a no or a yes?" Mark asked. He could see Derek's point but wasn't sure where he was going with it.

"It is a yes. I would love for Lexie and you to join us." Derek answered. He walked over and patted Mark on the back. Derek was actually thrilled with the idea of having more people on the plane with them. This meant Addison couldn't ambush him about the clinical trial. He really didn't want to talk about it and knew she would want to dissect it to death.

"You are sure Addie won't mind?" Mark asked.

"No, she will be thrilled." Derek lied. He knew she wouldn't mind them being at Christmas but wasn't sure how she would feel about them joining them on the plane.

"Ok great. We will meet you in the lobby of the apartment complex in the morning." Mark exclaimed as the men walked out of the office together.

Next time they will be back on the East Coast for a crazy Shepherd family Christmas! Let me know what you think!


	22. Chapter 22

"What do you mean Lexie and Mark are coming with us?" Addison asked as she packed the last few items before they left for the airport. Derek had just informed her of his conversation with Mark the day before. She was completely shocked.

"I am not sure how else to say that Addison." Derek laughed. "I mean exactly that. Mark and Lexie have been dating for a while and he wants to introduce her to my family. My parents raised him more than his own did, you know."

"Yes, I am well aware of that." Addison said, rolling her eyes. She had heard both men say that millions of times over the years. "But what I don't understand is why they are coming with us. I was kind of looking forward to some alone time with you since you are barely even going to be there." she pouted.

"Addie. It doesn't make sense for them to buy plane tickets when we have an entire plane to ourselves." Derek answered annoyed. "And you are going to be so busy with my sisters and all your friends while you are in NY, you would have barely seen me anyway."

Derek walked over to Addison and gave her a hug. "Come on, Babe. You really don't care that much do you?" Derek asked, concerned. Maybe he should have run it by Addison before agreeing.

"No, I guess not." Addison said with a slight smile. "You will just have to make it up to me later." she winked as she exited the apartment.

"Good Morning, Red!" Mark exclaimed as he gave Addison a quick hug.

"You are awful cheery this morning." Addison teased.

"I am going home for Christmas with my best friends and amazing girlfriend. Why wouldn't I be cheery?" Mark smiled. Addison gave him an odd look. She had never heard Mark talk that way.

"Good morning, Dr. Shepherd." Lexie said as she stepped out from behind Mark.

"Good morning, Lexie. And please, call me Addison. We are not at the hospital." Addison said sweetly. Lexie gave her a small smile.

Derek exited the elevator with all the luggage. "Don't worry, Babe. I can carry all of this myself."

"Well, I am carrying around both of your boys all the time, so I figured you could carry the luggage." Addsion mocked.

"And all 3 of us appreciate it very much." Derek laughed. Mark rolled his eyes.

"By the way, Lexie, I am not sure I warned you how nauseating the Shepherd's can be." Mark groaned.

"Well, you are welcome to fly on a different plane, then." Addison said as she patted Mark's cheek. "The driver is here now. So let's get going."

Lexie was shocked at the opulence of traveling with Addison. They rode to the airport in style and went straight to the airplane. On board, there was a normal sized bathroom, large reclining chairs spread out, and even several beds to sleep in. Addison took in the young girl's saucer-sized eyes.

"Do you own this plane?" Lexie blurted out. She knew Addison was rich, but didn't realize she was THIS rich. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't ask that." Lexie continued, embarrassed.

"It's ok, Lexie. I know this is a lot to take in. And no I personally don't own this plane. My family does." Addison said kindly.

"Actually, they own a whole fleet of planes like this, Lexie." Derek answered as he sat down. "And, no, you will never get used to this. I have been riding on these planes for more than a decade, and I still am in awe."

"It isn't a whole fleet, Derek." Addison said, a little annoyed. She was always a little sensitive when people brought up how rich her family was. "I will be right back." she said as she continued down the aisle.

"Where are you going, Addie?" Derek asked, concerned he had said too much about how rich her family was.

"If you must know, I am going to the bathroom. At 6 months pregnant, these boys make me have to go .time." Addison answered. With that, she turned and walked to the bathroom.

"I still can't believe you guys are having twins!" Mark exclaimed as he sat down next to Lexie.

"Me either." Derek responded.

"Have you guys picked out names yet?" Lexie asked.

"Not yet." Addison replied as she sat down. "We haven't had time yet with our busy schedules." Derek shifted in his seat. By "we", he knew she meant him.

"Just make sure you give them strong names! And hopefully, not very common ones!" Mark interjected. Just then both babies began to kick.

"I think the boys agree with you!." Addison laughed as she put one hand on Derek's and one on her belly.

The remainder of the flight was uneventful and soon they were landing at JFK. They decided to get one rental car to drive to Derek's childhood home as Mark and Lexie would be flying back with him in a few days while Nancy would be bringing Addison back to their Brownstone home later in the week.

Lexie seemed to notice the vibes change as they piled in the car. Mark had told her that this was the first Christmas all 3 of them had been to in about 4 years. It was also the first time both Mark and Addison would be together around Derek's family since the affair.

A little ways into the drive, Derek decided to put on Christmas music. After a sing along with a few songs, Addison turned back to Lexie.

"You are an amazing singer, Lexie!" Addison exclaimed.

"Thank you." she smiled. She was starting to become more comfortable around the Shepherds. Mark was right. It wasn't weird hanging out with them because of Derek's history with her sister.

Two hours later, they pulled up to Derek's childhood home.

"Wow, someone is having a party." Lexie joked as she took in all the cars. Derek glanced at Addison and then saw a smirk on Mark's face.

"Lexie, has Mark actually told you how big my family is?" Derek asked cautiously.

"Um, no, why?" she asked.

"All these cars are for my family." Derek laughed. Lexie looked at him in surprise.

"You could have given her a heads up to the craziness she is entering Mark!" Addison exclaimed, shaking her head. "Don't worry, Lexie. Everyone is very nice and will not hold it against you that you are dating Mark." she continued as she took her seatbelt off.

They all piled out of the car as the men got the luggage. Soon droves of children began pouring out the front door.

"Aunt Addie is here!" exclaimed choruses of small voices. Addison smiled as she hugged her nieces and nephews. It felt so good to be back around the family without a medical crisis going on.

"Aunt Addie, why is your stomach so BIG!?" asked five year old Sarah with huge eyes.

"Sarah!" Nancy chided her daughter, completely embarrassed.  
"It's ok, Nancy." Addison said laughing. She bent down to her small niece. "My stomach is so big, sweety, because your 2 little cousins are in there." Addison explained.

"Oh, that's right. And they are boys. I wish they were girls!" Sarah pouted as everyone began making their way back in the house.

"We don't need any more girls!" ten year old Ryan teased his sister. "There are already too many of you!" Being the only boy out of five kids in his family (not counting all the other girl cousins!) he was very excited to get more boy cousins!

Lexie slowly followed the crowd in the house taking everything in. She was used to quiet family gatherings. Her sister Molly's baby was the only kid. She tried to count all the dark heads bobbing around but soon couldn't tell them apart.

"Come on in, my dear! You must be Lexie. Mark has told me so much about you." Caroline Shepherd said in a loving tone as she gave Lexie a big hug. "I am Derek's mom, Caroline. But you can just call me Mom like all the other adults."

"Um, ok" Lexie said, not quite sure what to make of that.

"How about some help with the luggage?" Derek exclaimed as Mark and him finally made their way to the door laden with bags.

"Boys, help your uncles!" Liz told her teenage boys. Solomon, Jake, and Malachi jumped up from their game and came to help carry the bags to the respective rooms.

Once all the luggage was deposited, the adults gathered in the sitting room while the children dispersed to play.

"Everyone, this is Lexie." Mark said proudly as he placed his arm around him. Mark went around and introduced her to all the adults.

"There is no way I am going to remember everyone's name!" Lexie whispered to Mark.

"It's ok." he responded giving her a small squeeze.

Addison sat on the couch next to Derek and watched their 9-month old nephew Wesley crawl around the floor between the adults.

"Just think, Love, we are going to have 2 of those crawling around this time next year." Derek whispered to her. Addison looked him in the eye and said, "I wouldn't want it any other way."

Caroline watched Addison and Derek and Mark and Lexie from across the room and couldn't help but smile. It seemed that both of her boys were finally friends again and happy. She had a feeling, Lexie was just what Mark needed. She seemed very sweet but also wouldn't put up with his boyish antics too much.

It wasn't too long before the smaller children were making their way into the room where the adults were and crawling on their parents' laps. Around 9:00, even the adults were starting to yawn.

"Alright, everyone, time for bed." Caroline commanded as she stood up. "You may be grown ups, but I am still your mother. Off to bed with the lot of you. I will get the grandkids settled in the den." she continued as she shoed everyone out of the room.

Addison and Derek made their way up the stairs to Derek's old room. As they went down the hall, Addison stopped in front of a baby picture of Derek hanging on the wall. Derek paused and turned to look at his wife.

"What's wrong?" he asked, confused by her intently looking at his baby picture.

"Nothing." Addison said as she studied the picture. "I am just trying to decide if you are a cute baby and if our boys will look like you." she continued, turning to him and smiling slyly.

"I for one, hope our boys look like you!" Derek grinned as he pulled Addison into his room.

"Oh really? You want red headed boys?" Addison laughed. "You know that means they will both have tempers!" she teased.

"Ok, maybe they can have my hair and your eyes?" Derek countered. He walked over to Addison and pulled her into a hug. "Whatever they look like, they will always have the most beautiful mother!" he said, kissing the top of her hug.

"Santa came! Santa came!" yelled children up and down the hallway in the early hours the next morning.

"Why do they have to wake up so early?!" Addison groaned as she rolled closer to Derek seeking his warmth. He pulled her closer and laughed.

"You do realize that we will not be sleeping in again for many years soon." Derek asked her, raising an eyebrow. As if in agreement, both boys began to kick.

"Aunt Addie! Uncle Derek! Wake up!" Sarah exclaimed as she pounded on the door. Before they could answer, she had moved on to the next set of adults who hadn't emerged from their rooms yet.

"I guess that is our wake up call." Addison laughed as she slowly got out of bed. They put on their Christmas pajamas and made their way downstairs.

Caroline and Amy were making pancakes, bacon, and sausage as parents were trying to keep their little ones from ransacking the mountains of presents in the living room.

"My goodness!" Lexie exclaimed and Mark and her entered the room. She still wasn't quite awake at 7 in the morning and the mass amounts of dark haired, blue eyed children running around was making her dizzy.

After everyone had eaten, they all piled into the living room for presents. Derek looked around at all the happy faces on his family members. He too wore a smile; however, inside he was having a hard time getting into the holiday. He kept thinking about all the people from his clinical trial and their families. Today would be a really hard day for them with it being their first Christmas without their loved one.

Kathleen watched her brother across the room as the piles of wrapping paper began to appear around them. She could tell he was only faking the smile but she couldn't tell why. The only time he genuinely looked happy was when he was looking at Addison. "That is good." Kathleen thought to herself. "At least, whatever is wrong doesn't seem to have to do with his marriage this time."

"Mommy, look at my new doll!" 7 year old Adrianne exclaimed, pulling Kathleen away from her thoughts.

"It is so pretty, Adrianne!" Kathleen smiled lovingly down at her daughter. This was her miracle child, named after the woman who saved her life, Addison Adrianne Shepherd.

_7 ½ years ago_

_It was another extremely hot summer day. Kathleen was 34 weeks pregnant and was doing everything she could to keep up with her 3 year old daughter Carmen._

"_Let's go sit down, sweetie." Kathleen said as she took her daughter over to a bench next to the playground. "Aunt Addie should be here soon. Remember, you are staying with Aunt Addie and Uncle Derek this weekend."_

"_I can't wait! Aunt Addie has the most amazing clothes to play dress up in!" Carmen said in awe. Kathleen laughed. She was very thankful that Addison and Derek offered to take Carmen for the weekend so Stuart and her could get away for a Baby Moon!_

"_Aunt Addie!" Carmen yelled when she saw her aunt making her way across the playground. She jumped down and ran over to her. _

"_Hey!" Addison exclaimed as she caught her niece in her arms. "Where's your Mommy?"_

"_Over there on the bench." Carmen replied as she pointed to where her mom was slowly getting up. "She can't move as fast I can with my little sister growing in her belly." Carmen continued very seriously. Addison tried hard not to laugh. It was obvious Carmen had heard this a lot!_

"_Hey, Addie." Kathleen said breathlessly as she finally caught up to the pair. _

"_Are you ok, Kathleen?" Addison asked as she gave her a critical look. She saw dozens of pregnant women every day and was beginning to recognize what was normal or not. Kathleen looked a little pale to her and seemed to be moving very slowly, even for being so pregnant._

"_Oh, I am fine, Addie. Just a little hot from this weather." Kathleen said, waving off her sister-in-law. Addison bit her lower lip as she tried to decide what to do. She knew how stubborn the Shepherd siblings could be but wasn't quite ready to let it go with how concerned she was about Kathleen._

"_Why don't we go get some lemonade and ice cream in the hospital cafeteria? You can get out of the heat while we wait for Derek and Stuart to finish working." Addison suggested. She knew Derek would be in surgery another few hours and with Stuart being a lawyer, she figured he probably would be working a little bit longer too._

"_Ice cream!" Carmen yelled. "Please, Mommy! Please! I will die if I don't get some ice cream!" she continued dramatically._

"_Well, I guess you leave me no choice then." Kathleen laughed as she winked at Addison. "I wouldn't want you to die."_

_The two women followed Carmen out of the park and down the street to the hospital. As they entered the cafeteria, Kathleen stumbled and reached for the wall._

"_Kathleen!" Addison exclaimed, steadying her sister-in-law._

"_I'm, I'm..ok...just a little dizzy.." Kathleen mumbled. Then she completely passed out in Addison's arms._

"_Mommy!" Carmen yelled as several other doctors in the room came over to help. Soon, Kathleen was being loaded on a gurney and being rushed up to the maternity ward._

_Addison grabbed her niece and ran after her sister-in-law. "Carmen, I need to go see what is wrong with your Mommy. I am going to give you to a friend of mine to play with and will be back very soon, ok?" Addison explained as she ran through the hallways. She didn't want to scare her niece but she also knew that Kathleen and the unborn baby were more important right now._

"_Kiera, this is my niece, Carmen. I need you to watch her while I go take care of her mother." Addison said quickly as she passed the nurses station and passed off her niece before anyone could argue with her. She proceeded into the room where monitors were being hooked up to Kathleen. Addison looked at the monitors and did not like what she saw. Kathleen's blood pressure was 170/100! Addison was astonished. That was way too high! She then looked at the fetal heart monitor. It was down to 85 and sometimes dropping so low the monitor couldn't pick it up._

"_We have to get this baby out now!" Addison commanded to the interns who were helping.. "Get Kathleen to an OR. I am going to scrub in." _

_Addison raced through the hallways and up the stairs to the OR floor. She scrubbed as she watched them prep her sister-in-law for surgery. She couldn't believe this was happening. Just then Derek walked into the scrub room._

"_Hey, Love, what are you doing here?" Derek asked confused. He wasn't expecting to see his wife for a while since she was picking up Carmen._

"_I don't have time to explain. I have to get Kathleen's baby out. Call Stuart and tell him to get here now!" Addison replied as she walked into the OR. Derek stook there in shock. His sister was the one on the OR table?! _

_Derek quickly went out and called his brother-in-law. He then ran back to the OR and watched in horror as his wife pulled a very blue, very lifeless, very tiny infant out of his sister._

"_Come on sweetie. Cry for Aunt Addie." Addison said as she worked on the infant. Finally the very tiny girl let out a small cry and began to breath. Addison let out a small cry herself. She handed the baby off to pediatric attending and then went back to finish on her sister-in-law._

"_Is she ok, Addie?" Derek asked as he entered the OR. _

"_Derek, you shouldn't be in here!" Addison said sternly. It was bad enough she was trying to save both her niece and sister-in-law. She didn't need him in here too._

"_Yes I should.. Someone needs to be here for Kathleen if Stuart can't" Derek demanded. This was his sister. It was his job to protect her, even if she was older than him! His father had instilled that in him from a very young age. Addison softened her approach to Derek. She knew how protective he was of his sisters._

"_Ok, Derek. But please don't say anything so I can work." she said quietly. For the next 20 minutes, Addison finished sewing Kathleen up. As they were rolling her to recovery, and Addison was done scrubbing out, she all but collapsed on the floor. Derek walked over to her and gently led her to an on call room. He knew she was about to cry and wouldn't want to infront of their co-workers._

"_You saved their lives, Addie." Derek whispered as he pulled her into a tight hug. As he knew she would, Addison started to cry._

"_I was so scared, Derek." Addison cried._

"_Me too. But right now, we really need to go find Stuart, and where is Carmen?" Derek asked confused, remembering his niece was with them for the first time. Addison pulled a way and wiped her eyes._

"_I gave Carmen to the nurses." she said, taking a deep breath. "Let's go find Stuart and her."_

Kathleen shook her head at the memory. If she had been anywhere else but the hospital, they didn't know if Adrianne would have survived. It was hard to believe that the tiny baby who had spent 4 weeks in the NICU was now a vibrant 7 year old!

The rest of the day was filled with family fun and lots of food. Around 10:00 at night, Derek and Addison finally made their way up to bed.

"I can't believe you already have to go back tomorrow!" Addison told Derek as she yawned.

"I know. But I have to finish the clinical trial surgeries before the end of the year." he sighed. Now that the Christmas festivities were over, it was time to return to reality and hope that maybe, he could save one patient. Addison rolled over and cuddled up to Derek.

"I know. I am going to miss you." she said as she gave Derek a kiss good night. Addison had known all day that something was off with Derek. She also knew better than to bring it up.

"I will miss you too, Love." Derek replied, giving her a kiss.

The two lay there holding each other for a long time, each lost in their own thoughts. After a while, they both drifted off to sleep.

Let me know what you think!


	23. Chapter 23

"Mom, it was so good to see you." Derek said as he hugged her good-bye.

"Yes, thank you for your hospitality." Lexie said sweetly. Mark and her were returning to Seattle with Derek.

"Any time my dear." Caroline smiled. "And, Derek," she said sternly turning to her son. "I still don't understand why you are leaving your very pregnant wife here." She put her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrow. Derek smiled at her sheepishly, much like he did as a small child.

"Mother, I have told you. I have to finish this clinical trial before the end of the year." Derek said frustratedly. He had been lectured by his mother for 30 minutes last night about not putting work before his family. How Addison needed him right now. Etc, etc. Why couldn't anyone understand this wasn't about Addison or not wanting to be around her or anything like that? He NEEDED to figure out this clinical trial. He owed to all the patients who had died!

"Mom, it is ok." Addison said as she placed an arm around Derek. He gave her a grateful look as his mother continued to look at them skeptically.

Derek, Mark, and Lexie proceeded to say good-bye to the rest of the family. Derek pulled Addison aside before leaving.

"Are you sure you don't want to come back with me?" he questioned as he pulled her in for a hug.

"Yes, Babe, I am sure. You are going to be working a lot, and this is my last chance to visit friends in NY before the babies come. Plus, I need to go through the Brownstown house and decide what we want to ship to Seattle and what we want to get rid of. It still is a little sereal that we are selling the house in the spring." Addison replied. She gave Derek a quick kiss and the gave him a small shove. "Now go. We will be fine."

"Ok. I love you." Derek said, pulling her back in for one more kiss. "And I love both of you." he continued as he kissed Addison's belly.

Addison watched the trio drive off and then went back into the house. Almost everyone was packing up to go to their respective houses. Nancy was giving Addison a ride back to the city in a few hours.

After the majority of the family had left, and Nancy and her husband Jerry were packing up their van, Caroline pulled Addison aside.

"My dear, I am glad we have some quiet time alone." Caroline said sweetly. Addison was a little surprised as Derek's mom rarely pulled her aside. "How have you been? I mean really. Are you fully recovered? Are things between Derek and you ok?" she continued with concern.

"I appreciate the concern, Mom." Addison said, patting the older woman on the hand. "These past few months have been hard, but we are both really doing well. I will get a follow up scan after the babies are born to make sure everything is ok, but there is no reason to believe there isn't. Derek and I are actually better than we ever have been." she answered honestly. Addison conveniently left out her worries about Derek not fully seeming himself lately, but she didn't want to worry her mother-in-law for no reason.

"I am glad to hear it. You know, I am only a phone call away if you ever need anything." Caroline said, though she wasn't fully convinced. Addison gave her a small smile before Nancy's oldest daughter, 14 year old Cassie, came barreling in.

"Aunt Addie, Mom says she is ready to go." the teenager said breathlessly before running back out.

"I guess that is my cue. Thanks for everything, Mom. I really appreciate it." Addison said as she hugged Caroline.

A few hours later, Addison entered the Brownstone exhausted from a long car ride with 5 kids! She walked upstairs and drew a warm bath. She was really looking forward to relaxing and catching up on some medical journals.

About 30 minutes into her bath, she received a call from Derek. "Hey, Babe. I wanted to let you know I made it home safe. What are you up to?"

"I am trying to relax in the tub, but your sons seem to be having a wrestling match at the moment." Addison griped as she continued to feel kicking in her ribs. Derek laughed.

"Well, as much as i would love to talk, I need to get some sleep. I have my final clinical trial patient tomorrow." Derek said distantly.

"Derek, are you ok?" Addie asked. She couldn't ignore his tone any longer.

"I've told you. I am fine." Derek clipped back. The phone was silent for a while. "I'm sorry, Addie. I know you are concerned. I am just tired and stressed, but I will be ok. I really do need to go to sleep. I will call you tomorrow. I love you."

"Ok. I love you too." Addison said as they hung up. She was a little taken aback by the way Derek had snapped at her. She shook it off. Maybe he was just tired. She knew she definitely was.

"Alright, boys. It is time to let Mommy sleep." Addison addressed her growing stomach as she got out of the tub. She smiled as she said the word "mommy". It thrilled her to think about the 2 lives growing inside her and how before she knew it she would be holding them in her arms!

The next morning, Addison was scheduled to meet up with Savvy around noon for lunch and then an afternoon of shopping! Addison decided to head to the nail salon first.

"Dr. Shepherd? Is that you?" a woman with a small daughter exclaimed as Addison made her way into the salon.

"Casey Bright?" Addison said, a little shocked. She didn't always remember her patients, but this was one that was etched in her memory forever.

_September 11, 2001_

_The day started like any other. Addison's alarm went off at 5:30. She groaned as she leaned over to turn it off. She had a c-section scheduled at 7, which meant she couldn't lay in bed very long. Derek had the day off, and Addison didn't want to wake him, so she quietly got out of bed and got ready for the day._

_The c-section went off without a hitch, and by 8:00, Addison was headed to her office. She had 4 more surgeries coming up that day and wanted a few minutes to herself to review charts and prepare. When she got to her office, she had a voicemail from Derek._

"_Morning Beautiful. Just wanted to say I love you before I head out for a run. Talk to you later."_

_Addison smiled. She loved the little messages Derek left her when he knew they wouldn't see each other all day._

_At 8:30, Addison left her office and headed to her patient's room. Casey Bright was 25 and 22 weeks pregnant. Bands were discovered around her daughter's legs at a routine ultrasound, and Addison was going to remove the bands to allow for normal growth._

"_Good Morning, Dr. Shepherd" Casey smiled as Addison entered the room._

"_Good Morning, Casey. Are you ready for me to remove the bands from your daughter's legs?" Addison asked as she did an ultrasound to check on her tiny patient._

"_More than ever! Chris should be here soon. He finished his shift at the fire station around 7 and then was coming straight here." Casey said looking at the clock._

"_We have plenty of time. Surgery is scheduled for 11." Addison replied. Just then Addison's pager went off. She looked down. "911 - Mass trauma" her pager blinked._

"_Excuse me, Casey. I am needed in the pit." Addison said quickly. She didn't want to alarm her patient, but knew that "mass trauma" meant all attendings were to report to the pit for further instructions._

_As Addison was racing through the halls she heard bits and pieces of conversations around her. Something about a plane crash and the Twin Towers? That sounded odd to her. Why would a plane be anywhere near the World Trade Center. Maybe it was a helicopter with tourists? She knew those flew around there. _

_When Addison arrived at the ER, she gathered with her fellow attendings and waited for further instructions._

"_We just received word that a passenger plane collided with one of the Twin Towers. We don't know the extent of the damage, but we need to prepare for mass casualties. All non life threatening surgeries are canceled for the day. Please gather your interns and residents to prepare for trauma protocol." Chief Hutchingson commanded._

_Addison was stunned. She went out in the hallway to inform the residents and interns under her what was going on. She noticed people had started to gather in front of TVs in the waiting rooms. It was then someone yelled "There's been another crash! The second tower has been hit."_

_Addison rushed over to join the crowd and watched as newscasters were trying to make sense of what was going on._

_Addison backed away in complete shock. This was bad. This was going to be the worst tragedy she had ever seens. She gestures for her residents and interns to follow her into the stairwell._

"_By now you know that both of the Twin Towers were hit by planes. I don't know what is going on, but we need to be prepared for mass casualties. You need to inform patients that surgeries are canceled for today. Then report back to the ER. You need to prepare yourself too. This is going to be a long day." Addison informed them. With that, all of the residents and interns left, leaving Addison alone in the stairwell._

_She went over to the wall and took a breath. What in the hell was going on? She reached down for her phone and called Derek. No answer. She looked at the time. 9:10. Maybe he was still out for his run. He should have been paged to the hospital, so maybe he was down in the ER._

_Addison made her way down to the pit, fully expecting patients to begin arriving any second. She was surprised to find a relatively quiet ER._

_Everyone was glued to the TV. Soon President Bush is on and says the nation is under an apparent terrorist attack. Everyone is completely silent, in shock._

"_How is our nation under attack?!" Addson whispers to no one in particular. She continues to watch as reports of another plane crashing into the Pentagon comes out. Then out of nowhere one of the towers comes crashing down. It is then Addison's pager goes off. It is 911 for Casey Bright._

_Addison makes a beeline for her room. When she enters, an intern is trying to calm a screaming Casey._

"_Someone call my husband! Turn the TV back on! Did they say firefighters were in the tower when it fell?" Casey yells as she is struggling to breath._

_Things begin to click together for Addison. Casey's husband Chris is a firefighter. Of course he would have been called to help fight the billowing fires in the towers. A tightness filled Addison's chest as she thought about her own husband that she hadn't been able to get ahold of. Addison pushed her feelings aside to focus on her patient._

"_Casey, you have to calm down." Addison said calmly as she placed an oxygen mask over the pregnant woman. "I don't know where your husband is, but right now you need to think of your daughter. There you go. Slow, deep breaths." Casey grabbed Addison's hand as tears began to pour down her cheeks._

"_I can't do this without him." Casey pleaded._

"_Let's not think about that. He is probably fine." Addison repeated calmly. She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince herself or her patient._

_Once Casey had calmed down, Addison began her way back down to the ER. She was surprised that there was not a flood of patients. She also noticed that many of the staff were in tears._

"_Dr. Shepherd, did you hear the other tower fell?" Nurse Ellie says as she walks over to Addison._

"_No, I did not. Has anyone seen my husband?" Addison replies, doing her best to keep it together._

"_No, but I am not sure anyone has really been paying attention to anything but the TV." Ellie responds._

"_Why aren't we being slammed with patients?" an intern asks one of the ER doctors._

"_Because very few people have survived." Dr. Colman replies sadly. A handful of cases had come in, but nothing like what they were planning on._

_Just then, Derek came rushing into the ER. He spots Addison and runs over to her._

"_Addison!" he says in a tight, worried voice. He wraps his arms around her and pulls her into a tight hug. He doesn't care who is around. Holding his wife is all that matters to him at that moment._

"_Derek!" Addison exclaims clinging to him. Relief floods over her. For a moment, they just stand in the ER holding each other. Addison begins to tremble as she tries to fight off the tears._

_Derek pulls Addison aside into an on call room. She doesn't let go of him the whole time. She collapses on a bed in tears. All the emotions she had been pushing down come to the surface._

"_Addie, Love, it is going to be ok." Derek whispers in her ear as he rubs circles on her back._

"_How can you say that, Derek? Our nation is under attack!" Addison cries out._

"_We don't know what is going on, Addie. But I do know we WILL be ok. We are DerekandAddison. We are going to make it through this."_

"_Where were you earlier? I kept trying to call." Addison asks, changing the subject._

"_I was out for a run. When I got back, cell service was down. I didn't have the TV on. I had no idea this was going on. I came as soon as I found out." _

"_I have a patient upstairs whose husband is a firefighter. She doesn't know if he is alive or dead right now. I knew you were probably ok, but with everything going on, I was so scared something happened to you." Addison says, looking at Derek. It hurts him to see the anguish in her eyes._

"_I am sorry." Derek replies, pulling her in for another hug. The married couple stays that way for a while before Addison pulls back._

"_I am ok now Derek. We need to get back out there." _

"_Ok. I love you, Addison."_

"_I love you too, Derek."_

Thankfully, later that night, Addison discovered that Chris Bright had survived. She knew plenty of people who had lost loved ones and even lost a friend herself. It was a day that completely changed her entire reality. A day she would never forget.

"You remembered me! And this is Ellie." Casey smiled.

"Hi Ellie." Addison said sweetly as she removed her jacket. Ellie's eyes got really big when she saw Addison's baby bump.

"Are you gonna have a baby?" Ellie said in awe. Casey blushed. Addison laughed.

"I am actually going to have twin boys." Addison smiled. Ellie's eyes grew huge.

"I have a brother. I wish he was a sister." Ellie pouted. Addison looked at Casey.

"You guys had another baby!" Addison exclaimed.

"Yes, he is 2 now. His name is Cole Andrew Bright." she replied as she showed Addison a picture. "And congratulations on your own little boys! When are you due?"

"Mid-April. And thanks. I am so glad you guys are doing well!" Addison said.

"It was good to see you too." Casey said as she waved good-bye.

The next few hours were a whirlwind for Addison. After the salon, she met Savvy for lunch and then they hit all their favorite boutiques. Around 3, Savvy noticed that Addison kept checking her phone.

"Addie, why do you keep checking your phone?" she asked curiously. They had stopped at a cafe to get a drink.

"I am waiting to hear from Derek how his last clinical trial surgery went. He should be done by now." Addison said worriedly.

"Hasn't he lost every patient so far?" Savvy questioned.

"Yes. These patients only have weeks, if not days, to live. The chances of any of them surviving is pretty small." Addison answered. Just then her phone rang. She looked down and saw the call was from Derek.

"Speaking of the devil." Savvy joked as Addison stepped outside to take the call.

"Derek?" Addison asked cautiously.

"I did it, Addie! My last patient survived!" Derek yelled. Addison was shocked. She was not expecting this and was so happy for him.

"Oh, Derek. That is amazing! I wish I was there with you!" she said close to tears.

"Well, celebrating would be a lot more fun if you were here, but I guess I'll just have to celebrate by going out for drinks with Mark." Derek teased. Addison rolled her eyes. He proceeded to tell her the highlights of the surgery.

"How soon until you know if the surgery was successful?" Addison asked cautiously. Derek was quiet for a little while.

"Honestly, I don't know." he finally said. "It is considered a success for what we were testing in this clinical trial that the patient survived. As far as if the tumor will grow back or what long term affects the patient will have, only time will tell."

"I am sure everything will be fine." Addison said quickly. "Are you still ok with me staying here until after the New Year?"

"Yes, Addie. That is fine. I know you need this vacation before your final trimester." Derek replied. Addison then heard a pager going off in the background. "Hey, I gotta run. I am being paged. I love you." he rushed and then hung up the phone.

"I love you too." Addison said to an empty line. She sighed as she walked back into the resteraunt.

"Is everything ok, Addie?" Savvy asked as she took a sip of her tea. She was concerned about the long face on her friend.

"I think so." Addison said distractedly. "Derek's last patient survived the surgery, so that is good."

"But…" Savvy trailed off. She knew there was more to the story. Addison took a long sip of her tea and then rested her hands on her belly.

"I don't really know, honestly. Derek has been different lately. Not like he was before." Addie said quickly when she saw Savvy raise an eyebrow. "He is almost too attentive of me now. To the point of annoying." she laughed. "But, he has also been, I don't know, sad, sullen, maybe even depressed?" she tried to explain.

"Have you talked to him about it?" Savvy asked. She knew one of the problems Addison and Derek had was lack of communication. It was one of the biggest downfalls of their marriage before.

"I have tried. He tells me he is fine." Addison said frustratedly. "Honestly, Sav, I am not sure he even realizes how he has acting. I just have had a bad feeling about this clinical trial since the beginning."

Savvy took in everything her friend was saying. She leaned back in her chair and thought about how to respond.

"Addie, I am going to be blunt since you are only here for a short time. You have to be more assertive when you are concerned with Derek. Years ago, you expressed concern about how much Derek was working, but he told you it was fine. You didn't want to cause waves, so you let it go. Look where that got you. If you are really concerned about him, you need to make him listen to him. Get Mark involved if you need to. Hell, get Weiss and me involved. None of us said anything for years while we watched you guys struggle more and more. We didn't feel like it was our place. Well, I am not doing that again." Savvy lectured.

Addison was completely shocked. She wasn't expecting her friend to be so stern.

"Ok, Savvy. I will try to talk to him tonight. Right now, though, my sons are kicking me and I really need to go to the bathroom." she laughed nervously as she escaped to the restroom.

Addison tried to call Derek later that night but only got his voicemail. By the time he called her back, she was asleep. They continued to play phone tag for the next 2 days. After that, Addison continued to call Derek, but he stopped calling her back. After 2 days of not hearing from him at all, Addison finally called Mark.

"Addison?" Mark asked, confused why his friend was calling him on New Years Eve.

"Mark, what is going on with Derek? I haven't heard from him in 2 days." Addison said worried.

"Um, I haven't heard from him either. I took off the last couple of days to spend time with Lexie and her family since she came with me for Christmas." Mark explained. "Let me go see if he is in your apartment."

Mark walked over to the Shepherd's apartment and knocked. There was no answer. He used his key to go on in. Mark was shocked at what he found. There were beer cans all over the kitchen and living room. There was broken glass on the floor that appeared to be from a broken vase. But there was no Derek.

"Um, Addie. He, uh, he isn't here." Mark said vaguely. He didn't want to tell her the state of their apartment until he knew where Derek was. "Look, let me make some calls, and I will find him." He hung up before she could respond.

"Mark? Mark?" Addison asked, looking at her phone concerned. Why did he hang up on her? That wasn't like him.

She paced around her house for an hour before she heard back from Mark.

"Addie, you need to come home now." Mark blurted out when she answered her phone.

"Mark! What is wrong?" Addison asked in a high pitched voice.

"I, um, I am not sure. Derek moved back to the trailer and is in a really bad state. He won't talk to anyone. Has been drinking a lot. And seems to be in the habit of breaking things. You just need to get home." Mark excplained the best he could. He still couldn't believe the state he found his best friend in.

Addison, too, was completely shocked. "Ok" was all she could manage to get out before she hung up the phone and went to sit down on the couch. What the hell was going on with Derek?! She knew she had to cut her plans short and get back to Seattle. She made a few calls to get a car to the airport and one of the family jets ready. She then went to pack quickly. Soon she was on a plane back to Seattle with no idea what she was walking in to.

Let me know what you think! Next time will be more of Derek's POV with what was going on while Addie was in NYC!


	24. Chapter 24

Derek was so relieved to enter the quiet of his apartment when he arrived back in Seattle. He loved his family, but the loudness and craziness was not what he wanted right now. All he wanted to do was to study the previous 12 clinical trial surgeries and see if he could figure out why all the patients had died. He was lucky to even be able to do the 13th one. He had received a letter saying he had to stop the trial at the end of the year because no one had survived. Thankfully, he was able to find a 13th person who he could fit in before December 31st.

"Hey Babe, I wanted to let you know I made it home safe. What are you up to?" he asked as he called Addison.

"I am trying to relax in the tub, but your sons seem to be having a wrestling match at the moment." Addison exclaimed. This caused Derek to chuckle. He couldn't wait to have wrestling matches with his boys! It was one of his favorite memories with his dad.

"Well, as much as I would love to talk, I need to get some sleep. I have my final clinical trial patient in the morning." he yawned. The line was quiet for a minute.

"Derek, are you ok?" Addison asked. Derek rubbed his eyes. He could barely stay awake and really did NOT want to have this conversation with Addison. He knew she had been worried about him lately, and in all honesty, he had been a little off. But who wouldn't be with the amount of death he had been around lately?

"I told you. I am fine." Derek responded, a little harsher than he meant. He heard her intake of breath that meant her feelings were hurt. "I'm sorry, Addie. I know you are concerned. I am just tired and stressed, but I will be ok. I really do need to get some sleep. I will call you tomorrow. I love you." He hung up the phone as he heard her say she loved him too.

After he was off the phone, he dropped his luggage on the floor of the bedroom and collapsed on his bed. Soon he was fast asleep.

Derek entered the hospital early the next morning and went straight to his office. He looked at the file on his desk. Dawn Bartlett. That was the name of the patient he was operating on. His last patient with the clinical trial. She was 39. The mom of 3 teenagers. She was only diagnosed with her tumor 6 months ago. Maybe she would be his Christmas miracle.

Derek met with Dawn and her family around 7:00. They all knew it was an extreme longshot for her to actually survive the surgery. Derek couldn't watch her say goodbye to her husband and kids. It was too painful.

He walked out of the room and headed straight for the OR. As he was scrubbing, Meredith entered the scrub room.

"Hey. How was your Christmas?" she asks pleasantly as she began to scrub. It had been strange to her at first working so closely over the past few months on the clinical trial, but now, it felt like they had truly moved past their history. They weren't exactly friends, but it was nice to be able to talk again.

"It was chaotic, but fun. How was your Christmas/" Derek asked. He wasn't paying much attention to the conversation as he was running through the surgery in his head.

"I worked." Meredith shrugged. She looked at Derek suspiciously. She could tell his mind was somewhere else.

"Now remember, as we inject the cocktail into the tumor, we HAVE to be completely in sync. Just like we practiced." Derek said as he suddenly turned to look at Meredith.

"I know, Derek. We've got this." Meredith said, a little taken aback at his harshness. They walked into the OR together and began the surgery.

An hour later, Meredith and Derek were staring at each other in disbelief. Dawn didn't stroke out when they injected the cocktail into the tumor. She was alive still!

"Did it really just work?!" Derek thought to himself. "Addie had always said the time between Christmas and New Years was the most magical time of the year. Maybe she was right!"

"Um, Dr. Shepherd. What do we do next?" Meredith asked, drawing Derek out of his trance.

"We take the patient to the ICU and monitor her very closely." Derek said, trying his best to maintain decorum and not shout with joy.

He immediately called Addison as soon as he was done scrubbing. Oh how he wished she was here! He was happy to find she was spending time with Savvy. He knew Addison really missed her friend! While he was on the phone with her, his pager went off. 911 to the ER.

Derek took off running as soon as he was off with Addison. He nearly collided with his wife's OB, Dr. Leslie Rahar as he entered the ER.

"Dr. Shepherd. Where are you going in such a hurry?" Dr. Rahar asked.

"Oh, sorry. I was paged 911." Derek responded as he went to the nurses' station to find out his assignment.

"Me too." Dr. Rahar explained as she followed him to the nurses' station.

"Both of you are needed in bay 1. There is a pregnant woman who fainted in the shower and hit her head." the head nurse informed them. Both of them headed over to evaluate the patient.

"Leona Ryans, the patient is 28. She hasn't regained consciousness but is stable. Fetus is 34 weeks gestation. Fetal heartbeat is a little low, but steady." George rattled off. Both Derek and Dr. Rahar examined the patient.

"Get a head CT and page me as soon as the results are in." Derek instructed as he signed off on the chart.

"Keep a close eye on the fetal monitor. If there are any changes, page me immediately." Dr. Rahar told Lexie. She looked over at Derek, who had a worried expression on his face and kept glancing at the clock.

"Dr. Shepherd, what is wrong?" she asked with concern. She had never seen the man so rattled. Derek looked up at Dr. Rahar and gave her a weak smile.

"Oh, nothing. It's just, the woman's husband was gone when this happened." he said vaguely.

"And you are worried about Addison being in New York." Dr. Rahar nodded in understanding. "Derek, it is extremely unusual to faint in pregnancy like this." she continued as she placed a comforting hand on Derek's arm. She knew he wasn't thinking like a doctor, but as a husband and father. "Why don't you just call her?"

"No, no. I don't want to worry her. She is out with her best friend. If I call, it will just stress her out." Derek exclaimed, straightening up. He pushed the fears down and walked out of the room. Dr. Rahar shook her head. Sometimes the husbands were more frustrating to work with than the hormonal, pregnant wives!

Derek made his way up to the ICU to check on Dawn. Her vitals were still holding strong, but she wasn't awake yet. He knew it would most likely be a long time before she woke up. If she woke up. He shook his head to try and get rid of the negative thoughts. His pager then went off informing him the CT results were ready for Leona.

Derek met Dr. Rahar to go over the results. "Dammit!" Derek exclaimed in frustration. "She has an aneurysm. I was hoping to avoid surgery. Has the patient regained consciousness?" he asked George..

"Yes. She is with her husband in room 524." George informed him.

"Alright. We need to go talk to them." Derek directed to Dr. Rahar. Now he really wished his wife was here. If he had to operate on a pregnant woman, he would much prefer to do so with Addison. Then again, with her being pregnant, maybe it would distract him more.

The two doctors entered Leona's room and saw a tall man with dark hair staring out the window while the patient slept. He turned when he heard the door open.

"Please tell me you are the doctors who know what is going on with my wife! I have been getting told nothing since I have gotten here." Cedric Ryans said in frustration. Derek was immediately put off by the man's attitude. What did he think they were doing? Having a tea party instead of working? Dr. Rahar noticed the anger flash across Derek's face and was surprised. She had never known Derek to react so easily to impatient family members. It happened pretty much every day. One of the hazards of the job.

"We just received the CT results. I apologize for it taking so long." Dr. Rahar said sweetly before Derek could say something. He glanced at her and did his best to control his frustration. In reality, the CT results had been rushed. Leona had been moved to the head of the line, and it hadn't taken very long at all.

"Your wife has an aneurysm in her brain that is going to require surgery." Derek explained as he pulled up the CT scan on the computer screen. It was then Derek noticed Leona was waking up.

"Hello, Leona. I am Dr. Shepherd. Do you remember what happened?" he asked, turning his attention away from the husband.

"Um,yeah, I, uh, I think so." she said in a confused tone. "I fainted, correct?" she asked her husband in confirmation.

"Yes." Cedric said in a strained voice. Derek noticed the anguish and guilt cross the man's face and began to soften towards him. He knew if Addison was the one in the bed, he would feel the same as Cedric did.

"We need to do surgery right away. If we don't, the aneurysm could burst and well, that could be catastrophic." Derek explained.

"What about my baby? Is the surgery safe for him?" Leona asked as she placed her hands over her baby bump. Derek swallowed, finding it hard not to bring back images of Addison in a hospital bed just a few months ago after getting hit in the head. She too covered her baby bump as if to protect their boys.

"I will be there to monitor your daughter the entire time. Should a problem arise, we will deliver her. She is 34 weeks along. If she is delivered, she should be just fine." Dr. Rahar explained quickly when she saw Leona start to protest.

After further explaining the procedure and risks to the couple, Derek and Leslie exit the room.

"Derek, I know this case is hitting you very close to home. Would you like someone else to handle it?" Dr. Rahar asked cautiously.

"No, I am fine." Derek retorted. "I will let you know when the surgery is scheduled. It will probably be first thing in the morning." Derek walked down the hall to his office without looking back.

When he entered, he collapsed on his couch. It had been an emotional roller coaster of a day. He looked at his phone and realized he had missed a call from Addison. It was too late for him to call her back without possibly waking her up. Instead he chose to send her a text saying "Good night. I love you." He purposely said nothing about Leona's case. He didn't want to stress her out.

Derek chose to sleep in his office that night. He wanted to be close incase either Dawn or Leona had an emergency. Thankfully, neither did. Derek slept fitfully most of the night. He kept having dreams that Addison was the one heading into surgery the next morning. Around 5:00, he decided to get up and began to stretch. Sleeping on the couch was not the most comfortable. "I guess I am not as young as I used to be." he laughed as he heard his joints cracking as he stood up.

After making his way to the attending's lounge, showering and changing into fresh scrubs, Derek checked his phone. It was 6:00 for him so that meant 9:00 for Addie. He had some time before Leona's surgery, so he decided to call his wife. Again, no answer.

"Hey, Babe. Just wanted to say good morning. I am heading into a surgery that will take most of the day. I'll talk with you later. Love you." he said to Addison's voicemail.

Derek then decided to go check on Dawn. He had been receiving regular vital check reports, but still wanted to look in on her. As he approached her room, he found her husband and oldest daughter.

"Good morning Dr. Shepherd. You are up early." Justin Bartlett greeted him with a small smile. "How is my wife doing?"

"Her vitals are doing really well, but as you know she hasn't woken up yet. We won't know much until she regains consciousness." Derek answered as he gave Dawn a check-up.

"When will that be?" 17 year old Zoe piped in. Derek looked over at the blonde headed girl. She was so young to be dealing with something so ominous as losing her mother.

"I don't know." Derek said tenderly. "As I mentioned yesterday. She is the only person to even survive the surgery. This is new territory for everyone. It could still be awhile."

"Or it could be never." Zoe said sadly as she sat on the couch putting her head in her arms. Derek didn't know what to say. The teenager was saying what neither of the men wanted to voice. They didn't know if Dawn would wake up. Or what kind of condition she would be in if she did. It gutted Derek to see the affects this was having on the young girl. He couldn't even imagine how the other two children were handling this at ages 13 and 15!

"I have to go to another surgery now." Derek said after a few minutes. "This will take awhile, but I will come back by and check on all of you when I am done."

Derek exited the room and headed to the OR. He knew he should stop by Leona's room before the surgery, but he didn't have the energy to deal with another family at the moment. He kept remembering his dreams from the night before.

"Good Morning Dr. Shepherd" Lexie said as she bounced into the scrub room. She was very excited to be scrubbing in on the surgery. She didn't notice the sullen mood Derek was in. When he didn't respond, she just assumed he was concentrating on the surgery ahead.

A few hours later, Derek began to breathe a little easier. Everything so far had gone smoothly. All of the sudden, Leona's stats started going haywire. Her heartbeat stopped.

"What the hell happened?!" Derek yelled as he backed off the patient so Dr. Rahar and Lexie could perform CPR. After several shocks, her heartbeat still wasn't back. The baby's heartbeat was also dangerously low.

"I have to get the baby out NOW!" Dr. Rahar yelled. She immediately flew through an emergency C-Section. Soon an impossibly tiny little girl was pulled out of her mother and not making a sound. Once the baby was out, Derek resumed compressions on Leona. Once he heard the cry from the incubator on the other side of the room. He let out a small sigh of relief. His relief was short lived; however, as 20 minutes later, Leona's heart had still not restarted.

"Dr. Shepherd, it is time to call it." Dr. Rahar yelled at him. He wouldn't listen to her. "Dr. Shepherd! Derek! Take your hands off the patient!" she commanded him. Derek threw his hands up, looked at her in despair and walked out of the room.

After scrubbing out, he blindly walked through the halls to his office, ignoring everyone. He vaguely heard someone yelling after him but didn't care. He grabbed his keys and left the hospital.

Once Derek was back in his apartment, he completely lost control. He yelled in anger as he threw the closest thing to him, a flower vase. It crashed on the floor, broken shards going everywhere. The sound jolted Derek enough to make him realize he had just broken Addison's favorite vase. He went to the fridge, grabbed a case of beer, and drank himself into oblivion.

Derek awoke the next morning from his phone going off. "What the hell?" he yelled as he looked at the offending device. Addison was calling him. He couldn't face her. How was he supposed to tell her he let ANOTHER person die?! And this one was a pregnant woman!

It wasn't long before his hangover caught up with him and he was losing the contents of his stomach. Once he was able to stand again, Derek looked around the apartment. Beer cans and glass were everywhere.

"Great. Another failure." Derek grunted. His phone started to ring then. He looked at the caller id. It was Addison. He couldn't talk to her now. She left a message, which he deleted without listening to. He sent a quick reply saying "In surgery. Will talk later." After that, he proceeded to drink himself into oblivion again.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Derek woke up from his drunken stupor and looked around the growing number of beer cans. He knew he couldn't continue to do this in the apartment he had so many good memories in with Addison. Then it dawned on him. The trailer. Addison hated the trailer. She wouldn't care what he did there. He grabbed some clothes, threw them in a bag, and left.

For the next couple of days, he drank almost non-stop while he was conscious. He wanted to numb the pain, the guilt. 30 people had died on his operating table in the last 3 months. 15 had survived. He felt like a murderer. Deep down he knew that almost all of the cases had been hail mary cases. That the patients were basically on their deathbeds anyway. But his logical brain was no longer in control. He now had a small understanding of why Amy used drugs. While he wouldn't go that far, he kind of got it. It was about numbing the pain. Quieting the thoughts.

Mark and Lexie were getting ready for a New Year's Eve party when his phone rang. "That's odd. Why is Addison calling?" Mark asked as he looked at his screen.

"Addie?" he asked, confused

"Mark, what is going on with Derek? I haven't heard from him in 2 days!" Addison exclaimed. Mark was stunned. He had been so wrapped up with Lexie, he hadn't even noticed the last time he saw Derek.

He walked over the Shepherd's apartment and started banging on the door. No answer. Not that unusual. Mark fished out his key and entered the apartment. He stopped dead in his tracks. What the hell? The place was trashed!

"Uh, Addie, he, uh, isn't here. Look. Let me make some calls, and I will find him." Mark said quickly and hung up the phone.

"What the hell?" Lexie exclaimed as she walked in behind Mark to see what was taking so long. "Where is Derek?" she asked.

"That is the question of the hour." Mark said angrily coming out of the bedroom where he had been looking for his friend. "He isn't answering his phone and the hospital hasn't hear from him since he apparently left angry 2 days ago."

"Maybe Meredith knows where he is." Lexie voiced. She noticed the stricken look on Mark's face. "I don't mean because they are sleeping together. I mean because they were working on the clinical trial together. Maybe something happened." she backtracked.

"That's actually not a bad idea. Can you call her?" Mark said, trying to calm down. Lexie quickly called Meredith and got the answers they were looking for.

"Well, Meredith didn't know but George did." Lexie said as she got off the phone. She relayed the story to Mark about what happened with Leona's surgery. "From George's description and from the state of the apartment, I would say he has gone off somewhere and doesn't want to be found." Lexie finished.

"No, I know where he is." Mark said as it dawned on him. "He went to his damn trailer." Mark stalked out of the apartment and drove straight to Derek's land. When he got there he found a very drunk Derek.

"Your wife has been trying to call you." Mark said through gritted teeth.

"And let me guess, she called you because you are always the person she turns to." Derek said angrily.

"Well if you would answer your damn phone, she wouldn't have to call me." Mark clipped back.

"Go home Mark and leave me alone." Derek yelled as he entered the trailer and locked the door behind him.

Mark walked back to his car and called Addison on the way back to his apartment and told her where Derek was. When he got back to the apartments, he was surprised to find Lexie cleaning up the Shepherd's place.

"Lexie, you didn't have to do that!" Mark exclaimed.

"I couldn't do NOTHING, Mark. Cleaning helps calm my nerves. Did you find Derek?" she asked as she continued to clean.

"Yes, he is at the trailer and is a drunken mess." Mark said as he ran his hand through his hair. "It's bad, Lexie. I've never seen him like this. So much for a Happy New Year." he finished as he glanced up at the clock and realized it was past midnight.

"Mark, let's finish cleaning up and then go to bed. We will figure out what to do with Derek in the morning." Lexie answered as she came over and gave Mark a hug. Mark knew she was right. They needed to have the place cleaned before Addison got there. She was in for enough of a surprise when she saw Derek. She didn't need to see this mess as well.

The next morning, Mark knew he needed to stay at the apartment for when Addison arrived. He called Callie to see if she could go talk some sense into Derek. It took some convincing, but she finally agreed.

Callie couldn't believe she had agreed to go see Derek. What the hell was she supposed to say to him? She was friends with Addison, not really him. She liked Addison. Derek on the other hand lost a lot of her respect with the way he had treated both Meredith and Addison last year.

As she pulled into the clearing where the trailer was, she was shocked by what she saw. First she couldn't believe Addison used to live in that thing! Second, she couldn't believe the amount of beer cans that were thrown all over the porch.

Derek cringed when he heard a car pull up. Great. Callie was walking up to his trailer for who knows what reason! He knew she didn't like him very much. What could she possibly have to say to him?!

"It's a little early to be drinking, isn't it?" Callie asked as she approached him slowly. Derek just stared at her and kept drinking. Callie sat down in what she assumed used to be Addison's chair and an awkward silence fell over them.

"Um, so I had this case a few years ago.." Callie began. She proceeded to tell him of a case where she had accidentally prescribed the wrong medication and ended up killing the patient. "It happens to all of us, Derek."

"How do you live with it? How do you wake up every morning and live with the fact that you killed a guy?" Derek asked as tears sprang in his eyes. Callie was shocked at his raw emotion.

"Um, I, uh.."Callie stammered.

"I am not asking to be judgmental. I honestly want to know. How do you move on?" Derek cried. Callie was stone silent. She just stared off into space. Derek proceeded to hand her a beer and both fell silent.

About an hour later, both Callie and Derek looked up as another car drove in.

"Looks like they are sending in the military for us." Callie retorted as Owen got out of the car. He slowly walked up and took in the downtrodden surgeons before him.

"Hey" he said. Derek acknowledged him with a nod but Callie completely ignored him.

"Let me guess. You were sent to try and convince us to return." Derek retorted. Own shrugged his shoulders, pulled out a chair leaning against the trailer and sat didn't say anything for a while.

"I have seen a lot of death. More than you can even imagine. I am not going to talk about that." Owen said as he shuddered. "I am here to tell you that you have to accept the fact that death comes with the job. It's hard. Most of the time, the death isn't your fault. I know how many deaths you have experienced lately Shepherd. Those cases were ones no one else should touch. You shouldn't feel guilty." Owen reasoned with him.

"Do you think the family members care if it was my fault or not? Their loved one is still dead." Derek spat. Owen was quiet again. He recognized that Derek was not going to be reasoned with. He knew what it was like to suffer from depression. To not know which way was up. To not feel like you could breath. He knew that what Derek needed most was to know that they were there for him.

As Owen was about to say something else to Derek, a third car pulled up. Derek looked up and was shocked to see Addison getting out of her car. He couldn't look her in the eye as she walked up. Addison looked over the disarray of beer bottles round Derek. She couldn't believe what she saw. She knew Mark had told her it was bad, but she never expected this!

"Callie and Owen. I really appreciate you guys coming out here for Derek, but would you mind leaving us alone now." she asked politely. Derek recognized that she was trying to hold it together but underneath was in complete shock.

"Callie, let me give you a ride home." Owen offered since the orthopedic surgeon was a little tipsy. No one said anything else as Callie followed Owen to his car, and they drove off.

Once they were gone, Addison proceeded to sit down in the chair Callie had vacated. Derek handed her a bottle of water but still didn't say anything. The couple sat in silence for a little while before Addison turned to Derek and said, "What is going on Derek? I have been asking for weeks. Don't tell me you are fine." she said as she gestured to all the trash everywhere.

Derek looked at her and squeezed the bridge of his nose with his hand. How was he supposed to admit failure to her? He was supposed to be strong for her right now. He was supposed to be her rock. He not only had a hand in killing people lately, but he was failing his wife and children.

"Obviously I am not fine." Derek clipped at her. Addison crossed her arms and just stared at him. She knew Derek well enough to know that getting angry was his way to hide pain.

"Then tell me what is going on." she barked back. She too turned to anger to cover up pain and the sight of Derek like this terrified her! Derek stood up and threw another beer bottle down.

"What's wrong? What's wrong?" he yelled. "What is wrong is that I have killed 30 people in the past 3 months! The latest one was a pregnant woman. Even my miracle patient with the clinical trial hasn't woken up yet." he continued as he paced back and forth.

"Derek, you didn't kill those patients and you know it!" Addison exclaimed as she stood up. Derek stopped pacing and turned to look at her.

"They could have had weeks or months more with their family. I told them there was a chance. I was the only one stupid enough to try and operate. Who else is responsible for their death?!" Derek cried out. Addison walked over and stood directly in front of Derek.

"You. Are. Not. Responsible." she said slower while looking him directly in the eyes. "Those patients knew the risks. They made the decisions. Not you." she said in a more loving tone. "And Derek, what about those 15 patients you DID save. They were just as high risk. You gave 15 families their loved one back." she continued as she pulled him in for a hug. It was hard to really hug him with her giant belly starting to get in the way.

Derek started to cry really hard at that point. Addison led him inside the trailer where they laid down and she just held him. Eventually the crying stopped. Derek sat up.

"Addie, I know everything you said is true, but I don't know. It still doesn't really help." Derek tried to explain. Addison looked at him in confusion. This was not how Derek normally acted. Usually logic was the best way to get through to him.

"I don't understand." she replied. "What else is the matter.?"

"I don't know." Derek said in frustration. "Everytime I close my eyes, I see the faces of the patients who have died. Then, I remember you dying on the OR table." he choked out as the tears started up again.

It then began to click for Addison. Derek's fear had more to do with her than with the idea of having lost so many patients. With everything she had been through in the last year, Derek had been her rock. He had always been there to hold her when she was scared. He had been just as upset and scared as she was but had never really dealt with it.

"Derek, look at me." Addison commanded. "I know my brain tumor really scared you. I know you blame yourself. But it wasn't your fault. None of it was. Please hear me on this." she pleaded.

"Addie, I just don't know how I am supposed to go back into an OR again. I don't know how I am supposed to be a surgeon again." he whispered. Just then Addison's phone beeped. She looked at it and was shocked.

"Um, Derek. You might want to rethink your last statement." Addison said sternly. "You need to go to the hospital now."

"Why?" Derek asked in confusion.

"Because your miracle patient just woke up." Addison responded as she showed him a text from the Chief.


	25. Chapter 25

Thanks for the reviews! Hope everyone is staying safe during these crazy times!

"Dawn is awake?" Derek exclaims as he sits up. He can't believe it! He runs his hands through his hair.

"Yes, Derek. This is a good thing." Addison says as she rubs his arm. Derek looks up and gives her a small smile. Addison is confused. She expected Derek to be happier. More excited. "Are you ok?" she asks tentatively.

"Yeah, I need to go to the hospital. Do you want to come?" he asks. He knows she traveled a lot that day and is probably exhausted.

"Of course I am coming!" Addison says as she attempts to stand up. Derek offers her a hand. "Thanks." she says sheepishly. "I just need to pee first." Addison says, rolling her eyes. Derek does his best not to laugh. He knows it is only going to get worse over the next few months as the babies grow!

While Addison is finishing getting ready to go to the hospital, Derek walks out of the trailer and looks out over the lake. Is he really ready to go back to the hospital? He knows he has to. He made a commitment to the clinical trial and is going to give his one surviving patient the best he can. But what about after that? He still felt like he was underwater. Like it is taking every ounce of energy to put one foot in front of the other.

"I'm ready." Addie exclaims as she comes out the trailer door interrupting his thoughts. Derek looks over and is blown away by the fact that she is his and that she is carrying their boys. "What?" Addison asks in confusion. Derek is looking at her in complete awe.

"You are just so damn beautiful." Derek says. "Thank you, Addie, for everything. Thank you for carrying our twins." he continues as he pulls her into a tight hug. He is holding her so tight he can feel one of the babies kicking.

"I love you too, Derek, but I think the babies and I would like to breathe a little." Addison laughs pulling away a little. Derek laughs as they head to the car.

"You know, Babe. We really should name these boys soon." Addison says as they are driving to the hospital. "You know I like different names. Not the common ones."

"I am aware. Do you have any ideas?" Derek asks, glancing over at her.

"What about Xavier or Aloysius?" Addison asked thoughtfully.

"Xavier is ok, but absolutely not on Aloysius." Derek responds. "What is wrong with common names like Charles and Christopher?"

"You want to name the twins after our fathers?" Addison asks, a little surprised. She figured one of the boys would be named after Derek's dad, but she wasn't expecting Derek to suggest naming one of them after the Captain.

"Sure, why not? I mean I know the Captain has his issues, but he is still your father." Derek says. Addison looks at him quietly. She honestly hadn't even considered naming one of the boys after her dad.

"I still don't know. Definitely NOT for a first name, but maybe a middle name?" Addison replies, turning to look at him.

"Ok. Well, we still have plenty of time." Derek says as he pulls into his parking space at the hospital. He takes a deep breath as he takes off his seat belt. He can do this. It is just talking to a patient. Addison watches him out of the corner of her eye as she too takes off her seatbelt. She notices that he seems hesitant. She knew something else was going on with Derek. Something that had pushed him over the edge. There had been other times in his career when he had lost a lot of patients in a short time. While it had made him sad, he had never reacted in the same way. Then again, it had never been after dealing with his own wife's brain tumor or having a wife pregnant with twins.

Addison takes Derek's arm as they walk quietly up to the hospital. There are not a lot of people around as it is almost 7 at night. Addison is thankful as she does not want Derek to have to talk to a lot of people after his meltdown.

"Do you want me to come with you to talk to the family?" Addison asks Derek as they ride up the elevator.

"No, I will be alright. But thank you." Derek answers. He gives Addison a quick kiss as she gets off on the maternity floor to head to her office to work on some paperwork.

As Derek walks into Dawn's room, he is blown away by what he sees. All 3 of her teenagers are sitting on or near the bed with huge smiles on their faces. Her husband is taking pictures.

"Good Evening, every one." Derek greets them as they all look up. "How are you feeling, Dawn?" he asks as he heads over to examine her.

"I am doing great." Dawn says, a little horse. "Thank you for saving my life." she says as tears spring into her eyes.

"Thank you for being willing to risk it knowing it hasn't worked for anyone else." Derek replied as he too is caught up with emotion. He clears his throat. "So far, all your vitals and neuro checks look good. We did an initial scan right after surgery and everything looked good. We will do another one tonight. After that, we will do repeat scans every week for the first 2 months, then every month for the rest of the year. The hope is that we will not see any regrowth of the tumor." Derek informed the family.

Derek finished updating the chart and then walked out of the room. He was surprised when Dawn's husband, Justin, followed him.

"Um, Dr. Shepherd, do you have a minute?" Justin asked him.

"Of course." Derek answered as he led Justin over to a meeting room. "How can I help you?"

"Well, first of all, I want to sincerely thank you for everything you have done for our family. You have no idea what it means to us. I don't think we mentioned this, but my dad passed away about a year ago. Right before Dawn was diagnosed with her brain tumor. This has been the hardest year of my life dealing with the death of my father and preparing to lose the love of my life." Justin said, doing his best not to cry.

Derek walked over and gave the man a hug. Even though he really didn't now him that well, he felt a sense of connection with him.

"I know how you feel." Derek replied. "My dad died when I was 13. My wife actually had a scare with a brain tumor earlier this year as well. She is well now and is actually pregnant with twins."

"Really?" Justin exclaimed in surprise.

:Really." Derek laughed. "She is due in April. This past year has been a rough one for me too." Derek was quiet for a minute. "I guess I am just letting you know, I understand how you feel, and you are welcome. I just am glad it worked."

"I am glad your wife is ok as well." Justin responded. He stood up, shook Derek's hand, and returned to his family.

Derek stayed in the meeting room a little while longer reflecting on everything that had happened. 2007 really had been one of the most stressful years of his life. This time last year, he was dealing with the fact that he thought he was in love with another woman, really wanted very little to do with his wife, and was just going through the motions. Then in a matter of minutes at the prom, his whole life turned upside down. The idea of losing Addison was terrifying for him. And now he was having twins. Boy twins.

"How in the world am I supposed to raise boys?' Derek thought as he put his head in his hands. This thought came out of nowhere and surprised him. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he was actually terrified about raising boys. Girls he could handle easily. He grew up with 4 sisters and had been juggling the women in his life since he came into the world. But boys? He was so young when he lost his own father. Did he really know how to be one?

The weight of all of it was getting too much for Derek. He had to get out of that small room. He kept seeing all the people who had died on his OR table, of Addison dying in surgery, of his dad dying so many years ago.

Suddenly he found it very hard to breath. He got up and went into the hallway gasping for air. Addison was coming down the hallway looking for Derek when she saw him having a panic attack. She grabbed his arm and pulled him into a supply closet. She got a paper bag and handed it to him.

"Breath, Derek. Just breath. Slow deep breaths." Addison commanded. She had no idea what was going on with him. Derek breathes in the bag and looked directly at Addison. Eventually his breathing regulated and he leaned back against the wall.

"What is wrong, Derek?" Addison asked in concern. He looked up at her and didn't know what to say.

"I, uh, I am not sure. I, uh," he stumbled on the words. "I don't know how to be a dad to boys." he finally blurted out. He put his head down between his knees in shame. He couldn't look her in the face. Addison was shocked. This was not what she was expecting him to say.

"Um, ok…" she trailed off. Both were quiet for a minute. "Derek, can you maybe clue me in a little more as to what you mean?" she asked, still really confused. Derek glanced up at her and then back down.

"My whole life I have been surrounded by girls. I know how to do tea parties, braid hair, play dolls, all the "girly" stuff. I can do that in my sleep. But boys!?" he shook his head. Addison pulled Derek into a hug, finally understanding where he was going with this.

"You are afraid you won't be a good dad to our boys?" she asked him. He nodded. Still not looking at her. "Does this have anything to do with your own dad dying?" she continued. She felt his whole body stiffen and knew she had gotten to the root of the problem.

"Derek, look at me." Addison said gently. Derek slowly sat up and looked her in the eye. He saw her full of love and compassion.

"You are going to be an amazing father! I know so because look at what an amazing uncle you are. To BOTH your nieces and your nephews. You will be even better with our boys. And when it gets hard, and you miss your father or you are struggling, that is what I am here for. No one expects you to do this alone." Addison exclaimed.

"But what if I end up having to do this alone?" Derek asked quietly.  
"Derek, if the unimaginable happens, and I die, which is unlikely, but if I do, then I have no doubt that you will rise to the occasion and do an amazing job. And you will never have to raise them completely alone. You will always have your mom, your sisters, and even Mark." Addison explained, pulling him to another head.

The couple sat there holding each other for a very long time without saying anything. Finally, Derek leaned over and gave Addison a kiss. "Thank you." he said quietly. "Everything you said really does help, Addie, but I am still terrified."

"Well so am I." Addison admitted. "Every new parent is. At least you had an amazing mom. I barely had a mother or a father around. But we will get through it. Just promise me one thing, Derek." Addison continued as they stood up. Derek looked at her in question. "Please don't try and keep all your pain inside, to yourself anymore. Talk to me about it. Or talk to Mark. Or your mom, Or even a therapist. No one expects you to carry this much burden by yourself."

"I will try." Derek nodded. With that, the couple made their way out of the hospital and went home.

Over the next few weeks, Addison and Derek slowly began to get back to normal. The epiphany Derek had about being afraid to raise boys was a turning point for him. He also realized he was taking on too much with work and decided to back off a bit from surgery as he was getting a lot of attention in the medical community for the success of his clinical trial patient. Even though only 1 survived, many thought it was a major breakthrough. He received approval for doing another 13 patients, using the results they learned on the first 13. Derek had no idea what to do. He was deep in thought when Mark entered his office.

"Dude, what is on your mind? You look so somber.." Mark laughed as he entered his best friend's office.

"I received approval to do a second round of clinical trial patients." Derek confided.

"Oh, the horror!" Mark mocked. "Imagine the golden boy getting recognition enough to do more groundbreaking medicine."

"I'm serious, Mark. How am I supposed to tell Addie that I am doing another round of clinical trial patients after what happened last time and with her entering her 3rd trimester soon!" Derek sighed.

"Look, Derek." Mark said as he became serious. "Who ever said you have to do this clinical trial by yourself? Why can't you get someone to help you?" Derek looked at him in surprise. The thought honestly never crossed his mind.

"Yeah, but I can't do that to Richard. I am already taking a back seat with operating. I can't pull another one of our neurosurgeons too." Derek responded as he sat back in defeat.

"Who said it has to be a Seattle Grace doctor?" Mark asked pointedly. Derek looked at him confused.

"Who else would it be?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. Who do you know that is now an attending and would kill to participate in a groundbreaking clinical trial. Who has no family obligations and would be able to spend a hell of a lot more time on a clinical trial than you. Who is someone your WIFE might actually enjoy having around?" Mark answered. Derek shook his head no as it dawned on him who Mark was talking about.

"Amy? Hell no!" Derek said.

"Why not, Derek? She is perfect and you know it! If you could get over your big brother complex and forgive her for the past and see who the person she is today. I mean, she DID help save Addison's life." Mark pointed out. Both men were quiet as Derek contemplated what he said.

"I guess I could call her." Derek conceded. The more he thought about it, the more it made perfect sense. He hated to admit when Mark was right.

Derek called Amelia, who was more than excited to fly out to Seattle and help with the clinical trial. He then cleared it with Richard It was set. The clinical trial would start at the beginning of February and run through early March.

Later that night, while they were eating supper, Derek knew it was time to tell Addison his plans.

"So, I have some news," Derek started.

"Is it good or bad?" Addison asked curiously. Derek was shifting in his seat so she couldn't tell.

"I will let you be the judge of that." Derek smirked. "Amy is going to be coming to work at Seattle Grace for a few months to help with the next round of clinical trial patients." Addison just looked at him in surprise. She wasn't sure which to respond to first. The fact that the youngest Shepherd was coming or the fact that there was another round of the clinical trial.

"Um, ok." she said, taking a sip of water to buy some time. "How long has this been being planned?"

"Well, I found out I received a grant for another round of the clinical trial a few days ago, but I didn't want to say anything because I didn't know if I was going to do it." Derek admitted. "Then today, Mark came into my office and suggested I get Ameila to help. And, as much as I hate it when he is right, it made perfect sense. She can help share the workload so that I can be here more for you as it gets closer to the birth of our boys." he said as he reached across the table and took Addiosn's hand. "What do you think?"

"Well, I am a little shocked, but it makes a lot of sense. It actually makes a lot of sense." Addison said thoughtfully and started to get excited. She loved her little sister and was excited about getting to work closely with her. "Where is Amelia going to live?" she asked. Derek looked at her confused.

"At a hotel, I guess." Derek said, shrugging his shoulders. He honestly hadn't even thought about it.

"Nonsense! We have a perfectly good bedroom here she can stay in." Addie replies before taking a bite of her salad.

"Are you sure?" Derek asked. He didn't know how he felt about living under the same roof as his sister again.

"Of course! Oh, it will be so much fun! She can help me get ready for the babies. We can stay up late and have sister talk. This is going to be great!" Addison said, jumping up and giving Derek a kiss as if the whole thing was his idea. Derek looked at Addie like she was crazy.

"If you say so." he said in disbelief. Addison didn't hear him as she was already sending a text message to Amelia to let her know the arrangements.

A few weeks later, Addison woke up, and of course had to pee. She sighed as she rolled out of bed. She could no longer see her feet. Her belly button had popped out and stretch marks were very evident. On top of all of that, she had to pee every few hours as the twins continuously bounced on her bladder. At 7 ½ months pregnant, with twins at that, Addison was beyond ready to get these babies out of her!

As Addison scooted back into bed, Derek rolled over and cuddled up to her. He ran his hands over the ever changing contours of his wife's body. He loved all the changes, despite Addison's justifiable frustrations.

"Morning, Sunshine." Derek whispered in Addiosn's ear. His hot breath and hands running over her sent chills up and down Addison's body. She rolled over to her back and gave Derek a deep kiss.

"Morning. Feel like a quickie before we go get your sister from the airport?" she asked coyly. Of course, sex had come with it's own new sets of challenges and logistics with Addison's growing belly! But, they had enjoyed figuring out what positions they could still do!

A few hours later, Derek pulled up to SEA-TAC. Amelia was waiting for them as he pulled up to the arrival area. Amelia was shocked at how much Addison had grown since Christmas.

"Wow, Addie! Those babies have really grown!" she exclaimed, attempting to give her a hug. Derek shot his sister a glare as he loaded her luggage. "What?" Amelia mouths to Derek.

On the way back to the apartment, Addison grills Ameilia on the latest of the family. She really does miss everyone.

"Well, let's see. Mom sent an entire suitcase full of baby boy clothes. Of course, they are all from thrift stores, so do with them as you want." Amelia laughed. "Solomon will be graduating this spring and plans to attend NYU. Jake has a new girlfriend named Molly." she continued as she gave an update of each grandkid. "And finally, Wesley is beginning to walk." she finished.

"He is already walking! He is only 11 months old!" Addison exclaimed. "I guess when you are the youngest of 4, you want to keep up with all your siblings!"

The rest of the ride was relatively quiet. Addison could not believe how much was changing with the family back East. Yes, they saw each other several times a year, but it really wasn't the same. Derek glanced over at Addison and noticed her far away look in her eyes. He knew she was missing the family. He reached over and squeezed her hand. She turned to look at him and gave him a small smile.

After getting Amelia settled into the apartment, they headed over to the hospital. Derek went with his sister to the Chief's office to get all her paperwork signed to work at Seattle Grace. Meanwhile, Addison headed up to the NICU to check on a few of her tiny patients.

Let me know what you think!


	26. Chapter 26

_Thanks for the reviews! _

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Amelia and Derek had been scouring through patient files for 3 days trying to pick the 13 patients who would undergo the clinical trial. The patient had to meet very strict criteria. This made it a little easier for them to pick; however, both felt horrible for each patient they had to say no to.

"Derek, you need to go. Addison's check-up is in 20 minutes. We only have 2 more patients to pick. I will continue to look through the files while you are gone and will set aside any possible candidates." Amelia said as she shoved her brother out of his chair.

"Wow. I totally lost track of time. Thanks Amy!" Derek replied as he scouted out the door. He made his way down to the OB floor and got into the exam room just in time.

"Wow! 30 weeks already with these little guys. Hard to believe!" exclaimed Arizona as she skated into the exam room.

"I believe it." retorted Addison as she awkwardly got up on the table. "I can barely move and have to pee every hour." she complained. Derek helped her lay back while Arizona tried not to laugh.

"Would you guys like to do a 4D ultrasound today so you can see the babies?" Dr. Robbins asked.

"That would be amazing!" Derek said excitedly. He looked at Addison, who was smiling at him. She had performed the newer technology of 4D ultrasounds several times and was still blown away at the detail.

"That would be great, Dr. Robbins." Addison said as Arizona began to set up. Soon the image of one of the boys was on the screen.

"Derek, look at how much hair he has!" Addison exclaimed. Derek looked at her confused. He just saw a wrinkly head.

"What hair?" he asked.

"The wrinkles on the screen are hair. You can't actually see the hair in a 4D ultrasound." Addison explained. They watched in awe as Arizona continued to move the wand around so they could see both boys.

"Can you tell at this point if they are identical?" Derek asked, still amazed at really seeing his boys for the first time.

"They have separate placentas, so we don't know for sure at this point." Addison replied.

After printing off some pictures and finishing the examination, Dr. Robbins left the married couple alone. Derek helped Addison sit up and kissed her temple as he gave her a hug.

"Seeing these images makes off of this even more real." Derek said.

"You mean my massive belly isn't making it real enough for you?" Addison joked.

"Your massive belly just makes me love you even more." Derek answered, helping her down off the exam table.

"Dr. Shepherd, I think you are just trying to get laid." Addison said coyly. Derek pulled her in for a tight hug and kissed her deeply.

"Maybe I am, Dr. Shepherd." he whispered in her ear, sending chills down Addison's spine. Before Addison could respond, her pager went off.

"We will have to continue this later." Addison groaned as she grabbed her lab coat, gave Derek another quick kiss, and ran out of the room.

Derek made his way back to his office. "Check out these pictures of your nephews!" he exclaimed to Amelia. She walked over and looked at the ultrasound pictures Derek was holding.

"Wow! That is so cool!" she replied. "You have to send some of these to Mom. I think they are the first grandkids to get the 4D ultrasound done."

"Well, at least they are the first for something considering they have 14 older cousins!" Derek laughed. He knew Amelia was right though. His mom would love a copy of the pictures.

"Any luck finding the last 2 patients?" Derek asked as he put the pictures in his top desk drawer.

"Actually, I think I have." Amelia answered, handing Derek 2 files. He looked through both files quietly for a while.

"These both seem like good options. I guess we have our lucky 13." he said as he looked up at Amy. "Now, Amy, before we go any farther, I need to know that you can handle this. I need to know that you are prepared for the possibility of a good portion of these patients to not make it." he said seriously.

"Derek. You have said that to me almost every day that I have been here. I understand the seriousness of this. I understand the risk. I can handle it." Amelia said, a little annoyed but also touched by Derek's concern.

"Ok. Then give the 13 files to Meredith, so she can contact the patients and get the surgeries scheduled." Derek answered. Amelia gave him an odd look. "What?" Derek asked.

"Is it weird to work with the woman who you cheated on your wife with?" the younger sibling blurted out.

"Amy!" Derek sait sharply. He shook his head. His sister was always asking pointed, inappropriate questions. Well, at least what he considered inappropriate.

"What?" Amelia asked. "Is it?"

"Not that it is any of your business, but, no, it isn't. At least, not anymore." Derek clipped. "We have all moved on. Meredith is happily dating Finn, and Addison and I are happily married."

"Yes, I heard the evidence of that last night." Amelia said under her breath.

"What?" Derek asked annoyed.

"Nothing. I will give the files to Dr. Grey." Amelia smiled. Derek looked at her for a few more seconds before he left his office. He checked his watch. It was 2:00. Addison would be in surgery for at least 2 more hours. That would give him enough time to run out to the property and check on the progress of the house.

As Derek pulled up to the house, he was still amazed at how fast it was getting built. The house was two stories with a massive wrap around deck. It had a rustic, log cabin look to it on the outside, but the inside was very elegant and sophisticated.

Derek walked into the house and was thrilled to see that the kitchen looked nearly completed. They had picked out Cherry wood cabinets with light blue marble countertops. It looked amazing!

"Derek! Good to see you!" Bill, their contractor exclaimed as we walked over to shake Derek's hand.

"Wow, Bill. It looks great in here!" Derek said as he saw that stacks of the bamboo floor had been delivered.

"Things are really coming together. I was going to call you today and let you know that it looks like we can get the occupancy permit by the end of the month." Bill said.

"That is almost a whole month sooner than we were expecting!" Derek said excitedly.

"Well, I know you have the twins due in April, so I am doing everything I can to get this done so you guys can get settled before they arrive." Bill smiled.

"We really appreciate it." Derek replied. "Do me a favor and don't tell Addison. I would like to surprise her."

"Sure thing." Bill answered.

As Derek walked around the house, he couldn't believe how his dreams were coming together. He had an amazing wife and they were building an awesome house, with land, a lake, everything he always wanted. And soon, they would have two little boys. He stood in the room that would be the boys' nursery. The walls were being painted a hunter green. Addison and Derek had decided to go with a Jungle theme. He couldn't wait to get the cribs moved in. Addison had picked out the bedding and other decor. Derek pretty much left all the decorating decisions to her.

Derek crossed the hall to the Master bedroom. There were 2 walk in closets, a sitting area, and a massive spa type bathroom connected. There was also a fireplace and a view of the lake. Derek could stand by the bay windows for hours staring out at the beauty! He couldn't wait to wake up to that every morning!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

While Derek was at the property, Amelia went in search of Meredith She found her sitting in the cafeteria with a group of other doctors.

"Dr. Grey. Dr. Shepherd and I have chosen the 13 patients for the clinical trial. We are ready for you to schedule the surgeries. Please read the notes Derek typed up in the computer about the dates he is available. Page me if you have any questions." Amelia commanded.

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd. I will get on that this afternoon." Meredith responded. Amelia nodded at her and turned around and left.

"Was that Derek's sister?" Christina asked.

"Yes. It is his youngest sister. She is nothing like him." Meredith informed her.

"So, what should we call her because obviously she can't be the She-Shepherd." George chimed in.

"I would call her the annoying Shepherd." Meredith retorted. "It is hard enough working with Derek over the past several months on this clinical trial, but now adding another Shepherd in the mix is down right frustrating!" she continued as she spiked her fork in her salad.

"What are you going to do when the rest of the Shepherd's are here next week for the baby shower?" Izzie asked.

"That is supposed to be a surprise!" George said looking around. "You better be quiet about it. If Addison finds out, Callie will kill us!"

"How many more Shepherds are going to be here?!" Christina exclaimed.

"Well, Derek does have 4 sisters and a ton of nieces and nephews." Meredith said.

"That's a lot of kids!" Christina said in surprise. "Are they all flying out here?"

"Callie said Derek's mom is definitely coming and maybe one of his other sisters. They all can't come out. She also said Addison's mom might be coming." George said. He had heard more about Addison's baby shower than he wanted to since his wife was the one throwing it.

"Do we even have to go?" Christina whined.

"I don't think I should considering I am the dirty ex-mistress." Meredith smirked. "I mean, what do you buy your ex-boyfriend's wife's babies? Lexie is going since she is dating Mark. I guess Addison and her are kind of friends now. It is all so weird!"

'I'm going. I mean, I have worked so much with Addison lately. I think it would be rude not to go." Izzie said. "Speaking of that, I have surgery with her soon. See you guys later." she said as she got up from the table.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Later, Derek made his way into the gallery to watch Addison finish up surgery. She was operating on a premie that had been born last week at only 27 weeks gestation. It occurred to Derek that his boys were a whole month further along than the little boy on the operating table. He couldn't imagine how those parents must feel.

When the surgery was over, Derek met Addison in the scrub room. She smiled at him as she finished washing her hands. She automatically reached up to unpin her wedding rings.

"I keep forgetting I can't wear my rings right now." Addison laughed as she realized there were no rings to unpin. They had started to become tight as her hands were swelling a little from the pregnancy, so she had made the decision to take them off until a later date.

"You amaze me, Addie." Derek said as he gave her a kiss and a tight hug. Addison had also chosen to stop wearing heels as her feet could no longer handle them. Derek was loving it because it made him a lot taller than her. He always liked holding her when he could rest his chin on her head, which didn't happen when she was in heels.

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"I don't know how you operate on babies that are younger than ours almost every day." Derek answered. Addison was quiet for a while.

"It wasn't easy at first. Especially, when the babies were about the size of a soda can. But at the same time, it does comfort me to know that if something were to happen now, our babies are big enough that their chances of survival are pretty high." Addison said as they walked down the hall.

"Have you thought about slowing down now as you enter the final months of the pregnancy?" Derek asked as they entered the attendings' lounge.

"I guess. I was going to try and make it to 34 weeks before slowing down; however, my feet are killing me and that was only a 2 hour surgery!" Addison answered as she sat down on the couch. Derek sat next to her and began to rub her feet.

"I think you should slow down to only 3 days a week. Or maybe only working half days?" Derek said as he moved to massaging her shoulders.

"I have to at least finish out this week as I have several surgeries planned only I can do." Addison answered as she closed her eyes. "Wow, Derek. This feels amazing."

"How would you like to get pampered this Saturday with Callie and Amelia? Go to a spa and get the whole works." Derek asked casually. He needed a way to get Addison to go do something with Callie before her surprise shower, and this sounded perfect! Something she would actually agree to go do!

"Seriously?!" Addison exclaimed sitting up and hugging Derek. "That would be AMAZING!"

"Is it amazing enough for me to get laid, as you so sweetly suggested earlier?" Derek winked.

"Definitely later." Addison laughed. "I need to go prep for my next surgery." She gave Derek a quick kiss before leaving for her office.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Saturday morning, Addison woke up and stretched. She couldn't believe she was now 31 weeks pregnant! And even better, today was the day she was going to the spa with Callie and Amelia! It had been a really long, hard week. Addison had decided that from now on she was only going to work half days and only perform surgeries no one else was able to do.

Derek walked into their bedroom with a tray full of food and surprised Addison with breakfast in bed.

"What in the world, Derek?" Addison asked as she took a piece of bacon.

"I figured I would start the day of spoiling out right." he smirked, kissing her on the nose. He picked up a piece of toast and took a bite. Just then Addison's whole belly moved. "Was that just one of the boys kicking?" Derek asked in awe.

"Yes, they are getting big enough now, you can see them kicking or rolling over. Not that there is a lot of room in there for them to do that. I don't know how they are going to fit in there in 9 weeks! Especially if they take after their father and many of their cousins and are large babies!" Addison exclaimed.

"Hey! I was only 9lbs 3oz at birth." Derek feigned being offended.

"Sweetie, the average baby is only 7'lbs 7oz." Addison laughed as she placed a hand on Derek's cheek. "Don't worry. You lost all your baby fat." she continued as she ran her eyes over her husband's body. He was only wearing boxers. Even after 15 years, Addison still couldn't get over how hot her husband was! Derek started to laugh.

"Would you like to inspect my body a little closer in the shower?" Derek winked as they finished breakfast.

"I think that can be arranged." Addison replied as he helped her out of bed.

An hour later, Callie picked Addison and Amelia up and headed off to the spa. All 3 were in 7th heaven. Amelia was enjoying a break from Nancy and her mom, who had been texting her non-stop from their hotel. Callie was enjoying a break from all the intern drama that always made its way home with George.

"So what are you naming those boys anyway?" Amelia asked casually as she sipped some lemonade during their pedicures.

"Honestly, we don't know yet. We just know we want different names. Nothing too common." Addison answered.

"Oh,Bizzy is going loooooooove that." Amelia laughed. Addison shrugged her shoulders.

"It really isn't her choice." Addison clipped. Callie looked over at Amelia questioningly.

"You haven't met Addison's mother yet, have you." Amelia whispered to Callie. She shook her head. "Just wait. That's all I can say." Callie started to worry a little. She knew Addison's mother would be at the baby shower. Would Addison be ok with that?

"There is a part of me that wishes we were having a girl so I could take her on spa trips like this." Addison sighed. "It is one of the few good memories I have with my mom as a child."

_27 years earlier_

"_Addison, sit up straight. You don't want to be a hunchback when you are older." Bizzie reprimanded 10 year old Addison as they were waiting to get their nails done._

"_Yes mam." Addison responded sitting up straight in her chair. She loved going to the spa with her mom, even if she was corrected on every little thing she did. It was one of the few places Bizzy took her, just the two of them._

"_Bizzy, what color should I get my nails painted?" Addison asked her mother as she looked at her fingernails._

"_Well your dress for the fundraiser this weekend at the country club is lavender, so I think you should go with that color to match." Bizzy said casually. Addison nearly jumped out of her chair with excitement._

"_I get to go to the Children's Hospital Gala this weekend?!" she asked excitedly. She had been asked to go for months but had always been told no._

"_Your father and I discussed it and have decided to reward you for your hardwork in school this year. You got straight A's, which I know was not easy to do in 5th grade." Bizzy said casually._

The gala had been a dream come true for Addison. She was fascinated by the stories of doctors helping children with horrendous diseases. It was where she first became interested in being a doctor, especially neonatal.

"There is always next time." Amelia laughed.

"My luck we would end up with another set of twin boys!" Addison exclaimed. Callie and Amelia laughed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meanwhile, Derek was helping his mom, Nancy, and Lexie set up for the baby shower. They had taken over one of the conference rooms in the hospital. It was decked out in baby blue and hunter green.

"I still can't believe my baby boy is having twin boys!" Carolyn exclaimed as she looked around the room. Derek gave her a quick hug.

"I am nearly 40, Mom" Derek laughed.

"But you will always be my one and only baby boy." she replied matter of factly.

"Yes, and you still think he can do no wrong." Nancy piped in rolling her eyes.

"I am the golden child." Derek smirked. Nancy playfully hit him in the shoulder.

"Watch it, boy. I am older than you and can still kick your butt." Nancy said, raising her eyebrow and crossing her arms over her chest.

"I tell my little sister the same thing." Lexie laughed as she hung up some more streamers.

"This is why I am glad I had no siblings." Mark piped in as he walked in the room carrying a ridiculously large cake.

"Oh, set the cake right here." Carolyn instructed Mark. "There, I think we are about done. The place looks great! You can hardly tell we are in the hospital at all." Derek rolled his eyes behind his mother's head. She did not approve of hosting the baby shower in the hospital, but as 90% of the guest list worked at the hospital, it had been the best option.

"For once, we agree on something." Bizzy commented as she waltzed into the room. Carolyn looked quickly at Derek. He shrugged his shoulders. Callie had forgotten to tell him that Addison's mother was going to be there. "Derek, dear, please tell me there is alcohol at this baby shower."

"Um, no, Bizzie. As the majority of the people attending are currently on duty to be practicing medicine, we chose to forgo the alcohol." Derek replied, slightly annoyed.

"Well then, take me to Addison's office so I can freshen up a bit before the party." Bizzy commanded Derek. She turned around and left before he had a chance to refuse. Derek glanced at Nancy, who was smirking at him, rolled his eyes, and left the room.

"I really don't like that woman." Carolyn complained.

"Who was that?" Lexie asked confused.

"That was Bizzy. Addison's mother" Mark answered.

"That was Addison's mom?!" Lexie exclaimed.

"Yes. Thankfully, the apple fell very far from the tree with Addison and her mother." Mark replied. "I am not even sure why she is here. She has barely spoken 2 words to Addison since told her she was pregnant."

"Um, that would be my fault." Lexie said quietly. "She told me she couldn't come when I called her to invite her to the party, and I told her that she had to come. I am never going to get to experience my mother coming to my baby showers since she is gone. I told her she couldn't miss this." Carolyn, Nancy, and Mark all looked at Lexie in surprise.

"You actually said that to Bizzy?!" Nancy asked, astonished.

"Even more surprising is, it worked." Mark said. Lexie looked between all 3 of them worriedly.

"Well maybe that is just what she needed to hear to knock some sense into her because every word is correct. Well done, Lexie." Carolyn said, giving Lexie a hug.

"Um, thanks?" Lexie replied, still not sure if it was a good thing Addison's mom was there or not.

"Oh my goodness!" Carolyn exclaimed looking at her watch. "Look at the time. The party starts in only 15 minutes. Let's finish tidying up and get the chairs arranged." And just like that, Carolyn was back in mom mode and was giving everyone last minute jobs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Callie, I don't WANT to go by the hospital." Addison complained. They were in the car on the way back to Addison's apartment when Callie informed them she needed to go check on a patient.

"Oh, come on Addie. It will only take a few minutes." Amelia replied.

"Fine." Addson said resolutely. She just knew when she got to the hospital, someone would need her for something. Today was supposed to be a day off.

As they were walking down the hall, all 3 of their pagers went off.

"Ugh!" Addison whined. She looked at the page. 911 to the conference room? That was strange. "Why are we being paged to the conference room?" she asked as the 3 of them hurried down the hall.

"SURPRISE!" Everyone yelled as soon as they opened the door. Addison was completely shocked. She saw her mother-in-law, Nancy, Nancy's 4 daughters, a ton of hospital staff, and then she saw her mother. Her jaw literally dropped when she saw her, but soon was closed at the horrified look on her mother's face.

"Addie, love, welcome to your baby shower!" Derek exclaimed as he stepped forward. He leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek and whispered in her ear "Don't let your mother being here ruin this for you. Lexie and Callie were only trying to help by inviting her."

"I'll be ok, Babe." she whispers back as she smiles up at him.

"I can't believe you guys planned all of this!" Addison exclaimed as she gave Callie and Lexie a hug. Addison made her rounds saying hi to everyone. She was surprised at how many people from the hospital showed up. Many times, she still felt like an outsider at Seattle Grace, but she was realizing that no one really cared anymore about all the drama that surrounded her arrival.

"Bizzy, it is so good to see you." Addison said sweetly to her mother.

"Of course, my dear." Bizzy replied, giving her daughter a stiff hug. "The Captain and Archer look forward to seeing Derek and you tomorrow for lunch as well."

"The Captain and Archer are in town as well?" Addison asked surprised.

"Yes. And we are all going to lunch tomorrow at the Blueacre." Bizzy said as if Addison should already know all this. Addison was speechless. Her parents were taking them to the high end seafood restaurant. Seafood of all things. She was pregnant! There was very little seafood she could eat because of mercury but of course they wouldn't even consider this.

"Time for some games!" Callie said before Addison could respond to her mother. "We are going to start with guess the baby good!" Callie laughed.

The next few hours was a whirlwind of silly baby shower games, which Addison loved but was very aware that her mother hated. No one besides Addison could tell as she was very versed in WASP. There was plenty of presents, cake, and finger foods.

"I can't believe all this stuff you guys got us!" Addison exclaimed as she opened the last present. "We won't have room for the babies with all their stuff!" she laughed. Soon there were only a few guests left, including the Shepherd clan and Addison's mother.

"Well, my dear. The driver is waiting to take me back to the hotel. We will see you tomorrow at noon." Bizzy said as she left.

"See her tomorrow at noon?" Derek asked Addison as he raised his eyebrow in question.

"We will talk about it later." Addison said through a plastered smile. To everyone else, she looked completely normal. But Derek knew her better than that. He gave her a slight nod to let her know he understood.

"Mark and I will begin to take the presents out to the car." he said, switching the subject. Addison nodded and went over to sit down by two of her youngest nieces, who were coloring while the older girls helped clean up.

"What are you coloring?" she asked 5 year old Sarah and 3 year old Raine.

"Unicorns." they both said in unison.

"Aunt Addie, are you SUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE you are having boys?!" Sarah asked emphatically. "Girls would be WAAAAAAAAY better than stinky boys!"

"I am very sure they are boys." Addison responded, trying not to laugh.

"How are you sure?" Raine asked skeptically.

"There is a special machine we use to see them." Addison answered.

"That's called an ultrasound machine." Sarah piped in. "Mommy uses one of those at her work."

"That's right, Sarah." Addison smiled at the little girl who already looked so much like her mother.

"Can Mommy use the machine on you, Aunt Addie, so I can see the babies. Just to make sure they are boys?" Raine asked excitedly as she climbed into Addison's lap. Addison wasn't quite sure what to say to that.

"Oh, that is a GREAT idea!" 12 year old Lily exclaimed as she joined the conversation. "Mom, can you? Please!" she continued turning to her mom.

"Well, girls, I don't exactly have privileges here." Nancy said, glancing over at Addison.

"That shouldn't be a problem. Addison is the Chief's favorite. I am sure he wouldn't mind." Callie said. Soon ever 14 year old Cassie was even getting excited about the idea.

Thirty minutes later, Carolyn, Nancy, the 4 girls, Addison, and Derek were crowding into an exam room. Addison lifted her shirt up so Nancy could place the gel on her stomach. Soon the images of the boys were on the screen. They were big enough now that you couldn't see both of them at once.

"These are their arms and legs." Nancy was explaining to her young daughters as she moved the want around. "And this right here is how we know it's a boy. This is a penis." Addison glanced over at her nieces and saw Raine's eyes kept getting bigger and bigger.

"Are you ok, Raine?" she asked her, concerned.

"Aunt Addie, you and mommy are wrong. Those aren't boys. Those are aliens!" she exclaimed. All of the adults started to laugh. They knew there would be no convincing Raine of anything else until the boys were actually born.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Next time will be lunch with Addison's family! Let me know what you think!_


	27. Chapter 27

"Derek, how in the world can two babies need so much stuff?!" Addison exclaimed as she collapsed on the couch looking at the mounds of presents that had overtaken their apartment. "We are not going to have any room for the actual babies!" she laughed. Derek laughed too as he sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug.

"Actually, Addie, I was going to wait and surprise you with this for Valentine's Day, but I am too excited to wait." Derek smiled. Addison turned to look at him. "The house is going to be ready in just a few weeks. I spoke with BIll earlier and they are ahead of schedule."

"Seriously? That is a whole month before we expected!" Addison exclaimed. "That means we can be moved in before the babies are born!"

"I knew you would be happy about that." Derek replied, giving her a kiss. "Now, can you please tell me what your mother meant about lunch tomorrow?" Addison stiffened at the mention of her mother.

"She meant exactly what she said. Archer, the Captain and Bizzy are meeting us for lunch tomorrow at Blueacre." Addison said, slowly getting up from the couch. "They couldn't possibly pick another restaurant in the entire city that actually makes food I can eat. They couldn't possibly ASK if we want to go to lunch instead of COMMAND!" she ranted as she paced the living room.

"Relax!" Derek said as he walked up and put his hands on her shoulders. He knew she always got wound up when it involved her family. "I am sure there is something at the restaurant that you can eat. And if not, we will make up an emergency at the hospital and leave." Derek smirked.

"Yeah, like we haven't done that before." Addison replied, rolling her eyes.

"You could always just start talking about the delivery and that will make them leave." Derek joked. This made Addison laugh. "Addie, just relax. They will be gone before you know it. In addition to having lunch with your family, we are also supposed to have supper with mine tomorrow. Let's go get some sleep. "

"As if that can happen much anymore." Addison muttered under her breath. She could barely sleep more than 3 hours at a time lately because of the growing aches and pains and the constant having to pee.

The next morning, Derek walked into the bedroom to find clothes strewn all over the bed. It looked like Addison's closet had thrown up everywhere.

"What in the world is going on, Addie?" Derek asked confused.

"I can't find anything appropriate to wear! Your sons have made my belly so big NOTHING fits!" she yelled. She collapsed on the bed fighting back tears. Derek sat down next to her.

"Addie, you are 7 months pregnant with twins. If anyone expects you to be able to wear high heels and tight dresses, they are crazy. Why don't you wear one of those pretty sundresses you bought the other day." he suggested as he rubbed her back.

"Derek. It is February and is 39 degrees out and you want me to wear a sundress?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Honestly, Addie, I could care less what you wear." Derek clipped back, getting up from the bed frustrated.

"I'm sorry, Derek. I know you were just trying to help." Addison sighs.

"It's ok." he answers as he helps her up off the bed. "How about that pants suit you were to work last week?"

"That is actually a good suggestion." Addison conceded but she started to look around with a worried expression on her face. "I don't know. Maybe I should wear a dress and heels."

"No, Addison. You shouldn't." Derek intervened when he saw her beginning to go through the clothes again. He then noticed that she was even starting to look at dresses that were not maternity ones. He knew something else was bothering her and she is taking it out on the clothes.

"Addison, what is REALLY bothering you?" Derek asked as he took her by the shoulders and turned her towards him.

"I don't know what you mean, Derek" Addison exclaimed as she tried to go back to looking at clothes.

"Addison, look at me." Derek said sternly. She slowly turned to look at him and tears began to form in her eyes. Derek pulled her into a tight hug and led her over to the bed to sit down.

"Why are they here?" Addison said softly after a few minutes.

"They came in for your baby shower." Derek answered slightly confused. Addison looked at him skeptically.

"No, Derek. They are using that as an excuse for something. I barely speak to them anymore. They have said almost nothing to me about the boys since I told them about them. Bizzy, the Captain, and Archer are not the type to just fly across the country for a baby shower." Addison fumed, as she stood up. "So, why are they here?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"I don't know, Love. Let's just go to lunch and find out." Derek said as he got up from the bed. He kissed Addison on the forehead and gave her a hug. She didn't say anything else as she went to get a shower and finish getting ready. Derek began to pick up all the clothes before Addison changed her mind and started the process all over again.

Soon a driver was whisking them away to the restaurant. Of course, it would be too much for them to drive themselves, thought Derek. He still was not used to drivers and private jets and maids and butlers, and the list went on and on with all the workers it took to run a Forbes Montgomery lifestyle. He was very thankful Addison didn't expect it to be the same.

They arrived at the restaurant exactly at noon. Addison's family arrived precisely on time as well. Archer did a double take when he saw Addison but quickly recovered. He was shocked to see his little sister pregnant.

"Hello, dear. You came!" The Captain exclaimed as he greeted his daughter.

"I was summoned." Addison said dryly.

"How are my grandsons doing?" the Captain asked smiling, glancing briefly at Addison's mid-section.

"Um, they are fine." Addison said, surprised that her father was asking about the twins . He seemed a lot more chipper than normal. She was also surprised to see Susan was joining the family for lunch. Her mother's secretary was close to Addison's age and had worked for her family for over 20 years., but she usually stayed in the background and didn't join the family for private gatherings.

"Now, tell me all about life in Seattle." the Captain said after everyone was seated at the table.

"Well, we found out this past week that our house will be finished in a couple of weeks." Derek offered when Addison didn't say anything.

"Is this house on the same property you made Addison live in a trailer on?" Archer said as he glared at Derek.

"Archer, it is a beautiful piece of land with a lake, woods, and an amazing view." Addison responded as she felt Derek tense up next to her. She decided to ignore the comment about the trailer.

The waiter brought everyone menus, and as Addison expected, there was very little food she could eat since it was almost all seafood. She ended up ordering a salad.

"Addison, why are you only getting a salad?" her father asked, confused. "You love seafood. That is why we came here."

"I can't eat seafood while I am pregnant, Captain." Addison answered, plastering a smile on her face. Derek hated that smile. It didn't reach her eyes and she only used it around her parents.

"Plus, you wouldn't want to gain a lot more weight while pregnant." Bizzy chimed in. Derek put his hand on Addison's knee under the table to calm her down as he could all but see the steam rising from Addison from her mother's comment.

"Do you have names picked out for the boys yet?" Susan asked, trying to diffuse the situation.

"Not yet." Derek answered as the food arrived.

"Montgomery men need strong names." the Captain bellowed.

"They will be Shepherd men." Addison replied, matter-of-factly.

"Yes, but you are going to give them the last name of Montgomery-Shepherd, are you not?" the Captain asked.

Addison realized in that moment exactly why her parents had flown across the country BEFORE the babies were born. As Archer did not have any children, and honestly, no one expected he ever would, Addison's boys were the sole heirs to a fortune. This meant that her parents wanted to ensure that the boys were trained "properly" and would not be an embarrassment to their friends. Addison knew she didn't want to subject her boys to that. She was never more thankful to be living so far away from her parents.

"No, Captain, we are not. I will not give my children extremely long names." Addison said pointedly. The Captain raised an eyebrow at her.

"Addison, those boys need Montgomery in their last name. It will open many doors for them." Bizzy said sternly.

"These boys will only have the last name of Shepherd." Addison said icily to her mother. "It is not up for discussion." Derek was a little shocked. Addison actually stood up to her parents.

With that, Bizzy got up from the table and walked to the bathroom. Susan followed her.

Derek looked back and forth between Addison and her father. He didn't understand why everyone was so upset about the name. Even after all these years, WASP was very hard for him to follow.

Just then Addison's pager went off. Then Derek's pager went off.

"Well, isn't THAT convenient timing." the Captain said sarcastically. "Is this a little stunt you set up to get out of dinner?"

"Oh my gosh! There was a ferry boat accident!" they heard some one exclaim from the next table.

"No, Captain, There is truly an emergency. We have to go to the hospital." Derek answered as he helped Addison get up.

"I see. Well, we will see you guys later. We will have the driver take you to the hospital." the Captain replied a little nicer when it was obvious that there was an actual emergency.

Once they were in the car, Derek turned to Addison. "What the hell happened in there? Why are you all so mad about a name?"

"My parents are trying to establish control over our boys, who are the sole heirs to almost $500 million if you count all of my father's investments around the world plus everything my mother inherited.." Addison said as she stared out the window. It still shocked Derek exactly how rich Addison's family actually was.

"It makes our investments and assets look small in comparison." Derek muttered. And that was saying something considering they both made several million a year.

"Derek, that isn't the point!" Addison said frustratedly as she attempted to cross her arms over her growing belly.

"I know." Derek said as he placed a hand on Addison's knee, trying to calm her down. "Look, Addie. I don't fully understand what your father is trying to do, but even if he did the unthinkable and write you and our boys out of his will, we have plenty of money. They will inherit plenty from US. Please calm down." Derek said as he pulled into the hospital. He leaned over and gave Addison a kiss. "Let's go save some lives and worry about your family later."

Addison gave him a small smile before getting out of the car. Derek was always amazed at the transformation that happened with his wife as she exited the car and walked towards the hospital. It was like she was shedding skin from Addie, his over analytical wife, to Dr. Shepherd, the kickass surgeon.

"There are mass casualties, people. It is going to be a long afternoon." Dr. Webber was saying to the group of doctors gathering as the Dr. Shepherds entered the ER.

"Addison, promise me you will NOT over do it." Derek whispered in her ear. He knew she would push herself farther than she should, and since she was already stressed out, he was afraid she would use surgery to escape her thoughts on her family.

"Derek, I know what I can handle." Addison replied tersely. Derek raised an eyebrow at her. "Fine. I will not over do it." she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Inoming!" one of the nurses yelled.

"Stevens, keep an eye on her. Page me if she shows ANY signs of contractions!" Derek yelled as he ran off to help with a head wound.

"Dr. Stevens, what my husband meant to say is that my wife is a kick ass doctor and is more than capable of knowing if I am in labor so there is no need to page me unless my wife is unconscious. Are we clear?" Addison said pointedly as she turned to face the resident.

"That's exactly what I heard, Dr. Shepherd." Izzie responded, trying not to smile.

"Good." Addison answered as she took the chart a nurse was handing her. "Now let's go. There is an 8 month pregnant woman who needs our attention."

When Addison approached the woman, she was surprised to learn she hadn't been on the ferry.

"What seems to be the problem, Serina?" Izzie asked the patient as she began to set up the fetal monitor.

"I am only 34 weeks but I am having contractions." she replied. Addison stepped out and let Izzie take over the case. The resident was more than capable of examining the mother.

As she looked around the ER, she was surprised to see 4 other OB's taking on patients from the ferry boat accident while she was given a fairly simple case. She had a feeling Derek had something to do with it.

"What is the situation, Dr. Stevens?" Addison asked as she stepped back to her patient.

"The baby looks good and the contractions appear to be Braxton Hicks." Izzie answered. Serina looked mortified.

"I am not in labor?" she exclaimed. Addison walked over near the bed and smiled at the young woman.

"Serina, as you can see, I too am very pregnant. With twins actually." Addison said sweetly as she placed her hand on her belly. "I too have experienced Braxton Hicks. They can be very painful and seem like real labor. You did the right thing by coming in. We are going to monitor you for a few hours just to be sure." Addison filled out the chart and left instructions for Izzie to monitor the patient for the next 6 hours.

Addison walked over to the nurses station to see if any other victims of the ferry boat needed her attention.

"Um, I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd, but we were told not to give you any severely injured patients unless there was no other option." a very young, nervous nurse informed her.

"On whose orders?" Addison asked as she crossed her arms.

"On my orders." Dr. Rahar answered. She gave the young nurse a nod of thanks as she pulled Addison over to the side of the room.

"Addison. You have to stop jumping in to long, complicated surgeries. You are almost 8 months pregnant, with twins." Dr. Rahar said pointedly, looking at Addison square in the eye.

"I know my limits. Besides, I am your boss." Addison pointed out.

"Yes, but I am your doctor. You need to listen to me if you want to do what is best for you and your babies. You need to understand the realities of your pregnancy." Dr. Rahar said as she crossed her arms. Addison too crossed her arms in response and raised an eyebrow. Dr. Rahar did not back down.

"Fine." Addison exclaimed. She threw her hands up in the air and walked off. Deep down she knew everyone else was right, but it was still hard to admit the limitations the pregnancy was starting to take.

Addison made her way to her office, where she decided to lay down for a bit to wait for Derek. Four hours later she woke up to Derek kissing her temple.

"Hey." she said groggily. "Are you done?" she asked as Derek helped her sit up.

"No. I need to stay a little longer to ensure my patient's brain bleed doesn't get worse. But, I really think you should go home. Sleeping in a bed is hard enough for you right now. I am not sure how you even are sleeping on this couch." Derek laughed.

"I guess I was more tired than I thought." Addison shrugged. She didn't want to admit how much her back hurt from sleeping on the couch. "What about supper with your family?"

"Amelia informed them of the emergency. She too has been in surgery for the past few hours. We are going to reschedule for breakfast in the morning. They don't fly out until the afternoon, so it is ok." Derek answered.

"We only have one car here. I can stay with you." she said practically.

"That's ok. I can drive you home and then come back to the hospital." Derek replied. "I will be able to focus better knowing that you are more comfortable at home." he continued.

"Ok." Addison said as she knew it was pointless to argue. Besides, the thought of getting a bath and then sleeping in her own bed seemed like a great idea to her.

Derek proceeded to take Addison home and then head back to the hospital.

After a few more hours of sleep, Addison woke up feeling as much like herself as was possible. She had a voicemail from Derek saying he got pulled into an emergency surgery and was just going to stay the night at the hospital. There was also a voicemail from her brother telling her to call him. Addison rolled her eyes. She really didn't want to deal with her family, but she knew since they were in Seattle still, it was unavoidable.

"Addie, how are you?" Archer said as he picked up his phone.

"I am almost 8 months pregnant with twins and have very little patience, Archer. That is how I am." Addison replied dryly.

"Yes, I can see that. Well, I wanted to make sure you were ok after dinner." Archer replied. Addison smiled in spite of herself. Her brother was always looking out for her.

"I'm fine, Archie. Bizzy and the Captain will learn that they are not going to control my children's lives. It is that simple." she said. "Archie, would you like to come over for a bit? Derek is stuck at the hospital with patients from the ferry boat, so I have the whole apartment to myself."

"I'd love to hang out, Squirt." Archie said, laughing when he heard Addison groan at the use of her childhood nickname. "But, I would rather you come over here, to the hotel. Would that be ok?"

"Um, ok, yeah. Sure. I'll be there in about 15 minutes." Addison answered. She sent Derek a text, letting him know where she would be, and drove over to the Archfield.

As Addison entered the lobby of the hotel, she was surprised to see her mother sitting at the hotel bar with Susan. She watched them for a few minutes, trying to decide whether to go over to them. All of the sudden, Bizzy leaned her head to rest on Susan's shoulder. Susan leaned over and kissed the top of Bizzy's head.

Shell shocked, Addison made her way to the elevator and up to Archie's room. What in the world had she just seen? Addison entered Archer's room completely silent when he opened the door.

"Addison, are you ok? You look a little pale?" Archer asked with concern.

"I need water." she answered, a little horse. What she wanted was something a hell of a lot stronger than water, but her current state of pregnancy would not allow for that.

Archer watched her gulp the entire glass of water he gave her before asking. "What is wrong, Addison?" he asked sternly.

"Our mother. Susan. Touching. Kissing." Addison blurted out incoherently.

"Addison. Slow down and tell me exactly what you are talking about." Archer said as he sat down across from Addison. She proceeded to tell him what she saw in the bar.

"Addison, I know." he said quietly. She looked at him in surprise.

"What exactly do you know, Archer?"Addison asked, still unsure if she was jumping to unwarranted conclusions.

"I know that Bizzy and Susan are lovers." Archer said bluntly. "And they have been for almost 20 years."

"What?!" Addison yelled as she jumped up from the couch. "How in the world do you know and you didn't tell me?"

"I only found out a few weeks ago. I walked in on them kissing in Bizzy's office. And well, you know Bizzy. She didn't want you to know at first, but I put my foot down. I said I was going to come out here and tell you myself. Well, naturally, she couldn't have that. So, we all came out here. The plan was to tell you last night at dinner, but well, you know how that went. That is also why I asked you to come over here. I wanted you to know the truth." Archer said, trying to get his sister to sit down.

"Does the Captain know?" Addison asked, still shell shocked by the news.

"Yes. He has always known. Same as Bizzy has always known about his affairs. Apparently, they had an agreement that it was best for us if they stayed married and keep each other's secrets." Archer said bitterly. Addison stared off into space for a few minutes, processing what Archer was saying. Her entire childhood had been a lie. Both her parents were cheaters and liars. No wonder both Archer and her were so screwed up!

"So wait. All those times the Captain had us lie for him while he screwed our nanny, his secretary, or whoever he could get his hands on, Bizzy KNEW about that?! And the whole time, she didn't even love the Captain!" Addison was now pacing around the room. She felt like the walls were closing in on her. Why had her parents done this to them? Soon, she felt like she couldn't breath.

"Addison, calm down!" Archer exclaimed as he rushed over to his sister. The doctor in him could tell she was struggling. All of the sudden, Addison passed out. Thankfully, her brother was there to catch her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek was trying to sleep in an on call room when his pager went off. "Noooooooooo!" he groaned. He was so tired. He looked at his pager and was shocked to see he was being paged to the ER. "I am not on call. Why are they paging me?" he grumbled as he drug himself out of the bed.

"Where am I needed?" Derek asked Owen as he entered the ER.

"Addison is in bay 2." Owen said quickly.

"Addison? What is she doing here?" Derek asked confused.

"Oh, you don't know." Owen said with concern. "Addison was just brought in by ambulance. She is the patient." Derek ran over to the room and busted through the door. He saw Archer sitting next to Addison, who was propped up in the bed with oxygen. Dr. Rahar was checking the babies out on the ultrasound.

"Both boys are just fine, Addison. You seem to have had a panic attack, which caused you to pass out. I would like to keep you here for the rest of the night for observation." Dr. Rahar said.

"What in the world happened?" Derek exclaimed as he rushed to Addison's side as Dr. Rahar left the room. He shot a questioning look at his brother-in-law.

"Addison is going to have to tell you." Archer said to Derek as he stood up. "Addie, I will talk to you later."

"Addison, are you ok? What is going on?" Derek asked as he tried to get into the bed with Addson. She pushed him away and shook her head no.

"Not now, Derek. Not here." Addison choked out as she took the oxygen mask off. Derek looked at her and instantly knew whatever happened involved her parents. She had the glassy stare in her eyes she always did after being around her family. Only this time was slightly different. She was also doing her best not to lose it.

"Addie…" Derek said pleadingly. He wanted to help her but needed to know what was going on to know what to do.

"Take me home, Derek. I don't care what anyone else says. I am fine. I want to go home." Addison responded hollowly.

"I really think you should stay a couple more hours." Derek said cautiously. He didn't want to upset her again but also really didn't want to take her home yet. Addison looked at him coldly for a few minutes before responding.

"One hour and absolutely no questions." she countered.

"As long as you keep the oxygen on." Derek replied coolly. He crossed his arms and stared down at his wife. She proceeded to put the oxygen mask back on and stare at the wall. Derek wasn't sure what to do next. Addison obviously didn't want him to hold her, as that would cause her defenses to break down. And she couldn't have that happen in public. He wasn't even sure she wanted him in the room. Derek started to head to the door when he heard a very small voice say "Stay". He turned and looked at Addison. She stretched her hand out to him. Derek walked back over by the bed, sat down in the chair, and held his wife's hand. She gave it a tight squeeze. He knew this was her way of communicating love and thanks when she couldn't find the words.

The couple sat there for about 15 minutes before Derek felt Addison's hand go limp. He looked up to find her sleeping. He looked up at the clock. It was almost 2:00 in the morning. He slowly stood up, made sure Addison was still asleep, and left the room.

Derek was surprised to find both Amelia and Nancy in the hallway.

"What are you two doing here?" Derek asked his sisters.

"I heard Addison was brought into the ER, so I called Nancy." Amelia answered. "I wasn't sure what was going on, but I knew that Nancy might be able to help."

"What is going on, Derek?" Nancy asked. "Did Addison over do it by helping with the ferry boat accident?" she continued.

"No. Addison barely helped with that." Derek responded, running his hand through his hair. He wasn't even sure what to tell his sisters. He didn't even know what had happened. "Look, I appreciate the concern, but you guys really should go get some sleep. Addison is currently sleeping. When she wakes up, I am taking her home. Something happened with her family. That is all I know. The babies and her are both fine now."

"I don't get it." Nancy said, crossing her arms. "Her family caused this? I know they are difficult, but what in the world happened to cause Addison to pass out?"

"I don't know yet." Derek sighed. He looked frustrated and defeated. Both Nancy and Amelia were a little surprised to see their brother respond like this. While they had heard their fair share of Forbes/Montgomery horror stories, they had never experienced it up close and personal. Nancy leaned over and gave Derek a hug. He was surprised at her reaction and also very thankful.

"I need to get back in there. I will call you guys in the morning." Derek said as he began to turn to go back in the room.

"Derek. Don't worry about breakfast. We will be back out here soon enough when the babies are born." Nancy told her brother. Derek gave her a small smile and nod of thanks, and then entered his wife's room.

"Hey." Derek said quietly as he approached Addison's bed. She was beginning to stir. He reached out and moved some hair out her face.

"Hey." she said, giving him a small smile. "Let's go home."

"Ok." Derek answered. After getting all the discharge paperwork filled out and strict instructions from Dr. Rahar for Addison to take a few days off, they left the hospital.


	28. Chapter 28

Derek quietly followed Addison into the apartment. She had barely said 2 words since they left the hospital. By now it was 4 in the morning, but Derek did not want to go to sleep. He wanted answers.

"Ok, Addison. We are home. No one else is around. What in the hell happened tonight?" he asked sternly, forcing himself to stay calm. Addison walked over to the kitchen, got some water, and turned to Derek. She had a glazed over look on her face.

"My mother is a lesbian whore. That's what happened." she said vehemently. She gripped the counter so tightly her knuckles were turning white. Derek was completely shocked and confused.

"Huh?" he responded. Addison went to sit down on the couch and Derek followed. When she turned to look at him, her eyes were overflowing with tears. Derek pulled her into a hug and let her cry for a while. He knew she had been holding it in. He rubbed her hair and kissed her forehead. He was utterly confused but knew Addison needed to calm down before she could talk. His mother-in-law a lesbian? A whore? What in the world did his in-laws do now to totally screw up his wife?!

"Ok, Addie. Can you explain to me what exactly happened now?" Derek asked when Addison finally started to calm down after a little. He reached over and rubbed some of the remaining tears off of Addison's cheeks.

"My entire childhood was a lie. A joke. I found out tonight that my mother is a lesbian." Addison spat. She proceeded to tell Derek what happened when she entered the hotel. "I then went to Archer's room, and he confirmed what I thought I saw. Apparently, he found out a couple of weeks ago by accident and insisted on telling me. That is why they all came out here. That is what they were supposed to tell us at lunch yesterday."

Derek took a minute to process everything Addison was telling him. His mother-in-law was actually in love with her secretary. And the Captain knew about all of this? And they were still married? He was so confused. He couldn't even begin to imagine how confused Addison was.

"Addison, I am so sorry you found out this way." he replied, pulling her into a hug and kissing the top of her head.

Addison leaned into Derek for comfort. She began to cry again when one of the twins kicked her hard in the ribs. She winced.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked, pulling apart and looking her in the eye.

"Nothing is wrong. I think we have a professional soccer player in here." she laughed as she rubbed her side. Derek too laughed. He led Addison to their bedroom.

Addison immediately began to kiss Derek deeply. "Addie, I am not sure we should be having sex right now." Derek said with concern pulling away. "You just passed out and were in the hospital…." he trailed off.

"Derek, please. I promise I am fine." Addison pleaded. Derek knew she needed to be distracted. She needed to feel loved and wanted. But was it safe? He hesitated for a minute but the sad look in his wife's eyes was all it took. He wanted to take her pain away. All of it. The pain his in-laws had caused over the pain he had caused her over the years. The pain she had caused herself.

He responded by kissing her behind her ear and down her neck. She responded with a deep moan. The thing about being together for so long was they knew exactly where to kiss each other. Where to touch each other.

"I love you, Addison Shepherd." Derek whispered in her ear as they moved over to the bed. He felt her smile.

"I love you too, Derek Shepherd." she cooed as she began to take his clothes off. For the next 30 minutes, Addison forgot about her family. The whole world consisted of only Derek and her (and of course the kicking of the twins!).

After making love, Addison laid her head on Derek's chest while his hand rested on her belly.

"Thank you." she whispered, before turning over to go to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning, Derek rolled over and reached for his wife but his hands came up empty. He opened his sleepy eyes and looked at the clock. It was 10:00. He heard sounds coming from the bathroom, so he got out of bed to investigate.

He found Addison fully dressed and applying her makeup. She didn't hear him come in and jumped a little when he lifted up her long, red hair to kiss the back of her neck.

"Derek, you startled me!" she exclaimed as she turned to give him a kiss.

"Where are you going?" Derek asked as he gestured to the makeup and clothes.

"I am meeting with my mother." she said matter-of-factly She turned back towards the mirror and began to apply her makeup again.

"Your mother?" Derek asked in surprise.

"Yes. She sent me a message saying she wanted to meet with me to "have a proper discussion without nonsense" " Addison said in her best impersonation of Bizzy.

"Addison. I don't want you to go alone." Derek said sternly. He didn't want a repeat of last night. He didn't want that woman to cause anymore damage to his wife.

"Derek, relax." Addison said as she placed an arm on his shoulder. "I have to meet with her alone. This is something I need to do. Something I should have done a long time ago." she finished quietly. Derek looked at her in the eye for a few minutes.

"I am coming with you. I will wait in the car or the hall or the hotel lobby or whatever you want. But I AM coming, Addison. It is my job to protect you and the boys. I can't do that if I am not there." he exclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest.

Addison did her best not to roll her eyes. Sometimes she loved Derek's chivalry, and other times she didn't. She did know from experience that when he got like this, there was no arguing with him.

"Fine. But I am leaving in 30 minutes, so if you are coming, you need to get ready quickly." she said cooly. Derek nodded and went to get a shower.

Soon the two Shepherd's were driving in silence to the Archfield. Addison kept fussing with her jewelry and fidgeting in her seat. While some of this was from being uncomfortable being so pregnant, Derek knew she was nervous about her meeting with her mother. He reached over and took her hand. She squeezed it tight and looked out the window.

Derek parked the car near the entrance. He turned to look at Addison as he put the car in park. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" he asked quietly. He took Addison's hand in his and gave it a quick kiss.

"I appreciate the offer, Babe. But this is something I have to do on my own." Addison said, giving him a small smile.

"Ok. I will be here if you need me. Just call me." Derek said resolutely. He was not thrilled with the plan. Addison nodded at him, took a deep breath and got out of the car.

Addison knocked on the door to her mother's hotel room. She nodded at Susan, who answered the door and entered the elaborate suite.

"Where is Bizzy?" Addison asked Susan confused as she looked around the room and noticed the absence of her mother.

"I wanted to talk to you first, Addison." Susan replied. "Please, come and sit down. I know you can't be comfortable standing for too long." Addison followed Susan to the couches and sat down. She didn't say anything to Susan, but just stared at her.

"Look, Addison. Your brother told me what happened. I first want to say, I am so sorry you found out this way. And I am so thankful you are ok." Susan began nervously. Addison continued to just stare at Susan cooley. "I know how confusing all of this is. I have always been the go between for your mother and you. I wanted you to know that will not change. I love you like a sister, Addie. Please don't hate us." Susan pleaded.

"I don't hate you." Addison finally replied. "I am just confused as to why it was kept a secret. Why did my parents stay married? How long has Bizzy been a lesbian? Why did she even get married and have kids?" She got up and started to pace the room as the questions that had been burning inside of her came spewing out.

"I can't answer those. You will have to talk to your mother." Susan said as she too got up from the couch. As if on cue, BIzzy came out of the bedroom.

"Addison, stop pacing. It is very unbecoming. Especially for someone in your station." Bizzy exclaimed, pointing at Addison's belly. Addison immediately stopped. She was completely stunned to hear her mother talk to her that way.

"I guess that would be more nonsense." Addison clipped back putting her hands on her hips.

"I am not going to discuss this with you if you can't be civil." Bizzy retorted. "Now, please, sit down." Addison followed Bizzy back over to the couches as Susan retired to the bedroom.

Both women were silent for quite awhile.

"Your brother told me what happened last night." Bizzy began. Addison continued to remain silent. "Well, what do you want to know?"

"What do I want to know?" Addison yelled.

"Addison, please." Bizzy said, disapprovingly. Addison couldn't keep from rolling her eyes.

"I am not 12 anymore, Bizzy. I can raise my voice if I want. I just found out that my entire childhood was a farce. That my parents' marriage is a lie. I don't even know what to believe anymore!" Addison yelled back.

"I am asking you not to yell for YOU, my dear." Bizzy retorted once Addison quieted down. "So we don't have another trip to the hospital." she continued. Addison took a deep breath, trying to calm down. She knew her mother was right.

"Fine." Addison said through gritted teeth. Both women were quiet once again.

"Your entire childhood wasn't a lie." Bizzy began again."I have always loved your father and still do to this day."

"If you loved him, then what in the hell is going on with Susan?" Addison blurted out before she realized what she was saying.

"There are different ways to love people." Bizzy clipped back.

"Why did you even get married if you knew you were a lesbain?" Addison asked, doing her best to remain calm.

"It was the 60's Addison. It wasn't like today. I was expected to get married and have babies. I couldn't go to college and have a career. I definitely couldn't have been a lesbian!" Bizzy exclaimed as she got up from the couch. Now she was the one pacing. "Besides, I didn't know I was a lesbian at the time."

Addison sat quietly as she took in all that her mother was saying. "Ok. I get that you didn't know. I even get that you had to get married because that was what was expected of you. But once you figured it out, why did you STAY married?" Addison inquired. Bizzy looked at Addison as if she had a third eye.

"Because I had children by then!" Bizzy exclaimed. She returned to the couch and sat down. "I couldn't do that to your brother and you. If I had left your father and made it public knowledge that I was a lesbian, your childhood would have been even worse."

Addison couldn't help laughing at this. "Worse? How good of a childhood do you think I had?" she said bitterly. "My father repeatedly had me lie to you about sleeping with dozens of other women and you constantly critiqued everything I did. Did you even love me?"

Bizzy sat there completely stunned. For once, she had no response to Addison. She quickly recovered. "I could have been something, you know. You don't just get your brains from your father." Bizzy replied cooley. "I did what was best for your brother and you. When you are a mother, that is what you do."

Addison looked at her mother quizzically. She knew that in some twisted way, this was her mother's way to tell her that yes, she did in fact love her.

"Ok, so why carry on the secret relationship with Susan for so many years. Archer and I are no longer children." Addison asked finally.

"Because I love your father." Bizzy answered as if it made complete sense.

"Where is the Captain?" Addison asked as she took a drink of water. She had expected him to be there after what happened at lunch the previous day. Had that really only been a day ago? It seemed like a hell of a lot had happened in such a short time!

"He is talking to Derek." Bizzy said calmly. Addison spit her water out in surprise.

"Talking to Derek?!" Addison asked in disbelief.

"Yes. Down at the hotel bar." Bizzy said, shrugging her shoulders.

Just then, the Captain and Derek walked in the room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek watched his wife enter the hotel and sighed. He felt so helpless when it came to Addison's family. He closed his eyes and rested his head on the steering wheel. He jumped when he heard a knock on the window. He was surprised to see his father-in-law standing outside of his car.

"Come." was all the Captain said before he turned and headed into the hotel. Derek knew he had no choice but to follow him. He sighed again and got out of the car.

Derek followed the Captain to the hotel bar and sat down. Even though it was only lunch time, each man ordered a drink.

"So, I guess you now know our deepest family secret." the Captain began after a while.

"Montgomerys look the other way." Derek repeated the line he had heard his wife say so many times. The Captain laughed at that. Both men remained quiet a little longer.

"Why do you look the other way?" Derek asked curiously. He wasn't sure what the Captain wanted out of him, but he felt it was high time he got some answers from his father-in-law.

"Honestly, that is just how it has always been." the Captain shrugs in response. "Look, Derek. I have always liked you. You are really good for my daughter, but you don't come from our world. I don't expect you to get it."

"If being part of your world means lying, cheating, and treating my children mean, then I am glad I am not from it." Derek said, trying to control his anger. He was doing his best not to remember the picture of the little girl in red pigtails with a splash of freckles looking up at her father with pure joy while they were sailing. Or the full story behind it that his wife had told him that the one taking the picture was her father's secretary at the time, whom he had spent most of his time with that day. Derek was trying not to remember the countless stories he had heard from Addison of her covering for her father's indiscretions. If he thought about all the trauma this man had caused his wife, he might just flat out hit him!

The Captain backed away from Derek a little as if he could read his thoughts. "Yes, well, that's one view point." he said.

"One view point?" Derek sputtered. "How on earth is there another viewpoint?!"

"You never knew my father." the Captain answered. "He died of a heart attack when I was 19. Of course, you know that. But did you know,I saw him maybe once a year when I was home from boarding school? Let's just say he made me look like a model father."

The Captain grew quiet for a while as he looked off at a distance. Derek wasn't quite sure what to say. He had never heard his father-in-law talk so open.

"I had to take over my father's business at age 19, was married at the age of 20. Had 2 small children by age 25 and found out my wife was a lesbian at the age of 27. Tell me, Derek. How would YOU have handled all of that in your 20s?" the Captain asked, raising his eyebrow.

"I wouldn't have asked my daughter at the age of 4 to lie for me to her mother while I had sex with my secretary." Derek clipped. Although, he was beginning to understand his father-in-law a little better. The Captain just shrugged his shoulders. Then without saying a word, he got up and left the bar. Derek did the only thing he could think of and followed his father-in-law.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek immediately went over to Addison and pulled her into a hug.

"Are you ok?" he whispered in her ear.

"I am fine. Are you ok?" she whispered back. He gave her a kiss in response.

"Oh for goodness sakes, you two. You have only been apart for 30 minutes." Bizzy complained. Addison started to jump away from Derek, but he held onto her tightly. He was done caring what his in-laws thought. He wanted to hold his wife.

"When are the twins due again?" the Captain asked as if nothing had happened.

"Mid-April." Addison said, quickly seeing that all heart-to-heart discussions were over.

"And when are you having this wedding vow renewal thing?" Bizzy asked Derek and Addison looked at each other. Neither one had mentioned their wedding renewal to anyone in the Montgomery family. "Your mother told me about it, Derek." Bizzy continued.

"Well, we haven't really talked much about it. But probably in June or July...A lot depends on the twins." Addison said cautiously. She wasn't sure what her mother was going to say about a wedding renewal. It wasn't something usually done in Bizzy's circle. Bizzy nodded curtly in response.

"Then we will see you all again in a few months." the Captain cuts in. "Our plane is set to leave in the morning. It was great seeing you both." Addison gives her father a smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

"Of course. It was good to see both of you." She gives both her parents a quick hug and then leads Derek out of the room. It was obvious that they were being dismissed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next few days go by in a whirlwind. Addison is only working a few hours a day, but Derek is elbow deep in the clinical trial. Amelia is helping him every step of the way, but it is still time consuming. They did 3 surgeries in one week and only had 1 patient die. Compared to the first round, the results were amazing.

"Derek, I can't believe it! We have 2 surviving patients!" Amelia exclaimed as they finished checking on their miracles.

"It is pretty cool." Derek smiled at his sister. "3 down. 10 more to go."

"Yes, but we are NOT doing any surgeries tomorrow. In fact, I don't want to even see you at the hospital tomorrow!" Amelia said sternly. Derek looked at her confused. "Derek, please tell me you didn't forget that tomorrow is Valentine's Day!" Amelia exclaimed, putting her hands on her hips.

"Oh, wow. That is tomorrow?!" Derek said in surprise.

"Seriously, Derek?" Amelia said, hitting her brother.

"Calm down, Amy. I have plans. I just forgot it was tomorrow." Derek responded, rubbing his shoulder. His sister may be tiny, but she sure was strong!

"Where are you taking Addie?" Amelia asked excitedly.

"I am taking her to our house." Derek said vaguely. Amelia just looked at him.

"Never mind. I really don't want to know." she said quickly.

"You don't want to know what?" Meredith asked as she walked up with the latest set of labs of the clinical trial patients.

"What my nasty brother is going to do to his very pregnant wife on Valentine's Day." Amelia laughs.

"Amy! Filter!" Derek exclaims. He gives an apologetic look to Meredith and a very pointed look at his sister.

"What do you and the vet have planned for tomorrow?" Amy asks as she tries to control her laughing.

"You don't have to answer that, Meredith." Derek said, turning towards her. Things between Derek and Meredith had begun to actually feel like a normal work relationship for the most part, but he wasn't sure how she felt talking about either one of their love lives.

"It's ok. I actually think he is going to propose tomorrow night." Meredith answers shyly. Derek looks at her surprised.

"I didn't know you guys were so serious." Derek said slowly. "Do you love him?" he asked before he could stop himself.

"Derek! Now who is the one who needs a filter?!" Amelia exclaims, again hitting her brother.

"I'm sorry, Meredith. That was an inappropriate question." Derel replies, flustered.

"It's ok. I asked you the same question about your wife." Meredith said, thoughtfully. "And yes, I do love him." she said with a smile. Derek looked at her and realized she had the same look in her eyes thinking about the vet that she used to have for him.

"I am truly happy for you." he said. For a minute, they both forget that Amelia is with them and just stand there staring at each other. It seems like a lifetime ago to both of them that they were meeting in the bar for the first time.

"Dr. Grey, did you have the lab results?" Amelia interjects feeling uncomfortable.

"What? Oh yes, here you go." she handed the lab work to Amelia, turned on her heels, and left the room. The two siblings spend the rest of the night pouring over lab results and planning out the next few surgeries.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning, Addison wakes up to the smell of eggs and bacon. She puts on a robe and wanders into the kitchen. She finds Derek cooking a large breakfast and a dozen roses on the table.

"What is all of this?" Addison asks as she gestures around the kitchen.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Derek exclaims as he walks over to Addison and gives her a kiss. "I have several Valentine's Days to make up for, so I am starting early," he explains.

"You know I don't expect you to do that." Addison says, looking him in the eye. She reaches over and grabs a piece of bacon and pops it in her mouth.

"I know I don't have too. I want to." Derek answers, giving her a hug. He soon feels the boys moving around in the limited space inside his wife's stomach. "I guess they agree." he laughs.

"So what else do you have planned for today, Dr. Shepherd?" Addison asks coyly as they sit down to breakfast.

"If you keep looking at me like that, my plans may change very quickly." he laughs. Addison just shrugs her shoulders in response and continues to eat.

"I thought we might drive out to the house. It has been awhile since you have been out there, so...what do you think?" Derek answers. Addison starts to laugh.

"What?" Derek asks, confused.

"Actually, Babe, I have been out there 3 times this week. I am getting really bored with this whole barely working, so I decided to go see how things were going." Addison replies.

"Oh." Derek says in surprise. No wonder their contractor was texting him complaining about all the last minute changes! He is positive Addison was doing more than just looking when she went out there. "Let's go out together and look then." The married couple finishes breakfast and gets ready to go.

"Derek, I think it is time for us to finalize the boys' names." Addison said thoughtfully as they drove. "We are going to be really busy the whole month of March with moving and all. I would rather decide now."

"Ok. You know I really like the idea of using our dad's names as middle names." Derek replied, glancing over at her.

"You still want to name one of them after my dad after last weekend?" Addison asks. She wasn't too big on the idea.

"Yes, Addison. I think we should." Derek says. He is not sure how to explain it to her, but it just seems like the right thing to do.

"Ok. So Charles and Christopher are the middle names. What goes with them well?" she inquired.

"What about the name Jarum?" Derek asked. "Jarum Christopher Shepherd." Addison thought for a minute.

"I actually really like that. Where did you get it from?" she asked curiously.

"My mom actually suggested it last week. It was my great-grandfather's name. She knew we wanted something different, and well, I don't know about you, but I have never heard that name before. And, he had a special relationship with my dad, so putting the two names together, I guess, I don't know. Makes sense." he finished, taking a deep breath.

"I think the boys like it." Addison laughed as her whole belly began to move from the twins attempting to roll around. "I love that name. Jarum Christopher Shepherd." she smiled. "Ok. One down. One to go…."

"Do you have any ideas?" Derek asked as they were pulling onto their driveway.

"Well, you know how I have always loved Ancient Egyptian History…." Addison says excitedly.

"Yes…." Derek says slowly, not really sure where this is going.

"Well, what do you think about the name Ramses?" she says, excitedly.

"I think that is one of the few names out of Ancient Egypt that I would even consider naming my child." he laughs.

"Ramses Charles Shepherd. What do you think?" she says. Derek puts the car in park and mulls the name over.

"Ramses Charles Shepherd. Yeah, I actually like that, Babe." he says. "So we have our names?"

"We have our names!" Addison says excitedly. Derek leans over and gives her a kiss. "But let's not tell anyone until the boys are born." she says seriously.

"Ok." Derek answers. He gets out of the car and goes around to help Addison out.

"Where is everyone?" Addison says in surprise as she looks around and notices the lack of vehicles. It was a Thursday. The guys should be there installing the final touches she had discussed with them the day before.

"I actually told Bill that we didn't want them here today." Derek responds as he takes her hand and leads her inside. Addison's jaw drops when she sees the inside of their house. The banister that overlooks the living room is covered in white lights. There are several dozen roses spread throughout the room, and in the center, there is a table setup with candles.

"Oh, I also might have asked Amelia to help me set up a surprise for you." he laughs. Addison turns and gives him a deep kiss. "I also thought we could take advantage of the sound system finally being hooked up." With that, he pulls out a remote and hits play. Soon the room is filled with the song "Love of a Lifetime" by Firehouse.

"Dance with me." Derek says, pulling Addison close. It takes them a bit to figure out how to dance with Addison's huge belly between them, but soon Derek is singing in Addison's ear as they sway to the music.

_With you I never wonder, Will you be there for me_

_With you I never wonder, You're the right one for me_

_I finally found the love of a lifetime_

_A love to last my whole life through_

_I finally found the love of a lifetime_

_Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime_

Addison looks up at Derek with tears glistening in her eyes. She gives him another kiss. Derek responds in kind. Soon, they are shedding their clothes and christening their new house.

A little while later, while they are eating chocolate covered strawberries, Addison looks at Derek and says, "Derek, I don't ever want you to feel like you have to make up for the past. We both have made mistakes, and we are now stronger than ever because of them. I love you and am so thankful we have found our way back."

Derek leans over the table to kiss Addison. "I love you too Addison Adrianne Shepherd." He gets a resounding kick from the boys. "I love you too Jarum and Ramses." he laughs. Addison is on cloud nine. She had an amazing day with the love of her life and they finally had names for their sons.

Next up, the Shepherds get to move into their house! A lot more characters from Grey's will make an appearance as well! Let me know what you think! Would love some more reviews!


	29. Chapter 29

"I can't believe it, Derek! It is finally done!" Addison exclaims as they walk into their completed house. She wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him in for a kiss. The last 3 weeks since Valentine's Day, she had barely seen him.

Derek smiled down at his wife. At 33 weeks pregnant, her body was definitely starting to look different. She was becoming more "puffy" all over, but he would die before telling her that. He loved the way she looked. It amazed him that her belly was still continuing to grow and they still had 7 more weeks left! He had no idea how she was going to have any more room for them!

"February really was a good month." he says, giving her another kiss. The house looked huge with no furniture in it, but that was going to change the next day.

"The movers are supposed to be here with our stuff tomorrow, correct?" Addison asked as if reading his mind.

"Yes. All of our stuff in the Brownstone was packed up and shipped. That should be arriving sometime tomorrow. The new furniture we ordered should be here tomorrow as well. I have a slew of people to help unpack throughout the whole day. All you have to do is sit and boss people around." He teased, tickling her side.

"That's what I do best." she teased back. She looked around and let out a content sigh. "I can't wait to have ALL my clothes, shoes, and jewelry from New York finally. Even if I can't wear them for awhile." Addison said.

"Are you sure the new renters didn't want to include those as part of a fully furnished house?" he teased again.

"That would cost them an extra $1000 a month." she retorted. Derek laughed. They made their way back to their apartment. They were staying there one last night.

As they got off the elevator, they ran into Mark and Lexie. "Aren't you guys going to miss running into us so much?" Mark laughed.

"Yes, Mark. Seeing you in the halls is the highlight of my day." Addison deadpanned.

"Derek, if seeing me is the highlight of her day, you need to spice things up!" Mark laughed. "Just ask Lexie. I could give you some pointers." Lexie turned slightly pink.

Derek laughed and realized how far they really had come. If this conversation had happened a year ago, he would have been accusing Mark and Addison of still sleeping together.

Mark and Lexie said good-bye to the Shepherd's as they entered Mark's apartment.

"I think those two are going to make it." Addison said thoughtfully as she placed her purse down on the table. "I have never seen Mark so in love with someone before."

"I just hope she doesn't hurt him. She is awful young." Derek answered.

"Derek, she is older than we were when we started dating." Addison replied, raising her eyebrow.

"Yeah, and you two barely made it." Amy said, joining the conversation as she came out of her bedroom.

"Filter!" the married couple replied in tandem.

"One more day, and we can finally have a place to ourselves again." Derek muttered.

"Well, only until the babies come." Addison said fondly as she rubbed her belly. As if they could understand her, the boys started making her belly move.

"That still amazes me that we can see them moving now!" Derek said in awe. He walked over and placed his hands on his wife's belly.

"Well, they have moved enough that now I have to go to the bathroom." Addison said, rolling her eyes.

"Amy, I wanted to thank you for all the help you have been on the clinical trial this last month." Derek said as he got a drink of water. "You are going to give me a run for my money on who the best Neurosurgeon is on the West Coast."

"No problem. And, um, Thank you.": Amelia said, a little surprised at her brother's comment. He rarely complimented her. Usually he was always correcting her.

"I wanted to let you know that I got approval yesterday to hire another neurosurgeon attending," he continued. "And, well, I wanted to offer you the job." Amelia stood there stunned.

"You want me to come work for you full time?" she clarified.

"Yes. And you can either buy the apartment from us or lease it from us. We can work something out." Derek informed her.

"Is this just your way to keep an eye on me?" Amelia teased.

"Yes, that is my ulterior motive." Derek countered. Amy laughed.

"I would love to come work here full time." she answered, smiling. "Mostly, so I can keep an eye on you." she winked

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning, Addison and Derek got up early and finished packing up stuff in the apartment. Lexie and Mark arrived to help Derek and Amelia carry the boxes down to the vehicles.

"Be careful with those, Mark! Those have breakable items in it that are going in the babies' room!" Addison barked as he slung a box up on his shoulder.

"This is going to be a long day." Mark muttered under his breath.

By 10:00, all 5 of their vehicles pulled up to the vast driveway of the new home. Addison slowly got out of her car, trying not to hit her belly on the steering wheel. She pulled a clipboard out of the passenger side seat.

"Ok. The furniture truck confirmed they will be here around 11 and the truck from New York will be here around 1. Owen, Richard, and Alex should be here around 11:30. Pizza will be here for everyone around 12:30. Burke, Callie, and Arizona should be here around 1:30." Addison informed everyone consulting her clipboard. Mark rolled his eyes. Amelia laughed. Lexie looked impressed.

"Why do I feel like we are back in med school with you having a clipboard and a schedule?" Mark complained.

"That clipboard and schedule saved your ass many times in med school to make sure you actually studied." Addison replied, pointing her pen at him.

"And we were very thankful for it." Derek said, giving Addison a kiss on the cheek and placing a hand on her belly. One of the boys gave him a resounding kick. "Now, let's get these boxes unloaded before the furniture truck gets here."

The next few hours were organized chaos as more people arrived. Addison directed everyone where to put things, and Derek kept directing her to sit down. Around 12:30, the pizza arrived and everyone took a break.

"I can't believe you got Spark's pizza to deliver all the way out here!" Alex exclaimed, taking another slice. "This is the best pizza in Seattle!"

"Anyone will deliver out here if you pay them enough." Addison shrugged. Alex looked at her like he couldn't tell if she was joking or not. Based on the furniture he had seen moved in, he was pretty sure she was being serious.

While they were sitting around the kitchen, the truck from New York arrived. "I really hope the company who packed up all of our stuff didn't break anything." Addison said with concern.

"That is what we paid extra for with the insurance, my Love." Derek said as he kissed her temple. They were both excited to have all of their pictures, movies, books, and many other belongings for the first time in almost a year-in-a-half.

"How come no one tells you two to filter?" Amy teased, rolling her eyes at the PDA of her brother and sister-in-law. Derek rolled his eyes, and Addison laughed.

Soon, the remaining 3 doctors showed up, and every one was busy moving boxes into the house, again under the watchful eye of Addison.

"Hey, that is MY bike!" Mark exclaimed when he came across a tan mountain bike. "I wondered what happened to that thing."

"Mark, that was at our house for almost 5 years." Addison reminded him. "But you are welcome to take it if you want it." Mark grinned at her, got the bike, and rode it over to his car.

"Addison, your house is gorgeous!" Arizona exclaimed when she first walked in.

"Thanks." Addison said, smiling. She was still getting used to the new bubbly Peds surgeon. She also noticed that Arizona and Callie had been hanging out a lot more lately.

After several more hours of unloading boxes and figuring out which room to put them in, Addison and Derek collapsed on the couch. They thanked all their friends for helping as everyone left.

"Are you doing ok, Addie?" Derek asked as he massaged her back.

"I am doing ok, but you know what sounds amazing." she asked, turning to look at him. "A nice long bubble bath in our massive bathtub upstairs. The water can't be too hot, but just soaking sounds heavenly!"

Derek helped her upstairs, drew a bath for her, and then helped her in the tub. He went downstairs and scrounged up some leftover pizza, and came upstairs to join Addison in the bath.

The two Shepherds sat on opposite sides of the bathtub eating pizza. When the were done, Derek began to rub Addison's feet.

"Oh my gosh, Derek. That feels amazing!" she sighed in pure delight. The rest of the night was spent relaxing and christening their new bed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A week later, Addison met Derek in an exam room, where they waited for Dr. Rahar for the 34 week check-up.

"Hey." Addison said, giving Derek a quick kiss. "How is your day going?"

"Pretty well. We have our last surgery for the clinical trial scheduled tomorrow." Derek answered.

"The trial has gone so well this time around! So far only 3 of the 12 people have died!" Addison exclaimed, proud of her husband. Before he could respond, Dr. Rahar walked in.

"Good morning. Drs. Shepherd." she said smiling. "Today we are going to take a quick look to see if the boys are in the correct position. We will also check to see if you are dilating yet, Addison."

Addison got in position for the ultrasound and watched in amazement as her boys came onto the screen. They were too big to fit fully on there, but she was still excited to see them.

"They are both in the correct position for a natural birth for the time being. Is a natural birth still your plan?" Dr. Rahar asked as she wiped the gel off of Addison's stomach.

"Yes, but I may change my mind once labor starts." Addison laughed.

"You will do great." Derek said, kissing her temple. He had told Addison he would support whatever she chose for labor. It was her area of expertise and she was the one who had to go through the pain!

Addison shifted down on the table with the help of Derek so Dr. Rahar could check to see if she was dialating yet.

"It looks like you are about 2cm dilated." Dr. Rahar said with slight concern. Addison just nodded. Derek looked back and forth between them.

"Is that bad?" he asked, slightly confused.

"It isn't bad, but it is a little earlier to already be 2cm." Addison answered.

"I know you have reduced your workload considerably, Addison." Dr. Rahar said. "But I think it is time for you to stop surgery altogether. Those boys are getting larger every day, and well, I think it is safer for everybody if you only do consults."

"I'll think about it." Addison said, vaguely. She actually agreed with Dr. Rahar, but she didn't want to give up surgery just yet. She knew it was only temporary, but the idea of only doing consults and then sitting around at home the rest of the time was enough to drive her crazy!

"Addison, if it is safer…" Derek began. Addison cut him off with a kiss.

"I know my limits, Derek." she smiled. He looked at her with concern.

"Well, as you know, your next appointment will be in 2 weeks, and then it will be every week until the babies are born." Dr. Rahar said as she wrapped up the appointment.

"You are off the rest of the day, correct?" Derek asked Addison as they walked down the hall.

"Yes, I am going to go do a little more shopping for the boys and then will head home to do some more unpacking." Addison informed him.

"How much more do the boys need?" Derek laughed. Addison just shrugged her shoulders.

"Please take it easy unpacking." Derek instructed. Addison rolled her eyes.

"I will be fine." she answered, giving him a quick kiss. "Good-bye, Babe. See you home later."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Later that night, Derek walked into the house and was shocked by an amazing aroma that hit his nostrils. He walked into the kitchen to see Addison consulting a cookbook.

"What are you making?" he asked, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Fettuccine Alfredo." she answered.

"Wow. It smells amazing!" Derek said, impressed.

"I figured I need to learn to cook at some point." she shrugged. "It really is just like the many labs we had to take in college and med school. You just have to follow directions." Derek did his best not to laugh. He had heard Addison say that before. About half of the time her cooking ended very badly. Thankfully, this one did not.

After dinner, the two Shepherds began to go through some boxes from New York. One box was labeled "photos" Addison opened it and pulled out their wedding album.

"Look how young we were!" Addison exclaimed as she turned the pages through the album.  
"That was back when there were only 5 grandkids." Derek shook his head astonished as he looked at the picture of the family.

"It was almost 6." Addison laughed at the memory.

_12 years ago_

"_We are finally married!" Addison exclaimed, giving Derek a kiss. They were in the back of the limo on the way to the reception. Naomi, Sam, Mark, Savvy, Weiss,Kathleen, and her husband Stuwart were riding with them._

"_Alright you two. Save it for the bedroom tonight." Naomi teased. Addison turned a little pink while Derek laughed._

_They arrived at the hall and were surprised to see Nancy and her husband Jerry standing outside. Nancy was clearly in pain._

"_Nancy, are you ok?" Addison asked, rushing over to her sister-in-law._

"_I will be. It is just that this baby has decided to come now!" she grimaced as another contraction came on._

"_Seriously?!" asked an excited Kathleen. "Who has Cassie?" she asked, looking around for Nancy's 2 year old daughter._

"_Mom does. You guys just go inside and enjoy your reception. If this baby is anything like its sister, we still have hours until it makes its debut."_

_The rest of the night was filled with dinner and dancing before the Shepherd's headed off to their honeymoon sweet. Nancy gave birth in the early hours of the next morning to a beautiful baby girl Lily._

"Lily always did wish she was born at our actual wedding instead of the next morning at the hospital." Derek laughed too. Both were quiet for a while as they continued to look through the photos. Addison noticed that Derek had stopped and was just staring at a photo. She scooted over to him and noticed it was a picture of a man that looked a lot like Derek. He was standing next to two well dressed boys, 3 girls in fancy dresses, and was holding a toddler, who appeared to be trying to pull off her hat.

"That's my dad with all of us kids on Easter." Derek said quietly. "Amy is about 2 here, so that means he was about my age." Derek said in disbelief. "Mark and I really hated our Easter outfits!" he laughed.

"Derek, you look so much like your dad." she said in awe. Most of the pictures she had seen of Derek's dad were from when Derek was little. Seeing Christopher at the same age as Derek was mesmerizing.

"He has more grey hair than I do though." Derek laughed.

"Well, you would too if we had 5 kids by now!" Addison responded. Derek gathered up the photos and put them back in the box.

"It is getting late. Let's go to bed." he said, helping Addison get up. She knew it had affected him to see the picture of his dad like, but she also knew there wasn't anything she could really say.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Over the next week, Addison noticed that Derek was a lot quieter than normal. She wasn't sure if it was related to the picture he had found of his dad or not. Eventually, she decided to talk to Mark about it.

"I remember that Easter!" Mark said with a far away look in his eyes when Addison told him the story. "That suit was so uncomfortable! But Carolyn and Christophoer insisted that we dress our best for Mass every Easter and Christmas. Thankfully they let us wear more casual clothes on the other Sundays." Addison just nodded. She never went to church growing up, but she had been forced to wear fancy clothes so many times as a child, it almost became normal.

"Do you think maybe you could talk to Derek and make sure he is ok?" Addison asked. Mark was the only person who could relate to Derek when it came to talking about the loss of his father. Christopher was so much like a father to Mark, it had hurt him deeply as well.

"I can try." Mark said.

Later that day, Mark found Derek standing on the catwalk just staring out the window.

"Earth to Derek." Mark teased as he walked up to him. Derek jumped.

"Huh? Oh, hii." he said as his heart rate returned to normal. Mark looked at him with concern. He had thought Addison was overreacting earlier, but the Derek he saw in front of him was definitely not normal.

"You ok?" Mark asked. Derek turned and looked at him suspiciously.

"Addison told you about the picture, didn't she." Derek said. Mark nodded.

"She is worried about you," he continued. Derek was quiet a little longer.

"I want to take my kids to church like my parents used to take us, but I don't know if Addison will agree." Derek finally admitted. "Seeing that picture of my dad and all of us made me realize how important Mass was to him."

"I think you need to talk to Addison about this, but I really don't think it will be a big deal." Mark pointed out. Derek knew his best friend was right.

He made his way to Addison's office, where he found her filling out a mountain of paperwork.

He walked over to her desk and kissed the top of her head.

"Mark talked to me." Derek told her. Addison looked up a little guilty. She knew that Derek knew she had asked Mark to talk to him.

"Are you ok?" she asked cautiously. Derek led her over to the couch and sat down.

"Yes, but next time you are concerned. Just ask me yourself." he said. "But there is something I want to talk to you about."

"Ok." Addison replied, not quite sure what to expect.

"How would you feel about taking our boys to church sometimes?" he asked seriously. "It was such an important part of my upbringing. I want to do the same for my kids." Addison looked at him curiously.

"Of course I don't mind, Derek." she answered. "Easter is in a few weeks, would you like to try a church out then?"

"That sounds perfect!" Derek smiled.

A few weeks later, a very pregnant Addison was getting ready for Easter services when all of the sudden she felt like she had peed. She looked down and realized her water had just broken.

"Derek!" she yelled causing her husband to come running into the bathroom.

"What's wrong?" he asked, a little breathless.

"My water just broke." she said, wide eyed. Derek's eyes darted between Addison's eyes and the puddle that had formed on the floor.

"Seriously?!" he exclaimed.

"No, Derek. I decided to trick you and poured water on the floor." Addison said, crossing her arms. "Of course I am serious!"

"But you are only 36 weeks!" he said, still in a state of shock.

"Well, I don't think the boys care about that." Addison retorted. "They are coming now."

"Our boys are finally coming." Derek said, smiling. He helped Addison change into more comfortable clothes, grabbed the hospital bags, and drove to the hospital. He couldn't stop grinning. He was about to be a father.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Next up, the birth of the twins! Let me know what you think!


End file.
